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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

What happens to little ones starting primary school in pull ups/ nappies ?

134 replies

Wishithoughtbeforeispeak · 02/09/2017 22:01

I feel a complete fail as a parent my DS is going to start school this week in pull ups ! We have tried everything, we've seen the health visitor about 12 months ago and she gave me a range of thing to try and nothing has worked. He is great with poos hasn't had an accident for six months if not longer yet seems completely unable to tell if he needs a wee. I even take him to the toilet with me and as I'm going ask him if he needs to go he will say no and then when I put him on there anyway he will wee saying he was bursting! I'm worried sick about him going to school in nappies as I'm unsure how it will even work. He was at nursery till July and was able to stay dry there in pants for the last month or so before he left but as soon as I got him home he would be wet within half hour, I put him in pants at home he will not only wee himself but then just sit there playing in the wet clothes / puddle as if it hadn't happened so doesn't even seem to know he's wet ? My mum took him for the day and tried as I was convinced it was just me as he could manage at nursery and he went through so many pants and clothes without knowing he had done it she had to return to my house to get more by mid afternoon ! We have now gone all summer in pull ups as he really has no idea he is seeing in pants and will wee himself in shops at home where ever! I'm at my wits end I don't know how he could stay dry at nursery yet no where else? I kind of hold out hope he may be the same at school but that doesn't help me get him dry at home I managed to train my elder DS before the age of 4 yet my youngest seems impossible. Does anyone have any experience of what happen at school. If they are still in nappies ? Or has anyone else had this with their child ?

OP posts:

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GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 11:57

Accruals the OP sounds anxious about a lot of issues

Children rarely stave themselves - having backups rather than giving food and if they leave it offer food again later at tea time or lunch - allowing him to graze (he can't do this at school) rather than insisting on food times

I work in a school and quite often it is the parent feeling anxious and worried that has an impact because in blurs the boundaries and makes the issue into something more than it should be.

I'd like to hear what the OPs reactions are to the child using or not using the toilet

d270r0 · 03/09/2017 12:00

The one I have is called a wobl watch, they are on amazon for £28 in different colours. After yiu've set it yiu need to lock it so they can't turn it off accidentally. Reviews say they break if they get wet but ours hasn't yet, he is under strict instructons to go when it rings and keep it dry.

hazeyjane · 03/09/2017 12:08

Greentulips, the op has had concerns about her son's development brushed off, something that you are doing now (ime this often happens with people who work in schools) - of course she is anxious if she has these concerns, that doesn't mean her anxiety is creating the problem.

grasspigeons · 03/09/2017 12:12

The school nurse will refer to a clinic if you have an unsympathetic gp, or if under 5 ring your health visitor

OhTheRoses · 03/09/2017 12:34

grasspigeons the op's HV has already brushed aside her concerns.

My advice is always to seek an opinion from a doctor.

MiaowTheCat · 03/09/2017 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 12:53

I'm not blaming the OP, I'm asking her to explain what she does in the situation. Look how many people have suggested bribes or telling the child off or taking something away from them.

That's not how anyone potty trains a child -

How many have said pull-ups - others saying pants -

Calm consistent - natural consequence (missing fun stuff to change)

Teachers won't tell the child off - they won't have big chats to reason with the child - they get on with it as a matter of fact

As for schools being ok with changing a child they have to find someone willing to do it - it's not actually part of the job

MiaowTheCat · 03/09/2017 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

40andFat · 03/09/2017 13:11

It will be fine I promise my son soiled himself for the first 6 weeks of Reception and made himself six everyday due to anxiety but it stopped eventually and none of the other kids batted an eyelid. They are much more understanding at that age.
On a practical level I would speak to the headteacher first day explain the situation and ask to go up yourself on the 3 days your off at dinner to change him. Therefore he shouldn't need to be changed by anyone but you and really no-one should notice.
In the meantime go to your GP and ask for a referral to the hospital just to rule out any possibilities there is a medical issue. Once that's been ruled out they should be able to offer advice on toilet training techniques.
Some schools do offer a delayed reception year it is possible to request it but he would always then be a year behind there's no catch up point.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 13:14

I'm not interrogating I'm askingfor more info - which would help see the whole picture. Much better than saying 'yeah stick him in pull-ups he'll be fine brigade' or let him wet himself he'll het ot eventually'

Why just treat the effect rather than the root cause?

Nursery managed it - so it's not medical - school probably will as well -

babybels · 03/09/2017 13:21

Im wondering if there might be some sensory issues going on here as well and possibly ASD. I might be completely barking up the wrong tree but issues with food and/ or continence are very common in children with ASD. My son has ASD and doesn't suffer particularly with these issues but I'm a member of a Facebook group for parents with an ASD child and am aware that many struggle with both these issues. If you google sensory processing disorder you will find out more. How's his speech? Sorry if you've already told us, I had to skim read some bits. Often children with ASD are late talkers and have some speech and language issues as well. See how your chat goes with the teacher. It may be worth flagging with the SENCO as well as he or she may have some ideas on how to help him. My DD2 is about to start school and because we have one with ASD I have already mentioned to the teacher and SENCO that she has a few traits that I want to keep an eye on. You sound proactive and you are doing all you can and that approach will serve you well in dealing with school. My son has just left primary and has an EHCP and he repeated a year due to his issues so I've had lots of dealings with school and SENCO's etc. Being open and keeping a good line of communication really helps.
Good luck with it all.

