Obsessed with Doc who delivered my baby!

Yeuxbleu · 2024-09-14T19:30:40+00:00

This might make me sound crazy, but I am so obsessed with the idea that I might bump into the doctor who cared for me during my labour and carried out my emergency c section, so he can see that my baby is well and that we were worthy of his care. I just have this strange fantasy that he could be part of her life and that he might be my doctor for my next delivery. I realise how strange and sad this sounds.....I just wondered if anyone else experienced similar feelings about their Obgyn docs??

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Whatatodo79 · 14/09/2024 20:53

No. Poor chap. Congratulations on your baby but honestly he's just done his job and would be mortified by your weirdness here.

Welldarn · 14/09/2024 20:58

It is lovely that you feel he looked after you well and delivered your baby safely. Maybe just write a lettter to be given to him expressing your thanks for looking after you. I’m sure he would like to receive a nice letter from you.

WhereIsMyLight · 14/09/2024 20:59

A doctor’s job is to care for anyone who needs help. You do not need to be worthy of their care, everyone regardless of how good of a person they are is entitled to the same care from a doctor. You also don’t need to prove to anyone that you are doing a good enough job of looking after your baby. I think you need to talk to your GP or health visitor about this obsession.

Garman · 14/09/2024 21:15

What does “worthy of his care” even mean?

Hohofortherobbers · 14/09/2024 21:17

Send him a thank you card, it's useful for his 360 appraisal. He'll appreciate that.

MayFairSquare · 14/09/2024 21:18

Worthy of his care is a very strange thought.

K37529 · 14/09/2024 21:18

It’s a bit weird but I’d chalk it up to hormones if you’ve only recently had your baby.

FTMaz · 14/09/2024 21:18

Hi
I had a stay in hospital for a few days after the delivery of my baby. There were a series of midwives and off shift but one stuck on my head for the care that she gave me…and also because she reminded me on my late Nan. I think if you feel you got great care in a time of such vulnerability that person will remain in your memory but the way you’ve described it does sound slightly odd: maybe subconsciously you feel you owe him something and that coupled with your postpartum hormones is making you feel this way. As a PP said writing him a letter would be a good way to express your gratitude.

SwiftiesVSLestat · 14/09/2024 21:24

so he can see that my baby is well and that we were worthy of his care.

What does this mean?

I am sure he think all babies and mothers he looks after are worthy of his care.

Do you feel you would be less worthy of his care if there was something wrong with your baby?

Gently, this is a very strange train of thought. Is it’s being driven by something else? Is all well with you and the babies father? Are you with the babies father?

It strikes me that a man cared for you (as it’s his job) and you seem to be turning this into something else. Sometimes a sign not all is well at home.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 14/09/2024 21:28

It sounds like something that would happen in tv. They bump into the dr, he sees how wonderful the child is, he nods and smiles to himself about a job well done as they walk away etc. Like a scene from This Is Us if you've seen that.

How old is your baby? I'm sure I thought many strange things in the initial sleep deprived and still exhausted from labour stage.

Releasethebat · 14/09/2024 21:31

Did you have a difficult childhood/ past trauma/ come from a dysfunctional family?

Original poster

Yeuxbleu · 14/09/2024 21:32

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 14/09/2024 21:28

It sounds like something that would happen in tv. They bump into the dr, he sees how wonderful the child is, he nods and smiles to himself about a job well done as they walk away etc. Like a scene from This Is Us if you've seen that.

How old is your baby? I'm sure I thought many strange things in the initial sleep deprived and still exhausted from labour stage.

Yes I know what you mean! My baby is now 7 months old, and I have to say the feelings about this are dwindling, they used to be much stronger. So I'm hoping it's something that just fades with time, I was just curious if anyone experienced something similar

OP posts:

gamerchick · 14/09/2024 21:32

Send him a thankyou and then address the unmet need you've got going on OP.

Or just enjoy your daydream.

KidsDr · 14/09/2024 21:32

It is absolutely NOT "just a job" to me and I'm sure there's many other doctors who feel the same way. I often wish I could find out how my ex-patients are getting along now and wonder whether their parents would remember me or what I did.

I don't think it's sad or weird to feel some connection to somebody who accompanied you (particularly in a positive way) during a meaningful and scary rite of passage - which it sounds as though your childbirth was. And you know, sometimes that goes both ways. I feel a connection the patients/families that accompanied me through some of my scary rites of passage at work! As long as you keep it in perspective and don't cross those boundaries which need to remain in place.

