Pregnancy post mc: Totally's grads continued part 8

[tiggersreturn]

new thread!!

Fantastic news crochet - welcome back home and many congrats!

Soooo ladies I need to say a big hello from lara - we did do our meet-up yesterday! She is indeed as lovely in RL as she is here and it was great to share the hopes and fears with someone who you feel as if you know already (and no embarassing fanjo talk either!). Her lovely DH came to join us for 5 mins part way through - I think partly to ensure it wasn't a scam meet-up and she was being secretly whisked away by a dodgy Arab to be sold for a couple of camels and partly to see if another mner is actually a real-life normal person (I think I passed the test )

congrats crochet Hope you're enjoying lots of newborn snuggles!

Awwww, many congrats Crochet that's lovely news. Enjoy!!!

Whoop! Congratulations Crochet and welcome to the world, Minicrochet :)

cep the kicking in the bath is ace, it looks so funny - I sometimes pour water on the bump just to see him grumble and move around

Hurrah for the meet up, WIW - I've met a few MNers and nobody's kidnapped me yet. Tis fun :)

Congrats crochet, brill news :)

cep of your bath kicking, mine hates the bath apparently!

WIW I have an image of this arabian trade off I've never met an MNer (that I know of) would love DH to know you aren't all 60year old creepy men

Sorry, me me me alert!

I thought I was fixed Have been feeling sooo much better for the last few weeks, and was even excited when I got the pram that I would have a baby to put in it (ok, that is maybe the wrong way round ) but now my friends have just had their second little one this morning and I've crashed again

I'm so jealous of their happiness, but still can't see it ever happening for me. I may be coming to terms with having a baby, but I still feel like I have a heart of stone. What kind of mum am I going to be if I can't even see myself loving a newborn. Sob.

Sorry for gloom/doom, as you were....

Morning all,

Congratulations crochet that?s fantastic news!! Hope your new little baby girl is doing well and you are enjoying lots of cuddles. I want one!!!

Big sympathies to my fellow troubled sleepers daisy pink orange and cep I had another restless night last night. Woke up at 2, until gone 3.30. I think the combination of being just plain uncomfortable, being hot and waking myself up sneezing, is just a not being prompt at posting!>

Actually had a very strange experience last night ? or at lease from what DH relays as I can?t really recall. Apparently I sat up in the night, talking to someone/something at my side of the bed. When DH asked what I was doing I said someone/something was there, like a 3D image. I don?t really recall talking to him, although I do vaguely remember saying I could see a 3d image ? but can?t picture what I could see now. Anyway I didn?t really think anything of it as I was clearly half asleep?.until he told me that just minutes before I sat up, she sat up and looked at the end of the bed as he felt a ?presence?. He said he saw an image of a man (eek) Freaked me out no end. I don?t know why but I asked him what he looked like, did it look like his granddad ? this is very odd for me as I am really not a believer in all things supernatural. He said no, but then a few minutes later said, thinking about it, it could have looked like my grandad. I think my normal reaction to this would be to just think ohh, yeah right. But for some reason I just cried.

cep I?m very of you seeing bump movement in the bath!! Our bathroom is still a DIY site so no bath for me ? which I am now dearly missing. I tried a couple of times to tell DH he?ll be able to see movement in the bath, as a hope he?ll get it done quick smart, but no such look. Weekend of DIY planned for him though with the FIL, so maybe next week??

wiw so glad the meet up with lara went well. at the idea of you walking around the The Times!!

Also forgot to mention I went to the GP on Monday about my back. Utter waste of time. Think I got some junior stand in. Very sympathetic (if a little patronising) but as much use as a chocolate teapot. Have you seen your mw she asked? No ? I thought seeing my GP would be better seeing as though its my back and you are supposed to be better trained not to mention she is rubbish My pain initially started in my lower back but moved up a couple of weeks ago and that?s where tis been particularly painful since. Funnily enough though my lower back started aching again last night after I went for a swim, and if I recall this all started after I went swimming the first time. I thin that?s odd as I would have though a swim would have helped not hindered/caused any back pain?

Hope everyone is enjoying a bit of relief from the hot sun (its showering here), although i;m hoping its not gone for good...even though i can't sleep in this heat!

Ah yes but coconuts - you still don't know if I'm a 60 year old creepy man as lara hasn't reported back yet....

Oh daisy x-posts.

Poor you sweetie. Just because you can?t see yourself having a baby in your arms doesn?t mean for one second you are not going to be a good mum. Its natural to not be able to actually believe that at the end of this journey there will be a healthy living baby to care for, and I think that?s partly because its easier to not believe it so that if it goes wrong you have somehow protected yourself from the agony ? which is completely not the case, but I think that?s what we do.

A good work colleague of mine had hers last week and I crashed too. I also have a neighbour who is huge and due in August and I am dreading it coming as I know it will be so hard. I too think I have come to terms with the fact that I am pg and I have a baby growing inside me. But like you I still can?t see myself with one at the end of it. I met and old friend and her 4 month old for coffee on Monday and she made a comment like ?you?ll have one of these soon?. I just cringed and all I could think was ?you mean hopefully!??..but I just smiled politely.

