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Original poster

What's the stupidest advice/comments you have received about pregnancy or childrearing

223 replies

Garliccheesechips · 07/01/2012 18:21

Sorry if this has been done lots of times before (had a search to no avail) but I'm wondering if anyone had encountered jaw-droppingly ridiculous advice from medics/family/friends/colleagues etc when they were up the duff?

A (slightly batty and worryingly skinny) colleague told me that throwing up was a great way to lose the baby weight postpartum so long as you don't 'rely on it too much'. Hmm

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GwennieF · 09/01/2012 14:18

The reason it took DS so long to walk (17 months) was because he wore dungarees all the time!! This was from my DBil!

Impatientwino · 09/01/2012 14:24

taxi driver who picked me up from my first midwife appointment - 'ahh when are you due'?

me - '28th July allegedly'

'oh no love, you want to try and hold on until September because of the school thing, you really don't want to have it then'

yes, I often hear of women going 5 weeks past their due date Hmm

happydotcom · 09/01/2012 14:37

I had post partum psychosis and when it started, I began hallucinating - I told my MW at one of my early day checks.
She didn't look up from her paper work and said " it's called sleep deprivation, all new mums get it"
I was at this point cowering behind DS's blanket as could see 2 men with no eyes in the corner of the room!!!!

( thankfully my GP took me seriously and got me sorted)

Binfullofsiliconelimbsonthe45 · 09/01/2012 14:38

My ds just wanted to sleep in the first 24 hours after a pretty hairy ventouse delivery at 9pm.

He latched on when he first appeared and then when transferred to a room on the ward he just slept.

Auxillary nurse who was a dead ringer for Vicky Pollard shook me awake roughly at 2am to tell me I must try and feed my ds otherwise I am risking his life. (he was 10 lbs and fast asleep).

He wouldn't latch on. Again can I add because he was asleep. Her next piece of advice was to "squish my nipple like a juicy beefburger " and ram it in his mouth.

He still wouldn't latch on. Did I mention he was fast asleep?

So she hooked me up to an electric pump to try and get some milk. She left me on the machine till 3.45 am, nearly collapsing after a 24 hour labour, nipple about 4 inches long, baby nearly falling off my lap.

Then she came in and threatened that she would have to put a spoon of formula in ds mouth if I didn't produce any milk and feed him by morning.

I put him in his plastic cot, wheeled up to the nursing station (think I remembered to put boob away) as a new midwife was coming on shift. I completely freaked out. Midwife gave me a cuddle, put me back to bed, put a do not disturb sign on the door and I heard her bollocking " Vicky" all the way up the corridor.

She wasn't allowed near me for the next 3 days...Grin

Oh and being told that if I had suspected PND i should just pull myself together and get over it by a close male family member.

Cheers!

BabyGiraffes · 09/01/2012 14:50

So pleased that I finally know why my dd had her cord wrapped around her neck twice (she was fine thanks to a brilliant mw)... Wink

GreenMonkies · 09/01/2012 15:27

That I must stop DD1's two breastfeeds a day as I would take nutrients from the baby. DD2 was born a whole pound heavier (7lb 13oz to DD1's 6lb 13oz) so I dread to think how huge she would have been if I hadn't starved her in utero....... Hmm

"You'll have to get them into a routine once the second one is here" from Step-MIL, who only had one child. I managed to resist the urge to ask her how the bloody-fuck she would know what it was like to have two children.

wahwahwah · 09/01/2012 15:32

Sleep when the baby sleeps. ha bloody ha!

Popsandpip · 09/01/2012 15:50

Signed up to a new doctor's surgery and had an initial check up with the practice nurse. She instructed me to always ensure I tied my shoe laces properly as it was especially important that I didn't injure myself by tripping up (I'm 36 - think I've worked this out by now). I was also admonished to moisturise more everywhere - even though I slather myself in Palmer's and touch-wood don't have any stretch marks yet. I suppose this last one isn't too random but on top of the shoe lace comment, I tried very hard indeed not to roll my eyes heaven-ward and suck some eggs.

beckyboo232 · 09/01/2012 15:52

3 months in hospital after going into labour at 18 weeks lying on left hooked up to a zillion monitors trying to save my baby and mil walzes n and announces that if I don't go outside and get some fresh air before delivery baby will be stunted! Er like hello?!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 09/01/2012 16:47

wrt BF/weightloss; I didn't start to lose the baby weight until weaning took off and ds was BFing less often. I believe your metabolism changes, which makes sense really in evolutionary terms.

Someone mentioned liver upthread; the high levels of vitamin A found in liver are risky and hence best avoided.

BF as contraception? The advice "as long as your periods haven't returned" is all well and good unless you conceive the first time you ovulate! I wouldn't trust it.

GemmaReeto · 09/01/2012 16:51

'newborns are easy, they just sleep, eat and poo'.......no they are not. They fight their sleep and cry for reasons you can not figure out....alot!

