Forseps delivery - feeling sad

[PollyPocket245]

This post is mostly to vent because I feel more upset by the day and I had expected time would make it better but it’s not. It might be helpful to get it out in the abyss and hope someone knows how I feel. I’m currently 14 weeks pp and my body feels a mess. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy, but ended up having an induction as baby was still clinging on with no sign of arrival at 42 weeks. The induction was fairly straight forward but when I got to pushing they told me that my baby was trying to come out forehead first and she was never going to come out like that. They said I would need to have an assisted delivery but if that failed move straight on to a c section. I was in shock and went into myself, neither was something I wanted and I had these papers waved in my face telling me to sign them. In theatre, a consultant who was just finishing his shift tried to turn my baby’s head to do the forseps delivery but couldn’t. While this was going on I tuned in more to what was happening and told my partner I wanted the c section - mainly because I had no idea what a forseps delivery was but I was scared for my baby to be born like that. At this point the consultant came to me and said they were moving on to a c section because he couldn’t turn her. I said it was fine that was what I wanted and off he went home. The next thing I knew I was being screamed at to push. I later found out that the consultant taking over had insisted that if she was doing a c section she wanted to know where the baby was but in finding out had managed to turn her and the forseps where used. I had a third degree tear, episodemy and lost 800 litres of blood. My DD wasn’t in great shape either she had two big gashes down her face and screamed constantly for the first week of her life, she couldn’t latch properly because her head was in so much pain.

Recovery has been really really rough. I didn’t have any support before leaving the hospital, I didn’t even know how to look after my wound and what not to do. A women’s physio rang me at 5 weeks pp (she was meant to see me on the ward after I had given birth) and told me not to lift anything and how to take care of my already healed wound... I kept telling myself that things would get better and ‘oh that’s probably normal’ but in the end went to my gp. I was in pain when sitting and standing, could feel all kinds of odd pressure, bizarre discharge, irritation and had passed something completely solid, bigger than a golf ball. I was put on antibiotics for a urine infection which didn’t cure it, more antibiotics, still didn’t cure the symptoms. Managed to speak to a different gp who asked me to go in so they could check for prolapse. There was no prolapse but they said there was a lot of discharge and gave me thrush medication but took a swab anyway. The swab showed an infection, took more antibiotics, symptoms didn’t go away, went back to the doctor but had a breakdown this time and said I couldn’t do anymore speculum exams or swabs. Gp said she wanted to explore the possibility of retained placenta. I had a scan for this last night, the radiographer said she can’t see any ‘retained products as such’ but to call my doctor in a week and don’t panic in the meantime. I’m so fed up at this point, I had more substantial discharge again this morning, it looks like tissue to me and can’t be broken up. I have so much hatred for my body that I didn’t have before, I never want anything near me again. I just feel so sad all the time, I constantly feel sore, uncomfortable and I wish so badly I could go back in time and change things. I feel like I’m going to be like this forever. Sometimes I get so angry that forseps are still used like that because my poor baby was in an awful state.

This is just me moaning and I honestly hope that no one can relate to this story. I’m just hoping it gets better in time

Can you afford to see a private pelvic health physio? There's a local directory on the Squeezy app website. Unfortunately GPs aren't experts.

I don’t want to be one of those people that says be grateful when you’re feeling crap but: your baby is alive and well and you are recovering. With a lot of assisted births (mine was ventouse) without medical assistance your baby likely would have died and possibly you also.

However, it’s important you understand why they went against your wishes. What did your DH do when all this was happening? Note that sometimes if the baby’s head is well engaged in the birth canal, a c section is not advised/can be more dangerous. Maybe they was the case with you?

My hospital runs a “birth reflections” service where you can talk to a midwife about what happened and why. If your trust offers this it might help.

Episiotomies are crap but not uncommon, I had one and they used to be routine (thankfully those days are over!). Keep it as clean as you can, I recommend buying a sitz bath, they fit over the loo and are very cheap. Not sure how much blood you lost as humans only have about 5 litres total. If you meant ml then the average blood loss for a vaginal birth is 500ml, compared with 1 litre for a c section, so 800ml is high but not unusual and less than you would have lost for a c section.

My advice is listen to the docs, try to focus on healing and enjoying your beautiful baby.

You poor thing. I really feel for you , that sounds miserable.

I would try and see a private physio or a uro-gynaecologist. Are you in London? I know a wonderful doctor there.

