Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

keep by "blooming" I mean I felt happy all the time, was ruddy faced and rotund. Sadly am no longer the former and am much more the latter!

Hello ladies

I wrote a long post this morning only to have my battery run out and it didn't save.

Such a lot of action today!

Gin congrats about a girl. So we can safely say that the Chinese are rubbish at predicting gender. At least on line. I don't want to assume that a whole nation don't have the talent to predict the gender of an unborn child. Has it got it right yet? It says I'm having a boy but if we assume that it gets it wrong every time then I'm having a girl. Or could it be right this time? Aaaggghhh I could tie myself in knots trying to double bluff an online automated website! Sorry about the fibroids. If it helps my friend in RL has just had a beautiful little boy and she had a huge fibroid that they monitored closely throughout.

Crisps I've looked and there is a kiddicare at purley way so we just need to get there. Thanks for the prompt.

Mariana I hope you get more sleep tonight can you help me with names please

Expat we have a quiet room at work as well. Trouble is that I'm rubbish at admitting to my boss that I'm not superwoman and actually could do with a lay down. I STILL haven't negotiated working from home one day even though I'm sure they would be very supportive. I'm with you on the royal name. George WAS my boys list and has been for 20 years. Hence the plea for help from guru Mariana

Twinkle I think that you can improve egg quality with some nutritional support and/or acupuncture. I think that i managed it with my cranky old eggs. If it is an option for you I recommend seeing a nutritionist who specialises in fertility. I saw Isabelle from Zita west clinic and she was amazing. However you could also get the Zita west IVF fertility book which has lots of info about preparing for treatment. It was my bible and I read and reread it endlessly. Good luck.

Dildals how is our bella today? I'm afraid I've never heard of Qotsa! I also sing 'your song' to shazlett but from the moulin rouge soundtrack. DP wants me to play Mozart to shazlett but I'm sticking to a steady diet of the Barbra duets cd, musical theatre standards and 80s pop. Oh with abit of radio 2 thrown in. They played karma chameleon on the radio this morning and shazlett and I danced around my kitchen.

Buzzy I wasn't sick but definitely didn't bloom til about 16-18 weeks. I was bloated, farty, spotty, tired, teary, moody and generally didn't feel attractive. The farting and burping has come back actually much to my amusement!

Keep welcome back! We nominated a hospital with our GP and were allocated a fabulous MW care team. Fingers crossed you get sorted out quickly. Good that you have a job although it will be challenging for you to start and then stop again. They sound good though if you can work from home. Shazlett is also very active this week. There still must be space to move around in there.

Round 2 of Hypno tonight. Have you got your second session as well MrsH? I'm really looking forward to it.
We've been practising.
Have a good evening everyone. X

Xposted!

Crisps a rock star drummer! How cool . I also love dolly. 9-5 is my kareoke song if I really have to do one.

Fairy I also mean that I smile more whilst 'blooming' and am generally much less moody. I'm abit less spotty also although Ive still got the hives going on so that's a pain. Oh and my hair is very thick!

ginestas OMG Josh Homme is so lush. I was genuinely upset when he got married. I still think he made a massive mistake. At the very least he should have married PJ Harvey. Surely that would have made sense to the rock gods.

fairy I know, match made in heave re music taste isn't it? Relationship, give n take and all that.

Bella's doing well. She's on her max feed now of 9.5ml an hour, and she gets some vitamins as well every hr. So funny she's got her own nutritionist. The nurses are trying to prepare us that Bella may get moved to High Dependency or the Special Care Baby Units. We don't want her to be moved. In NICU the nurse to baby ratio is 1:2, at the other wards it is more 1:4. They think we should see it as a 'promotion'. We see it as another attempt of the hospital to kill off another one of our babies. I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but unsurprisingly we are VERY cautious when it comes to our Bella. They are sensitive re the 'situation', but their view of course is that if medically Bella is well enough to move off NICU, she should. We are, plainly, bricking ourselves. In the expressing room (where the mums all gossip) I have heard stories re SCBU. About how busy the nurses are and sometimes forget things. Like cleaning up vomit off your baby. Or feeding them.
The nurse today put a baby grow on Bella. It felt wrong. First of all, the first clothes she wears should be ours. Also, she doesn't need to wear clothes. She's so small. Also, I like touching her naked skin. I think we're going to tell her tomorrow to stop putting her in clothes. To use a famous MN phrase, AIBU?

