Pregnant (IVF) Worriers (part two)

[Shazzamattazzerly]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others! We have filled our first thread (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1721178-Pregnant-IVF-Worriers) but there is more worrying to do so here we are.

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

Family can be both a blessing and a curse at these times.

MrsHY I always feel I have to mention cervical erosion to people with brown bleeding. Common in pregnancy and the actual bleeding can be caused by sex, constipation, certain types of activity or nothing in particular.

dildals on hol at the moment so not much wifi but just dropped in to say I am so very sorry for your loss, and so pleased for the birth of your little bundle. Having been through something similar myself I don't really have any advice to offer as nothing can rationalise it at all or make it better, but I do have some inkling about how you are feeling. I would just say to be completely selfish...lean on people when you want them, and ignore everyone when you want to too. A bubble is definitely your protection for now...DH and I just lived in our house with almost no contact with the outside world for a fortnight when we lost our dd1 Freya. I agree that counselling would be good, but I also found that no one had any experience of dealing with someone who had lost one twin, so be quite prepared to change who you see until you find something that feels right. Unfortunately you may also have lots of people saying ridiculous things to you too, but you'll find that the least of your concern probably.

Losing a child is utterly devastating. Having a child is utterly exhilarating. Doing both at the same time is, in my experience, very surreal. Our thoughts are with you all...and I am more than happy with pmIng if you want to talk or rant with someone who has experienced something similar, whether to talk about the practicalities or just have someone to listen. Xxx

Hi all

dildals I just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you a lot over the past couple of days. I posted in a hurry on Saturday and I forgot to say congratulations on the birth of Bella. You sound like you are totally in love with her, which is so lovely to hear (your description of her and the dummy was beyond cute). I am so sorry for the loss of Georgia - what you are going through is incomprehensible to most (but not all) on the thread. I think I speak for all of us when I say that you can use and abuse us lot to your heart's content. Come on here to rant, talk, cry or just do whatever you like. Anything to help you get through each day. Lots of love. Noks xx

mrsh how are you today ? What did the MW say ? All ok ?

gin I have my 20week scan a week on Thursday. I am bricking it.

Hi to everyone else. It was fab to meet some of you on Saturday. I am still munching my way through carrot cake !

Nx

Gin and Nokkie I have everything crossed for your 20 weekers! How exciting. Are either of you finding out the sex?

Next scan on Friday for me. Oddly calm this week

Dildals - I hope your Hungry Little Caterpillar is still munching away like a star. I second everything else that has been said. It's all about the 3 of you at the moment. People will try and do what they think is the right think but I am pretty sure they will take no offence if you ignore them.

MrsH I hope the bleeding has stopped.

Thanks girls- nothing else in the old gusset this morning so mariana maybe it was cervical erosion? Been so long since I've seen it- I always got it 5dpo up until my period so it was a bugger to see it again.
Gin and Noks I'm so excited to hear about your scans! All will be well. X

noks am also bricking it...20wk scan is two weeks tmw for us. Hate hate hate scans...I have to sit with my eyes closed until I know it's all ok! How are you keeping?

MrsHY glad it has stopped. Bloody terrifying this pregnancy lark!!

I'm glad to hear you're calm vallinna, you've probably used up this months quota of anxiety last week! Hope it lasts.

I was the same with scans crisps, eyes shut and crying. Hate them. Glad you've managed to make contact despite being on your holidays. I had thought that your own tragic experience might allow you to help dildals.

I have PM'ed crisps.

I found another source of mentalling. (not that I needed another one). My breasts are quite hard and tender, which is probably just engorgement, but I am so scared I will develop mastitis or something else that will stop me being able to express. I kid you not, I wake up being scared that my breast pump has stopped working! My breasts are not red or hot, nor do I feel flu-ey. So pls tell me that I am OK?!