Whilst you are under no obligation to do so, if you were to send a card expressing that you were pleased with the care, the difference it made to you, and how well you and your baby are now doing, I expect your obstetrician would be delighted and would treasure it. I know I would.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 14/09/2024 21:34

It’s weird isn’t it. To you, the doctor/midwife will stand out un your head as a permanent memory. To them it’s like a conveyor belt - you are just one of a thousand women he/she has delivered and will make little impact.

I wouldn’t act on these feelings OP but I do understand them.

Original poster

Yeuxbleu · 14/09/2024 21:34

SwiftiesVSLestat · 14/09/2024 21:24

so he can see that my baby is well and that we were worthy of his care.

What does this mean?

I am sure he think all babies and mothers he looks after are worthy of his care.

Do you feel you would be less worthy of his care if there was something wrong with your baby?

Gently, this is a very strange train of thought. Is it’s being driven by something else? Is all well with you and the babies father? Are you with the babies father?

It strikes me that a man cared for you (as it’s his job) and you seem to be turning this into something else. Sometimes a sign not all is well at home.

Thank you, I am with the baby's father and we are in a good place. I would say that a few months ago when these feelings were more prominent, I probably was feeling a bit unsupported by him due to various factors, but things are much better now

OP posts:

UnimaginableWindBird · 14/09/2024 21:35

I had this! I think that for some people when you have a baby you have a massive rush of hormones that make you love everyone nearby, like a duckling imprinting on whoever is around when it hatches. It makes sense - I adored my babies, and DH, and DC2 after the birth of DC1, and that obviously is very useful from an evolutionary perspective. But I also ended up with a massive crush on my midwife, and my friend who had been looking after DC1 while DC2 was born was heavily pregnant herself at the time, and we induced sort of giddy joy in each other that we can still get to kick in 15 years later. Jessica st accept your feelings for what they are and don't stress over them.

Ifoughthefight · 14/09/2024 21:36

They would give the same care even if the mother had a severe disability, face disfigurement and whatever else not

mynameiscalypso · 14/09/2024 21:37

I totally had this too albeit about my midwife. We were in the hospital where DS was born at the weekend and I was so hoping we'd see her and she could see how great DS is (he's 5 now!). Of course, we didn't. And there's very little chance that she'd remember us. But it's a very one-sided relationship - to you, they're a very important person because they got your baby out safely. To them, you're just one of many.

PurpleChrayn · 14/09/2024 21:38

I once developed something similar for a female doctor who I credit with saving my life when I had pneumonia while living abroad. I think it's a sort of transference/limerance.

colourfulchinadolls · 14/09/2024 21:39

I relate to this.

Very difficult, long labour ending in forceps and episiotomy.
The consultant who did the procedure was wonderful, so respectful and offered me so much support at a time where I felt utterly powerless, undignified, frightened and disgusting. He also brought my beautiful daughter into the world and I've recovered amazingly from surgery. I feel so grateful to him and honestly i often think of him!

I don't think it's weird to feel this way honestly. Childbirth can be a beautiful time or it can be terrifyingly isolating and scary. Obviously the person who helps deliver your baby safely will have a lasting impact.

Original poster

Yeuxbleu · 14/09/2024 21:41

mynameiscalypso · 14/09/2024 21:37

I totally had this too albeit about my midwife. We were in the hospital where DS was born at the weekend and I was so hoping we'd see her and she could see how great DS is (he's 5 now!). Of course, we didn't. And there's very little chance that she'd remember us. But it's a very one-sided relationship - to you, they're a very important person because they got your baby out safely. To them, you're just one of many.

Thank you for this!! I am feeling slightly less strange!!

OP posts:

Newsenmum · 14/09/2024 21:41

Yeuxbleu · 14/09/2024 21:32

Yes I know what you mean! My baby is now 7 months old, and I have to say the feelings about this are dwindling, they used to be much stronger. So I'm hoping it's something that just fades with time, I was just curious if anyone experienced something similar

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I haven’t had this but I wonder if it’s a response to your birth experiences. Do you tend to want to please people a lot?

Happiestwhen · 14/09/2024 21:42

With each of my babies I felt in awe of the doctors and midwives who helped out at the hospital. My experience made me a bit high and I felt slightly disappointed to come home. While others can't wait to get out, I probably would have happily stayed in there 😅 I think it was the hormones tbh as it did eventually wear off. Maybe you could leave a fantastic review for him on Care opinion?

Greenonioncake · 14/09/2024 21:43

After dc I was obsessed with the midwife who gave me toast when I was crying with hunger one night 😂 I thought about how wonderful she was for weeks afterwards! She had put the little butter packs between the hot toast so it would spread easily and gave me extra jam as I was shaking from hunger and had run out of snacks and had nobody to bring more in for me and I was just sobbing ! She was so lovely to me