40+ mums to be

[littleredmonkey]

Hi
I am 43 and expecting my first and these next several months are going to be a challenge so hoping to meet others in the same situation.
I can believe I have a baby growing in my dusty cobweb ridden womb. It has taken me 3 weeks to get my head around the whole thing and it is still worried about the future and being able to cope. My partner is fab and great helping me with the ups and downs of baby hormones. Nothing beats hot sweats, night panics and freeze in the middle of tescos wondering our we doing the right thing. I feel better this week and got my head around things .
Any ladies who also need support or just to have a good moan every now and again. xx
Ps thinking about having a toilet built next to my bed to save time going to the loo quite a bit in the evenings!!

Jeez ladies, I am tired. Feeling my age right now, roll on second trimester. Wore my baby on board badge on the tube for the first time yesterday, felt a bit foolish so toook it off rather quickly. Wondered if people my think I was fakin it for a seat. The old lady in a badge. Silly I know but couldn't help it. Still haven't told DD. I think she will be very excited but expect it to come out tomorrow. When have all you second timers told your DC's? Could do with some guidance in this. My heart wants to tell her now but my head says wait till 20 weeks. Happy Friday everyone x

I told DD1 before I went for my booking as had no option but to tell her. I told her the baby is tiny and will not be here for a long time, and that sometimes babies go back to heaven (she has been asking God for another baby for a while, so this is kinda within her understanding) She is nearly six, and very happy. It also helps her understand why I am so very tired all the time.

Hi, sorry been AWOL for a bit, but just saw the bit about when to tell other DCs.

Am also hanging on hopefully till 20 weeks to tell DS who is nearly 4. Will aim to find out gender at scan, and think it might be easier for him to compute if we are able to say it's a brother or sister. Also figure I won't be able to hide it for much longer, and don't want him picking up on any comments from other people.

Generally I'm sort of working on a minimum need to know basis at the moment! Also because I think I'm not truly believing this is going to happen...

But at 15 weeks tomorrow, it's starting to look possible [hopefulface].

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I must admit it was a real shock and wake up call as I'm the sort who never sees a doctor and am relatively healthy. The children have been so gentle these past days and DH an absolute star. An old school friend from zimboland made a long planned visit to Paris so was able to take my mind off things yesterday (although I spent the night trying to get blood stains off the car seat - yes, there is so much blood!).

tenner - what can I say? Stay strong and think positively. I'm trying.

Like tenner I'll be looking in on you all, hoping that everyone sails through to the end.

Sorry I hadn't read back and seen the recent losses. Am so sorry, I had 3 MMCs (all around 12 weeks) and 2 early MCs before this pregnancy and I remember the shock and sadness and disappearing dreams oh so well. Thinking of you tenner and zimbo :(

Zimbo lovely to think of you watching over us, and we really hope you are back here updating us with better news soon. MC sucks, I have had a long and rocky road to get here including multiple MC's and an EP. Mother nature can be a right mare sometimes. Glad your family are treating you with the TLC you need right now.

Thanks for your replies about DC's. I am so torn. I have explained to DD how long it takes but I don't think her concept of time is that good. We have also told her that god decides which flavour we have. She says this isn't fair as god got to have a son so he should let her have what she wants - she has a point!
I also am concerned to share any heartbreak with her if things go wrong and my dodgy history makes me fear this more than most. (To the point of complete mentallness). I sooooo want to tell her though - I cant tell you how much as I know she will be over the moon. I think I will hang on till 20 if I can. I really don't want her to get an inkling before I tell her though so the more it becomes noticeable, the more this is a risk so I think I too will string it out as long as possible. Tricky business this parenting malarky. Think I am just about to loose this bloody post - stipid interweb.

Nice to hear from you Zimbo. Glad your family are being supportive. You seem to be doing well (well, as anyone can in those circumstances)

I'm not going to tell dcs until a bit later too. I haven't even told my family yet! I just can't be bothered. I don't want to hear anything negative and they may very well say stuff about how I'd better watch my weight as I still have 2 stone of baby weight to lose. Also any comments about my age will not be welcome!
I have asked dcs if they'd like a baby brother or sister and they keep saying yes, they want a brother! I'm sooo hoping for a girl this time but seeing as dh's dad has 9 brothers, they seem to have a tendency for producing males!

my BIL keeps mentioning my age and it is becoming really annoying. Like I don't know! I am also keeping it on a needs to know basis. Kind of enjoying keeping it low key for now. Normally I would be bursting to tell...

Whats the big deal on the age? Women can normally reproduce at that age.
How annoying of your Bil.

Ecactomundo exexe he is annoying...

Just back this afternoon from ?epic voyage? back home to Norway. Exhausted and came back to a flat full of stepdaughters & their friends but thank heaven they are being delightful to me so I am hopeful things may go better than expected telling them (still not confident about how DP?s ExW will take the news though :-\ ).

