Obsessed with Doc who delivered my baby!

[Yeuxbleu]

This might make me sound crazy, but I am so obsessed with the idea that I might bump into the doctor who cared for me during my labour and carried out my emergency c section, so he can see that my baby is well and that we were worthy of his care. I just have this strange fantasy that he could be part of her life and that he might be my doctor for my next delivery. I realise how strange and sad this sounds.....I just wondered if anyone else experienced similar feelings about their Obgyn docs??

My friend was gushing to me after her ds was born saying..Oh l love my doctor..l have completely fallen in love with that man etc. She was a beautiful 30 year old first time mum..l was expecting a tall handsome doctor but when he arrived in to check on her he was at least 60, bald, aging and pretty boring. She was looking at him adoringly. Hormones!!!

That's actually a really good point thank you!

Those postnatal hormones have a lot to answer for then!!

I don't think you're strange, honestly I think it's understandable! I felt such gratitude and admiration for the midwife who delivered 2 of my babies. I had a very quick and scary homebirth and haemorrhaged and had to be blue lighted to hospital - she was so calm and looked after me brilliantly. Afterwards she said she didn't feel calm at all and thought she was going to have to resuscitate me (!) but you would never have known it, she appeared completely calm and professional. She delivered my next baby in hospital, domino delivery and did all my antenatal and postnatal care at home. I just felt complete trust in her when at my most vulnerable. I would write him a letter expressing your gratitude for his exceptional care and skill, I think it's always appreciated.

Amazing, congratulations on your breastfeeding and that must have been so lovely to be able to thank her in person!

It's completely normal to sometimes be infatuated with a person that you admire and perhaps find attractive, either due to their physical appearance or their personality (as long as it's kept in person's thoughts).

My friend had a planned home birth which became quite traumatic when she tore front to back and an ambulance had to be called.

Her midwife was so amazing she become obsessed by him and tried her hardest to get him to be her midwife for her second baby.

When she had her second baby she had to give birth in hospital due being at risk after her 1st birth and her midwife wasn’t on shift so she kind of got over the obsession then.

She was told that it’s normal to develop an attachment to someone who she saw as a safe person during a time of emotion and trauma.

I’d gone up to the ward after dinner time so missed it and they only had one type of sandwich left (tuna which I’m allergic to!) so there was nothing , I had a cereal bar and an apple with me so ate that but by 10 pm I was just starving 😭

I understand. I had the same obgyn follow me the whole way through my pregnancy (she didn't do deliveries though). She was so lovely. I sent her photos of the baby and every time I walk past her office with the baby I always hope I will bump into her and I can be like 'look at how adorable my baby was and you saw her on the ultrasound but isn't she beautiful?' And other weird stuff. It's like she was part of my pregnancy and had an involvement with my unborn baby that nobody else did. She even helped me with picking a name. I still think about her and every so often feel the urge to text her a picture of the now 2 year old, but stop myself! I go to her for smears etc so usually whip my phone out. It didn't help that she said my baby was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen in her life (obviously true!)

With my first baby the staff were horrible and I couldn’t understand it when other mums talked about missing the midwives or feeling an attachment to the staff.

Second baby, different hospital, everyone was so so lovely. I had the same midwife throughout the whole labour and she was like an angel. I just felt really sad to leave them when I went home, and extra teary when the baby blues kicked in a couple of days later.

A friend of mine ran into her midwife at the supermarket when her baby was maybe 6 months old and she (the friend) tried to say something like "hi you probably don't remember me, this is my baby you delivered! Thank you!" And instead started full on unstoppably crying. Friend was absolutely mortified. She'd had a difficult birth and felt (like many of us do) that it could have been much much worse without this midwife's amazing care, but still she had absolutely no idea that she was going to react like that.

Birth is so emotional, and I think that it's normal to feel strongly about the person who helped you give birth, especially if you feel that the situation was risky. I don't think I will ever forget the way my midwife unwrapped the cord from my son's neck after a quite scary few minutes. When DS was a baby I used to regularly idly imagine how if he had been a girl I would have named him after her. Now a few years on, it feels silly, but I still think about her at least once a month.

These people save our lives and the lives of our babies. Of course they make an impression! I'd say just make sure that it doesn't cross into infatuation or become a problem. Try and think of it as an expression of all the emotions, including the gratitude, for helping your baby come into the world in one piece.

It's a fantasy & so as long as you recognize that & move on then no problem. It would be really disturbed to get expect it to be a reality.

He delivers babies for a living day in day out & probably wouldn't even remember you or your DC. He's extremely unlikely to want to be 'recognized' outside work & would probably blank you if you did see him.

If you want to thank the hospital then send a thank you card to the team or via PALS.

I did some admin work for a gynae consultant years ago & the letters, cards & gifts he got from women were hilarious - he binned & never read any of them.

