Horrific experiences commuting while pregnant... anyone else?

[Sannebanana]

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet :) I'm 33 weeks pregnant with DD1 and am still working for a good 4 weeks yet due to my financial situation, meaning I am commuting into work on the underground. I've had a whole host of complications with this pregnancy, I'm currently at the stage where I'm using crutches every few days if that makes sense, I can go for 3 days or so fine but on day 4 I'm struggling and end up using crutches. I also have low blood pressure (I'm talking low low) and really start to struggle with the weight of my bump towards the end of the day, possibly due to being rather underweight prior to getting pregnant.

I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm coping and it's all going to be worth it when I have my DD, I'm sure, but I really am starting to lose it with all the people who simply refuse to give up their seat on the tube. Some days I get on and I don't feel too bad so I just stand, but other days I get on and I feel physically faint/about to collapse. So I've tried asking a million different ways as politely as possible, 'I'm 6 months pregnant, please may I have your seat?' and not once has anyone ever given me one. I've had death glares, I've had people ignore me completely, I've had people just refuse, and not politely, either. Now, I know there are going to be some people on the tube with their own medical conditions which mean they need to sit too, but surely not everyone I've travelled with since becoming visibly pregnant?

It got to the point this evening where I got onto the tube and was feeling physically faint, dizzy, blurred vision etc, no one offered me a seat so I asked a number of people if they would mind giving me theirs. I had a variety of responses, though no one actaully gave up their seat :( So I had to carry on standing, and 5 minutes later collapsed in the middle of a crowded carriage. No help was offered, admittedly I did come back around almost immediately but it took me a good few minutes to get myself off the floor. Managed to hold myself together until my stop, and just to top it all off as I was shuffling my way over to the door to get off, a business man who had witnessed the whole thing got up and said 'Oh, are you getting off now? I was just about to offer you my seat.' Could have slapped him.

So is it just me? Am I doing something wrong, because I've tried everything and I can't for the life of me figure out what it is? And does anyone have any clever tips they wouldn't mind sharing with me? Dreading getting back on the tube tomorrow, unfortunately it's the only way of getting to work :(

Poor you. Not a practical solution, but should you be working feeling like this??

I worked till 36 weeks and hated the commute...2 trains and a bus. I usually got a seat though.

I went into very early stages of labour at work with DD1, prior to that I'd been in hospital overnight with high blood pressure and experienced a horrendous night surrounded by women in early labour on their own as DPs had been sent home. (back story so you don't think I'm mad!) So I was determined not to make a fuss and left work to get bus home (couldnt fit behind wheel if a car, im short and bump was big!) and had to stand ALL THE WAY! I was massive at that stage and couldn't believe people wouldn't give me a seat.

I had an emcs (crash as had not had epidural) and on the plus side my recovery was mega quick...apparently as I'd remained so active in late pregnancy...that's the info I've clung on to anyway!

In the final few weeks I did just have to ask very nicely usually, but I feel your pain as I had a pretty okay final trimester x

I guess you must have a very physically undemanding job to still be at work in this state?
Is it just the commute you are struggling with? Have you discussed this your GP or midwife?

If I were you I'd try talking to your manager. Would it be possible for you to work from home one or two days a week, or to travel to work either earlier or later in the day so that you miss the worst of the rush hour? I'm sorry that the commuters you've come across have been so rude.

This is ridiculous! My first thought is should you still be working? I know you cite your financial situation, but can you not get yourself signed off sick and take sick pay until your ML starts? Or talk to your HR dept about starting later or working from home?
I am gobsmacked by your experiences as I was ignored a lot on the tube but never refused when I asked for a seat or ignored when I keeled over. I found the best way to get a seat was to travel slightly later when the tube was not quite so crammed, and to ask the person in the priority seat (if I was feeling awful) or to stand in the middle of the row of seats, coat undone and scarf pushed back, rubbing my bump and looking pained. (this was not acting!!)
but my bigger question is whether you should be on the tube at all?

