Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Depressed four weeks after birth

30 replies

Annemarie40 · 11/12/2022 21:09

Can someone please give me advice I’m lying in bed crying as I type this. I’m a single mum by choice in my forties , had a little girl by c- section four weeks ago. When I told my parents that I was pregnant they said that they were delighted. For eleven years before I got pregnant I was being treated by a psychiatrist for depression and doing great on medication. During my pregnancy I opted to stay off medication and got support from my maternity hospital’s mental health team. I felt great during pregnancy. I restarted my medication after the birth however ten days after my little girl was born I started to feel terrible couldn’t stop crying etc. I’ve felt very down for the past few weeks. I’ve got my own apartment and plan to say with my parents until after Christmas and then go back to my own place. A few weeks ago I burst out crying in front of my Dad he screamed at me that if I ever cried again in front of him that he’d tell me to leave. I then broke down crying and told both my parents about the years of depression. I hadn’t told them because when I brought up the depression thing years ago they told me that they didn’t believe that I was depressed. Ever since I told them they have told me that my problem is that I’m lazy. My Dad told me today that he doesn’t believe that I’m depressed at all and that I must buy a bigger apartment locally and not go back to my own apartment. Im so upset I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

frenchie4002 · 12/12/2022 18:28

That sounds really hard and your parents’ reaction doesn’t sound helpful at all! Sorry you are feeling this way. Could you reach out to a friend/other family member? I would also get in touch with health visitor x

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 12/12/2022 18:50

Thanks so much for your reply !! Have a sister but don’t really get on with her so I don’t confide in her .

OP posts:

frenchie4002 · 13/12/2022 07:52

Ah ok. How about coffee/a walk with a friend? Try to get out and about a bit and talk about how you feel with someone other than your parents. I know it’s hard. I didn’t have ill mental health before having a baby but at 8 weeks pp I am only just feeling myself again - i Spent the first 8 weeks crying every single day feeling so down and worried. The hormonal changes can cause this for a lot of women so you’re not alone. In my area you can self refer to the perinatal team for support so this is another option maybe. But definitely try to reach out to your health visitor asap. Things will get better! Going back on medication/having some counselling or even just time works wonders

jamoncrumpets · 13/12/2022 07:59

Go back home, see your GP and seek treatment for your PND. I don't think your parents are doing you any favours right now.

Just know you can get through this, and you will.

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 13/12/2022 11:30

Thank you both for your replies will do all that .

OP posts:

StarsandStones · 13/12/2022 13:41

Your Dad is extremely unhelpful. To put it mildly.

You have been through pregnancy and a C-section. Your hormones will be all over the place and this influences how your medication works. You need proper medical guidance.

Assuming that you have a job and that you like the apartment/area you live in, I would not move closer to your parents. It seems to me they are making things worse for you! They seem to be very old fashioned in their ways as well? In the negative sense.

For women who haven't had mental problems before pregnancy, this period after birth can be very difficult, for you maybe even more so. Please get help and also be kind to yourself. I think you are brave that you decided to go at it yourself. Also brave for trying to reach out to your parents. I hope that, despite how you feel yourself, you can find some little moments of joy with your baby. It also becomes easier/nicer when your DD starts to laugh at you. That's my experience at least.

Also keep Homestart in mind, when you need some extra support. Ask yourself whether babygroups might widen your social mum circle or whether you would then start comparing yourself to others.

Basically: look for the (medical) help and social support that you need and deserve.

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 13/12/2022 15:03

Thank you for that perspective and your great advice - much appreciated

OP posts:

StarsandStones · 15/12/2022 07:59

How are you feeling today? 💐

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 15/12/2022 13:20

Thanks so much for asking . Feel exactly the same - was crying an hour ago . I have an appointment with G.P next week my Dad told me this morning to tell her that I was back to normal now and I told him that I wasn’t that I felt desperate crying all the time etc. He got angry why is he like this my mom just agrees with him - he has told me that I’ve never suffered from depression my problem is that I’m lazy and have no self confidence - that’s not true at all

OP posts:

StarsandStones · 15/12/2022 19:12

From the outside it seems your mum always agrees with your dad?

He probably thinks you are weak/depression is nonsense. I believe that after many lockdowns everyone should know by now how important mental wellbeing is... But it seems that his DD should be "perfect and can't suffer from this" and "with some stern words I will steer her back in the right direction..." Could this be his way of thinking?

I assume you're staying there as you need help after your C-section?
If need be you could tell them the GP appointment is for a check-up after the section and that this is one of the things you will discuss? Or do you have another hospital appointment for this?
Does he know you are on medication?

Please do make sure you really get to your appointment. Get proper help. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.

user1469559754 · 15/12/2022 19:51

Anne Marie. I know you say you don’t confide in your sister, but would it be worth reaching out to her? Does she have children? She may be more understanding than you think.

