Pregnant (IVF) Worriers

[Dildals]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

A few of us graduated from the IVF thread (link below) and are having a go at our own thread to get out of the other IVF-ers hair! So get your roomy jogging bottoms on for some virtual hand holding, mutual symptom spotting and staying sane until the next scan date.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1691674-Excellent-Egg-Buddies-continued-Anyone-having-IVF-ICSI-in-Jan-Feb-and-March-2013-please-join-us

shazza yes overwhelming although am still very happy. Lots of people now know (not intentionally....loose lipped colleagues!) which I think has kicked off a new bout of worrying, it seemed safer when no-one knew, and now I just feel a bit daunted and awkward when people ask questions.

dildals what is the miracle childcare solution you found?! When I go back to work, Dd1 will be at school and the gruesome twosome will be at nursery. I am an assistant head so have some very late meetings, and DH will then be working four days of 8-6, both miles away from home, so we still need to figure that one out! Have also looked at some twin prams, nightmare!

Welcome laura. I think we all have dark thoughts from time to time, especially after the ordeal of IVF, but as others have said, if you feel this is out of the normal or acceptable scale for you, do talk to someone. I think in hindsight most people would say that pregnancy and parenting are more stressful than we let on. 30wks is ace though, many congrats!

Hi crisp no miracle solution I am afraid! But I initially looked at the posh nursery closest to us which would have been about 2,400! Then I realised there were cheaper ones, albeit still 1,750, and I also learned childminders are a cheaper option. For me this was my first foray into childcare so all a bit new for me but you of course already have one, so you were probably already more aware of costs.

On twin prams - I fancy the Out n About personally, but I like the 3 wheeler ones. The Out n About is fairly reasonable (350 ish) compared to some 4 figured ones! WTF!!

Ah yes we like the out and about too dildals. My bf has volunteered to give us her spare maxi cosi and isofix when her dd has finished with them, meaning we now have two and don't need to but one. I could have married her when she offered, we have so much stuff to buy! Did like a mountain buggy one but it was horrifically expensive. As in about a thousand pounds for a basic frame and then more for everything else, ouch! Wouldn't buy one for ages but try to do some positive planning every time I have a negative thinking moment, so have been making lists of names and researching buggies!

Hello girls

Welcome Laura. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Great news. I'm sorry you are struggling with difficult thoughts. Im learning that pregnancy is a time when many previously buried emotions and worries come to the fore. When we are creating new life i guess it is natural to consider mortality. There isn't much I can add to the others sound advice really. If you feel that these thoughts are all consuming then I would seek help and the GP or midwife is a good place to start. Good luck. And do stay with us and let us know how you get on.

Crisps it sounds like you are managing to conquer negative thoughts when they come by shining a light of positivity so that's great. Maybe I could borrow your name list. DP and I had an almighty row at the weekend over names. I fear that it was fuelled by pregnancy hormones . Who knew that a simple name could be such a contentious subject.

Fairy that's what I need, a little box to keep my baby keepsakes. I might crochet one! I agree re boys clothes. Crochet or knitted things for boys are also not so nice as girls. I think I've got a boy on board. Not sure why.

Dildals. No probs re slings. I've also found a cloth nappy library in north London and they have information events on Saturdays that I'm going to go to. I like to see things in the 'flesh' as it were. I'm finding Internet research abit frustrating jumping between all the open windows.

Mariana. I hope you enjoyed your long awaited and much deserved sit down.

Noks how did it go today?

Everyone else ok? I keep thinking about foody and how sad that is. I'm so grateful that I've been so lucky so far.
Night all.

Shaz x

Will catch up with everyone's news at the weekend (work week from hell) but just wanted to stop by and tell Foody that if you're reading this, I'm thinking of you. So, so sorry. Xx

I think prompted by fairy's experience and my own that it's so much better to be open about fears as it won't be anything new to the professionals and there is lots of help available. I think the fear of dying is so common because the baby is so utterly reliant on you that you almost can't help but think what would happen without you there.