I can't remember who asked, but she weighs 1.1kgs now.

The more and more I think about SCBU the more anxious I get ... I reckon there are going to be all night vigils if she gets moved!

On the upside, you'll be happy to know that while I am writing this I am working on another stellar production output from Boob One and Two. ;-)

Oh I love thinking of names for people. Shazz, or anyone else, send me the sort of thing you like or have been considering and I'll um and ah over it during a night feed and send you some others I think you might like.

Drumming is a great skill crisps - you are Rock Mum. Dolly is good but I'd go with Dorothea as the full name and shorten to Dolly, but that's not going to work for you. Actually how about Dolores? I think that has a certain old fashioned charm and could grow on one. You could do Dolly on it's own of course (Dolly P herself is just a Dolly). I prefer a formal name due to sounding better with 'The Right Honorable' etc in front of them. An important consideration, I'm sure you'll all agree!

keep, I think once you see a midwife it should all fall into place. If you know where you want to give birth then I'd start by contacting them then work backwards. Good luck anyway, I bet you've missed NHS bureaucracy.

OH! I have a good one re NHS bureaucracy!

The health visitor is adamant she needs to come and visit me and Bella. What's the point of that? Why would I spend time with her, rather than Bella? Then she asked me on the phone whether I was breastfeeding. Considering babies develop a sucking reflex around week 32-34 this is not v likely is it. Glad she's the professional. Then she shared this gem of advice with me, to take care of myself. My goodness. Glad I have an idiot to come visit me, just what I need!

Dildals, health visitors are the nurses that are too dozy to be let near actual ill people. I gave mine a mini lecture on the Edinburgh Post Natal Depression Scale the other day as she didn't have a clue. I have previously lectured her on the safety of bedsharing and the current evidence base. Oh and food allergies and breast feeding too.

She can just about work a set of baby scales, she's good for that.

Hope you and Bella are having a good day.

mariana i did at your analysis of HV, When I know what I am having I shall be in touch, I have an awkward last name so some fresh ideas will be good

dildals sorry you are feeling under pressure to move, stick to your guns, I cannot believe the nurse dressed YOUR baby without your consent

Mariana I too will be in touch for some inspiration on the names front. We also have a surname which I think limits our choices. I think the names sort of have to go together too for twins. Once we know the sexes I will drop you a message if you don't mind. I have a few names which I like for both boys and girls but would love an independent view too.

Dildals good to hear Bella appetite is growing. Seems you are having a few challenges with the health care people around you. Can you put off the HV for longer? Sounds like she is someone you could do without at the moment. Do you get a say which unit treats Bella or does it come down to space? I am sorry that Bellas first outfit wasn't something you had chosen, could you leave something for them or you to dress her in next time? Like everyone else I am loving you and DH signing Islands in the Stream to Bella too. Nothing to be ashamed of there.

I am another closet Country fan, although DH prefers rave music or as I call it music with no words so I am not sure what he will be able to sing to our DC. DH did relent and allow us an Elvis impersonator at our wedding, think this may beat Crisps in the loser stakes, especially given that she is the original rock chick drummer in a band.

Gin congrats on the girl news, sorry to hear about the fibroid but at least you should get closer monitoring.

Shazza I second Kiddicare, we went to the one near us and the staff were so helpful and well informed. Sign up for their emails if you get chance too, they have just sent me 10% discount, valid until end Aug. We are going to go get our buggy, car seats and bases after our 20 week scan next week. It was one of the cheapest places without the discount so can not be beaten with 10% off.

