Nursery forcing us to toilet train DS at 2.5yrs?

[GoldenLeaves20]

Anyone else had this? DS is 2.5, and nurses are making all the kids in his class to toilet train. They want all the kids to be out of nappies by July. We are starting this weekend, pants only in the day and sitting on the toilet every 20mins.

DS pees and poops in the toilet, he's fine about it. But he has zero idea of when he needs to go.

But but but, it's soooo hard and tedious. He's had so many accidents already. Our carpet has been sprayed in lots of places with pet cleaner. I've internally lost my shit 100x this morning and it's only 10:30!!

How the fuck do I keep it together AND keep my house sanitary and the sofa, carpet and chairs not ruined by this process????

Potty training can be a stressful nightmare or it can be fairly easy. Imo it often comes down to whether you wait until they are developmentally ready. I waited with DC1 until they'd turned 3 and it was really very straightforward. Very low stress for both us and DC1. Some children will be ready earlier, some won't, but I certainly wouldn't be allowing nursery to dictate something like this which is inevitably going to put stress on your DC if it doesn't go well.

If it's sunny and you have a garden, go outside most of the day to save you the cleaning. If it's reasonably enclosed, pants and a t-shirt will be fine, to save on trousers. When your inside completely bare sometimes helps, as pants can make it feel like they've still got a nappy on.

Having lots of accidents is usual - you need to just persist and keep going.

The tendency nowadays to interpret accidents as "They are not ready!" is, quite honestly, a major factor behind the fact that the average age of toilet training keeps getting later, and schools are seeing more and more kids start in nappies. It's not the nursery's fault that you've got carpet all over the house! Put plastic matting or torn-up bin bags around the house.

No not with DS! I said internally losing my shit.

More like screaming inside my head while keeping a smile on and using calm voice tone with DS

Our nursery has this but was by age 3. Everyone managed to make it happen but if you didn't there were plenty of nursery's in our area. I think that's the approach is that you either follow the rules of the nursery or you find another on. If you can't follow the rules why would you try to force your dc into it anyway, imo it means your dc isn't suited to that nursery and that's not a bad thing it means to get the best care for YOUR dc you put them somewhere that best suits you. Perhaps you could consider putting your d in the nursery later on when they are potty trained if you think you still want to use this nursery?

I really recommend ‘oh crap potty training’. We had a failed attempt at potty training when DS turned two and left it for a couple of months, read that book and he was completely potty trained (day and night!) within a month. It is really easy to follow and removed the stress for all of us. He was 2.5.

I am always intrigued by posters who have a multitude of nurseries around them with varying policies and space on the hours and days that any poster might want.

^This

Some children are 3 and older before they're reliable

I’d have misgivings about this nursery. Not all children will be ready to potty train and 2.5 and the driver of when to do it (in my opinion) should be the readiness of the child and not what’s convenient for the nursery.

Absolutely not on for a nursery to insist this.
I childmind & would never ask a parent to toilet train. The parents are the only ones who decide that & I support when the kids are with me. I've had children train at 2 and others at nearly 4. All trained very easy because we went with the child! This is very important so as not to set yourself up for problems later on. Don't let the nursery dictate this.

Tbh that's not an unusual age to start potty training (and some start earlier); I realise he might not be ready so I'd give it a few days and if there's no progress at all then I'd stop for now and be having a word with nursery.

Yes, reactions on here are interesting!
When my now adult DC were young, they had to be toilet trained to go to playgroup at 2.5. If they weren't trained , they couldn't go, no exceptions.
I was mortified because I had to delay DS1 from starting because he want trained, and being desperate to have him in playgroup before DS3 was born when DS1 was 2 years 8 months. We got him in just in time!
But my point is, it was normal then for most kids to be toilet trained at 2.5.
All the girls were, a few boys were a bit but not much later.
Expectations have changed.

He doesn’t sound ready yet. I didn’t start until DS was 3 and was clearly ready and interested so very few accidents. I think if you have more than one child with a short-ish age gap, it can be easier as they learn a lot from their older siblings.

DS didn’t manage night time dryness until he was 7yrs but again, it happened very quickly with no accidents when he was physically ready for it.

If he doesn’t know when he needs to go then he isn’t ready! Simple as that. I wouldn’t be toilet training atm and I would be looking for another nursery.

Well, he has to be potty trained at some point, the nursery is just giving you a nudge.
Just get on with it, potty training is not the most fun, but internally losing your shit 100 times in one morning sounds slightly overly dramatic.

No nursery can I force this. I know ! I have worked in one for many years which was linked to the reception where i now teach .

To be honest , children pooing is part of the role but I think by age 3 most practitioners would be heavily judging a parent as to why they hadn’t potty trained a child. It is seen as extremely lazy parenting where I work . I’m not saying I feel this way - I’m being honest about where I work.

I think training a 2.4 year old is a great age but it’s up to you when yon start ! If your not happy speak to the manager. Ofsted would not be happy if they heard about this forced potty training as it would be seen as wrong on so many levels!

No practitioner enjoys cleaning nappies all day! So of course the nursery encourage children to toilet train if parents haven’t already started.

nursery might also be nudging now as it is getting warm enough for pants and potties in the garden

This ….trying too early will cause problems !

If you decided to learn a new skill, and found it hard on the first day, would you shrug and say "I'm not ready!" or give it a while? Yes, he will have accidents. Yes, you could wait until he's 3, 3.5, 4, whatever. It would probably be easier. But if you wait until the child will instantly get it, it's barely training at all! A lot of parents (absent SEN, obviously a different case) are a bit lackadaisical about it.

When I trained as a nursery nurse I remember the tutor telling us "You wouldn't expect a baby to focus before they are physically ready, or to crawl or walk. Why would a child be able to be toilet trained before they are ready?"

I know right! We are not moving him to a different nursery. Between waiting lists (12-18months around here) and hours, etc. around here they all ask that kids at toilet trained, as in, not in nappies by 2.5/3. Changing nurseries would not change us toilet training him now.

Plus I'm okay with trying to toilet train him at this age. Otherwise I'd wait as long as possible him because MY life is much easier with him in nappies/pull ups.

The biggest trick that helped me potty train, was to say no firmly, weewee needs to go in the potty.

Ds1 got it on the first go and has never weed on himself (whilst awake (had problems at night), since he was two. He was ready.

Ds2 I think he was 3 years and a half, before he got tired off me putting him on the potty. He said No to me! Which was cool 😎 As he had delayed speech. Double victory. Yes, his potty training journey was a big challenge with him intentionally holding his poo and him needing lactose regularly to help him through it. He has since been diagnosed with autism.

Ds3 trained at 2.5, I first tried when he was 2 but that failed, because he got diarrhoea. Then one day, while watching cartoon potty training he asked me for a potty. I ran and got it. He didn't wee in there. But to me it was a sign and two weeks later, he was a professional potty user. He was scared of the toilet first, because of that maybe introduce both potty and toilet at the same time?

This is part of the issue. They can't hire enough staff who are ok with changing nappies of older toddlers.

Exactly this. Mine were trained at 21 months and 2.5 years. It was the norm in those days. Doesn't seem to have done them any harm but no doubt people will be along soon to say how wrong that was.