Do you ever regret having kids? (What it does to your body)

[Mumofonexo]

During the delivery I ended up having forceps, episiotomy and a third degree tear. The tear causes pain and issues occasionally but I’ve been told more surgery could make it worse. I have now found out I’ve got a bladder prolapse 🥲

I wish people would be frank and honest about how childbirth can affect your body (not just stretch marks)

I don’t mind not being able to go out and have adult only holidays but I do miss my old body and self so much 😢

Wow I am thinking about what I’m saying.. and obviously women don’t get told as others on here also agree.

it should be the midwives job to inform you of the risks both vaginal and c section. It shouldn’t be down to the patient as there is so much misinformation online.

I understand that c sections come with risks but they don’t tend to cause incontinence.

I couldn’t walk for weeks due to the pain and couldn’t breastfeed or hold my child due to the trauma and attempted to take my own life. This all could be prevented if care providers gave women the medical facts on the risks of childbirth.

Bless you it’s allot to deal with at a young age. I only expected to have issues in my 50s not now. Same here one and done especially due to the complete lack of after care.

I'm sorry you had such a horrible time op, I hope you've got help for the trauma. I didn't mean to be patronising. I just think you believe you could have chosen c section and all would have been fine, but it's a lottery either way.

Absolutely no regrets, but my body is nowhere near what it was, lots of stretch marks, a permanent c-section overhang and a massive episiotomy scar that goes into the top of my thigh, I didn't expect any of that!

Thank you. I don’t think birth is easy however the baby is delivered. An emergency c section would have still been awful I agree on that. I think a planned c section would have ideally been the best and I just wish I could go back in time and opt for that.

Absolutely no regrets but there is no doubt my body has paid the price.

Discreet scar in the bikini area my arse.

I bounced back - had all three vaginal births in early to late 20’s.

my friend did similar and, although also avoided too much visible change, she had a very small bump and didn’t put on much weight (I was a planet!).

I was a bit envious, but she had lots of issues with pelvic floor problems and incontinence.
her midwife said it’s because she had a small bump, the baby is carried more internally and sits right over your pelvis. Don’t know, but interesting theory.

My friend’s c section caused adhesions that meant she couldn’t carry any further pregnancies to term, and IIRC caused some bladder issues too.

Oh really? Is your scar high up?

Sorry to hear about your friend. That’s an interesting thought though about where your bump sits.

I had what was classed as a traumatic first birth and my baby had to be taken to special care immediately so we weren’t even able to be together, which was the psychologically traumatising part for me if you like, and I swore that I was one and done at the time…now I’m on baby no. 2 (and final) all being well. I think I’m going to opt for an elective c-section this time given how my first birth went, and I’m happy to go through with this weighing up the risks and the benefits. It’s only anecdotal but my friend who’s just had a third section (second elective) told me just how calm and enjoyable it was, and there’s a newer way of helping the wound heal nowadays too, not like days of old, stapled up and done. There are risks to each type of birth, and of course the information is out there if you want to research it, but I don’t think the average first time mum is going to be reading about everything that could go wrong post birth. I’m sorry you’ve been through what you’ve been through.

Worse. One side is low (genuinely in the bikini area, but the other end is a good inch higher - it actually looks like a crooked leer!

Sorry to hear about your friend 😢

Oh wow I’m so sorry 😢 has it faded much over time? Sorry to ask was yours an emergency?

I suppose it was technically an emergency in that it wasn't planned. It wasn't done in a panic or anything - I just wasn't progressing.

It faded quickly and is flat - if the higher end were lower it would be fine. It's not a massive problem, it's just that in the theatre they cheerfully assured me it would never be visible. I would make the same choice again tbh.

Several planned c sections, one was a vertical cut which weeped, there was a small hole in fact.

Massive overhang, which hangs down more on the left than on the right.
Smells and gets sweaty underneath
as do boobs which are now huge and droopy.
I avoid mirrors and just wear comfy pull on trousers that won't hurt the scar.
25 years on ,and yes peei g when sneezj g or coughing.

I’m so sorry 😥 it seems like very few of us are left with 0 complications

I love my son. I really do. But being pregnant and giving birth ruined my body. And it has had a cascade effect which is still making things go wrong for me 21 years later.

bladder problems lead to infections which ruined my bladder. Never been the same. Which in turn stopped me from eating certain foods. Which in the end had an effect on my stomach which then led to more food restrictions which has finally led to ibs and a bad gallbladder. Carpel tunnel is to operations which ruined my hands. My back which stopped me from moving during pregnancy has never been the same and I live on daily pain.

I'm still angry about the fact that when I went to the GP with symptoms of prolapse, they would not refer me for surgery (this was 10 years ago). I used my work private medical cover to get the prolapse repair.

While this resolved the incontinence, I was advised not to do any sports with impact.

So in answer to your question, yes I regret it.

@EatTheBastard mine to. I cannot do anything like running etc. I loved running

Oh my gosh 🥺 this all sounds awful for you.
I’m really sorry you’ve had to deal with a of that.

can I ask for you deliver by c section or vaginal?

That’s awful you got ignored like that!
woman's health is so bad.

can I ask did your prolapse come back?

I'm sorry you were affected too. I'm sure there are thousands of women with impacts from birth injuries that will not be done on the NHS and they don't give access to private healthcare so they are just living with the terrible results day to day.

For me, that was the first time I truly realized how little women are valued.. If men had similar impacts from performing a natural biological process, you can bet your life that surgery would be available to all of them - quickly with 'yes' culture

Personally, I celebrate that women are now choosing to reject old societal expectations and remain child-free. Not just for themselves but for the sake of the planet as well.

For what it's worth, and again not to sound smug, but I did read up about birth risks. I'm not sure it helped.

There's a lot of debate about birth modes, eg in the us epidurals and episiotomies are routine and the c section rate is way higher. Rikki lake of all people did a whole campaign on how birth was being over medicalised and it was like an industry taking over something bodies do naturally. All to benefit insurance companies.

Your birth experience sounds awful but it's not that way for everyone.

There was a time when women had way less choice about birth, you'd be in with your pubes shaved, an enema, induction, episiotomy whether you liked it or not etc. other countries still have that kind of approach, they'd laugh you out of hospital for presenting a birth plan.

It's the luck of the draw. I hope you can make peace with what happened.

I have no regrets. But my last birth was so traumatic that I struggle to attend even GP appointments without my brain going into a spiralling fizz. I avoid every possible interaction with healthcare professionals, even if I'm sick as a dog.

I was treated appallingly. But, in terms of the physical, as per your OP
I've been left with:

1. A post-c-section retroverted uterus which makes coil fitting and removal really difficult, long, and even more painful - if you can imagine such a thing.
2. An apron belly with such severe neurological damage that I literally cannot feel anything across the entire area between my belly button and my pelvic area. It's the most surreal thing and made me very depressed about my body for a couple of years PP.

I can still remember the name of the nurse that received me into triage and deemed that my baby wasn't moving normally. Instead of raising the alarm, she jiggled my belly, gave me a glass of ice-cold water, and sent my husband to buy me something sugary. At the time I thought "she's doing all the things they say we shouldn't do to encourage movement" but I didn't speak up, because I also thought "maybe it's okay when a nurse does it". And, because she'd made it very clear to me that she was having a bad day and didn't want any shit from me.

So, no, I don't have any regrets re: having my beautiful children but I definitely feel hung up on the awful "care" I received and struggle to feel relaxed about it.