Do you ever regret having kids? (What it does to your body)

[Mumofonexo]

During the delivery I ended up having forceps, episiotomy and a third degree tear. The tear causes pain and issues occasionally but I’ve been told more surgery could make it worse. I have now found out I’ve got a bladder prolapse 🥲

I wish people would be frank and honest about how childbirth can affect your body (not just stretch marks)

I don’t mind not being able to go out and have adult only holidays but I do miss my old body and self so much 😢

My body looks great after having my child. I’m slim and toned, you would never be able to tell I had a baby but…
I have long lasting damage after my 3rd degree tear was missed. I’ve had three surgeries and still have some problems. I’ve mostly accepted it but I’ve had some hard times.
Nobody warms you. They just talk about how you could end up with a weak bladder.

Don’t regret anything. But have been left with a very weak bladder which is debilitating at times.
I feel strongly that a csection would have avoided this -
obviously csections have other risks but I don’t think the risks of childbirth are laid out properly.!

My boobs aren’t half as perky! They’re on the medium sized side and literally as soon as you get pregnant, those hormones make changes to your breasts that are irreversible. Apart from that I quite like my body. I had an episiotomy too, but no lasting damage. I did pregnancy yoga, squats and kegel exercises during my first pregnancy, whether that made a difference I’ll never know. Pregnant again now though so watch this space.

Sorry you have had so many health issues since. How long ago did you give birth? I've really only affected by cosmetic issues, could do with a boob job after breastfeeding 3 times and my tummy is a bit wobbly even when it's totally flat but I can deal with all that.

So sorry yours was missed 🥺 again not something that gets talked about is missed tears.

I completely agree I just thought the worst thing that could happen is not jumping ever again. I now realise I was very naive.

Yes! The risks of a c section are almost always talked about but the risk of vaginal is not. Same boat here it all could have been avoided with a c section.

Just over a year ago 😅 honestly I’d trade you lol! I never even got stretch marks or put on much weight. If it wasn’t for the bad tear I wouldn’t feel like this 😥 I just wish we got told about what could happen

The grass is always greener though... There's no way of giving birth without some risk. Pregnancy and birth of any type put a strain on your body.

Parenthood is one big selfless gamble. From a physical point of view, it's smarter not to have kids.

There's are pros and cons to any type of birth. Personally, I've had one of each and preferred vaginal, even with an episiotomy that healed a bit weirdly.

It's very difficult to have what is essentially an invisible injury and just to be expected to get on with it. Have you tried pf pt to help with bladder?

You’ve put that perfectly! Yes it’s very much invisible and when you’re a mum you just get on with it.

Yeah I have I got referred because of the tear. I think it’s gone down from a grade 2 to a 1 thankfully as I felt like I was sitting on an egg for months after birth.

I just wish someone would have warned me though 😅 if it wasn’t for the tear and issues I wouldn’t feel this way. A c section would have saved me from that I might still of had the bladder prolapse but I’d take that over sphincter damage.

My mums first was a c section and she still struggles with the pain 26 years later..it weeps too🤮she also has a massive overhang. She went on to have 3 vaginal births and said she'd choose them every time as they caused less damage and pain than her c section. I suppose it's different for everyone. I'm due to give birth to my first In 3 months and I'm petrified of what I may look like down below after and if I'll have any problems! Not so caring of the stomach or boob region - I've always had an awful saggy belly anyway from loosing 9 stone and was full of stretch marks before..boobs are awful pre pregnancy anyway!🤣

I'm with you on this. I have invisible problems from my first birth.

I had a 4th degree tear which changed me. Now the tear has healed quite well but I've got a bowel and bladder prolapse.

It could be worse, I'm still continent and don't leak but it's made me feel sad that I'm not even 40 and I worry about it getting worse.

I go through phases of feeling down about it I wouldn't change having my children for a perfect body.

What I think is most difficult to deal with is that this is as good as it will get. The gynaecologists seem to dismiss my issues (doesn't help that it was an old man that I saw).