Childcare costs make my head spin. We're very lucky in that we can work at home some days and also arrange it so that we work opposing days. What we all need is massive extended families living in the same street. Or maybe not!

I have to admit that although I don't go down the cutesy pink route with my girls, I still like buying them clothes and find boys stuff a bit dull in comparison. I no doubt won't think it's cute when they're dressing outrageously in their teens!

I'm very nosey to know what names you were arguing about shazza! Just wait until you've given birth and then he will be so in awe (or horrified) he will agree to whatever you want! How many names will Shazzlet have? Mine both have two middle names which meant more room for compromise.

I had my post natal check up today. So strange to discuss contraception - I'm clueless as it's not been part of my life for years. The GP asked if I was sure I didn't want another baby. I said no not at all, but felt strange saying that after so many years ttc. I've had to take away leaflets to read up on how best not to get duffed!

Morning!

Very wet and grim in London.

Mariana it wasn't any name specifically that caused the row although he doesn't like any of the perfectly lovely names I like. It's not like I'm suggesting moonbeam or anything. But I was trying to explain my criteria for a name and he got cross about that saying that one person's criteria and the examples I gave don't fit for him. Basically being given a name that was 'fashionable in 1970' has left me slightly bitter about using a name that is very 'now'. Sadly that means that lots of very nice names are off limits for me. All my life people can age me because of my name (there were 11 if us in my year at school. ELEVEN!!!! what was my mum thinking of?) and I've had endless jokes about my name and I don't want to give that to my child. I feel really strongly about finding a name that is unusual or under used without trying to be being clever or kooky and I don't want the poor child to have to spell or explain their name for the rest of their life either. As you can see this is an issue for me .

I hope you all had a good night's sleep. It went too quickly for me!

Xx

Oh and I was thinking one middle name.

I really should have read all the post before I finished!

I don't know what we'll do about contraception. The idea of going back to condoms is horrid but I don't want to go back to masses of hormones in my body. It's a tough one. What do you think you will do?

We aren't going to use anything.... Wouldnt you want another?

I'll be 43 when this one comes Keep and getting this one was traumatic enough. I think I'll be too long in the tooth to go through it all again. It's a shame as DP would like a large family but its a bit late for us. I don't want to be 45 and having another.

shazza you have mail!

noks are you out there? Hope everything is ok. x

Ah yes shaz, sorry. When our family is done dh will be getting the snip. I think its the best solution. Btw I am with you on the name, uncommon though not out there. I love mine and want to find one I Lo e too. We are ok on girls, none for boys though!

Hi, just popping in to say thanks for your thoughts and support, you really are an amazing bunch of people.
If its not too stalkerish I might pop on here now and then to see how you guys getting along??
Taking it hour by hour and day by day, OH has been great (even when I have been horrid!)
thanks again x x

Hello all

I am here.

foody we haven't cross posted for long but I completely understand what you're going through. I had a MC at 8-9 weeks four years ago. It's heartbreaking. All i can say is be kind to yourself and don't bottle-up your grief. Take it one day at a time and cry when you need to. Xx

shazz I have a very fixed name for a girl but none for a boy. I have a fairly good idea that DH will hate my name but it's too early for us to be having a row about it. I do have a tactical plan to get my own way though. That's all I'm saying !

Well the scan went well. Ditzy doctor dated me at 9+3 and then said she over-measured and said about 9 weeks. This is a few days more than she first thought a couple of weeks ago. They will date me properly at the 12week scan. The little bugger would NOT uncurl and have his photo taken so the scan piccie is of a little ball with a heartbeat in the middle. He did flip over though half way through which I think was more of an angry flip than anything else. The doctor had the fanjocam on my uterus for ages and I reckon he just got a bit f'ked off with her disturbing him ! I have a long way to go still but it was a relief to know that everything is ok. For now.

Hello to everyone else.