hazeyjane · 03/09/2017 13:25

Nursery managed it - so it's not medical - school probably will as well

we don't know what nursery managed.....for him not to have a wee all morning? It sounds from the op's posts that nursery were not supporting her or her little boy very well, they certainly have not managed a very smooth school transition.
from what the op has said there could be a medical reason that is not helping. Also, even if it is purely behavioural, that does not mean it is some easy thing to manage, and it does not mean that it is because of the way the op is handling things

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 13:33

OP states that he was dry for a month - thereby he must have been wet before that - so something changed

KarmaNoMore · 03/09/2017 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazeyjane · 03/09/2017 13:37

As for schools being ok with changing a child they have to find someone willing to do it - it's not actually part of the job

Schools have to be ok with changing a child. Working with children in reception and supporting their PSED and physical development, which includes supporting them with toileting, is part of their job.

Xennialish · 03/09/2017 13:49

I have no advice but would like to add that I have 3 children who have been in school nursery and reception with non trained children and none have ever said anything mean or reported that the children were picked on or taunted because of this, in fact the child that most springs to mind is now quite the queen bee! I hope you an your son are supported in this.

juniorcakeoff · 03/09/2017 13:54

He MUST have some bladder control to have been dry at nursery - maybe going to the toilet with the others helped, or did they have a reward system? You also mentioned a pushchair, which is making me wonder whether he is (subconsciously) being babied:- pushchair, pull ups, tommee tippee sports bottle, eating what he wants whenever he wants...

School/peer pressure and being treated like a child rather than toddler may help. Sit him down and tell him he is a big boy now who wears proper pants. If he manages to stay dry for X time, he gets a toy only big children are allowed to play with or a treat only big children are allowed (you make it up). Your Mum probably babies him a bit too, it's easy to do when they are on the small side.

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 03/09/2017 13:56

It is part of their job. It's also part of the equality act. Most schools have long since changed their job descriptions for support staff to specify it includes this. Almost every school will have at least one child who for medical or developmental reasons needs toileting help or changing not only in foundation but up to year 6, and are equipped to do it without it being a problem. It needs planning for, that's all.

iamUberA · 03/09/2017 14:29

My dd started school the same as yours- multiple accidents a day, couldn't sense when she was wet or needed the loo.
She wasn't diagnosed with any Sen then and had some speech delays.
When she was 6 she was finally diagnosed with multiple things and has since started medication to help her hold more wee so she has less accidents. She's now nearly 9 and has at least 1 accident a day.
There's lots of people on here telling you what to do, they haven't been through this.
Follow your instinct. Dds school were great with her and still are. She's sent to first aid and someone there gives her a change of clothes. She can clean herself up now.
You don't know yet if it's a SEN, a medical problem. Do not tell him off! Do not make him feel ashamed ect.

I would wait til he starts, send a couple of outfit changes.
Ask the teacher for a referral to school nurse. Try and get a referral to a paediatrician.

Hope some of this helps.

Threenme · 03/09/2017 20:06

People saying "you have to find someone to change them, it's not their job..."
A-it is.
B- what would school staff do leave a child wet? Op please don't worry yourself the staff will be kind. Reception staff accept this as part of the job. I've left my lunch half way through when a little one has had an accident and dinner ladies have fetched me as they want a familiar person because they're upset. I didn't resent it one bit. I've cleaned up sick, poo, changed older kids with medical needs, all sorts! A wet nappy is literally nothing! Staff who make a fuss are rare and there is always someone else there who will be normal about a bit of wee! He's still very young some people are being very harsh! I also think a lot of it is luck dd we worked hard to potty train ds declared himself to big for nappies and had about 5 accidents! Was I a super mum? Nope- but I was very lucky!

Original poster

Wishithoughtbeforeispeak · 07/09/2017 21:53

Hi just wanted to update my DS has started school and has had a very successful settling in week so far. The school have been great with him I sent him in huggies training pull ups, they have been making sure he goes to the toilet when the other children go and they have told me he is asking to go too! He's not dry by any means but he is copying the others which they seem to think will help him click and get the whole toilet thing. His teacher has just returned from maternity leave so has no worries about changing the pull up for him at lunch time saying it will give her chance to see the next stage as her DS is a while off toilet training yet! I feel very lucky they have been so nice about it all and I feel so much better knowing it is now not a high issues that I felt is was he is still going to start next week with 3 whole days and we are going to see how he goes. I now feel we can carry on really trying to get him dry with out a huge black cloud over us as when discussing the situation with the the deperty head even he didn't raise an eyebrow that he had started in nappies he just looked at me and said it happens we are here to help in anyway we can! I hope thoughts of you in the same situation as us get a similar lovely treatment as we are getting. Hopefully we will get him dry soon 😊

OP posts:

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 07/09/2017 22:01

That is fab!!! I'd still consider a trip to the GP / chat with school nurse but what brilliant news .

Threenme · 07/09/2017 22:03

brilliant I knew they'd be kind! So glad you're feeling more positive!

Flitter123 · 08/09/2017 07:46

I'm really glad they've been understanding. That's a good sign they're a lot lovely school as well.

LML83 · 08/09/2017 14:06

so glad it is going well OP. Sounds like a lovely teacher. Sure he will get there soon.

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