Nursery forcing us to toilet train DS at 2.5yrs?

[GoldenLeaves20]

Anyone else had this? DS is 2.5, and nurses are making all the kids in his class to toilet train. They want all the kids to be out of nappies by July. We are starting this weekend, pants only in the day and sitting on the toilet every 20mins.

DS pees and poops in the toilet, he's fine about it. But he has zero idea of when he needs to go.

But but but, it's soooo hard and tedious. He's had so many accidents already. Our carpet has been sprayed in lots of places with pet cleaner. I've internally lost my shit 100x this morning and it's only 10:30!!

How the fuck do I keep it together AND keep my house sanitary and the sofa, carpet and chairs not ruined by this process????

The problem is the age of potty training is getting later and later, which seems to coincide with more parents saying their child isn't ready because they have some accidents. Accidents are a normal part of potty training, just like wobbling and falling over are a normal part of learning to walk.

They may live in parts of inner London where there is a shortage of children.

Though the nurseries will close down in the next two years because of it like the schools, primary and secondary, that have and will be closing.

It’s normal for nurseries to do this as nearly all preschools attached to schools require 3 yo’s to be fully potty trained. But if you’re not sending him elsewhere for preschool then just talk to them - they will be more flexible. However, if your 2.5 yo can speak and doesn’t have SEN or suspected SEN then it’s a perfectly normal age to train. DS was fully trained by 2 (though it took DD1 who has ASD much, much longer). Initially you need to take them every hour to get them to understand their urges. Make the toilet a fun place - have special poo toys, keep the door open, give him his own loo roll and handwash.

I started potty training my eldest DS just after his 2nd birthday. He's autistic (though we didn't know it then) and had very little language though fairly good understanding at that age. It took maybe six weeks before he got it 100% but after that he was totally reliable during the day, and within another week at night too. DD had accidents galore until she was over 3 and nowadays I'd have left her in nappies longer. Younger DS was similar. However, I see my DGC being left in nappies until well over 3 and that seems very late to me. 2.5y seems reasonable to start training.

My youngest is 2y2m and absolutely no chance of potty training anytime soon. They've only just started to talk and if my nursery wanted me to potty train them in a couple months I'd have to pull them out. Some kids just aren't ready that early!
My eldest was almost 3 when they suddenly decided they wanted to use the potty and within a week they were accident free. But I didn't force it, push back on the nursery. Why do they have to be trained by this date? What's the contingency plan for children who aren't successful in learning to potty train?

Im amazed at people who would compromise their child's well-being to keep them in a nursery who are indicating such a lack of understanding when it comes to child development, what with that being their business and all...

Ok. Sarcasm aside, I know there are not massive options but at the same time, there will always be something else. There are other options. Far you many parents settle for shit childcare because it's easier than the alternative - to clarify I'm talking he really here, not at OP.

There really isn’t always something, and many nurseries are closing given underfunding.

And it’s also important for children ‘s well-being to work enough hours to cover mortgage and bills.

I think disposable nappies have changed the toddler years massively. It makes it easy to go out and about all day. The prospect of being stuck at home toilet training is not fun when it's the opposite of your normal.

Plus when you have washable nappies to deal with there is an attraction of less laundry once training has occurred.

I would be telling nursery that it isn't up to them to decide and that you'll potty train when you feel your child is ready.

There really isn’t always something, and many nurseries are closing given underfunding.

There is. Not necessarily nursery but there are options. I'm not staying it's an easy situation to be in but neither is the wrong nursery.

And it’s also important for children ‘s well-being to work enough hours to cover mortgage and bills.

I knew you would come back with this. I don't have the answers but placing a child in the wrong setting absolutely isn't it.