Thank you for your replies :), I will see if I can get a referral to one, I was meant to see a physio before I was discharged but they didn’t come. @FudgeSundae oh Jesus yes, I meant 800ml! I know what you mean and I’m incredibly thankful she is ok. I suppose it was been hard having a constant infection that antibiotics won’t get rid of, it becomes hard to enjoy anything! But hopefully I’m on the road to get it sorted now. like you say I think the birth reflections is the best way to go at this point. I was referred just after birth but was too upset, now I think I have a good list of questions. DH was asked to sit in a corner until the baby was out, I was told this was a Covid precaution because there were a lot of people in the room. It might just be one of those situations that’s full of unfortunate circumstances xx

I had a similar birth experience. I was totally unprepared for how it affected me physically. I was in pain for weeks. I got an ice pack thing especially for post birth which helped a bit.

I also felt like the lack of support was a shock. My stepmother made jokes about sitting on rubber rings etc. Nobody seemed to be listening when I said I felt like a wreck. I had pnd and was recommended for talking therapy, which I didnt have time to do.

But then good news is that i did feel better after a few weeks. Hope you do too. I think venting is very important. I felt a bit lied to and undermined after giving birth.

To help you cope, are you allowed anti depressants just to help you feel more normal even if physically your still recovering? Sounds like a horrific birth you poor thing xXx

I had a horrible birth too, mid cavity forceps with episiotomy with my baby in distress, about 10 mins away from an emergency c section. I was so out of it i can barely remember, but my husband said it was scary and all he remembers is the staff doing all they could in a tough situation to get the baby out the quickest way. I ended up in HDU with multiple blood transfusions and wasn't able to breastfeed as a result of a lack of body fluid in the first few days. I wasn't able to hold my son for 12 hours afterwards.

Forceps is not easy to recover from, but you could just as easily have had an infected wound from a section, and would have lost more blood and had weeks of recovery too, so try not to imagine that a section would have been easier as I don't think thats necessarily the case.

Rather than focus on what went wrong i tried to focus on being grateful for experts who know how to get my son out quickly when required without anything worse going wrong.

Congratulations on your DD!

You poor thing. That sounds grim. Aside from your physical wounds it sounds as though you’re traumatised by it all too. Are you having flashbacks and running through the events?

As per PP see if you can have a debrief. Also there’s a support organisation here www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk that may help.

Also really recommend birth debrief, really helped me to process events during the birth, what was normal, what wasn't, why it all happened etc.

Hi all, thank you so much for your kind words. Is the person who does the debrief usually impartial or will they work as a midwife on the wards? I think I’m worried about being passed off as silly.

@BexR I agree and relate so much. regarding the lack of support, there is so much information on recovery from a c section or vaginal birth but nothing on forseps... and I’ve come to understand it is completely different to recover from. All I know is aside from constant infection no one can explain why I’m in agony nearly three months later and I’m so fearful they could have caused damage to my baby that might not be picked up on until later down the line.

@PenguinLove1 yes I know what you’re saying completely, the grass is always greener when thinking about how different things could be. I suppose that’s where I need the birth debrief to try and understand what happened in my case, in your story I can see how it was justified if your baby was in distress but throughout the whole of my labour they kept telling me how well baby was doing... but how busy it was on the labour ward that night and they were running out of rooms. it felt like a consultant just marched into the room with some paper saying I was moving to theatre ... though I would have ended up with one or the other anyway.

@BathshebaWasOnTheRoof thank you I’ve taken a look at that site :). I hadn’t really thought about trauma, I know it’s not getting better with time and I sometimes feel intensely angry, tearful and anxious.

None of what I say about birth is a measure of how much I love my DD and I would hate to sound like I’m not grateful for my pregnancy and her. She is my world, she is my everything all day every day, sometimes she’s the only reason I can smile. The negative aspects come from my time so far with her being ruined by me physically being unwell, the worry (and it makes me sick) that she is in some way hurt that I don’t know about and not being able to think about the hospital or what happened.

Thank you to anyone who read, I appreciate the time xxx

You really need to make time for the talking therapy.

OP I had a forceps delivery with a similar outcome, episiotomy, 3rd degree, large blood loss, baby bashed up(luckily my wound was okay afterwards) and I can honestly say it was the most traumatic experience of my life, am I grateful that my DS was okay and I'm alive? Of course but that does not take away the feelings I have towards the birth.

I would recommend you ask for a birth debrief too, mine did help me clear up some questions but just being able to talk to a midwife and get it all out really helped too.

Sending you lots of love 💗

*@FudgeSundae I don’t want to be one of those people that says be grateful when you’re feeling crap but: your baby is alive and well and you are recovering. With a lot of assisted births (mine was ventouse) without medical assistance your baby likely would have died and possibly you also.
*
If you don't want to be one of those people then don't be, I'm sure the OP is grateful that they're both alive and recovering but that doesn't mean it's any easier mentally, especially when she's still dealing with the aftermath 14 weeks on.

