What happens to little ones starting primary school in pull ups/ nappies ?

[Wishithoughtbeforeispeak]

I feel a complete fail as a parent my DS is going to start school this week in pull ups ! We have tried everything, we've seen the health visitor about 12 months ago and she gave me a range of thing to try and nothing has worked. He is great with poos hasn't had an accident for six months if not longer yet seems completely unable to tell if he needs a wee. I even take him to the toilet with me and as I'm going ask him if he needs to go he will say no and then when I put him on there anyway he will wee saying he was bursting! I'm worried sick about him going to school in nappies as I'm unsure how it will even work. He was at nursery till July and was able to stay dry there in pants for the last month or so before he left but as soon as I got him home he would be wet within half hour, I put him in pants at home he will not only wee himself but then just sit there playing in the wet clothes / puddle as if it hadn't happened so doesn't even seem to know he's wet ? My mum took him for the day and tried as I was convinced it was just me as he could manage at nursery and he went through so many pants and clothes without knowing he had done it she had to return to my house to get more by mid afternoon ! We have now gone all summer in pull ups as he really has no idea he is seeing in pants and will wee himself in shops at home where ever! I'm at my wits end I don't know how he could stay dry at nursery yet no where else? I kind of hold out hope he may be the same at school but that doesn't help me get him dry at home I managed to train my elder DS before the age of 4 yet my youngest seems impossible. Does anyone have any experience of what happen at school. If they are still in nappies ? Or has anyone else had this with their child ?

The sight problem he has could possibly cause other issues and syndromes but he had lots of tests as a baby and this was ruled out and I was told it was purely a sight issue, damage to make up of eye therefore no slight, other eye is good vision he's always been on the ninth centile for height and weight this has been followed by the Heath visitor and they say he just small and that are not worried he's 4 1/2 in 2-3 of small 3/4 clothing waist pulled in tight as he's only 14kg as so skinny. Nursery always put him in classes about roughly six months behind his peers as this is where he seemed best suited till they got to the preschool class he went up 6 moths after he should of but did fine when there he's not a summer baby so I can't request he goes next September, he's require to be in school the term after his birthday which is Easter term but the school say he can do this half term part time but has to go full time after Christmas preferably for them in oct after half term I'm in term oil he wants to go but I'm not sure he will cope I really don't want him labelled as naughty just because he immature my hope of pushing for 3 days is that he can do every other day and have a day to rest in between

I agree with PPs that he sounds like he would benefit from a delayed start. Toilet training is a big deal in nursery/preschool - the teachers and staff are well used to dealing with children who are still learning and have time to remind children to go, help them with their clothes etc.
IME in school the only focus on toilet training is teaching the children not to ask to go the toilet during lessons. It depends hugely on the school but without a diagnosis you may struggle to get the staff to agree to take your ds to the toilet and change him.

Op what about 5 mornings a week. He'd be home by time he's tired and there would be less need to change?

Inclusion services will give them no choice 3boys

Have you been back to the health visitor? I would be ringing them on Monday and also making a GP appointment just to check for any medical causes. Also agree with the advice to look at the ERIC website.

It depends hugely on the school but without a diagnosis you may struggle to get the staff to agree to take your ds to the toilet and change him.

Support should be and is based on need, not diagnosis. School cannot refuse to take him to the toilet or change him.

School nurse would be a better choice than HV at this stage, but a visit to the GP to ask for a referral to continence serviced would be a good idea too.

That's great then, glad I'm wrong.

3boys you sadly aren't wrong that though they'll have to do it, some staff will act like they're being asked to sacrifice a limb

Some schools do try to get parents in to change and do say they can't change children. I just wanted the op to know that legally, they can't do this.

My ds has continence issues related to a physical problem but has always been able to deal with them himself - when he has accidents at school he has always just been sent to the toilet with a bag of spare clothes. He has never been offered any help.
He is allowed to go to the toilet whenever he needs to but the teachers wouldn't encourage or remind him to go if he didn't ask. I asked them to do this as he was a very young 4 when he started but they refused. Outstanding school with small class sizes.
My point was more that at preschool there is more of a focus on toilet training, at school there really isn't. Children may be accepted but the teachers and TAs are not expecting to toilet train them at school.