Haha rock chick drummer...maybe on a few occasions per year, I am daytime pretend to know what I am doing at work mummy and sit on my tired ass while husband washes up at night mummy more like it. Do love my drums though, can't play them while pregnant as they use too much stomach and back muscles so I am missing them a lot at the moment!

dildals tell the nurses what you want. When I had Dd1 I was too scared to challenge a professional and have a few (minor) regrets about hospital care. If Bella needs to wear something for warmth, fair enough, but they should tell you and ask what to put her in. As for HVs, I agree that mine is useless too...am sure there are some good ones out there but I have yet to meet one. I couldn't breast feed because of medication and she was downright rude to me. She told me DD was being underfed and demanded that I woke her twice a night to feed her...utter bollocks, as she never lost any weight, but thanks to her DD didn't sleep through until she was 2.5 and still stirs every night at the times we used to wake her! Am looking forward to trusting my instincts a lot more this time. Do you have a mum/sister/bf who you could check in with rather than the HV? You do have to have the visits but I just tolerate them. Must be very nerve wracking to have Bella moving soon, hope it is a good thing in the end.

mariana Dolores is on our list!

shazza sweetie is right about the email list, you can save a fortune. 9 to 5 is also my karaoke tune when forced...I am tee total so can't even blame it on alcohol!

Just got back from hol number 1. Am shattered so DH has taken DD swimming and left me with emmerdale for company, bliss. I love being a mum so much but I really do treasure the odd hour to myself to do sweet fa...

Hello girls

Am v tired on way home. Dreaming of something to go with fish finger sarnies for tea

Dildals I'm sorry that the health visitor and hospital are stressing you out at what is already a tough time. It's great that bella is getting stronger but not if you doubt the level of care that she will receive If she is moved. I apologise for my ignorance but how do they gauge it? Are there milestones that bella needs to reach before they move her? It sounds like she is doing so well. How has today been? I don't know what AIBU means!

Mariana I will definitely PM you re names. Thanks. I love dorothea. How is our little trenchlet?

Sweetie thanks for the email list tip for kiddicare. I'll sign up. I'm currently obsessively googling the baby elegance beep twist travel system. I'm totally overwhelmed with the idea of actually making a decision and parting with hard cash for any items. I hate shopping at the best of times but when so much choice and reviews are involved its a nightmare. I'm obsessed about reading reviews of everything I need to buy.

Crisps it is so sweet and very inspiring to hear you say that you love being a mum. I'm so worried that I won't like it. Daft I know. I will fall in love with shazlett the minute I lay eyes on her.

Last night we had Hypno session no 2. We watched a birth video where the couple were hypnobirthing in a pool and it was amazing. The mother was so calm and quiet. She was clearly concentrating and breathing deeply. When the baby came she put her hands between her legs and lifted the baby up to her chest. It brought tears to my eyes to think that DP and I will be doing that soon. I'm getting nervous though. It seems like an impossible feat. We learned some relaxation techniques to practise and a perineum massage to soften the area to minimise the risk of tearing. Oh my God!

shazza There's no hard n fast milestones. Over the day I have gotten a bit more comfortable with the move. I have spoken to a lady who has a baby in SCBU and I used the ol' MN forum to get some views. Also spoke to the Dr today and he said she's well enough to move to SCBU, but she prob would go to HDU first. Also, he prefers to keep her in NICU a tiny bit longer, simply because she's still so dinky. So that was nice. It's just hard to leave the care of your baby to other people, but it can't be helped.

I am totes amazeballs in love with Bella but today I did have, for the first time, that feeling of OMG this is a real baby that I will have to take care of! EEK! Then DH started talking later today about 'getting back in the saddle' and to go sans contraception under the motto 'if it happens it happens'. Pretty much straight after the birth I was ready to make No 2, because we were 'supposed' to have 2. Now I am bit more 'hold on hold on!'. Anyway!

The HV wasn't too bad. I put some make up on especially and managed to convince her I am not suffering from PND. ;-)

It's the post childbirth hormones that make me react strongly to everything that is happening. AIBU = Am I Being Unreasonable?

