Nursery forcing us to toilet train DS at 2.5yrs?

[GoldenLeaves20]

Anyone else had this? DS is 2.5, and nurses are making all the kids in his class to toilet train. They want all the kids to be out of nappies by July. We are starting this weekend, pants only in the day and sitting on the toilet every 20mins.

DS pees and poops in the toilet, he's fine about it. But he has zero idea of when he needs to go.

But but but, it's soooo hard and tedious. He's had so many accidents already. Our carpet has been sprayed in lots of places with pet cleaner. I've internally lost my shit 100x this morning and it's only 10:30!!

How the fuck do I keep it together AND keep my house sanitary and the sofa, carpet and chairs not ruined by this process????

This is wrong on so many levels. I thought it was illegal! He’s clearly not ready.

Can all the posters saying he's not ready, tell me how do I know when he is ready? Because as far as I can tell, it's pretty arbitrary decision by most parents of when to stop nappies.

I found using the cheapest nappies/pull ups worked best so he could feel when he was wet.

Same here.

There are many children in reception classes that are not toilet trained now.

When it’s an absolute nightmare and doesn’t work and the kid ends up having issues because of it and then you give up and six months later they get it instantly and are dry at night without you doing anything.

The Gina ford potty train in a week book is great. I’ve potty trained around 10-15 kids using this method

Boys (in my experience ) are easier to potty train than girls!! With mine I went with a friends advice. Dad in the toilet with him.. throw a handful of fruit loops or cheerios in toilet and see who can sink the most. Took no time till my son was screaming fruity fruity and running to the toilet lol

You have said he doesn't know when he needs to go, so until he makes the connection there really isn't much you can do.

Forget the toilet for now;
At the very start of training, he can't "hold it in " between mention/thought/sensation of a pee/poo, and the time it takes to get upstairs or to another room to reach a toilet. Its all very immediate.
Start with potty.

You keep DC and the potty very close at hand and every 2O mins or so you say calmly "Time to try for a pee", pull down his pants and sit him on it. If he pees, wonderful. In a minute if there's no joy, pants up, no comment other than " "okay well tried". You'll do little else for about 2 days then suddenly he'll get it.

Each time he pees or poos on the potty his brain is remembering the body sensation and in a very short time, he will recognise the sensation/need before the event and link it to the word.

Get a grip on your impatience/annoyance/tension as that will transmit to him. Stay calm and when he succeeds, just calmly praise him and move on. Don't make it a drama.

That is quite wrong. If children "knew when they needed to go", there would be no need for potty training. No beginners "know when they need".

Potty training is done by the adult, not the child.

Exactly.

Its like trying to force a kid to walk. It’s sad the nursery feel the need to do this. Lack of staff?

@2bazookas

I think you misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting the child self trains. I was saying until they make the connection they will not take themselves off to the toilet.

I'd look at the NHS website guidance where it tells you the signs to look for and how to do it. Including being able to hold a wee for over an hour ....if he's not showing the signs take a copy to nursery and say he's not ready read this. Most are nearer 3 before being ready.
It's not up to nursery to unilaterally decide it's about working with the child and in partnership

My mother told me that in the olden days (1960s) with fabric nappies, children were toilet-trained by 18 months. Because the nappy actually got wet, it helped the child to cotton on (sorry for pun...) more quickly.

Just like with every other developmental skill when they are ready not down to their DOB you don't say you're old enough to sit I'm forcing you etc ..bladder control is the same. The advised ages from NHS are children are normally ready between 24 and 36 months not at 27 months 3 days.

NHS or Eric websites have lists of indicators and guidance on how to start.

You also have to wonder why so many of that generation and before had bowel, incontinence and constipation issues as adults with epsom salts, syrup of figs, cod liver oil being daily meds to keep you regular. They used to advocate feeding children on the potty and other catching techniques. It was a daily occurrence to have the caretaker come with his mop and bucket to class for 5 year olds. Other popular parenting of the time included leaving them to cry for hours Dr Spoke fame, a drop of sugar in the bottle, dip the dummy in alcohol, suck a sugar cube, butter on a burn, red hot bread poultice on a graze, give them a slap, tea with sugar in a bottle........how many of those parenting tips do you follow?

NO child takes themselves off to the toilet until well after potty and toilet training as been established . For at least six months, the work is done by a patient adult, who makes the decision to put the chi;ld on a potty.
once sitting on a potty relaibly triggers a wee or a poo, the adult still has to take all the responaibility for that child staying clean and dry; frequent reminders , frequent visits. (Nursery staff will be going that with the children who wear pants).

The stage where a child, un pronpted, in a the middle of play, thinks to itself "uh oh, I need a wee or poo" and takes themselves off to the toilet and manages all by themselves, comes much much later.

What else do they want children to do that they may or may not be capable of doing? They clearly don't have much respect for natural, normal child development.

Would a child minder be a better fit for your child?

@2bazookas

Again, I wasn't suggesting the child self train.

Mine is two and a half next month and nowhere near ready - hasn’t quite managed to work out he needs to pull his trousers down to sit on his potty!

You're talking sheer fantasy.

You can tell they're ready when they feel they need to pee or poo and can tell you that.

From what you've said, your DS isn't quite at this point yet.

His mother hasn't worked out that its her job to do that for him.

@2bazookas
I grew up in the 60s and all of that 'fantasy' was common practice.