Expectations for your child's first year.

[purrpurr]

Hi all

After some discussion with my DH, I'd like to ask: what are your expectations for your child's first year? Do you have any? Have you and your DH discussed sharing any particular duties, or trying to keep in place any particular long-running routines you have that you feel may still be beneficial when getting used to having a baby in the house?

I would really like to keep my morning shower, I'd like to be able to finish a meal if my DH is in the house to assist with the baby, and I'd like to share night time work on the weekends later on when/if I'm no longer breast feeding. So essentially I am trying to say in advance, I don't want to be a greasy sweaty mess every day. I want to be able to grab 7 minutes every morning to have a quick shower so my hair doesn't remain plastered to my scalp all day, attractive though that may be... I want us to share the care of our DD at evenings and weekends.

I thought we'd talked about this already and agreed lots of things, but as my due date starts to get nearer, it appears our expectations are growing miles apart. I think he's looking at how his friends have done the first year - the woman, always dishevelled, greasy, miserable, starving, unable to finish a meal with her husband sat right beside her merrily chomping away, not sleeping, not getting a minute 'off' whilst her man is always going out. I think whilst we're agreeing how we'd like things to be (and obviously I'm not a complete idiot, I know we can't always get what we want!) he's subconsciously following the path set by his friends as the path that we will follow.

Am I setting myself up for massive disappointment? Will I be greasy and unwashed and starving hungry for the first year? Will I have any energy to go for walks with our DD to get some exercise?

YY bumpsadaisy I'm nodding emphatically!

DS was like baby 2 and the thing is, unless someone has had a really difficult baby they do not understand how hard it is. Of course, those first weeks pass and it gets much easier but DS was like a bomb going off. All previous plans went out of the window and we just had to go with it for a while.

I think in the first couple of weeks (bearing in mind I was recovering from an emcs) I did have a shower every day but quite often it would be at a random time!!!

Quite early on though I got into the routine of dd getting up 7am ish, having some milk, have a tip to toe wash, get dressed and by the time all that was done she was ready for a nap again and then it was my turn!!!

You will be fine op I promise!!

Ooh, good luck Bean612 Hope you get an easier one this time! Assuming you've got used to a toddler, I am sure you will find your newborn a relative doddle!

I haven't read the whole thread so I apologise if this has already been said.
Don't give your partner the option of not helping - just tell him what has to be done!
"While I'm feeding the baby, could you please deal with that soiled sleepsuit/hang laundry out to dry/cook dinner/buy nappies/rub my feet/whatever".
He'll quickly get used to the idea that he has to help!

Thanks, Bumps. DD is now 4 (it took me/DH this long to summon up the courage to have another!) so having been through some, ahem, trying years of toddlerdom I feel equipped to deal with whatever baby DS throws at me. Well, that's the theory!