We put some of our own clothes on her this afternoon. Luckily we got sent some premature baby clothes by our friends! I ordered some online as well last night. It's silly really, because I am sure she'll grow out of it asap, but I couldn't bear the thought of my beautiful girl wearing a hospital issue white romper. Even the Dr said she was cute :-). SEE! IT'S NOT JUST ME! ;-)

I know I gave birth to teeny tiny babies, but I found the contractions painful but doable. It's the not sleeping in between bit that makes it hard. The TENS machine worked for me too. It's the distraction of it I think. I may have broken the TENS machine though ... :-)

My friend gave me the hypnobirthing book when I was in hospital. The subtitle was 'a calm and inspirational way of giving birth' ... we did laugh afterwards about that subtitle. Even the Drs sort of went 'oh how did that work out for you?' :-). You gotta find the humour in some things. In that respect I can also recommend lactulose. Makes you fart uncontrollably! ... I cracked one in the lift at King's ... I couldn't help it ... I am sorry ... the other lady's face was priceless ... and DH was in pieces on the floor laughing. I couldn't laugh because of my scar!

shazza I have so much to learn about the end of this journey

well the scan went well, she looked at the head and the heart, she said everything was as it should be at this stage

I will catch up properly this evening but just wanted to say fab news on the scans ladies! Dildals I'm a bit in love with Bella too from your descriptions of her!

Great news Buzzybee. I'm really pleased.

Hope you enjoyed the me time crisps. I truly love being a mum but the relentlessness really makes me appreciate the odd hour off. (Always spent asleep at the moment.)

Dildals YANBU. Anything you want at the moment is reasonable. You will get a far greater level of knowledge and support from mumsnet in general than you will from a HV. Hope you enjoyed dressing Bella, it's a nicely personal thing seeing her in her own clothes.

shazza, perineal massage is a good one to add to your CV!

Something about perineal massage makes me want to vom. I still haven't read anything much about the, erm, end of pregnancy, but did read about where baby should sleep yesterday. 24 weeks, time is flying now!

buzzy great scan news, was that your 12 week one? Sorry I've lost track, I thought you're a bit further. How are you doing, relaxing yet?

dildals I don't think you're unreasonable at all to fight to keep Bella where you think is best for her. But at the same time I'm so pleased that they consider her ready to 'graduate', it means she's doing well. I hope your husband can take a good long time off work right now. BTW I would love to see a photo of the gorgeous girl if you wanted to share some time.

I'm still feeling good at 24 weeks, no real issues. Gotta make the most of the next few weeks I guess before I'm too lumbering. I have to say, I love being pregnant :)

Also dildals at her appetite doubling in such a short time :)

Oh vallinna huge good luck for today x

Morning!

Dildals I'm so glad you feel more comfortable about bella's care. I can't wait to meet her one day. She sounds adorable. I just laughed outloud on the bus about your fart in the lift! I accidently let 3 quite noisy ones go in the John Lewis baby dept the other day. Luckily there was no one around . I know what you mean about hypnobirthing. The more I learn about the birth the more nervous I get and unconvinced that breathing will help relieve the pain. DP is really into it so we are practising every night and who knows it can't hurt and it might just help. I'm keeping an open mind though. Good to know about the tens machine. I think I've got a friend who can lend me one. Anyway I'm so happy bella is beautiful in her own clothes and you are feeling ok.

Hhmm not sure about what to do re contraception afterwards. Gotta get this one out first but I don't think that we will have another. So I'm going to have to plan something.

Buzzy great news re scan. I'm pleased you are reassured. I woke up spotty again today. That'll learn me to brag about blooming! There is so much to think about all the time over this journey isn't there? Thank goodness for you girls. I'd be insane by now.

Mariana I haven't tried the perineal massage yet. I've only got as far as putting the coconut oil in the bathroom ready to do it! If I do hone the technique I'm not sure I'd be up for publicising it as one of my transferable skills

DPs parental unit arrive tonight for a decorating weekend. BIL has already said that he might pop round to 'hang out' and I think I over heard DP talking to SIL about coming over with the kids. So I remain unconvinced about how much work will actually get done. They are a social lot my in laws.
Xx

Oh I forgot to add

Noks did you have your scan? How did it go? Did you find out the flavour?