If you ask me, we are all going to make great mummies and I think the journey that we have all been though, will make it all the more precious and make us all the more special mummies. Don?t worry darling, I don?t doubt for one minute that once you hold your little pink bundle in your arms, all your fears will slide away and your heart will melt.

((hugs))

x-post daisy - so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. You absolutely don't have a heart of stone - the very fact that you are apologising for your post, that you have bought a pram just for your mum and that you are slowly creating the knitting mountain for the EU (for your little girl) prove just the opposite (and these are only the recent ones I can remember of you). It's easy for me to sit here and say that though when you are the one feeling so downhearted. I guess setbacks are to be expected. How do you feel compared to how you did say 5/6 weeks ago? It is a question of 2 steps forward, 1 step back? If so, then although you may wish your progess was faster, you are still making progress. Be kind to yourself daisy and keep posting with us xx

Am very frustrated with your GP collie - I'm assuming you didn't get a physio or chiro referral then? re: the swimming - are you doing breastroke? If so, that could be the cause of the problems. I have been told by a physio in the past that unless you are a properly trained swimmer, breastroke can do more harm than good because of the way we as amateurs do it, particularly if you keep your head out of the water the whole time. Not sure if the same applies for front crawl, but he told me that the best stroke for bad backs is in fact backstroke. I would definitely recommend gentle yoga (make sure you tell the teacher of your problems though) and although I'm yet to start it, so many people swear by pilates - are either of these an option for you?

What a strange experience last night - probably a good thing you don't completely remember it!

Thats interesting what you said about breaststroke wiw i was doing one lap breaststroke and one lap front crawl - its just to crowded to do back stroke. Was supposed to go to yoga yesterday lunchtime but packed 2 t-shirts and no shorts But i do plan to go and there are a couple of yoga classes and a pilates class at my gym so i just need to get my arse in gear. Think the pilates is saturday morning so i may get myself down there then.

No GP did not refer - she said, after i asked about a physio / chiro, that there was a 6-8 week wait in the surgey. She asked if i could go private , so i said i suppose i could. But she didn't offer to refer me as well.

She said if it gets worse go back - worse than daily pain that i am in agony with by the end of everyday, and which keeps me awake and as a result i must be sleeping funny so am waking up with dead arms, sore wrists and earache! All of this I told her. I think beacuse i am in signifcantly less pain in the morning, and it gets worse in teh day - this seemed to be acceptable.

Daisy I still can't imagine actually holding my own baby and a; I am supposedly less than 3 weeks off what is officially classed as 'term' and b; put together a bouncy chair for him last night. Can I imagine actually having him there in it? Nope. Have I imagined instead a thousand different scenarios where it all goes tits up and I don't end up with a baby? Yep. This kipper is for you and me, missus. All we can do is learn to roll with it and hope that we are fortunate enough to be wrong about all our worries.

Collie my pilates lady is always on about posture. Sounds obvious but as we grow larger at the front, the whole spine gets thrown out of alignment and you tend to arch your back much more than usual which puts tremendous pressure on the lower part of the spine. She says to make a conscious effort to rebalance - including tucking your tailbone under - can help with back pain. This seems to have worked for me which is good as my back is usually shite. Even swimming you need to be a bit careful about posture as again it's easy to arch your back too much. Bloody rubbish about the 6-8 week wait - and the lack of referral!

My iron levels have gone up, thus moving me out of the slightly risky, might get turned down for a home birth, zone. I am celebrating by eating a whole packet of lovehearts.

wiw the meet up sounds fab!

Huge hugs for daisy sorry you're feeling down. Like the others say, it sounds like you're in a much better place now than you were a couple of months ago though, so maybe it is one of those processes that moving forward is lumpy progress IYSWIM? I feel the same as you though-am feeling like a bit of a fraud to be honest, like I'm pretending at being pregnant. Not really sure how to describe it. I think you're going to make a very loving and kind mum from what I know of you.

collie your dream sounds quite scary! How did you feel when you woke up? Did you feel calm and at peace, or just scared? at your GP. maybe worth getting another appointment with a different doctor? I'd definitely say physio would be worth a try but v annoying you've got to wait so long. If you were going to go private you could probably self refer couldn't you?

Fab news on the iron owly!

I might go pram browsing this weekend! Eeeeekk. Also going to check out the maternity ward at my other potential hospital choice, as my MW says they might not be keen to allow me to transfer trusts if I leave it too much longer-makes no sense but apparently true. I guess they don't have too much choice if I just arrive there in labour though!

I had a growth scan of mini pink this morning and it looks like everything's fine which is a relief. Apparently it's head down which I definitely didn't expect but might explain the weird scratching I've been feeling under my pubic bone.

Am a bit though-I'm o negative so due to have anti-D next week but have to have a blood test this week. I'd planned to have the bloods taken while I was at the hospital this morning to have my scan because it's an arse to get to and not exactly open at times conducive to holding down a job.... However, I rocked up this morning to find that tues and wed mornings are for warfarin blood tests only, and I have to come back between 12:30 and 4pm. Raaaaaahhhhhhh so I've taken a half day holiday to sit at the hospital queuing at the blood place all avo. What a joke-complete waste of a precious half day's holiday :(

Also a bit worried about what my glucose blood test is going to say given today's diet has consistes of a maple and pecan slice, a can of coke and two custard tarts.....

