Obsessed with Doc who delivered my baby!

[Yeuxbleu]

This might make me sound crazy, but I am so obsessed with the idea that I might bump into the doctor who cared for me during my labour and carried out my emergency c section, so he can see that my baby is well and that we were worthy of his care. I just have this strange fantasy that he could be part of her life and that he might be my doctor for my next delivery. I realise how strange and sad this sounds.....I just wondered if anyone else experienced similar feelings about their Obgyn docs??

I think intense gratitude can manifest in this way. I once felt it for the builder of our house, just because he had made such a good job of it and I'd had a lifetime of living in crappy old houses that had everything wrong with them.

This made me laugh. We used to live in the area where DH was working and he often got approached in supermarkets or restaurants by parents (mostly mums) whose babies he’d delivered or been under his care. I’ve lost count of the amount of babies shown to us when we’ve been out and about. He doesn’t remember most of them, but he would never admit that when excited parents come to tell him how well their baby is doing. He nods and smiles like he remembers every one of them.

I think it’s more awe than gratitude. It’s not just the good job done, but something else wrapped around with it.

Yes. Maybe something to do with appreciating people who seem to put genuine love into their work.

I know what you mean to an extent- I had two home delivery’s and by pure luck had the same midwife both times. She did all my ante natal visits and post partum ones as well for up to six weeks after each birth. After my last child was born and she said after the six week visit that was the last time I was devastated, mad as it sounds, and really felt like I had lost a friend. I do see her around sometimes and although my youngest is 20 now she always speaks to me if I see her in the high street and I get such a warm feeling from this. Poor woman must think I’m unhinged but I realised I had shared such an intimate experience with her delivering my babies for a while I did have confusion about the fact that she did a great job and wasn’t looking to recruit a new friend! Don’t stress about it, enjoy your baby and keep up with your own friends. As others have said, send a thank you note or card and move on Best of luck. X

I should think that strong feelings are pretty common towards anyone who sees us safely through these major life events. Not weird at all. But not really about this doctor as a person either, more what he represented at that time. Congratulations on your new baby!

I think it’s because the DR is associated with such a special time in your life - the most important thing to ever happen to you and they are the love of your life. When my first was born 16 year ago almost I felt a connection to the midwife that signed me and DC off to say we could go home. She was also my midwife for the last few weeks… I was then ‘let loose’ with this precious bundle and full of hormones. We went to a village where she was based and I wanted to go in to say hi to her and show her DC. I didn’t but I remember feeling thankful and ‘close’ to her as she’s helped me with the best thing that ever happened to me.

As I say, I was pregnant 16 years ago and DC is nearly an adult and I wouldn’t recognise the midwife now for £1000,000! I would recognise any of DC2’s midwives 😳🫣

I do remember people that have given me or my loved ones good care though!

I think it's understandable. I remember chatting to a new mum about a nurse on the labour ward who I had found so supportive and lovely, and the mum told me she'd named her daughter after that nurse as she was so helpful.

I also remember (I was more than a bit mad and hormonal and sleep deprived) turning up at the EPU to show a doctor my baby as I'd had bleeding at 12 weeks (after miscarriages) That doctor had seen me late on Christmas Eve and been so kind. I thought she'd want to see my PFB just because of her reassurance 8 months earlier that despite the bleeding my baby was fine. She really didn't and as nicely as possible told me to get out of there as she was busy!

Ouch!!!! Granted that this consultant was unlikely to return his patients' feelings, but he might have treated them with a bit more respect.

I will never forget the midwife who looked after me before and after I gave birth to my first baby and the midwife who delivered my second. They were with me in two of the most important moments in my life. I’ve heard of women falling madly in love with their anaesthetists 😁Of course you have strong emotions around the person who was so important at this time for you. But never think you weren’t worthy of their of care. They are, after all doing their job which they are paid for and which is why you were there. 🤗

Is there a professional you can speak with, maybe a therapist? This really is odd but maybe some therapy can sort out what's going on here so you can get back to the important part your wonderful little baby.

Twice I've met the midwives that cared for me and my first two DC.

I was pregnant with my second child when I had early pregnancy appointments with the midwife who looked after my premature first baby on the post-natal ward. After 11 months she remembered us, which was impressive.

The midwife who delivered my second baby also delivered my third. When she told me her name I said "I'm pretty sure you're the one that delivered DD3 three years ago...". She went to check and confirmed it 😄

Maybe I'll get that midwife again next time!

I met mine,she was pregnant at the time of my delivery and then I met her at the doctor's surgery baby clinic. I went and said hello and we had a nice chat 😊

Appreciate you had good care.
Some male teachers have to be so careful so do not ruin a doctors career for your hormonal feelings.
This is his job, 7 mths down the line let it go.
Dangerously weird I think.

The priest was so lovely and welcoming, which definitely contributed to me not wanting to let him down. Not that he would have given me a second thought, of course 😅

It might be your hormones I couldn't stop thinking recently about the midwives that looked after me during my recent labour. I felt like i wanted to reach out to them and felt sad I would never see them again. I have written them thank you cards and the feelings have calmed down now!

Have you thought about writing a card and including a picture?

I think that would allow you to get onto paper what's on your mind

Op, I'm getting similar vibes from you...

Just sent a thank you card or email. Not worth obsessing over for months

I experienced this. It's the oxytocin of birth! Please don't worry, it will fade. I was literally in love with the midwife who delivered my second daughter for about two years after the birth. I am still in touch with her professionally as I am also a midwife, and although I will always have a special place in my heart for her, I'm no longer obsessed with her!

Hi OP. I used to be a clinical midwife. Regarding your comment about feeling worthy of the additional cost of a caesarean- I just wanted to reassure you that I’ve never met a midwife or doctor who thinks in these terms. They would just have been thinking about what care you needed clinically and would have wanted to provide that for you . I hope that helps you not to worry about this.

Transference ?

I understand! I saw my amazing consultant regularly through the pregnancy, she was lovely and so caring. When baby was born I felt a real sense of loss that I’d never see her again! It faded over time.

It’s a known psychological phenomenon that we get very quickly attracted to the person in power in vulnerable, fearful situations - eg surgeon, police, driving instructor, pilot etc (unless they’re completely not the type). It’s not about your doctor, it’s about how you felt - fear, anxiety followed by incredible joy and relief. It’s now associated with him. Just understanding this will help your feelings go

There were many lengthy, gushing letters & many, many pics of PFB's I cringed for the poor women whenever I opened them. - I could see his point to be fair to him he was never rude. He did his job, treated everyone equally well & didn't see any women or babies as 'extra special' and kept his distance.
Some of the letters & cards were complely unhinged