It's obvious that didn't come from a bad place and it was only part of your post but I really hope you don't say that to the patients at your hospital when they're struggling.

That sounds appalling OP and something similar happened to my sister. I think the use of forceps is barbaric to be honest. Be kind to yourself and take as much help as you can get

I don't really have loads of advice for you but I didn't want to read and run. I just wanted to say that I hope you are ok and it sounds like you have been through a lot. You have every right to not feel great right now and it is not surprising as you have been through so much, and you deserve to feel ok. I luckily had a positive assisted delivery and episiotomy (ventouse) but forceps terrify me so I have so much respect for you and your little girl.

I hope you get the support you need and you feel better soon, you're doing amazing! I would really consider speaking to someone for your mental health so you can reflect on what has happened to you and help you move forwards and form a better relationship with your body. I really hope you feel better soon

Thank you so much for all comments. Honestly writing things down here and listening to other stories has really helped me sort through my thoughts and think of constructive questions to ask at my birth debrief, before it was just mush. I have sent an email to the lady who does it and hope I will find it useful

After my difficult birth and subsequent trauma, I contacted the hospital and met with a consultant to discuss the birth and everything that happened. You can also contact PALS and follow up with them. Sometimes the baby is so low down that a forceps is the best option as a C-Section would have to pull the baby back up through the birth canal, which could possibly have been more brutal and dangerous for the baby.

Sorry I just saw your post, glad that you are having a debrief, it does help to get things in perspective.

You poor thing. That sounds absolutely horrific. My birth was similar but probably not as bad as what youve experienced and I felt like I'd been hit by a lorry.

It's not about being grateful for a healthy baby, you and your health and wellbeing matter too and suddenly don't just become irrelevant because you have a wonderful little baby. This type of recovery is hard without all the other issues you are having with infection and discharge.

I have no advice, a debrief really did help me and they were able to refer me for counseling as a result of our discussion. And if it's any help, 18 months later, I'm as good as new pretty much, it did take 1 year + for my body to feel normal. That might feel ages away but you will heal and feel well again. This isn't forever, you've been through a huge trauma.

Generally use of medium depth forceps is traumatic all around and they're not used much in many other countries for that reason- they go straight to c section. I'd be livid if I were you about the lack of informed consent and being pressurised into one course of action rather than presented both options.

My experience with dc1 was very similar followed by 6 weeks of lots and lots of antibiotics for endometritis as a result of failed ventouse, traumatic forceps delivery and huge episiotomy. It took me a year to recover physically although not 100%. It similarly affected my baby too. Please do talk about it, I didn't as I think I was just focused on trying to recover but I ended up with PND for a few months. It is a huge, traumatic event and you need to give yourself time to work through it. For what it's worth, I did have dc2 after a few years which was unassisted birth and dc1 is now a strapping teenager so it will get better, just don't rush it.

Also, please go back to your GP and insist on better antibiotics...that sort of discharge needs to be taken seriously and you will be feeling dreadful if you have an infection.

Yes I completely understand what you’re going through- I had very similar (albeit 16 years ago now). With same degree of tear, but mastitis afterwards.

It was hugely traumatic but gets much better over time.

I was left traumatised by “examinations/ smears etc” afterwards. And put this on the birth plan second time round so everyone understood this and I felt more in control.

Second time round was so much better- even though it ended in an emergency c section I was kept involved and informed.

Hi OP. I had a rough birth quite similar in a lot ways to yours. They'd ran out of morphine (effing pandemic for ya) so I only was able to have diamorphine which isn't as good apparently but that had wore off when it came to pushing. They manually rotated my baby internally, had 2 failed attempts at ventousse and then I was episiotomy and forceps with me losing 1.1 litres of blood.

What you've gone through is absolutely terrible, but I've come to learn it's not your bodies fault, I read something that really helped me be a bit kinder to myself so here it is for you and I hope you can get some benefit from it.

Forgive your body: If birth did not play out as you had hoped because your baby wasn't in the right position, had managed to get a little wedged in there or perhaps was getting tired and distressed and needed a helping hand being born, then it's important to understand that there really wasn't anything your body could have done to change your birthing story. It did the best it could do under the circumstances.'

I think you might find some value in looking at the Traumatic Birth Association's website for further support. I spoke to my health visitor (biggest waste of time on this earth) about my low mood, flashbacks etc and eventually referred myself to the mental health team where I had trauma therapy. Please feel free to get in touch with me if you want to talk.

I had a forceps delivery with my first and no pain relief. I remember screaming so much as I felt I was being ripped apart by a red hot poker.
I felt traumatised for a very long time, horrific.