Noks x

Hi all, have been quiet on this thread because we had a big scare over the weekend. On Friday I went into hospital after having a bloody show and was kept in over the weekend having the steroid injections for lungs and being monitored. Was discharged on Monday. It's taking me some time to climb down from the terror on Friday that it was a complete case of deja vu and we were losing another baby. All the monitoring and checks have been good so we're trying to write it off as an unexplained thing that probably means nothing but it's hard. I don't really have anything to say at the moment but am lurking and sending love, especially to Foody. x

Definitely stick around foody!

On names - My DH couldn't take the conversation seriously and only came up with joke names...eventually we did manage to find 2 names that we both really like. We are going to wait for them to show themselves to us though, because maybe we'll look at them and go 'no, you're not an Alberta' :-).

Contraception - the mirena coil is quite good, still has hormones, but lower than the pill. I did try the copper coil (no hormones) but it gave me periods from hell. I didn't know it was possible to bleed that much and NOT need a blood transfusion. But apparently not everyone has this.

expatal bloody hell, that would scare the beejezus out of anyone! how many weeks along are you now? Wishing you strength & virtual hugs. xxx

foody thinking of you

expat that would scare the life out of me, can I ask how many weeks you are.

keep I thought why bother as we haven't been able to manage it for so long that the chances of it happening are pretty slim, but I did think that DH should get the snip accept he reacts badly to being knocked out

Well I am at home today, I've done a bit of work, feeling very crampy and have really bad indigestion, but that is all symptom wise, looks my husband might be working away from home for the next 3 months too :(

hello to everyone else

Oh Lordy expat that sounds terrifying, especially in your context. Just remember every day is an achievement. I crawled and dragged myself day by day through my last pregnancy from 20weeks as I was told that losing one Dd out me at huge risk of losing the other. I remember how horrific it was. However I had Dd at midday on her due date. One hour, one day at a time, hope you are ok.

foody stick around, lovely to hear from you. Glad OH is being great, my DH was a star, made us so close.

How ironic but lovely we're all discussing contraception! Still can't imagine taking preventative measures after so many years of fighting for children but I guess we all have a limit. I think the child are costs alone are frightening enough for my ovaries to completely retreat and refuse to do any more!

expat gosh, how dreadful. You must have been petrified all weekend. You are about 26 weeks now? I so hope it was just one of those things, I'm glad that you've been discharged.

foody good to hear from you.

noks v happy that the scan went well although disappointed at lack of posing by the Noklino. I hope you can take a day or two off from worrying.

shazza like dildals I had the mirena coil. It was fantastic for me, v light periods and no side effects. I would probably have that again although there is a part of me that sneakily thinks, "well let's just see if it would work on its own this time"... the rational part of me definitely doesn't want a third of course. I'm more afraid of getting caught up despite myself in TTC again (the horror the horror).

Oh and I just had my 20 week scan! It's a GRRRL! I am in shock, I was convinced at some deep level it would be a boy but that's probably because of DS. Everything looked perfect according to the sonographer. I've been so busy with other things I didn't actually get anxious ahead of time. Also now I can feel her (HER!!!) wiggling around inside I am less worried in general. Very happy really.

Foody day at a time is the only way to deal with things, so glad OH is there for you too.

expat what a scare for you, hope you are taking it easy and trying to look forward

Fairy great girly news, how exciting. Congratulations on the news

On the names front I have a secret list with quite a few names I like for both boys and girls. We haven't discussed it together yet, again a row I am not yet ready to have, but I would like something a bit different but not completely bizarre. Also our surname limits our choice a bit too. We will have to consider names that go together too.

I am not sure I will be rushing to get back on the contraception as I don't think I will fall pregnant naturally and if I did it would be a miracle. I will be 40 when I am 36 weeks with this pregnancy so I imagine my natural days conception are behind me.

Expat, that's awful. I hope you are ok, you poor things.

