What's the stupidest advice/comments you have received about pregnancy or childrearing

[Garliccheesechips]

Sorry if this has been done lots of times before (had a search to no avail) but I'm wondering if anyone had encountered jaw-droppingly ridiculous advice from medics/family/friends/colleagues etc when they were up the duff?

A (slightly batty and worryingly skinny) colleague told me that throwing up was a great way to lose the baby weight postpartum so long as you don't 'rely on it too much'.

My mother has told me that: 'Children need to drink lots of milk'

No shit Sherlock.

"Look, let's face it, you really aren't going to get pregnant again at your age, so you should just stop the folic acid" - from GP, in patronising tone, taking off the high dose folic acid from my repeat prescription.

I went home rather sadly.

I got pregnant about 4 weeks later.

We have a history of mild spina bifida in DH's family.

I am hoping that the baby due in Feb will be okay re SB, all the scans have been fine so far.

I try and see a different GP if I can possibly help it now.

Folic acid is a very cheap intervention to avoid a calamitous condition. I had had a baby 3 years before and was still menstruating, so it was certainly possible that I could get pregnant, as events proved...

"If you don't wear a girdle you'll need a hysterectomy when you're 40. And you'll stay fat."

Actually, my youngest is now nearly thirteen and my mother still looks disapprovingly at my stomach and tells me I should have worn one.

I got a TREMENDOUS amount of advice when pregnant, from assorted aunts, great aunts, all relayed by an increasingly confused and stressed mum.

The reason, IMHO, that so much of the advice goes "Do or the baby will die/get sick/cord strangled" is because as pregnant mums, we would do ANYTHING to keep the baby safe, but not really bother too much if it is just something to keep the mum healthy.

Cord around the neck is probably the scariest scenario for me, and I would have done anything to avoid it.

My bete noire was this - "Don't turn over when you are sleeping, the cord will wrap around the baby's neck".

This meant that every time I wanted to switch sides while sleeping, I had to SIT UP, then lie down again on the other side. Good preparation for the sleepless baby years, I think now.
Ironically, after faithfully following this for the entire pregnancy, my baby did have the cord around her neck, TWICE. My gem of a OBGYN made sure everything turned out fine in the end.

Ahhh, how could I forget this gem?

This was right after I delivered the baby. From my great aunt.

"Cross your legs"
Me (thinking): A bit late for that, isn't it??
"If you don't, air is going to go up your you know what, fill up your uterus, and every time you walk, you'll whistle from down there "
Me: WTF??!!!
Needless to say, I crossed my legs. I REALLY did not want a whistling vagina!!

I was told by someone that as soon as my LO was born to try for another straight away... apparently if you have one you might as well have two at the same time! Also when people said labour was agony, for me (sorry everyone who wil moan at me) my tattoo on my shoulder was worse and i only had gas and air and at that point i was 8cm! Also when people say isnt your baby SUCH EASY WORK. Yes really easy, nothing too it they just sleep all day and look cute, never mind the feeding sterlising changing clothes washing...do i need to go on?

I have to point out that 'breastfeeding will lose the baby weight' was pretty fucking stupid....

Not advice, but a very slight aquaintance told me several times that he was 'praying for me every day' when I was pregnant.

Which was obviously meant to be a nice thought and supportive, but somehow just didn't work for me, it just made me feel like he thought I was likely to die or something

The reason DD ( 9 months) has no teeth yet is because my continued breast feeding has delayed them..

At 7.5 wks with my first I'm yet to hear any such skewed advice, but thank you all for providing 10 mins of shocking and hilarious reading. The whistling had me crying with laughter!

First visit to HV my DD1 (my first) was 2 weeks old. I was demand breast feeding my baby. My HV told me I was 'over feeding' my baby and 'she'll get fat'.

"you'll want to get a wax 'down there'" - from a work colleague

And "don't be a hero in labour" in reference to pain relief - I hadn't said a word to her about my thoughts on labour.

My DD got oral thrush at a week old. We went to the GP who checked her big drug book to see what could be prescribed to such a young baby and all the drugs said they shouldn't be prescribed until baby was a month old.

She told me to come back in three weeks. When I explained that we were breast-feeding and if baby wasn't treated, surely I would also get thrush, she merely told me to wipe my nipple before and after feeding and it would probably be alright.

Couldn't help but think of a footballer's magic sponge!

older lady in toys r us while buying a bumper - If you put a bumper on your cot the baby will turn round and suffocate on it but on the other hand if you don't the baby could smack his head on it and get perm brain damage - not kidding

18 weeks ago after informing my doctor I was pregnant I was told (after a question regarding spa's) don't go in hot tubs as you can get chlamydia!! I asked about eating black pudding, and was told eating liver was fine.

I was told "don't sit cross-legged on the floor, you'll get piles"

Not pregnancy related but when i told StepMIL that we werent getting DS1 christened she looked and said 'but how will you keep the baby safe??'

FIL (her DH) also said we had to get rid of the cats as they will tear DS to pieces as well as giving him allergies. DS and cats absolutely love eachother and have done for 2.5yrs

FIL (sense a theme running here?) was also dismayed that i even considered going back to work when DS was 9mo, in fact when i was PG he automatically assumed that i wouldnt go back to work and kept asking 'have you kids (we are mid 30s ) not even considered how you will cope on one wage?'

I take the eating/not eating liver with a pinch of salt as my mum said that she was advised to eat it when PG with me to raise her iron levels. I dont like the stuff anyway!

And as a mama whose DS was strangling himself with his cord (had to have a CS in the end) i would take the advice about not raising the arms above my head any day

Back to adult suckling... Steinbeck's novel The Grapes of Wrath ends with a starving man suckling at the breast of a woman whose baby has died. Some of these have made me hoot. I am just looking at my cats, who are both crashed out on the rug, and imagining them tearing to pieces anything but the contents of a tin of Whiskas.

My mother (who bf myself and my sister for 1.5 years each, and at one stage tandemly) told me not to drink anything with bubbles, "it makes your milk fizzy". :o I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my life at the thought of fizzy breast milk :o

Aitch, Lactulose isn't actually just sugar, infact it's purpose is to "grease" the faeces to make it easier to pass, not to loosen it. Taken over time, it will loosen stools, but for initial constipation, it's a greaser. TMI I know :)

Anyway, only those who can't afford powered milk breastfeed.

Ahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh yeah, a GP told me the reason I couldn't take a shit is because the baby is lying on my bowel and blocking it.

This might be the case but

i know what lactulose is, and giving sugar water to a constipated baby had much the same effect. which was my point.