If you are too poorly to get to work without passing out, surely you should be signed off work or begin your maternity leave early OP?

I do sympathise as I HATED using public transport when I was pregnant - invariably hot, overcrowded, squished into some smelly man's armpit plus I had 24-hour sickness for 9 months and had to carry paper bags with me all the time (sorry if tmi). However, it does sound as though you shouldn't be using the tube. I know you said you can't afford to stop working yet but, frankly, it sounds as though you don't have much choice. If your blood pressure really is that low, and you are using crutches, you definitely shouldn't be going on the tube on your own, for your own safety as much as everybody else's!

Sorry, post sounds ranty, it's meant to sound sympathetic and outraged on your behalf!! I feel soooooo sorry for you.

It seems that the other arsehole commuters aren't going to change their ways, so I guess it will have to be you who adapts.

Only you can tell if it safe for you and your baby to continue travelling, but I would advise that you speak to your MW and GP about what has been happening. I would also suggest that you find out if being signed off now will affect your maternity leave and pay.

Is it possible that you can work from home, or if you do shorter days and leave earlier, before the commuter rush?

I don't have any answers, but I really hope you can find a solution as the situation sounds intolerable to me, and i'm not the one experiencing it.

Good luck

banana - have you got one of those "baby on board" badges that the tube give out to pregnant women?

I found that people simply aren't paying attention often and don't see the bump. I never got the badge myself but a few friends did and it really helped.

A lot of people are also very concerned about getting it wrong and offering the seat to someone overweight. This happened a fair few times to my workmate when she was not pregnant, causing much embarrassment all round ().

I was always wearing baggy gear and I fry got offered a seat at 8 months pregnant!

With this in mind, I was pregnant during a heatwave and if I needed to ask for a seat on the tube, I did so without shame. I picked a lovely looking youngish man each time and said extremely politely that I was X months pregnant and felt a bit faint, would they mind terribly if I sat down as I didn't want to atop everyone getting to work? I was always really polite and people were always so lovely, telling me about their kids etc. They just didn't notice me before that but no-one was ever rude.

So get the badge if you can and don't be afraid to ask if you need to! I've given my seat to lots of people for many reasons and never minded, but I might need a prompt if I am comatose in the morning!

This sounds awful. I commuted until 36 weeks and got a variety of responses, but mostly positive and helpful. No-one ever refused me a seat when I asked. I did sometimes have to wait until a few tubes had passed before I would risk getting on though. I can't believe no-one activated the alarm when you fainted.

I second heliumballoons' suggestions. Could you also enlist the station staff to help? I was once waiting on the platform for a less-full tube and two off-duty staff got off the train and asked me if I'd like them to help me.

I first got offered a seat at 8 month pregnant, obviously, not "fry"....

...my workmates actually had a bet from 6 months onwards about when I would get my first seat offer. The winner got my chocolate stash when I went on maternity leave.

Gosh Sannebanana that is rough. Horrible people. I had to use the tube weekly but generally folk responded to my pleading eyes and rubbing of bump. What line is it? Some trains have seats on every carriage with a sign saying to give the end seats up to pregnant women with a picture. I would hover there and wait one stop to see if anyone would be kind or if anyone got off at next stop. I'd be searching around for sympathetic people to get eye contact. If that didn't work I would directly ask the person sitting in the end seat to let me have it as I am pregnant. No one argued and I acted over the top grateful to make it clear how helpful they had been. I also found that the very end carriages were also easier.

Good luck, I hope you get some nice commuters.

Thanks everyone for your responses- I'll do my best to answer all your questions :)

As for whether or not I should be working, that one is debatable, though it's kind of been sealed by the fact that if I try to take sick leave now it's going to cut into my maternity leave, which means less time with my DD once I've had her. I saw more of my Nanny than my parents put together growing up and so really want as much time as possible with my DD once she's born before I have to leave her in daycare, even if that means I'm struggling on right up until the end of my pregnancy. Working from home isn't really an option due to the nature of my job, it has to be face to face with clients. Most of my work involves clients so I'm tied to the times they can make appointments as far as working hours go. Admittedly my midwife does think I'm crazy, but I can't afford to get taxis and she just thinks I'm crazy for putting up with it, not as in putting my baby in danger.