If a child isn’t ready to potty train it really drags the process out. We were forced into it by my sons nursery and they made me think it was the best thing to do. It took an age for him to master it because he just wasn’t ready. When I had my daughter it was a breeze as we waited until she was ready

Don't do it. The first nursery we used insisted we start potty training ds1 at 2y6m even though he clearly wasn't ready. After 2 weeks of it, he was chronically holding - the worst time was when he held from 11am to the next morning (yes his overnight nappy was bone dry even) and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. GP and HV told us to desist immediately. He eventually potty trained the week before his 3rd birthday perfectly, all within 2 days and entirely led by him. Since then, we moved to a different nursery and I've looked at a couple of others - not one has had this stupid rule about PT in the toddler room and all said that it's very common for kids in the pre-school room to still need nappies or still be in the throes of training. I definitely would be put off a nursery that made such a big deal of it like the experience with ds1!

Unless there is a medical reason then your Son is more than old enough to be out of nappies. When do you think will be able to cope with training ?

You think there are always options, but you don’t have the answers?

Even though OP has said other nurseries near here have the same policy and they all have long waiting lists?

What would you do if you were her, then?

@SheilaFentiman

Oh go away and stop trying to challenge me for suggesting a shit nurse try isn't right for a child. I despair at people like you, always trying to prove a point and be right. It doesn't matter that I don't have the answers because I'm not in that position. I don't know what I would do in that position either because I'm not in it and am not wasting my time looking into all the local options for a young child I don't have. My point isn't less valid because I don't know what I would do though.

Oh and I did clarify earlier I wasn't talking specifically about OP, so her situation isn't much relevant anyway.

2.5 years old is not too young to potty train, but it should be your decision, not nursery when to start! With my eldest we waited until the month he turned three and he was potty trained within a month - so glad we didn't try earlier because I was pregnant and it just would have been too much. Youngest decided at 2 years and nine months that he was ready and just starting refusing to wear nappies. It was the first month of lockdown when I was trying to look after them whilst doing a demanding job from home so not great timing, but again I am glad we waited until he was ready because we had very few accidents.

Her situation is not unique, though, in not really having any options.

Whatever. You do you.

I would have thought changing wet clothes and cleaning up accidents would be worse!

This got way more replies than I was expecting.

I'm actually ok with toilet training DS now, he uses the toilet when we take him, he pees and poops in there. Isn't scared etc.

The nursery is fine, I knew about the toilet training by summer thing when DS joined. It's attached to a school so they have a 'rule' about it because of the summer staff cover.

It's a good setting. Etc. let's not make this about that. I'm not moving him. I'm certainly not going to quit my job and stay at home because of toilet training a few months before DS being 3. I always aimed to do it around this age anyways.

Plus all most of my friends with toddlers in other nurseries are going through the same thing. Toilet training by 3 seems to be the norm.

Yes that was the case with mine

Mine all trained at 2 even my ds

I understand them not being ready if the dc have SN though

Most of mine were over 3yo when they were toilet trained but it then only took a day (genuinely). I had one who had a handful of accidents over the following weeks but that was worse case. I’d just leave it personally.

Just because I'm finding it annoying and irritating having to clean up urine from the sofa/carpet/clothes etc. does not make me a horrible mum who is leaving her son in a substandard care setting.

Seriously DS is doing amazing already with it, he just doesn't yet "get it" when it comes to understanding what his body is telling him.

I posted because I found the extra "mental energy" in dealing with this parenting milestone/task really fucking annoying. I would have probably waiting forever to do this because, day-to-day parenting a toddler is already hard and massively frustrating without having to do more cleaning and being on even higher alertness than usual.

Children need to be toilet trained at 3 in most preschools to start, unless a medical problem.

@RandomMess this! Thank you for understanding. Our weekends were finally fun with DS! Taking him out, going on day trip etc. now we are stuck in a very close radius to home and I'm trying not feel murderous when I hear the Peppa Pig tune or 15 billionty times my child shouting MUUUUUUUUUMMMMYYYYYYY come play with me!! When I'm f-ing tired from work and all the extra cleaning.

Also thank you to all the posters who got it that I'm fine with going along with the nursery rules about it. I'm just having a 'moment' it all and using mumsnet to vent my frustration about it