Thank you ladies, as always!

Collie I take your point about self-protection - I know I have a very strong self-protection mechanism and I put the barriers up at every opportunity - maybe this is more of the same?

You've made me cry with your references to being an extra special mummy! My OH keeps tyrying to reassure me about this, but his only experience is with sheep . However, he does see that there are some who go "what the f*ck when they lamb, and get very confused and disorientated, but then turn out to be the best mothers once their instincts kick in...

It is difficult when others are so excited though, isn't it?

Thank you too WIW, yes I guess I still have come a long way from a few weeks ago, at least I can relate to LO a bit more now, and yes, I am slowly producing a knitting mountain (although the knitting basket currently looks like a bag of snakes with wool escaping everywhere). I'm glad that I have a counsellor appointment next week - looks like this is just the right timing...

Collie it could well be the evil breaststroke - have the local hospital got a ante-natal physio service? May be worth a call?

Thank you again, you lovely people xxx

Oops x posts with Owl and Pink thank you for your support as well

Daisy huge hugs. It does sound as though things are going generally in the right direction for you although there are bound to be bumps in the road (excuse the pun!). Hopefully the appointment next week will help.

Owl good news on the iron levels!!

Pink grr - sorry to hear about your house buying stress, especially as it isn't even a problem with the house you're buying - so frustrating! Hope it all gets resolved soon. Ours seems to be making [slow] progress in the right direction (fingers crossed!).

WIW and Lara how fab to have had your Dubai meet up! at the idea of us all being pervy middle aged men. I'm not sure they could affect the levels of neuroticism we manage

Collie weird dream!! I'm also suffering from aches and pains - PGP/SPD. My midwife referred me to the pregnancy physio at the local hospital which may be has shorter waiting times than the physio that usually works with your surgery?

CONGRATULATIONS Crochet!!!!!

and last by very much not least - have an amazing holiday Dachs!!!

Congrats crochet

daisy I know how you feel too but like the others have said you have made loads of progress. We have been looking at cots and prams but I keep thinking why am I looking at these things? I still haven't bought any baby oriented stuff except these for the nursery (don't know what the family will think about aliens for girls but nevermind!) but they are still firmly in their packaging!

Dachs have a fab holiday, do lots of relaxing and looking after yourself xx

hellooooo everyone else :)

oh and forgot to say about pgp/spd - I was diagnosed about 4 weeks ago, given crutches and told to get on with it by the physio. I went to see an osteopath who is amazing. I've seen him every week for 3 weeks and the difference is quite remarkable. I still have achey days if I've been on my feet all day but mostly its fine and I can actually find a comfortable position in bed now. My next appointment is in 2 weeks then he would like to leave it 6 weeks after that. It's fairly expensive I know but really worth it and he said he gets lots of ladies who have been to the nhs and not received any help

Argh ladies, I need haddocking, majorly.

Have actually sat down and made a list of what we need for a baby, as I had no idea, even though done it before.

Then I saw some really good offers on babies r us and ended up ordering loadsa bits.

Now I'm having a meltdown. its too soon to buy things. DH thinks im in a mood but I'm not, it';s just fear kicking in.

Argh I can't win. One min i think im making progress and then its the progress that sets me back

crochet congratulations on your little addition.

daisy you've definately not got a heart of stone, remember you've been through a lot to get to this point, although yourself a bit of self protection. I'm the same, i can come across as hardfaced soemtimes but i'm only protecting myself from hurt.

coconuts relax hon, your edd is what 1/10? i'm a month behind you and i've bought stuff. if you're worried about it have you got a relative nearby that can house it for a little while?? It's not too early. And explain to dh what the problem is.

Finally the boss has left me alone so I can post!

Thank you all again for your kind messages yesterday, I guess it is a bumpy (boom boom!) road and I was being unrealistic to be thinking myself so easily sorted. It is probably good timing for a dip as I have the counselling appointment next week and so the feelings will be fresher in my mind.

You ladies are an amazing support, you really are

Coconuts you are normal, you don't need haddocking! Offers are good (remember the thrift fairies) but I understand totally about freaking out - as Cep says can you store the items at someone else's house? Or even take out a month's worth of a self storage place - that way you have the peace of knowing you have the stuff, without it being there constantly in your face.

Velvet lurv the little aliens - very, very cool!

Need something to knit for my friend's new little boy - something quick and easy, and which will hopefully throw OH off the girl-scent too. Unfortunately, all I really want to knit at the moment is the pattern I've found for a knitted sperm Not really appropriate though!

and at knitted sperm - why on earth?>!?!?!

Velvet are you one of the London-base lot by any chance? If you are can I have the details of your miracle working osteo?? Am now walking rather like a duck and lying in bed at night is seriously painful Still, only 10 weeks to go!! but if there's something that might help in the meantime then I'm willing to give it a try (already seen my lovely but not very helpful pregnancy physio).

And why wouldn't you want to knit this!