Asturimama · 09/01/2012 17:33

Not really advice, but I was told by a work colleague "I am glad you are having a son, because daughters steal their mother's beauty"

ParsleyLion1 · 09/01/2012 17:34

I had that one as well asturimama it made me a bit cross tbh.

helsinkihelen · 09/01/2012 17:38

Oh VerbalDiarrheaBrainVomit you poor poppet. That's wasn't just not helpful, that was evil.

I think the piece of advice that made me most angry was being told (by someone who was divorced) that me and my partner should get married now so our DC would feel secure. We had been happily together for 16 years at the time.GRRRRRRRRRRRR

broccolitrees · 09/01/2012 18:25

my friend (and she is still my friend despite numerous similar stupid comments that i took with a pinch of salt) whose dc1 is 7 months older than mine, pulled out the book she had been following written by her whose name must not be mentioned, and told me that my 10 week old (o weeks corrected) prem- baby should be sleeping x number of hours a day, and not that time of the morning, as she lay asleep on my knee Angry

sleepysox · 09/01/2012 20:10

My mum told me to eat lots of calcium to stop my baby's teeth coming out black. My grandma said I always had to put my hand under DS's mouth when he yawned. (Don't know why- incase his jaw fell off?!?)

buterflies · 09/01/2012 20:13

My ex partners mum said I should feed the baby upstairs (bf) as it could upset my ex partners other children and lead to awkward questions.

Also baby was prone to colic because I was BF, I wasnt producing enough milk etc etc

Turned out DS was very lactose intolerant and had to go on specialist formula but the lack of support really upset me.

YokoOhNo · 09/01/2012 20:18

I had some phenomenal advice from my old GP. When DH and i went to see him after a solid 12 months trying to conceive, researching everything and using all the ovulation, temperature kits etc with nadda, nowt, nothing happening in the baby department, he said, "I'd have more sex if i were you. I bet you'll be pregnant by Easter if you do that. Why don't you read a book about it". Confused

It was Christmas and we went straight to another GP. After a diagnosis of DH's sperm count in single figures, 4 agonising cycles of IVF and 3 years passing we had DS. Easter my f-ing arse.

GruffalowsMammy · 09/01/2012 20:46

Told off by my Nan for looking at myself in the mirror whilst holding DS.
Her reason for telling me off? If you show a baby its reflection they won't speak until they are 4.

thebody · 09/01/2012 21:52

wonderful fantastic but sadly passed away mil said that she thought that if she 'did it' again while pregnant she would have twins so she denied my also lovely dead fil sex during her pregnancy.,, they were both 16 and it was 1959.

they went on to have 5 more children(dh number 5) and be the best parents I have ever come across and the best most loving parent in law ever..

as mumsnet full of tales of awful mil just thought add this to the mix. my mil was fab..

alwaysanauntie · 09/01/2012 22:23

Just read all the posts and still Shock Shock Shock at filing my nipples to toughen them up for bfing!!!! Some very amusing and very worrying advice, so sorry for the lady who lost her baby due to no antiviral drugs (sorry can't remember your name) :(

I'm 22 weeks pg and have done ok without ridiculous comments, but have still practiced my nod and smile face just in case!

ashamednamechanger · 09/01/2012 22:53

Some 'idiot' told me that having baby number 2 would be a breeze compared to baby number 1.......what a twat! Never have I wanted to shoot myself in the head so much.

EllenandBump · 09/01/2012 23:14

the sleep when baby sleeps doesnt really take into account the clothes they go through the amount of bottles that need washing the feeding of oneself, the bathing of oneself, the postnatal exercises,keeping the place clean or the continued unpacking of stuff after moving a month before (not by choice landlord evicted us) and then all the HV coming round and other well meaning peope, when all you really want to do is put a note on the door, mum and baby both well, mum is either busy with baby, doing cleaning or sleeping, please either do cleaning for her or come back in approx 8 weeks when he started sleeping through and so mych for the first 6 weeks are the hardest, my little one went through a very hard stage between 5 and 7 weeks and then started sleeping through. Phew, x

EllenandBump · 09/01/2012 23:17

Oh and then there is are they sleeping through and you say yes really well and people go, well you must feel so much better now and have so much more energy and time....ha yeah never mind the weeks i lost in the early days of sleep or in late pregnancy!! have you thought about christening? Of course, i mean i have nothing better to do!

oldsilver · 09/01/2012 23:19

From Midwife at my last check before DS was due, on telling her I felt really ill and had a awful pain under my ribs "oh that's just the latter stages of pregnancy - that's indigestion". I'd had an ulcer years ago - it didn't feel like that.

Two days later I was being urgently induced and ended up having EMCS as I had HELLP Syndrome ... one of the first symptons of this is an awful pain under your ribs. It's your liver packing up.

A couple of days after having DS delivered, she was on duty monitoring me (had 36 hour monitoring in case I haemorraged) - I said "see, I told you I didn't feel very well" .