There was an interesting discussion going in the expressing room today, on whether you would be able to have a second baby, having gone thru all this. One lady said, which I understood, that she had seen too much. It's one thing coming in with your own baby with its own problems. But being on a neonatal ward for a couple of months, as she had, she seen and heard so much about diseases and things that can go wrong with babies that you develop a bit of a skewed vision. I read the other day that if you have one premature birth, you have an elevated risk of a premature birth the next time round. And who knows whether I would be able to fall pregnant a second time at all. You hear sometimes that falling pregnant after doing it once, is easier. I am not sure I could go thru the whole IVF thing again. Anyway.

Dildals you don't have mastitis. It makes you really ill, you'd have horrible hot red patches on your breasts and you'd be in agony. Engorgement is painful and can last for a few weeks though. Try expressed by hand to soften the area around the nipple to get the best latch when you use the pump. If they advise it, drain the whole breast to get some relief but this can increase your supply too much. I did it anyway as I was just so uncomfortable and it didn't seem to cause any problems. Hot flannels can help, as can massaging the breast in hot water eg in the bath.
If they're really engorged perhaps wait to get fitted for a nursing bra, or order a Bravado Bodysilk. I use these and find them very comfortable as they stretch with you. They're not the best on shape and structure but I'm more interested in comfort (I'm a 32d normally). You just order small, medium or large and can buy online which might be easier for you at the moment.

I know what you mean about knowing too much and you can never unknow it.

I hope you have a less painful day and Bella has a good day. When you've got her at home guzzling away engorgement will be a distant memory.

Trenchlet woke at 4am and wouldn't go back to sleep. I brought her downstairs and we sat in the window seat watching the last of the bats, the first of the birds and then the sunrise over the valley. It was beautiful. I then sang Sunday school hymns to her until she fell asleep again. My song repertoire gets stranger and stranger.

Morning ladies

Dildals that's sounds very painful but hopefully mariana's advice will help.( I'm going to save that advice Mariana for when it's my turn). I hope today is less painful and Bella continues increasing her feeding and getting stronger by the day. It must be so hard to deal with your own heartbreak and, as crisps said, exhiliration whilst seeing all the other tiny babies who are in with bella. I hope that they all do well for their mummies and daddies. Much love to you all.

Mariana what a beautiful morning you have had with trenchlet. I babysat for a friend once who didn't tell me that their dd liked to be sang to. The only song I could remember was my musical theatre audition song from about 20 years ago!

It has occurred to me that pretty soon our conversations will shift from daytime to middle of the night as we all sit up with our new babies.

Good luck to all those with scans this week.

Noks we are still enjoying lemon cake It is so yum. I'm rationing slices to make it last longer

Crisps have a super hols.

MrsH thank goodness no more spotting.

Hi to everyone else.

Random question for sweetie. I think that you went to the Oxford pram centre didn't you? Was it very big with lots of prams etc to try? I went to John Lewis again last night but they don't have that big a selection to try.

Have a good day girls.

X

shazza, I can't sing for toffee which is bad enough but I dredge up all these half remembered songs from all over the place, hymns, musicals, chart hits of the 1960-80s, musical halls of the 1900s and so on. Mostly I only know the first two lines so make up the rest. It makes you feel a bit deranged but babies generally love it.

Shazza sorry it wasn't me that went to Oxford pram place. we went to kiddicare to look as they had the largest selection near to us. I cannot remember if they had a wide selection of prams.

mariana your morning sharing the dawn with trenchlette sounds lovely

Dildals you and Bella haven't been far from my thoughts. I hope you sore boobs have calmed and Bellas appetite is increasing. is it cabbage leaves suggested to eaae breast discomfort or have I got this wrong?

Please can I join the others worrying about 20 week scans. Ours is Monday and I am already having sleepless nights about it. DH thinks I am being stupid worrying so much but I cannot help it and will be a wreck by Monday. I cannot remember who asked but we are going to find out the sexes if we can.

BTW I am very jealous of you lot with cake. could be just what I need to get me through the next few days.

Hi all. Glad to hear the spotting has stopped MrsH - big relief.

So girls, where are the pics from your get together on Sunday??

