The TMI pregnancy complaints you can't tell your colleagues

[Garliccheesechips]

My fanjo flaps are fucking KILLING ME.

Hang onto your pelvic floor... this is the "garlic up the arse" thread :D

Oh wow, Boomerwang, that is brilliant. Had me laughing so much.

Crying with laughter on my morning commute! I was sent over here by garlic after complaining in a separate thread about my overactive fanjo emissions!

As someone who is naturally rather 'windy' - both ends - my husband has been killing himself laughing at the increase in activity.

'jesus christ woman, I didn't think it was possible for a person to be more windy than you were BEFORE you got pregnant. Will this last the whole 9 months?! '

Bless.

Also co-sign on the constipation. I once overdosed on prune juice (pain like you wouldn't believe) so am terrified of trying another 'natural' remedy but I do like kiwi fruit so might give that a go...

Only 8+4 so have so much more to look forward to...

Hilarious Boomerwang! I was laughing out loud reading that

Oh the farts! I'm coming up for 9 weeks and when I bent over at the car door last night to pick something up off the floor, I let out a noisy, long, melodious fart. I was so glad that no one was around in the street.... or so I thought. Cue neighbour walking by and me saying hello as if nothing happened....

Ash, It was for worms! Not much help here then!

this is my second post just to vent really im fed up of my fadge feeling post coital all the time despite wash, talc, n fresh knickers leggings/pjs and big panty liners

if i could bottle n sell id be a freakin millionnaire.

Oh my gracious good lord, I was windy but they didn't really smell. Until this evening, when I have begun to produce noxious gases. Blimey. I am quite impressed with myself.....

Oh ladies, I am crying

My arse seems to have a preference as to where I shit. At home I'm almost completely bunged up, but at work I can do 3 MASSIVE explosive diarrhoeary shits in a 6 hour shift!

Boomerwang,I've been laughing so much it's brought on some Braxton Hicks!

I have a really TMI one, come on in the last couple of weeks. Smeary shite. I dunno what my digestion is playing at, but when I go to wipe, the damn stuff skids everywhere. I have to always have baby wipes on standby. WTF??

Oh ladies, aside from laughing myself silly at least I know that all the symptoms that I have are perfectly normal, i'm 16 + 3 and still have a long way to go, but have most of the things that you describe, none of the books list them though lol and the midwives don't tell you either!!

This is better than that Iphone website of errors....I've been laughing my head off for 20mins while DP is running round the house manically trying to find a bit of paper with his blood group on it for my mw app 2mrw, I'm not helping with my massive snorts!

Anyway, I'm naturally a farty girl but the ante has really upped and I'm just 8+2. Not too smelly yet but they really linger so are definately more potent. I'm rather impressed.

Ha ha ha, there should be a 'like' button for some of these posts.

I'd like to add my hyper salivation and burping. Sometimes I just burp uncontrollably when I'm walking down the street! Also rather than barfing up all this excess saliva I sometimes end up spitting that too, my only excuse being that a gobful of spit is probably marginally better than a pile of vom if I end up gagging on the stuff!

Just hoping my pelvic floor is only this bad because of my awful cough!!!

Am so embarrassed. Have had cramps all day and been moaning quite pathetically about it all.....until I released (in the school office no less) not one, not two, but FIVE MAHOOOOSIVE farts. I now feel MUCH better.

I currently have the world's fattest fanjo. I had a look today and nearly fell off the edge of the bath.

Seen as though this is the 'TMI' thread I would like to share that I am ridiculously constipated. I have needed a poo for several days. I keep getting the urge and merely producing a malteser sized poo

ok the uncontrollable but none smelly farts could now disintegrate stone at 50 paces

For me it was the piles agony. Not something to admit to at work!

I'm so grateful for this thread. If it wasn't for you lot, the sudden onset on the Mutant Swollen Fanjo would have taken me by surprise. No
I can sit on my frozen peas knowing I'm not alone. I thank you.

So distressed am I by my mutant bits that I appear to have lost the ability to type (along with the ability to keep my knickers dry when I sneeze, fart quietly and turn over in bed without assistance).

Isn't pregnancy glamorous?

I've a new one I've a new one I've a new one!

leaky pee!

Burped down the phone to a client today, twice. Didn't get my hand up to cover mouthpiece in time. Mortified.

Pleased to see some fellow cheeseburger crotch graduates today (although, it worries me slightly why 'cheese' burger, I wouldn't have thought hamburger (quarterpouder of course) would have been a perfectly sufficient description)

This is a fantastic thread! I've only really had a snotty nose and nosebleeds so far (although I've burped down the phone to a client as well ) -I'm looking forward to waiting for all the rest of these delightful side effects to show up.

This morning I let a massive fart rip in bed and said to (a half asleep) DP 'For God's sake Mr Garlic, stop being such a stinking fucker'.

He said 'sorry babe'

:o

Anyone else developed back tits? I have. They're super sexy. I can grab a handful.