10000 fireflies - it?s all happening this weekend ? we only just got back. Doing lots of reading to catch up on the thread. Nice to see the list of us ? btw, since my NT scan, due date has been amended to October 7th :) (knowing me it will be even earlier if the fibroids start getting really big or I get pre-eclampsia).

So sorry to hear your news zimbomaman & tennerlady - so sad . I wish I could feel ?safe? but for some reason, even though now (just about) 15 weeks, I still find it hard to feel ?out of the woods? & not worry that something may happen. My heart goes out to you ? god knows how I?d feel if I had that news now. Hope you?re both getting lots of TLC.

ValiumQueen - gosh what a lot you?re going through. I recently came out of a time where one thing just piled on top of another like you could hardly believe and all I can say is that it will get better and there isn?t much that can make it feel better right now. Glad DD1 is doing better though. Virtual hugs & hope you find some way to sleep better soon xx

Congrats MidgetM on the looking-good NT scan :). I know how relieved I was after mine.

Hello to all the new peeps :)

Welcome back Fjord, we've missed you. Must be good to have got such a draining task over and done with. Now youve dine the possessions side if it all you can Now get down to the emotionally draining bit of dealing with the people. good to hear the step daughters are all being nice though, it's a good start. Perhaps they will infect their mother with this caring attitude. Stranger things have happened eh? Well it's good to have you back. X

Fjord that move sounds like a major mission! well done for getting through it.

I've got a bit of a busy weekend. I'm travelling today and tomorrow to family parties.
I've got to shop for some maternity clothes tomorrow as my size 12 trousers for work don't seem to fit anymore. I hope no one guesses. I'm not ready to tell work yet. It feels like you're taking the piss when you go off on a 3rd maternity leave these days. Oh well.

Fjord, welldone for the move, good luck in announcing the good news, hope it will go without drama
ValiumQueen, hope the kids and IL are recovering, you had your share of worries these days, take care and enjoy the lovely sunshine
Midjetm, glad to hear about your good NT scan

I bought a few books about having sibling to be able to explain to my DS the arrival of DD. another 25 weeks to wait but the bump is so big now - and has been big from week 15 or so - that it is impossible to miss it. He is almost 3.6 yo but understands already a bit... Of course not the implications but that a baby is growing in his mum and he needs to ba careful when jumping up and down not to hurt his mum's tummy. He is so sweet, telling everyone at nursery that he has a baby. He will be a bit upset though because he says it is a boy and we now know for sure it is a girl !

BTW, the complete amnio results came back yesterday and I can now relax at least about the pg, all normal. A growth scan next Thursday and I should get back to normal care instead of FMU, so fingers crossed.

Baby has been very active and I can feel her a lot more moving around. I am sure she is rehearsing her rap dancing skills already... Sometimes I can see the skin being stretched and pushed but I can't tell if it is a foot or a hand.

At work, I am still in limbo. I wrote to them asking to confirm that they have decided to dismiss me, and they came back with very sweet reply stating that they are toying with the idea in a tentative timetable and the plan would go ahead only if they find a suitable replacement in Eastern Europe ... I am very upset. Because this can go forever so I will not be able to breathe until then ? I have the feeling they are trying to push me to resign so to avoid redundancy pay off. I just don't know how to make them follow the law when I am aware of my rights. Anyone has a connection with employment solicitor ? No need to say that my motivation is down to zero and I am supposed to work until mid June. Days will be very long and boring.

That's it for the moan today. Needed to share good amnio results with all of you and not so good work news unfortunately.

Enjoy the week end. XXXX

Wow! this isn't going well. DP decided to tell the girls while I was drying my hair. Am now marooned in the bedroom while DSD1 (12) is in hysterical breathless tears & ranting inconsolably at her dad in between. Younger DSD seems ok. We're due at MIL's in an hour or so so hoping her grandma & uncle can put a more positive spin on it. Can't understand much of it but seems its a lot to do with her mother & maternal grandmother having poisoned her mind with what would happen if this were to happen & also some degree of feeling embarrassed at school (probably because, to her, I'm SO disgustingly old for that sort of thing).