Threenme I'm stuck they wanted him to do 5 mornings instead of 3 days but I work 2 days a week and couldn't get home to pick him up at lunch time nor do I have anyone who could collect him 2 afternoons a week all term time for me the whole things a night mare I'm so upset and worried about it all I've talked to him about going to the Drs if he can't stay dry and he gets upset promising to wear big boy pants when he's 7, 8 or which ever age he picks out that morning so I have carried on hoping it will just click the reality is I'm now 2 days from term starting and at a loss

Definitely see the GP asap.
And ditch the pull ups. They're the work of the devil. They train a child not to notice when they're wet. If he managed it before he will manage it again but go cold turkey and ditch those things.

Can you make some phone calls on Monday? You won't be able to magically fix anything but might be able to get the ball rolling with some appointments.

Not sure if he starts on Monday? If not, the school will be open and may be taking phone calls (they may not be but you might have an email address for them?). If he starts Monday then if you are dropping him off you'll need to speak to the teacher.

Op it wil be fine. The fluffiest staff in school are usually based in reception. It's not the norm but it's also not unheard of. Far from it. Talk to the staff, tell them you're concerned and it's something you're working on. The first term is largely settling in than focus on teaching! Could you afford a cm 2 afternoons a week?

Agree - back to the GP and ask for a referral to the continence team. Ours were fab.
Ditch the pull ups - the sooner you do, the sooner he will be properly dry.
The first things we were asked about by the continence nurse were any history of constipation (can cause issues with wetting if constipated) and exactly what and how much ds was drinking. Age 9 my ds still struggles if he has OJ/black currant cordial/fizzy drinks as these can all irritate the bladder. We were also advised to make sure he drank plenty so that the bladder was being stretched to encourage a larger capacity. Not suggesting you make any drastic changes overnight but worth making a note before you speak to GP.

We have tired ditching the pull ups he constantly wets himself but doesn't even know he has even when sat in wet pants and trousers on a wet sofa or in a puddle on a floor I have to find him like that and point it out to him. I can't explain why he was dry at nursery and only ever at nursery other than they have little toilets so it was easy to go I have spent many hours thinking it over and talking to them about it till he left in July they couldn't explain it either. I probably should have gone to the dr before now but everyone kept telling me he would get it soon and the Health visitor gleefully told me no 5 year old child goes to school in nappies so he would get there no I know it was all untrue

Send him in pull ups for now, speak to school and ask their advice, get your GP referral and go from there. At such a young age there is less stigma and actually with him being so tiny the right hormones and body signs and recognition may not have kicked in yet - I am aware of at least 1 child who wasn't dry till 9 because of an actual condition.

Defo speak to school though as you will find they are more accommodating in reception

He might start using the toilets at school when he sees his friends using them.

I agree with contacting your HV for an appointment with an incontinence nurse.

This is the other battle he doesn't drink or eat very consistently at all he will have a day where he eats load then hardly anything for the next 2 he's a faddy eater will eat only one or two things until he's fed up with it and moves on to the next item he's chosen so one week it can be pizza next week sausage and so forth some days he will just have toast and yougurt and a biscuit all day and refuse any meals put in front of him He drinks very little unless we stand over him and make him drink one tommy tippee sports bottle will last him all day and when he does eat he's a grazer little and often 🙁 Seeing this all written down he sounds an awaful child we have just go so used to it it's become the norm if I'm hard on him and try to get him to eat what's given he will choose to go with out you can't reason with him

Have you talked to the school about this? I ask because my DS's old primary would not accept kids who were still in nappies. They all still had accidents, of course, and the school could cope with that and kept a stock of dry pants, but they would not change nappies.

Hi op, my ds started reception in pull-ups, as he would never take himself to the toilet or say if he needed to go. He has ASD but no ehcp. His teacher would set a timer and send him to the toilet every hour. To give you some reassurance, within 2 weeks I could put him in pants, with an accident maybe once a week initially then less and less. He certainly wasn't the only one having an occasional accident.

I had spoken to the health visitor about his eating and drinking when it became apparent that he didn't have a normal appitite they have never seemed that bothered and told me to feed him the things he likes as it's just a phase that was probably two years ago as I say we have just got used to him being like this I cook him what we have but always have stuff he likes on hand for the days he's really refuses to eat or drink so he gets something

Thank you strongandmilky that gives me hope the school know that he wasn't trained at the end of July so are expecting this though I can't help feel they like me were really hopping he would get it over the summer I have just run out of ideas we have so many potties & training seats and in fact he can use the toilet with out any help to poo every day he just won't take himself for a wee or acknowledge he needs to wee its so frustrating and along with all the other quirks he has I'm a quivering wreck at the though that he has just over 48 hours before he has to go to school I is such a big worry

Please read this from ERIC www.eric.org.uk/toileting-best-practice-at-school schools really can't refuse children who are not fully continent and those who are in nappies.