Staff are always conveniently impossible to find, and no, no one thought to press the alarm :(

I tried the badge, no effect whatsoever. I've also been shoved out of the way several times on my way to a seat.

If you've actually fainted whilst on the tube and are using crutches, then you are not fit to work. Sick leave does not eat into your maternity - who gave you that idea??? See your GP and get signed off. I am horrified on your behalf that you are actually putting yourself in this situation.

Tryharder- admittedly I wasn't on crutches today, stupidly thought I'd be fine

I was told by my boss that sick leave due to a pregnancy-related issue at this stage in pregnancy would count as maternity leave- then again, boss HATES pregnant employers/working mothers, seems to look on having children as slacking. And it is a she! Will investigate that one tomorrow, thanks :)

Sorry, that should be pregnant employees, not employers. Oops

Sick leave does slightly eat into mat leave. I was off sick for the whole of my pregnancy and had to start my mat leave before I would have chosen to do, either 35 or 36 weeks.

I think if you are off sick 4 weeks before your due date they can start you on maternity leave.
Poor you though, I don't know what to advise about the public transport, I can't believe people wont give you their seats even if you ask them, very rude of them.

If you take sick leave from 36 weeks they can start your ml then but not before then.

Sick leave for pg related reasons after 36 weeks means starting mat leave immediately. At my company at least. OP should investigate at hers. It could mean she gets 2-3 weeks sick and then starts her mat leave at 36 weeks, which may only be a couple of weeks before she was planning to start anyway.
I am a big believer in spending time with your LO on arrival, yes, but it partly depends how much mat leave you can afford to take. In my case, 12 months off with baby and 1 month off without baby vs.13 months off with baby - not much difference, esp as returning to work pt. I realise though not everyone has this luxury so every moment counts.

Mayday child, absolutely right.

FYI, I give up my seat all the time and when I do, I state really loudly that "don't worry, I will give you my seat. I am surprised no one else is going to offer, people can be sooooooooo rude!"

Lots of looking down normally follows that.

OneLieIn- you've just restored my faith in humanity, wish there were people like you on my tube :(

Heliumballoon- my plan was to work right up until DD is born if possible, just because I so don't want to have to put her in daycare- for personal reasons, I don't mean to offend anyone who does put their DCs in daycare, just don't think is right for me. There is also a real possibility that DD is going to be in Neonatal for a bit after she's born because she's measuring very small for dates at the moment, so assuming I'm going to miss out on a week or so of time at home with her at the beginning anyway, I really don't want to miss out on anymore due to work. My original plan was to go part time when I do go back and MIL was going to have DD on the other days, but DH seperated badly a month ago (that's another story altogether :( ) so financially part time just isn't an option. It's all dramas here at the moment!

Trouble is, even though DD is small for dates, I have so much excess fluid that my tummy is measuring a week or so bigger, and since I was underweight pre pregnancy I'm really struggling with the weight of it. Hence the problem in no one being considerate enough to give me a seat on the tube

banana - do you have any nice workmates near you? I used to get a tube in for a couple of months with a colleague who had SPD (that's the pelvis problem, right?) who found it hard to stand on the tube. I took great delight in shouting loudly "god, I can't believe no-one gives up a seat to a pregnant woman" in the morning.

It just meant I could carry her bag, grab her a hot chocolate at Pret a Manger and she could get to her desk with less stress all round. She actually worked for me and it meant I had a staff member who didn't dread every journey and was happy to work. It was only a couple of months, so no big deal for me to help a friend. Any chance you have someone you could buddy with on the way to the office?

Agree that you should go off sick- if necessary return to work 4 weeks before your due date.

What line are you travelling on? IME, some lines are better than others...

Could you take the bus?