And I think Vall also had a scan this week.

And maybe there was also someone else?

I second the >boak< at perineal massage. That said I had an Epi-No and had DS with no tears or stitches so I do think have a rummage and a stretch can make a difference!

Glad you are feeling great Keep.

Dildals I hope you are feeling better about Bella's care, and that you are looking after yourself.

Buzzy so glad your LO is developing as they should.

Enjoy the in-laws Shazza that would drive me mad

Scan today at 3pm. Crapping myself as per!

Hurrah buzz for a good scan! When's your next one? I think you said you are going to find out the gender? Hope the nausea has gone away again. I started to feel better from week 14 and just have the v. occasional pukey moment now. Am still waiting for the 2nd trimester burst of energy though - I'm bloody knackered all the time!

didals Bella sound like she's doing exceptionally well. I think you should be very vocal with the medical team about what you want. I would not be happy with someone else dressing my baby. I bet she is super cute in her little baby grows. On a totally different note, have you ever seen QOTSA live? We've never managed to, but did see Them Crooked Vultures and I had to restrain myself from throwing myself at the stage and at Josh (plus Dave Grohl was up there) [lust face]

I was reading about perineal massage just the other day shazz. I had no idea it existed until Amazon recommended I buy some perineal massage oil... I am v worried about tearing into one big hole ( I've been told I have a v soft vaginal wall, by a gynae I add!), but figure they'll just be able to sow me up. Sounds like you need to get the whip cracking with the PILs. I could do with some tips on how to persuade family members to come and do decorating for us!

keep 24 weeks already! And welcome back! I love that I am pregnant and being able to feel the baby move, but could do without the anxiety it brings with it.

crisps I too am v. impressed that you are a rockstar drummer! You need to get the kids into it and then start your own band.

sweetie thanks for the Kiddicare tip. I've noticed it's way cheaper than everywhere else and was planning a trip. shazz I didn't know that there was one in Croydon. We could always give you a lift when we head over there?

Thanks marianna you are totally right that the things they picked up at the scan aren't things to worry about. Must remember that! And worrying wont help anyway. I think we have a girls name, but would love to hear your suggestions. This weekend I plan to make a big spreadsheet of stuff we need to get, using your list. Am looking forward to it in a geeky list making kinda way.

noks and val and someone else, I think you all have scans in the next week or so? Hope they are all ok.

Hurrah it's Friday! We're doing a lot of socialising this weekend and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep up/stay awake... Hope you all have lovely weekends.

shazza, nobody knows how they will react to the pain of labour and how their labour will proceed, an important thing is not to punish yourself if it doesn't work out how you hoped. (I'm sure you won't but it's always worth saying!) Anyway, you remind me of my friend who did all the hypnobirthing, perineal massage etc and she had a successful home birth (that she loved!)

I've researched contraception and have opted for the mirena coil. I've not had it fitted yet but bed sharing remains a good contraception. The thought of having it fitted makes me feel rather queasy.

keep, in my experience there's a large gulf between where the baby should sleep and where they will sleep.

shaz are you gonna do the massage yourself or is dh?!?

Where is marianas list? All we have bought is one pair of socks...

Yes, where is this list??

Great news Buzzy and Gin. Very happy for you.
Vallinna good luck for today. Keep us posted.

Dildals I would be very stroppy if someone dressed my baby for the first time without even consulting me. What was she thinking? I can understand that you'd want to keep Bella where she's doing so well but it's fantastic that she's doing so well and going from strength to strength. Any chance of a pic?

Shazza, I think hypnobirthing sounds fab. Look forward to hearing all about it and wish I had that option. I'm feeling okay about the CS now. The closer it gets I wish they'd just whip baby out now - it's getting nerve wracking counting the kicks etc...