Good scan Nokkie, I like the term fanjocam. It has always been dildocam to me. I hope I never have to be violated by one of them ever again.

Hurrah for a girl fairy. Glad all was well.

Shaz, I think we have similar ishoos over names. There were five of my name in my class. I gave my DDs unusual, fairly old fashioned, but recognisable and spellable first names. I've never met another child with either of their names.

I'm veering towards the mirena coil. Fairy I'm also having confusing feelings about it though. Rationally, I never wanted more than two, I know that I couldn't take the mental strain of another pregnancy and I consider myself too old to do it again (I'm already 40) but a little part of me would not be disappointed if it happened accidentally. I think these feelings are probably inevitable and perhaps it's harder when it's been such a struggle to have a child in the first place. Anyway, I like having a proper spare bedroom and the prospect of a full night's sleep in but a few short months is blissful!

Morning ladies

Mariana i think I'm with you and fairy re contraception. Although I think I am too old, part of me will never be able to let go of TTC and thinking that now is a 'good' time and 'what if it just happened?' Although I can't believe I'm admitting that when I'm not even half way through this one yet.

5 of your name in your class? I know that pain!

Expat oh my goodness what a fright? I'm so glad you are ok. Of course you are worried. Stick with us and take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

Buzzy poor you re DP going away. Will you see each other during that time? Do you have family close by for support? Being crampy in the early days is normal. The embies are bedding in and getting comfy for the ride.

Fairy a girl! How wonderful! I'm abit envious of those who know now although we aren't going to find out. The suspense will kill me.

Nokity Noks. I'm so glad Noklino is doing well. 9 weeks already? So when is your due date? You are only about a month behind me. That's brilliant. We need a chat about your tactical plan to get your own way. Devious means. I like it! Although I also love Mariana's point about how DP will agree to anything whilst in shock after the birth!

Sweetie never say never. I'd given up naturally at 42 but my 5% of ovaries that had a chance obviously didn't give up

Big hello to everyone else. Especially Foody. Thinking of you loads.

AFM I had a mini scare last night. Shooting and stabbing pains across my abdomen whilst on the bus home DP had to come and meet me from the bus stop cause I was doubled over in pain. It was very scary but passed after about 45 mins and there was no blood so I'm guessing it was something stomach related rather than anything sinister. This morning I feel very achy and tender across my abdomen. I've been getting, I wouldn't call it pain exactly more twingy crampy feelings on both sides of my lower abdomen for the past week. Dr google suggests that this could be round ligament pain. Sound plausible? I'm not sure if last nights episode was related. I suspect not and that it was nothing more than trapped wind or something equally unglamourous. It was scary for a while though and made me remember how this could all change in an instant.

Thanks for all the names comments. They cheered me up. I've decided to keep my own secret list from DP and then talk more nearer the time.

The weekend can't come quick enough quite frankly. I'm this close to getting off the bus, calling in sick and going back home to bed.

Have a good day everyone. Has anyone got a scan today?

Shazza xx

Hello everyone. Thanks so much for your lovely words. I am okay just tearful, don't even know what about! I had my usual check up with my ob yesterday and everything is fine, cervix very long etc. DH & I are on tenderhooks second guessing everything. I feel great and it would be really helpful to have one thing that hurts or is troublesome so that I could focus on that! I'm 26 weeks tomorrow. We've massively overhauled our expectations and are focused on getting to 32 weeks. Anything over that is a bonus.

So, are you guys seriously discussing contraceptives already? I don't feel the need seeing that not using them for years resulted in zilch.

Shazza, how scary. Take it easy today. It probably was round ligament pain - it can manifest quite strangely.

Mariana, be careful calling 40 old!

Ah, lovely news Fairy that you're having a girl. I would quite like to know the gender now but dh is adamant he doesn't want to know.

You're totally right Crisps about one day at a time. Everything went wrong before at 25,4 weeks so we're already in unknown territory!

Thanks for the hugs Dildals. They were needed.