Dildals, I am living proof that one premature birth doesn't mean a second one. It depends on all kinds of criteria which vary from pregnancy to the next. You do learn far too much when you're in the special care ward and everything is larger than life technicolor magnified drama in there. We'd have to wait at the entry door where there were lots of pictures of prem babies when they'd reached 4/5 years and we'd be so sad that our baby hadn't made 28/29 weeks because the difference in the pictures was huge. You couldn't tell. So although this is utterly shit for you I'm perversely happy that Bella was born when she was. I had the same problem with massive hard boobs at about the 3rd day of pumping and found massage in a hot shower helped a lot.

Forgot to post my news.
We had a scan yesterday and saw the baby practicing to breathe. Very cute. We also got a date and it's in a few weeks from now. I can't believe it's so close and I'm not ready! I feel properly heavily pregnant now and people were staring at my alien belly this morning on the metro.

hey ladies

dildals thinking of you and little Bella

mariana what a lovely way to spend the wee hours of the morning

noks your carrot cake was delicious :)

mrsh glad there has been no more spotting

vall enjoy the quiet calm, how many weeks will you be 7ish ???

gin noks and sweets good luck for your scans :) I have a scan this week too I am working on the idea that as I still feel crap things must be okish

x posts with *expat exciting news, do you know what you are having

just catching up - gin noks sweets and buzzy you all have scans this week? You should have a party to celebrate afterwards! I hope you all are not too too nervous, chances are everything will be fine.

dildals like expat and mariana I had the same problem with my breasts becoming engorged early on. They would suddenly become rock hard and it would be impossible for DS to latch on. Warm flannels did help as did patience. I had mastitis twice and it was very different, I had a red splotch on my breast, it was very sore and I felt fluish, with a high temperature. You have an expressing room at the hospital? That must be a bit surreal! :-)

expat glad to hear that you are nearing the end. Are you feeling really tired? I am just 30 weeks and I am finding it really hard to keep going into the office every day. I seem to need a nap every day. I have an office to myself at the moment and can lie down on the carpeted floor if need be (which I have done!) but I am just surprised at how incredibly fatigued I am.

mariana lovely morning. when I had DS the only song I knew all the words too apart from nursery rhymes or christmas carols was 'Tangled Up in Blue' by Bob Dylan. DS knows it very well by now! He still asks me to sing to him when he can't get to sleep so it does imprint on them.

mrs others have already reassured you and your spotting has stopped but for what it's worth I had a few days of brown spotting at 16 weeks that had no obvious cause. The midwife said that once you're in the second trimester, unless you have bright red bleeding and severe cramping not to worry. She thought it was either cervical erosion or some leftover blood from the placenta implanting (which happens around 10-12 wks).

Hi. No, I don't know Buzzy but I'm convinced it's a girl. Chinese predictor test says it's a boy. Getting really excited to find out.

I'm feeling really tired Fairy. I am raring to go and 5 minutes later ready for a nap. This will be my last full week at work and I can't wait to stop although I love my job. I had a meeting that I went to on the metro this morning. The metro station is undergoing building work and so I had to walk up 6 flights of stairs and it wiped me out for the day. Even my arms ache!

So scans this week and next for everyone. Vallina, don't you have another scan soon? Shazza, when is your next check up?

Mariana, your morning sounds beautiful - really blissful. I hope I have the same, although watching the sunrise over the apartment block won't have quite the same feel....

Hello everyone

Expat you are so close. How very exciting. I love the fact that we have such little faith in the chinese gender predictor now! Do you have names picked out? Are you all set with 'stuff'? Once you stop work it will fly by and little Al will be here in the blink of an eye

My next MW appt is in 2 weeks. I don't have any more scans lined up. I was wondering whether to go for a private one but I'm worried to run the risk of accidently seeing the 'bits and pieces' and we don't want to know.

I swing from being excited to nervous. I'm 26 weeks tomorrow. Time is flying by. I'm also getting more tired now so goodness knows how ill be when I get to the end.

Fairy it seems like 5 mins ago that we met and you had a little bump. Now you are 30 weeks. Glad all is well. Napping under the desk sounds great!