Afternoon ladies
Been away for a few days down south visiting an old work chum and partner has been taking me for lunch dates and film nights so not been near computor for days.
Sorry to hear news from tenner and Zimbo. Thinking of you ladies and sending super big hugs
Hi to all the new ladies
10000fireflies - Yeh scan was surreal seeing arms and legs moving. partner was thrilled at it all. Got my head around it all now well most days. Still have the odd moment of really me now at my age. I had the scan last Thursday and bloods they said they would contact me if any issues. How long ladies is it before the contact you?. Forgot to ask when I was there.
My trips to the loo every 2 mins seem to have got less which is good as was thinking of sleeping on the loo with my duvet drapped around me.
I have really started to show this last week and the bloating I felt has gone now just keep looking at bump and cant see lady garden anymore !!! Took another trip into town to look for clothes and came back with leggings and thats it. Mama and Papa stuff a bit pricey and a tad too many frills for me. May wait it out in leggings for another month and hope the weather turns abit warmer for new stuff to coming into the shops.
Off for fish and chips for tea cant wait and if room apple pie and crumble.
Still being good and managed the gym three times this last week and partner is on swimming lesson 3 and doing very well. Lots of extra splashing and wearing my goggles but he is finding it funny why he cant float, he can but all the flapping does not help. he will have his tadpole badge next week. going soon so will see if he can do another length like yesterday. must have looked strange to the other gym pool users two adults high 5ing in the pool after a length. bless him he looked knackered after it !!!!!
Went to Nottingham Ikea to have a look at nursery stuff not that nice so looking around. Got my mind blown away with push chairs and buggies as well in mamas and papas.
Told both partners brothers this week and their wifes and girl friend. Shock was the order of the day on both sides. Seemed pleased though which was nice.
Well off for a cup of tea and ginger nut biscuit before the gym ( biscuit for energy) xxxxx

Welcome back LRM, I think the NT results take 7-10 days. Well done of the gym - I am trying 3 days a week too but sometimes only making 2. Poor show.

ASOS have a maternity sale on at the moment - not looked myself but intend too. Also got some fancy stuff from Blossom half price.

Fjord teenagers take breaking a nail badly. Please don't let it get to you too - they forget just as quickly as they freak and unless she is a monster she will accept and love the baby when it arrives as long as she feels involved in the pregnancy when she calms down. i don't envy you such a complicated situation. It must be tough x

Hpbp Gret news on the amnio results. I don't want to sound patronising but you have handled this whole things so calmly. You are a bit of a legend in my eyes! Sorry work is such a worry. Do NOT resign - let it go over your head. A pregnant woman is more likely to face discrimination at work than at any other time in their lifes. Sad but true. I was made redundant when 8 months gone but I got a handsome payout and was well shot of them. The baby is the most important thing and anything they do cannot hurt you if you dont let it. x

Manic day today - best go and get on with real life. Ordered a doppler today. Wise or stupid?

fjord hope DSDs have calmed down a bit. Hope their mum is not to horrendous too. I was really touched by your kind words the other day - it was like a tangible hug, so I thank you x

hpbp great news on results

Midget I personally think dopplers are not a good idea as firstly I would get nothing done , and secondly it can give false reassurance - if you ever feel something is not quite right, do not just listen for the heartbeat - always seek professional advice. Not long back there was a lady who was concerned about reduced movements, listened to HB, and baby died 2 days later. She was nearly due Thirdly it can scare you when you cannot find a HB. BUT people have said I was crazy for having a movement sensor, so 'if it helps you, then great'

I am not doing very well. DD2 still unwell after 2 weeks, DD1 has another infection and is having dodgy bruising again so likely platelets are on the way down again, MIL is making a good recovery, DB is no longer actively suicidal, but I am stressed to buggery, and feel I cannot go back to work tomorrow. DH and DM think I should see the GP and get signed off for stress, I am worrying about my clients (mental health nurse) but know I would not be any good to them at the moment. Also have back pain and cramping. No spotting, so think it is just exhaustion. Not sleeping now due to bad dreams.

I wish I had my scan soon (11wks)

ValiumQueen, I bet you are under a lot of stress. You should take some time off to rest a bit for you and the baby. As you said, you are worried about your clients but you would not be very good at your job if you have lots to be concerned about on the personal side.... So what is the point of going to work ? You'd lose on both sides.

Midgetm, I am afraid I agree with ValiumQueen re doppler. I had the fright of my life for DS1 when in hospital a medical student under the supervision of a trained and experienced MW could not use properly the doppler and did not find the HB at 28 weeks. They managed to worry me for 30 minutes - the longest 30 minutes of my life - although retrospectively I should have been ok as I had felt the baby before I went in the consultation room. Finally they were as stressed out as I am and a senior consultant managedto squeeze me in for a scan: of course everything was fine! What I am trying to say is that sometimes it is better not to rely on machines. As ValiumQueen said, if you have any doubt, just call the MW.

