Nothing can explain how bad you're feeling, but we understand. I won't lie to you, I found it absolutely heartbreaking, and if I think about it even now, I still cry. BUT I promise you it does get better and bearable - it just takes time.
I managed to get some counselling though work to help me (about three months on - I didn't cry at the time and just bottled it all up, which with hindsight was very silly) but it might be worth asking if your hospital offer any support or counselling - mine did but I didn't accept it at the time.
You're absolutely not going on, far from it. You're going through a horrible horrible horrible thing, and to be realistic you can't even start to think about 'getting over it' until the painful, messy physical side of it is over. And that will take time.
Be easy on yourself, don't try to decide how you should or shouldn't feel: you feel how you feel, and that's that.
Cry if you want to, for as long as you want to. I didn't/couldn't and I think it made it harder in the long run.
Lean on people around you, and look for more support (in real life, through counselling, or on here) if you need it.
You WILL get through this and you WILL feel 'normal' again. Just don't expect it to be tomorrow.... (hugs)
x