I feel the damage to my body has been comparatively small compared to others but I don't think we know the full extent of the damage until years later sometimes. I am rarely sick (I get ill but actually vomiting is something I hardly ever do), but a few months back I drank too much and threw up, the strain of vomiting made me piss myself at the same time. Every heave was met with a puddle of piss 😭 I'm just thankful I was at home and not in the pub 😫

Do you think the damage is more likely if you give birth later in life? as in it's harder to bounce back?

And also it's not something you can really talk about. I'm fairly open with family and friends about it but not in detail and it's not something that you can bring up at work etc.

Omg your poor mum! I didn’t even know that could happen bless her heart.

the only advice I have is inform yourself of every mode of birth from a c section, to vaginal and assisted birth and the risks involved. More than likely you will be absolutely fine some of us just got unlucky x

I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really does make you anxious about the future doesn’t it. I keep trying to tell myself the worst might not happen but it’s so hard some days not to dwell on things.

sorry you had a dismissive doctor! No one really understands unless they’ve been through it themselves x

Oh bless you that sounds awful 😢 so sorry that happened to you! I’ve read that’s really common from other mums!

Yes! I was told I didn’t bounce back as quickly because of my age (30) lol! Apparently if I was still 20 I would have recovered better according to my gp 😅

I don’t think people talk enough about the real physical risks of childbirth- there’s a sort of unspoken assumption that these days it’s completely safe and of course that just isn’t true. I have friends who have ended up with really serious incontinence and one who now has a colostomy bag.

Sorry this has happened to you, op. My tip would be to keep pushing for treatment- too often women are just expected to put up with stuff when there are good treatments out there- surgery, physio etc.

Would recommend the book PMSL by Luce Brett about her experience of birth injury.

I love my kids and I loved my labours however I hate the fact that 7 years later I still can't run without peeing myself, sometimes it feels like everything is falling out and doesn't feel any better than it did immediately post partum.
(Yes I've been to physio, and have an expensive vagina-tightening device)

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Issues from childbirth are still seen as taboo too.

Im awfully sorry to hear about your friends.

thank you, I asked to be referred to someone else. Apparently I was also stitched too tight which is causing issues but they seem uninterested in fixing it.

I will look into that thank you x

I would find that a bit misleading / ageist! I don’t think there’s that much difference between a 20 year old and 30 year old in terms of fertility and general health. I actually feel fitter now I’m in my thirties. I know it’s down to individual health and physiology and luck at the end of the day, but I really wouldn’t say 20 and 30 are vastly different.

Really sorry to hear that. Have you tried a pessary?

I also purchased a device as I was so worried about the tear. I must admit I think it stops the sagging feeling especially when I’ve got a cough.

Think what you're saying though, op. When should this 'telling' take place? At school? Somehow in your 20s before most people have had kids? Early pregnancy?

The info is all there for people. You just didn't want to look into it. And to be honest, once someone is pregnant, they're going to give birth and that entails risk. Warning of risks could just stress them out (which is bad for both health and prospects of easy birth).

C section seems like a good option because you wouldn't have had the complications you have. But it comes with its own risks. My c section left me so shaky that I couldn't hold my baby when she was born. I felt totally disempowered by being surrounded by people as I was cut open on a table. I had a long labour before that so was exhausted. Caring for a newborn on top of major surgery is no joke. Looking after a toddler and newborn would have been even less fun.

There's no perfect option. You're thinking 'wouldn't it be good if I could have avoided the negative impacts of my birth experience' and yes it would, but a c section can also be hard in different ways. Pain, wound infection, harder to breastfeed, longer in a hellish postnatal ward. Not to mention higher risk of baby breathing difficulties (vaginal birth squeezes gunk out of airways) or having other organs being cut during delivery, internal scar lesions, higher risk for future vaginal births as scar can burst open during labour, impact on baby microbiome, etc.

I also found vaginal birth gave me a massive positive hormone rush once it was over, whereas with c section I felt flat and awful.

There are probably things you could do now to safeguard your health in old age, it's not that nobody tells you, it's just that you're busy and don't care much until it affects you. Same with birth. If you're not pregnant or trying, you don't care.

I quickly went back to my pre pregnancy body (very slim) but I also have a weak pelvic floor from a horrifically days long labour. It really gets me down especially as I'm only in my 20s. I felt really sick during pregnancy too. I love my daughter and don't regret having a baby, but I don't think I'll have another child.