Do I sound very cold ? Sorry, I have been raised like this : not listening to my heart but my brain and facts are all that matter :(

Have to think about what to reply to boss now... Wish me luck !

hpbp and exexe thanks for the advice last week - really helped.

fjord - what a situation! DSD's hormonal emotions are prob even worse than ours right now, and at least you are able to see the impact her crazy mum is likely to have had. Luckily this is not the only parent she has, so hopefully other more positive influences will put a stop to the tantrums, and she will see the benefits of having a new baby in the family. Involving her in pregnancy sounds like a plan, if she comes round a bit? Sharing scan pics and baby shopping?

littleredmonkey my dps doing swimming lessons too - I'm v. proud of him! I want us to be able to take our LO swimming next year :)

midgetm great work advice - my and dps jobs a bit precarious too, but you are right - doesn't matter in the scheme of things - and a big redundancy payout would be lovely if worst comes to the worst! We can turn up on mum and dad's doorstep with hopeful smiles and the baby in a sling... All part of active grandparenthood these days - haha

I've been wondering about a doppler too - after all the regular ivf screening it's going to be so hard to go for weeks without seeing / hearing anything, but i hear what you say about movement and checking things out properly valiumqueen ps what's a movement sensor? I think MW is going to be hearing from me a lot!

I'm trying to decide what to do about nuchal scan and make a plan for amnio tests atm - not sure what to do really. I heard there's a private London clinic where NT results are particularly accurate - anyone done this? After beating the odds to get pg with ivf, I don't think I'd have the courage to risk an amnio - somehow feel like I've already used up all my luck. I never used to be this superstitious and need your sensible, rational head, hpbp...

A movement sensor is a baby monitor with a pad that slips under the mattress and detects movement. If no movement for however long (most are adjustable) then an audio alarm sounds. It does not detect breathing, but movement.

It scares the crap out of you the first few times you pick up baby and forget to turn it off, but it soon becomes part of the routine. It only went off once for real, and when I checked on Boo she was not breathing - I picked her up and she started breathing spontaneously. Babies do hold their breath for a long time sometimes, and she may well have been fine, but I am glad I had it, and will use it again for this one. It helped me sleep, but once the baby can roll it becomes a bit useless, with multiple false alarms.

My babies have never shared a room with me, so this is the main reason I bought one. They both snorted like Peppa Pig. Still do!

I am off sick today - anxiety is pretty crippling today. Both girls in School and Nursery so I am resting. Yay! Cried my eyes out after calling work, but you are right hpbp I would be as much use as a chocolate teaspoon. (and you are NOT AT ALL cold!!!)

seaside I cannot comment on amnio or nucal as I am not having these tests (buries head in sand again La La La)

Glad you hve taken time off VQ - you won't be able to function for your clients and you need time to feel better yourself. Don't feel guilty - make the most of it and recharge your batteries.

bytheseaside just saw your post about London clinic for nuchal test. Cannot recommend FMC highly enough. Went for a second nuchal 2 weeks ago as they look for all 4 markers for Downs, and you get your results immediately - bloods taken, then your scan, then your risk. I was in and out in an hour and 10 mins. FMC. Best £180 I ever spent. Dashing out now, but will pop back later if you have any more qs.

waves to all

Bytheseaside:

I don't know in which hospital you have had your antenatal so far, I am at UCLH, I had the blood test (tritest) and simultaneously the dating scan during which they have measured the nuchal fold amongst other things. I had the results of both (what they call : adjusted risk results) exams after an hour wait. Results were for Down's, Patau and Edwards' syndroms.

Before I had this first exam, just like you, I was very worried about amnio, having it or not, risk of MC of course always at the back of my mind:

• what if the baby is OK but I have MC ?
• what if there is a pb ? I could not see myself terminating

etc... I was scared as well, wasn't even sure I wanted to go for the 1st screening, but hey, my rational head took over : scan and blood tests are not invasive, do not harm the baby anyhow, and give me to opportunity to prepare myself if anything arises. Amnio worries can come later. If I need to go through it but maybe I would not need to...

So I went for it. And I am glad I did. I had the screening results after an hour and I knew I would not go for amnio, risk was low at 1/1694... I started to enjoy pg.... at last ! Until the 20 week scan.... but that is another story :)

I spoke to lots of mums who knew that they would carry on the pg no matter what so they chose not to have any kind of screening from the beginning, dating scan OK but no NT nor tri test. Other were saying they would not be strong enough if baby had abnormalities and they would not be able to cope and give the baby a good life so their mind was already made up.
I was part of the first bunch and my husband in the second lot, you can imagine the hearted discussions we had over that from week 6 !
Think about it, you are not burying your head in the sand. You just need to know how you feel deep down. And it is a decision to make with your DP. A friend of mine who is a strong believer told me one very wise thing : knowing allows you to prepare yourself, you don't need to decide to terminate when you know, you still have the choice even when you know. It is better to know anyway instead of living the whole pg in doubt, not good for the baby.

Listen to your own deep gut feeling, you will find the answer in you.

Wise words hpbp My brother was convinced DD2 had Downs as I was so big (too many pies!) He did not tell me, but had Mum worried sick (does not take much) I have already said no to tests, but still want my scans