I've had one midwife who was involved at various points of each of my kids births (weirdly (maybe not that weirdly as I am now a midwife myself) I have her old work phone number and her old job) and I will always be so grateful to her and have that link

As a midwife there are some women I've clicked with - and some where I have actually attended more than one of their births - some of them I'm still in touch with and get to see their children growing up (although at a distance). I've also been devastated when I've seen a woman's face on TV that she'd died and recognised her, knowing that she had a 3 year old and remembering her as she became a mother, despite our paths only crossing for a few hours - meeting a woman on her next pregnancy and remembering what she'd had painted on her toenails for her last birth or bumping into someone in the supermarket and getting an update on them, seeing those babies become proud siblings (and much as I hate to admit it before long it won't be long before some of those babies become parents themselves - saw someone having her second the other day and was thinking 'but I've know you since you were three you can't be having your second')

But despite all of that we are there to help you become the mother you can be, to be empowered to be strong enough to bring that baby up through all the trials and tribulations that all parents face, and know we are the background characters in your relationship with your child - and thats how it should be

Blimey OP, you can certainly multi-task.

I think I understand what you mean. The midwife who induced me with my youngest was so lovely, we spoke about my children and she told me about hers, she was there through 90% of my labour but unfortunately missed the final hour (and birth) as her shift ended. But the next morning she came to find us on the ward and had a look and my baby, said congratulations, asked how much she weighed etc. When I got home I had a look for her on Facebook (obviously didn't add or contact her) and even now I occasionally look (maybe once/twice a year). Her Facebook is open so everything is visible. I've never admitted that to anyone as I know it's weird - and my youngest is 6 now!

@Serencwtch Yes, a life-changing event for us is part of a day's work for medical professionals. I thanked a surgeon a couple of days after he'd operated on my Dad and I could see him thinking hard to work out which patient Dad was!

Totally understandable, he sees multiple patients daily.

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby!

It’s the hormones talking.

I had a similar obsession and decided to let those feelings/ thoughts wash over me and let them go away. It all faded away.

I agree with @dancingphantomsontheterrace Have you been watching a lot of these kinds of shows lately? It's like something you'd see on The Good Doctor/Greys/Chicago Med/Chicago Fire if the story of that episode was about a difficult birth.

Op, this is just another case of ‘falling for your therapist’ ie one who sees you at your most vulnerable and makes things better. You’ll soon forget about them. I also wanted to be friends with my wonderful midwife. 😂 I don’t know why as I’m sure I spoke a load of rubbish to her throughout my labour when high as a kite. Now I hope I don’t bump into her - not that she would have a clue who I am.

Having a baby is an incredibly intense time, probably the most intense time of your life. I think you have projected/misdirected those feelings onto the dr who happened to be there while you were giving birth. I think with some more reflection, maybe a bit of therapy, you’ll work out what these feelings are really about.

Sometimes timings can be just a bit shit.

When I had my first, I gave birth Thursday afternoon, and went up to ward at 11pm. Other than the traditional tea and toast shortly after birth, the first meal postpartum was 8am Friday morning breakfast on the postpartum ward (jam and bread rolls). My previous meal had been 5.30pm Wednesday (lasagne).

The hunger didn't hit until about 2am Friday, but when it did I was absolutely ravenous. Fortunately I had a large stash of snacks with me that saved me that first night.

I get both sides. I know that individually the midwives and doctors care for hundreds of women every year. They are just doing their job, and we are but one face among many to them. But to us they are instrumental at one of the most monumental moments of our lives. And their actions (both good and bad) are ingrained deeply into our memories of the event.

I've worked with many of the midwives and doctors that cared for me since, and thanked them. Most have shown that I was no exception to the standard of their exemplary care.

Annoyingly, the lead surgeon for my C-section had rotated in while I was on maternity leave, so the surgery was the first time I met him. I met him for the first time since (baby is now 2 1/2 years old) a couple weeks ago, and has proven to be a bit of an egotistical dick. Which has severely dampened any hero worship I might have once had for him. Never meet your heroes and all that.

Just so you know I have kept every thank you card & gift that was given to me as a midwife, over 3 decades worth. Some of the comments about your midwives are lovely. Thank you.

I had a bit of a crush on one of my midwives..I guess it's similar - very difficult time after the birth and this person was a beacon of common sense and reassurance after a brutal post natal experience being subjected to dangerously inadequate care in hospital and with a crap unsupportive partner

Not the same as not the drs involved in my childrens deliveries but iv had multiple drs and mh workers iv fallen in love with and been obsessed with when iv been vulnerable I think its called transference. It's because your seeing the work them and not the real them so you have a person infront of you who is so kind caring and gentle, giving you their full attention and meeting your every need while your really vulnerable and this is exactly why their is so many laws against drs and patience because it's not a fair balance and it's not real.

This is quite common actually. Although I have only heard it being spoken about in terms of midwives. I had similar with the midwife for my second child briefly.