Thanks sweetie. I'm not sure who said that they went to the Oxford pram centre them but I called them today and apparently they have loads of different stock so it could be worth a trip.

I'm foregoing yoga to go dancing with DP tonight. It is good fun so a nice way to end the day.

I hope everyone has had a good day.

X

The massage really helped. The MW said to really get in there, although it hurts, to get the hard bits out. I also got a tip to take a wide-toothed comb and use that to run over my breasts in the hot shower. (Bit odd). Anyway. It all helped and I had a stellar production this afternoon. :-) I just needed a bit of reassurance ...

Today was a good day. Not so many tears. My father in law has decided to take on our garden, which is so incredibly nice. It's a big splash of colour now!

Bella is doing really well today too. They took out the long line, through which they feed her, and she's now exclusively on mum's milk. No pressure! I read her a bit of jungle book and DH and I sang to her. Our repertoire is Elton John (Your song) and Islands in the Stream (I am Dolly, DH is Kenny). We are a bit worried one of the nurses will video us and we will go viral on youtube. ;-) The baby across from Bella has an MP3 player piped in to its incubator. Its dad (who looks like Demis Roussos) sings to it too. We're not sure whether a constant stream of Elton will aid or damage Bella's development but at the moment I am erring on the side of caution.

Today a new baby was brought in and the mother and dad came up shortly afterwards. It was clear it was the first time she had seen her baby, poor lady, know how she feels.

There is indeed an expressing room on the ward fairy. That's what we do all day, express, hold baby, change nappy, have a bit of lunch, cry. And gossip in the expressing room. About which nurses are rubbish which are good etc. I am keeping my ears open because it sounds like the nurses in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU), which is the last room before you can go home, are not always on the ball (because they are super busy). So I am hoping for Bella to stay on NICU for as long as possible. (It's also possible to express next to your incubator - there's boobs every where in this place.)

Dildals a quick post before I go. I love your song choices! Especially the kenny and dolly duet with you and DH. I'm so glad that things are better with the boobs and that bella is feeding so well. It's amazing how far you have all come in a week. She is obviously strong and getting stronger which is such brilliant news. Day by day honey. Day by day. Much love xxx

dildals you have mail my lovely.

shazza do you have a kiddicare near you? They had a million prams there, and we're more than happy to put every one up and down, attach stuff and let DH and I race them round the shop, bliss!

I think BabyBella will be especially nurtured by the singing. Glad to hear the garden's being dealt with, ours is a joy at the moment but all the heat and rain mean a lot of growing and a lot of maintenance.

I forgot about the wide tooth comb trick. I actually find just getting stuck in with my fingers or the shower (on the jet setting) better, but dear god whatever option you choose, it hurts. Once she's feeding from you it'll be fine. Trenchlet leaves me with norks like oven gloves and I'm actually grateful to her as it's far better than engorgement.

What an enormous convergence of scans next week. Virtual gins all round.

shazza you could ask the sonographer to make sure you don't get a crotch shot.

expat, it's so bizarre when other people can see the baby move. Proper alien style stuff. The knackeredness won't go away though. (I'm exhausted after my 4am start.)

fairy, I used to lock my office door and have a lie down. I even considered taking a camp bed in but thought that would be taking the piss.

I'm going to sleep now, can't keep my eyes open. I really hope we're not up at dawn again tomorrow...

Will you all hate me if I tell you our office actually has a snooze room? It has two reclining chairs and is fab. I do a lot of writing in there, ahem.

Shazza, I was convinced someone would let slip the gender seeing we had so many scans but so far so good. I always tell them before they start.

That's quite a vision Dildalls - Bella is a lucky girl. I think.
Great news that she's moved to your milk only. That's a huge step!

Hi girls, me again :) I have another question if anyone has had a failed cycle?

We had ICSI and we got to blasto stage. I read on google today that after day 3 the egg takes over from the sperm and if it fails to implant then it means the egg wasn't strong enough. Is that right? I'm panicking now as I thought the probs were always on OHs side and I know you can't improve egg quality. Please advise.