What's the stupidest advice/comments you have received about pregnancy or childrearing

[Garliccheesechips]

Sorry if this has been done lots of times before (had a search to no avail) but I'm wondering if anyone had encountered jaw-droppingly ridiculous advice from medics/family/friends/colleagues etc when they were up the duff?

A (slightly batty and worryingly skinny) colleague told me that throwing up was a great way to lose the baby weight postpartum so long as you don't 'rely on it too much'.

Bf'ing = weightloss doesn't hold for everyone. I've only started to shift it as ds has cut down his feeds. Unfortunately my tits are still humungous.

My Grandad told us to put a finger under DS's chin when he yawned so he didn't dislocate his jaw!!

Clever babies don't sleep through? From an hcp

My mil also said maybe dd didn't like my milk when she had bad trapped wind and threw up a feed once.

silken, I think the losing a tooth thing was true to an extent in the olden days, because the baby does need calcium and if your diet is not great anyway (not enough milk, no vitamins or whatever) then it could have that effect.

My mum used to hear an old wives' tale that you shouldn't trim a baby's nails because they'd go blind. The supposed rationale was that if you forgot to do it some time then they'd scratch their own eyeballs, yuk... I always think of that one while trimming DD's nails!

When our LO had tongue tie the Dr told us not to worry as at least they will never be a porn star. In my innocence I had absolutely no idea what she meant.

Castor oil to induce labour.

Just don't, ok! Trust me on this one!!

Wash bottle teats with salt. Thanks MIL.

Black swan, to be fair to your MIL very concentrated salt solution is an effective disinfectant. As long as you mixed the salt with boiling water and then washed the salty water off well afterwards it should do the job fine.

I remember the salt thing from when my siblings were babies. no steriliser about at that time.

grand mil ( Guyanese) advised me when pregnant to tie a cord around the top of my bump to stop the baby going up too far and never to stoop during pregnancy! Other useful pieces of advice - to toughen my nipples up during pregnancy with methylated spirits, when bfeeding to put salt on the baby's tongue if it bit/ pulled at the breast (it worked with uncle Lawrence!) to pinch the top of the baby's nose to stop it being flat and to stretch its neck to make it longer!! Also not to pick the kid up when it cries as it will get used to being held and passed 'hand - to -hand'

Of course I haven't taken a blind bit of notice, but laughed incredulously and said it's a wonder that any of her kids have survived!! Poor things!

Haven't seen my MIL since I got pg but fully expecting some batty advice from that source... she tried to foist some herbal remedy on me for recurrent miscarriage after I'd found out I had a chromosomal abnormality...

Oh no though, this is the best. My SIL never breastfed (fair do's, it's up to her) but made up for this by giving the baby cow colostrum. Which she has offered to get for me. Err... I don't think cowpox is that common in London, I guess they'll survive without...

eeeeeeewwwwww! cow colostrum, just thinking about it makes me feel queasy buonasera!!!! ;)

Ds about 12 hours old, me still on drip etc in hospital, him on ABs via cannula.

MW asks how I am, as I've been lying in filth for four hours.
I explain this and say "but at least I've managed to breastfeed for at least 15 min on each side and he seems happier"

MW: If you haven't breastfed for at least half an hour on each side, it doesn't count. Wake him up and start again.
She walked off and slammed the door which at least meant I didn't have to think about being polite.

Also first trip to baby clinic around 3w. It's hot and 70 women and babies are crowded into a room. Ds hates heat and howls. About 20 min later he's weighed.
"Your baby is the wrong colour." Yes, he is scarlet. "You must take him to the doctor so he doesn't die." AAAHHH!!
I take him to the GP immediately, who says it is always a pleasure to meet a healthy baby and agrees that the HVs can be terrifying. In fact, as a bf advisor told me 6 months later, there's only 1-2 HVs at the clinic and all the other assistants may be qualified to weigh a baby but don't trust them on that either!

Sleep NOW because you'll be nackered when the baby gets here.

Yes, I'll just sleep on my four foot wide belly with my legs that keep cramping up and my hips which have stopped workign totally.

God I loved it when the baby was actually out. She slept through the night almost immediately.

lambzig I have to say I couldn't agree more with the poster who said: "sleep when your baby sleeps". Still makes me want to hit my head repeatedly against the wall. That and the classic phrase: you're making a rod for your own back.

Somehow though, it always made me feel guilty that somehow my chronic sleep deprivation and subsequent slight PND were my fault.

It's great when the advice is so funny that it's laughable but it's the well-meaning stuff that actually results in you feeling bad that's worrying.

A HV told me my eight week old baby should be sleeping through by now and I should change to formula as this would help.

My grandmother (a midwife!) told my mother that the reason for my talipes (feet pointing in wrong direction) was because she had worked as a typist during her pregnancy so the baby had got squashed up

Not pregnancy but when ds was tiny. My mum said it's ok for themto cry for a while because it strengthens the lungs. She gave me loads of bollocky advice which mad me want to scream. Oh and when he was pulling himself up and cruising round furniture I was told I shouldn't 'let him' do it as his legs surely aren't strong enough yet. Um?!

Oh and not to worry about his routine (which consisted of feeding when hungry and putting down to sleep when tired) why oh why would I deliberately give myself a tired, hungry baby? Grr. She still makes me grumpy with her unwanted crap advice.

wheresmypelvicfloorgone, thank you! That's the response me and the OH expected when she started going on about it but the rest of the family just nodded and smiled... I don't think they knew what it was...

Oh and my mother said to put a net on the wee ones' pram when I leave them out in the back garden in the afternoon because otherwise cats will smell milk off them and attack them.

When DS was born an old hag aunt of my partners said to me...
'don't pick him up when he cries he'll have to learn!'
DS was 3 days old at the time!

My mum told me babies don't need solid food til they have teeth as they can't chew. I asked her how many toddlers she knew with only a few teeth who didn't eat food and she couldn't tell me.

However when the breastfeeding hoohaa came out last year about possibly weaning earlier than 6 months she phoned me up and told me to "ignore those old bitches on the news. You keep feeding and tell anyone who asks to sod off!" so her heart is in the right place.

Mil said put a hot brick on my stomach to make it flat post labour ...

Not whilst pregnant but advice from the new HV on a surprise home visit-

1. Not to feed my 7mo DD organic aubergine and red pepper penne for dinner because it was an 'unsociable meal' and suggested something much more child friendly like fish fingers, chips and beans. Apparantly beans are really good for children. I tried pointing out the high levels of salt and sugar but to no avail.

2. When I asked if it was okay to feed her egg at 7mo, she replied that it was fine as long as its cooked all the way through. So, for example, I could give her egg mayo sandwiches! I pointed out that mayo has raw egg and she point blank refused to believe that mayo was made from egg.

This woman also ignored DD's reflux, 'forgot' to refer me for PND and congratulated me for being unable to breastfeed as bottles are so much easier.

DD is now 12mo and has her check next week. I swear if I see that its her doing the check I shall walk out.