Getting test results about the baby after a surgical termination

[Debbievdl]

Hello,

I'm not sure if anyone can help or if I just need to rant.

I found out that I was pregnant for a second time a year after having our first baby boy. He is the light of my life and I love him so much.
At our 12 week scan there was something not quite right. We were offered all the blood test but ultimately decided to go with a CVS as the blood tests can only tell us so much.
The results came back and we found that our baby had turners syndrome. We ultimately decided (after a heart breaking conversation with both doctors and between my partner and myself) to terminate the pregnancy.
The procedure was heartbreaking and we are finally getting back to normal (whatever that might be) and then today I got a call from the hospital. They want to have us back in to go over the further tests they run after having the termination.

I am not sure if I want to go but my partner is adamant that he doesn't want to go.

What do I do? Do I go and bring this all back up or move on knowing that these results could be what we already know.

Any help or advise would be appreciated as I am not sure what I want to do.

Thanks for listening.

Are there any advantages to you taking this test? Is it more medical information about the late baby? If so I wouldn't. Is it about your health and future pregnancy? I would ask if it could be delayed. Is it for alturistic reasons to scientificly know more about the condition with no benefit to you? Only you could answer that.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had two losses, one a TFMR for medical reasons like you around the 12 week mark and one a spontaneous loss.

I would go to the appointment to information gather. It may help with closure but crucially if you chose to continue to try to conceive you may get information that helps with further pregnancies, ie you might need to do IVF and genetically test embryos for genetic issues, or that it was just simply a horrible roll of the dice.

My condolences for your loss.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I would want to know the results of the test as they might have an impact on planning future pregnancies.

OP, the further tests might have turned up a genetic condition that could affect future pregnancies. I doubt the hospital would waste a scarce appointment just to tell you what you already know. I think at least one of you, and preferably both of you, should attend.

If it were me, as PPs have said, I would go along if I would like to TTC in the future. I'd also go along incase it impacts my own health. Could a friend or family member come with you? You will have the opportunity to gather information. I'm sorry for your loss.

So sorry you are going through this. I have also had a TFMR in the past and it is heartbreaking.

I would definitely go for this appointment as, like others have said, it may have picked up that you or your partner have a genetic condition that could affect future pregnancies. I guess it could also be possible that your existing child could carry a genetic mutation that might impact their future pregnancies. I think it would be unlikely that this appointment would just be to go over old ground.

It may be a good idea to call ARC beforehand and get their views on what the appointment could be for and to help you prepare.

I would just for potential knowledge on future pregnancies. If he doesn't want to go, you probably should take someone.

I'm sorry man.

Definitely agree with the PP. I would want to know, for closure, to find out if any future pregnancies are likely to be affected, and out of respect for the life which we have lost. But I guess this is personal.
Take a friend or relative with you if DH can't hack it. But it's a shame if he can't support you.

You owe it to your existing child to go and get all the information. It may affect them in the future when they start a family. I think your DH should step up and go with you if at all possible. It shouldn’t just be left to you to handle.

I think that, difficult as it might be, if you plan to continue to ttc then you should go. The test results may give you vital information - particular things may make it more likely that your next pregnancy might be affected by something, that might be avoidable if you are fully informed.

If you are giving up on ttc then the only reason to go would be for closure, if a better understanding of why your baby was affected would be helpful at all

You need to get that additional information because it may have a significant part to play in whether you try to conceive again.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't want you to face this again.

Thank you everyone for your feedback.

My partner has said that he will go to support me if I do decide that I want to go. I think that it was just so hard for him to see me go through it originally that he doesn't want to bring all that back up again.

He has been incredibly supportive and I also don't want him to go through something again that he isn't wanting to bring back up when he is finally at a stage of moving on.

If you plan to have further children in the future, I'd strongly suggest going.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

My partner tends to keep everything very bottled up and support everyone else. He has been incredible through all this and so supportive.

He agrees with genetic testing and will be there for me and come with if I say I want to go.

Could you ring and ask the secretary what that meeting is USUALLY about?

But if there is any potential of genetic issues, then you need to go. It will inform another pregnancy if you wish to go down that line. It might also affect your current child too.
It might actually affect other family members too….

Or they might be able to confirm it was just pure, bad luck in which casse ‘turning the page’ will even easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you think though that by not going, life could be harder? Will you worry constantly by not going? Sometimes we make poor decisions by not knowing facts, at least by attending you will be given information and whatever that is, you can make informed choices.
I really do feel for you, but it might be best to know rather than not.

He never said “absolutely no way and never going to change my mind”.

Maybe adamant was the wrong word, he is just sure that he doesn't want to go, when it initially happened the Dr's said that the results may be no different then what we already know. He is trying to protect me from bringing all this up again.