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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Original poster

Intrusive thoughts- worried

46 replies

WorriedandScared93 · 03/10/2022 18:16

NC for this as I am so worried.

I have been experiencing some intrusive thoughts with my DD who is 12 weeks old. I am devastated I am experiment this as I have my daughter more than life itself and would never ever want to hurt her.

I am imagining very awfully throwing her out a window or hurting her by accident in another way?! I am having these daily and worried to a point that they are so strong.

I am still exclusively breast feeding her so I don't know if it's anything to do with my hormones.

I am currently going through talking therapies with my GP and have my first appointment this week but I don't want to tell them about my types of intrusive thoughts I have only been able to say it's anxiety.

I am terrified if I tell my HV or GP that there is a possibility it will be kept on my file and used against me somehow or DD will be taken away from me.

Any help would be appreciated or a hand hold. I can't go on antidepressants as I'm still breastfeeding her and I did want to continue doing this. I am doing talking therapies and that's it but not sure if that's going to help.

I can deal with the anxiety I am experiencing it's more of the intrusive thoughts I want to stop Sad I then feel guilty for having them and then it makes me feel awful.

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Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 03/10/2022 20:56

Hopeful bump x

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hassletassle · 03/10/2022 21:44

This isn't as unusual as you might think, I had/have post-natal OCD which manifested differently but the intrusive thoughts can be one aspect.

Perpop · 03/10/2022 21:50

Hello!

You’re doing great by asking for help. I think all mums have these thoughts to an extent but it sounds like you’re right to ask for help if they’re feeling so strong for you.

Absoloutly push for support from GP, have you joined any breastfeeding support groups? They have some great advice on a lot of things including these topics.

I don’t think your HV would judge you for this, I’m sure they will have experience in it and be able to signpost for further support?

You clearly love your baby, it’s ok to have a tough time and it’s brilliant to ask for support. Sending love, and well done breastfeeding - it’s hard going but it’s worth it (as long as you want to continue!)

SchnitzelvonKrummWithAVeryLowTum · 03/10/2022 21:55

Sending you a hug op.
Having been through similar I would say that it is very important to tell your GP about these intrusive thoughts.
I was diagnosed with PND and anxiety and intrusive thoughts were part of this. I thought I was a terrible mum but I got help and things are so much better!
Taking the first step of getting help is hard so well done for doing it!
Be honest with the GP/HV so they can get you the help that you need. It is much more common than you think.
You are not alone in this. Sending good thoughts your way. Xx

Realitea · 03/10/2022 21:56

I had exactly the same thing!! I remember posting what you posted when my dd was a few weeks old and had so many reassuring replies. It is more normal than you think. Do NOT WORRY! Your mind is playing tricks. You will not hurt your baby. The more you try to push these thoughts away the more you give them power. You need to separate yourself from the thoughts. They are not you. Google Dr Seif intrusive thoughts. It will help - I really think hormones and lack of sleep are a trigger. I had it again Years later after a big operation and my body was under a lot of stress.
Another thing that really helped was the headspace app - they have a section on anxiety which really helped too.
You’ll be ok!

Chichz · 03/10/2022 22:03

I think you've had great advice on here and I echo what PP have said.

I would double-check / speak to the GP or breastfeeding experts about the antidepressants, though. I was in an MBU and one of the new mums was breastfeeding and definitely on medication!

Mindfulness and talking therapies are great long-term, but medication can be really good for getting you out of that 'pit', especially when time and sleep are in short supply!

Xx

goodenoughmum88 · 03/10/2022 22:10

Hello,

The intrusive thoughts are not as unusual as you think and you will not be judged harshly for them. The GP and HV and therapist will want to help, and will have heard much of it before.

You absolutely can BF and take antidepressants. www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/antidepressants/

Your GP can advise you on dose, and there is a strong evidence base that there is very limited risk to baby from SSRI’s, and that the benefit outweighs the risk of taking them.

Its worth remembering that everyone on the planet had intrusive thoughts, we don’t talk about them! It’s the meaning that we give to them, particularly in a post natal and fragile state, that cause the distress. They don’t mean that you are going to harm anyone, and they won’t go on forever.

xxx

mintich · 03/10/2022 22:20

I had intrusive thoughts like this with all my babies. I told my health visitor who said it was extremely common. They basically said it was a coping mechanism. I knew I wouldn't actually do anything but I was so upset that I thought it. I had group counselling the first two times and phone one to one counselling the third time. It really helped and no one judges you.

OliverBabish · 03/10/2022 22:30

You’ve had great advice so far OP! Intrusive thoughts are an absolute swine but they are a fairly normal phenomenon (doesn’t make it any nicer for you right now though).

Tell your GP or HV - no one is going to use it against you or take your baby away.

Like a PP said - the more you try to ignore them, the more you end up focusing on them. It’s the old “don’t think about a pink elephant!” trick - you can’t help but think about the thing you’re told not to think about.

They are just thoughts - try doing something calming (so the opposite action to how you’re feeling) when they come, to notice the thought and tell yourself something like “ah, another one of those silly thoughts, never mind, look at me carrying on with my day”.

pickyourown · 03/10/2022 22:32

Hi OP

some great advice here. Just wanted to reassure you how common this is.

I am a health visitor and I have supported mums who have experienced this, so definitely do reach out to them or your GP. We are not there to judge and our training tells us it is a good sign that mothers are worried by these thoughts (as it indicates they won’t act on them). It can be scary but is ‘just’ your brain’s way of being hypersensitive to danger at the moment.