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 16/12/2022 08:45

Thank you both for your replies. Yes my mom always agrees with him. The thing that hurts me the most is that all their lives they have gone on about depression being a terrible illness but I don’t have it. I’m living at home at the moment to physically recover from my c- section. I’ve told them that I’m on medication and that I will be discussing my mental state with her but my Dad keeps telling me that I’m back to normal now. I get so upset when I hear that cause basically I’m in a desperate state.

My sister has one little girl I’m just scared that if I tell her that she will be delighted that I’m not coping.

OP posts:

jamoncrumpets · 16/12/2022 18:10

You would be ok on your own five weeks after a C Section. I would go home and parent your way. Definitely call your doctor.

user1469559754 · 16/12/2022 18:26

Do you feel able to cope on your own at the moment or do you think you need to improve your mental health first with help from your doctor and then detach from your parents? I'm worried if you go home now because of your parents' attitude you might struggle on your own. What was your plan before your baby was born? What other support systems do you have?

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 17/12/2022 02:59

Thank you both for your replies . I think I need to improve my mental health before moving out on my own however it’s coming to the stage that I can’t stand the atmosphere at home so I don’t know what to do. My Dad is even screaming at me now that I’m not loading the dishwasher correctly. Before baby was born I planned to move back to my own place after Christmas. The problem now is that my parents have told me that they won’t support me at all unless I buy a house locally cause even though I only live six miles away from them they said that they won’t be travelling six miles in an emergency (if my child was sick etc). I wouldn’t mind living locally ( I’d have my own place and wouldn’t be living with them) however my parents live in a very affluent area where average house prices are 600 thousand , most house prices are 700 thousand plus. I could buy a two bed apartment locally but the cheapest one would still cost nearly 400 thousand. Even if I sold my own apartment I would still need to save to buy the 400 thousand local apartment. So basically if I move back to my own place they’ll cut me off and saving to buy a new apartment locally will involve living with them in the meantime. It’s a horrible situation to be in. I do have a few nice friends unfortunately they don’t live nearby. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:

jamoncrumpets · 17/12/2022 04:02

I think you're still in child mode yourself, OP. I live a hundred miles away from my family and if my child is sick I manage it myself. You don't actually need them to be there at the drop of a hat to be a good parent yourself, and actually if you stay with them you risk exposing your child to the exact same atmosphere that you find so stifling and upsetting. Would you want that for your child?

You can live wherever you want.

dcadmamagain · 17/12/2022 05:05

A big hug for you. Sounds like you have a lot to cope with. Try to break things down into manageable chunks.

do you have a health visitor you could discuss your mental health with?

do not let your parents pressurise you into moving near them - it sounds like they won’t help much anyway!

is baby’s dad on the scene at all?

i would consider moving back to your place now - you’ll cope and maybe even feel better without your parents 24 hour “hell”

try and get out for exercise each day but obviously only you know how you’re recovering from c section. A little walk with the pram ( with baby wrapped up well) in the fresh air can be quite calming.

take care x

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 17/12/2022 21:53

Thank you both for your replies. No there’s no dad on the scene , I used a donor. I do have a health visitor she knows all about my mental health history I might talk to her.

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/12/2022 22:01

I really think you need to limit time with anyone who screams at you and doesn't take your feelings seriously. You'll be fine in your apartment with your baby, you can just take things at your own pace and not worry about anyone else's reactions.

Even though you have a history of depression it's very normal to feel depressed after having a baby so please don't feel this is another depressive episode. Please tell your GP exactly how you're feeling and they can help you if necessary.

Get out as much as you can, fresh air really helps clear the mind, don't over do it though, you've just had surgery, take it slowly. Concentrate on you and your baby and move home asap. Congratulations btw 💐

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 17/12/2022 22:02

Annemarie40 · 17/12/2022 21:53

Thank you both for your replies. No there’s no dad on the scene , I used a donor. I do have a health visitor she knows all about my mental health history I might talk to her.

That's a really good idea and they can often speed up GP appts too.

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 18/12/2022 10:45

Thank you very much for your kind reply. Yes hopefully I’ll be fine in my own apartment think I’ll go back after Christmas .

OP posts:

frenchie4002 · 18/12/2022 11:52

Hope you’re doing ok @Annemarie40 - remember you’re doing so well and be kind to yourself x
I’m glad you’re getting your own space I think that will help :)

user1469559754 · 30/12/2022 20:38

How have things been for you and your baby over Christmas? I hope your parents have been a little more supportive. Did you have any visits from other friends or family members or a health visitor? I really hope your depression is being treated and that you have made plans to go home.

StarsandStones · 31/12/2022 21:43

@Annemarie40 How are you doing today.

Original poster

Annemarie40 · 02/01/2023 15:01

Thank you both for your replies. Christmas was ok - my sister and her family visited us on Christmas Day. I’m going to see a mortgage broker next week to see if I can take out a mortgage to get a bigger place for myself and my baby.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2