What happens to little ones starting primary school in pull ups/ nappies ?

[Wishithoughtbeforeispeak]

I feel a complete fail as a parent my DS is going to start school this week in pull ups ! We have tried everything, we've seen the health visitor about 12 months ago and she gave me a range of thing to try and nothing has worked. He is great with poos hasn't had an accident for six months if not longer yet seems completely unable to tell if he needs a wee. I even take him to the toilet with me and as I'm going ask him if he needs to go he will say no and then when I put him on there anyway he will wee saying he was bursting! I'm worried sick about him going to school in nappies as I'm unsure how it will even work. He was at nursery till July and was able to stay dry there in pants for the last month or so before he left but as soon as I got him home he would be wet within half hour, I put him in pants at home he will not only wee himself but then just sit there playing in the wet clothes / puddle as if it hadn't happened so doesn't even seem to know he's wet ? My mum took him for the day and tried as I was convinced it was just me as he could manage at nursery and he went through so many pants and clothes without knowing he had done it she had to return to my house to get more by mid afternoon ! We have now gone all summer in pull ups as he really has no idea he is seeing in pants and will wee himself in shops at home where ever! I'm at my wits end I don't know how he could stay dry at nursery yet no where else? I kind of hold out hope he may be the same at school but that doesn't help me get him dry at home I managed to train my elder DS before the age of 4 yet my youngest seems impossible. Does anyone have any experience of what happen at school. If they are still in nappies ? Or has anyone else had this with their child ?

I didn't want to read and run, I can see this happening with my DS next year! No solid advice but I've found the eric website really helpful with his stool withholding, they'll have lots of advice for toileting and nappies. I also know the school aren't allowed to refuse to take your son if he's still in pull ups, but a meeting with them would be a good starting point to work out how they'll take care of your son's needs in a respectful way.

Good luck op, hopefully someone will be along who can offer some proper practical advice!

To be honest I would take the pull ups away. You're training them to go in their pants and it's confusing when you then take them away. Unfortunately I don't think there's an easy answer, some children just find it easier than others. Start by staying at home, taking away all clothes and carrying a potty round. Set a timer and get him to try every ten minutes. Then stretch it out and keep going. Accept there may be a lot of accidents and have loads of spare stuff. Don't ever scold and use lots of praise. Unless he has a serious medical problem. He will get the hang of it eventually. Don't lose heart!

Thanks for the comments! he starts school in two days I don't think it's going to change by then it all seems so impossible I'm spiralling in to starting school dispare, I'm scared the other children are going to be unkind to him, he's really dinky ive had to have uniform ordered in as they didn't do it small enough, he's got sight problems and fails asleep mid afternoon if having a busy day I don't put him down for naps he just crashes out especially in the pushchair or the car and he will go into melt down if he doesn't what to something he just seems so imature/ physically unready for school yet he's so eager to go.most people are surprised that he is four when they first meet him as he even looks little I got him in most places as an under three this summer no questions asked I have talked to the teacher at meet the parent day in July but they were like oh you have 6 weeks yet plenty of time don't worry! And he go once he sees everyone else going ? I have requested he only does 3 days due to the fact he has these issues and have had it agreed till half term this just feels like a 7 week time bomb and I've already failed with my attempts to try and get him ready in the last 6 weeks! I feel like I've told him he can't behave like this or do that at school so much the last few weeks I'm at risk of scaring him about going !

Will one pair of pull ups last all day? No recent experience but when I did some work experience in a reception class years ago the mum of a child still in nappies had to come in at lunch time to change him.

I'm puzzled why you put him in pull ups after he'd been dry at Nursery for a month ?
It just confuses them, IMO.

There are children who due to sen go through all of mainstream primary in nappies / pads as they are double incontinent. So schools are able to deal with this, without kids needing to be part time (fine if you want, but don't feel obliged). Your son will need a care plan drawn up stating who will change him, where, and when. Eg will he tell them, or do they need to check. It sounds like this won't be a long term issue for him. Good luck!

He generally has three a day new one in the morning changed at lunch time then changed for bed these last few weeks I have been getting him to put them on himself hence change himself as in desperation thought if I can't get him dry least if I could get him to change himself at school he may be ok 😥

Can you defer his start?

It sounds like he could maybe do with waiting another year before starting school?

Schools will change dc, but usually only if it's for a diagnosed medical reason.

play that's appalling. School need to meet children's needs. I'd be asking parent partnership / sendias for support if a school tried that on me! (Luckily mine 'got' toileting early, but it is dumb luck, not superior parenting skills!)

I assume you have requested a paediatric referral to exclude any potential physical or developmental issues.

What is the cause of his sight problems? Is it related to the other stuff (immaturity / tiredness / toileting)?

TBH this is why I'm not a fan of pull ups. As a PP said, they train a child to wee in their pants.

That said, it does sound as though your DS is quite young/small for his age anyway, so maybe he's just not ready yet?

Is he just 4 or nearer 5?

A friend's DS has a similar problem (wets himself very frequently) and has seen a paediatrician recently who thinks he actually has a problem (not sure what exactly) with his urethra. He's currently awaiting further tests. He wears normal pants for school but does have to keep several pairs of dry pants & trousers in school for changes.

I wouldn't delay start. If he might end up needing an ehc plan, better to get him in school and in the system sooner rather than later.

4 is far too young to start school. Leave him be for another year.

Back for good I can't get my head round it either nursery put him in pants the two days a week he was there and he would use the toilet and stay dry yet once I brought him home in pants that evening he will not use the toilet and wet himself, the one evening I collected from nursery him took him to the toilet before we left he'd been dry all day yet 5 mins later in a shop he weed at the till point no asking to go no warning signs it was going to happen and he had been 5 mins before ! We guessed it is because nursery toilets are small children's one yet we have steps toilet seats and potties but he doesn't take himself at home or go it you ask him to and if you take him he will say he doesn't need it then go when put on there if you put him in pants he will wee and just sit in it it doesn't seem to even register he has weed and is wet

Not really Love in my honest opinion, the option is there to defer until 5 if necessary - I genuinely don't think schools should be changing nappies for children without specific needs and EHCP

Is he a prem-baby by any chance ?
I think maybe a part time start would help him, not just with this issue but if he tires in the afternoon as well he may Benefit from building up to full time.

Op you could defer until Jan which having worked eyfs I wouldn't normally promote but he seems like he needs a little longer to be ready. You haven't failed, there's clearly more at play if he still needs naps, has a push chair etc. If you do send him in pull ups please don't make him change himself. The other kids will be in and out of toilet. Get a care plan in place and a ta will help him discreetly. Ditto getting changed for PE kids don't realise at that age and will point it out. Please stop beating yourself up op you're doing your best it will happen

The last medical involvement you had was 12 month ago? I would definitely be going to gp. There are specialist nurses who can help with this, especially if he had got it, but then deteriorated.

Did nursery not help you put anything in place for school? Do you or did they have any other concerns with any other areas of development?

School cannot refuse a child in nappies, and they cannot ask a patent to come in to change him. You will need to discuss the issue with school to get a plan in place for changes though. It would be a good idea to talk to the school nurse, who can help you work with the school. I would also ask your gp for a referral to the continence service,who may be able to support you.

My ds has long term continence issues, and schools can be a nightmare about these things (obviously it depends on the school). Bladder and Bowel UK and ERIC ate very good sources of support when it comes to advocating for your son and working with school to help him.

I 100% agree attitude varies depending in schools. Changing kids in reception or cleaning up pee/ poo never bothered me they're still babies at this point. If you're to squeamish take yourself to the juniors!!!!!