If you have Instagram have a look for Anna Mathur who talks a lot about this. She has also written a book (Mind other Mother) that you may find helpful.

And remember this quote ‘If you are worrying about whether or not you are a good mother...you already are’

I hope it gets better for you soon 💐

mycatisannoying · 03/10/2022 22:39

Hello! I had this after the birth of my second daughter. For a whole year, I lived in a state of acute anxiety, thinking that I was going to drown her in the bath and all manner of crazy things. It was the worst time of my life but I got through ... and so will you!
Oh, and daughter is now 16 years old!
I promise you - as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow - that you will not act on these thoughts.
A book I found really helpful was 'The Imp of the Mind' by Lee Baer.
Sending love & best wishes SmileFlowers

PS I guarantee the HV will have heard it all a million times, as it's way more common than you'd think. And it is nothing they would hold against you.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 03/10/2022 22:46

I had this with my first baby, after a year I confided in HV and I’m sorry to say my twat of a HV actually referred it to social services and did absolutely nothing to get me the medical help I needed. Thankfully they had no worries and zero interest in getting involved. I never received a diagnosis but I suspect it was postnatal ocd. I also had PND. Hope it resolves for you, keep going back to GP to get it sorted. Btw it’s seriously not true re: antidepressants and breastfeeding, there is reams of evidence sertraline is fine, and furthermore if you take them early, you won’t get to a point where you need something stronger and unsafe for baby, or that you end up in hospital without baby. X Flowers

Worriedpanda50 · 03/10/2022 22:48

That's so annoying to read. Sorry you went through that.

glowingtwig · 03/10/2022 22:53

Look up Anna Mathur on Instagram, she is a therapist and talks about this. It's horrible and awful but it's your hormones and really common. It's weirdly a protective thing. They will go and it doesn't mean you don't love and adore your little one x

Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 03/10/2022 23:16

@PeekabooAtTheZoo so sorry you went through that, how awful. No wonder we are scared to say anything.

I am thinking of asking my GP for Sertraline. I did ask them but one of the doctors said I wasn't able to take it due to 'not enough' research into taking them and breastfeeding?! I am worried this will get worse as I am unable to seem to be able to control the thoughts.

Thank you SO bloody much for all the comments, cannot say how helpful these are all to me I keep re reading them BrewFlowers

I'm currently sat here tying this with DD asleep on my shoulder listening to her breathing... I love her so much and it is upsetting me the thoughts I am having.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 03/10/2022 23:17

*typing

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 03/10/2022 23:23

Does anyone know if Sertraline helps with the intrusive thoughts? Apparently that's the safest last breastfeeding?

OP posts:
SchnitzelvonKrummWithAVeryLowTum · 03/10/2022 23:31

I was on sertraline while breastfeeding. It helped me so much. Apparently it is the most studied antidepressant while breastfeeding.

When I started the sertraline it was as though a fog had been lifted and I realised that my mind was tricking me with the intrusive thoughts. I also had CBT which has helped massively.
Good luck OP! Xx

Notsurenotquiteright · 03/10/2022 23:52

Intrusive thoughts are more normal than anyone knows as I guess they feel a bit taboo.

I follow this Instagram page and it really helped me with mine.

instagram.com/kateborsato?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I be had them long before baby came along but I know I won’t act on them so I let the thought float on by and forget about it. I know that is easier said than done especially when they are very distressing

Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 04/10/2022 00:05

@SchnitzelvonKrummWithAVeryLowTum thank you so much! I'm going to ask my gp to be put onto these hopefully this week.

I had the thoughts since day 1 of my DD being born and I hope they would have gone but they have gotten worse and darker. Also affecting my relationship.

OP posts:
SchnitzelvonKrummWithAVeryLowTum · 04/10/2022 01:06

That’s ok!@WorriedandScared93
I can remember how I felt before I asked for help and it was so lonely. I hate to think of anyone else going through that.
Things will get better!
Try to get bit of time for yourself to do something that you enjoy.
I also found that listening to audible helped when worrying started to run away with me, it was a good distraction.
Best of luck at the GP. 🤗
Xx

dingdongdarling · 04/10/2022 01:23

As others have said, this is very common and the fact you are troubled by it shows how much you love your baby.

If your GP is not being helpful you might be able to ask for a referral or even self-refer to your local Perinatal Mental Health team, if there is one in your area. They are there to give specialist help to women from pregnancy to delivery and for a year after giving birth.

The specialist doctors there prescribed me sertraline and said it is worse for a baby to have an unwell mother than a mother who takes a tried and tested medicine. They were very reassuring and it was definitely the right thing for me and my baby.

Original poster
WorriedandScared93 · 04/10/2022 07:13

@SchnitzelvonKrummWithAVeryLowTum thank you for your response- my worries were more of the fact because I was breast feeding my DD which I don't want to stop. Did you feel guilty taking it while breastfeeding and confident it wouldn't do any harm to your dc ?

I have CBT booked in and my first session is today. My GP didn't want to give me anything such as AD as they said the way I am feeling is more 'hormonal' and to try CBT.

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DailyEnergyCrisis · 04/10/2022 07:17

Flowers Very common to have these thoughts.

sertraline is frequently prescribed in breastfeeding. I’d either see a different GP at your practice or a private GP/psychotherapist if you have no luck and can afford it.