What’s wrong with me

[Joanner1986]

So I thought I would write on here to get some thoughts out. My partner and I tried to conceive for 4 years. I had 6 miscarriages. 6months ago we finally had a baby boy. When he was first born I didn’t like him, I didn’t want to be near him. I was told by so many people that a bond can take time. It’s been 6 months and I still don’t like my own baby. I feel like my life has been ruined I feel awful for saying it but my partner and I are now in debt I miss working, I don’t enjoy being a mother. All my friends have kids also and are always gushing about how much love they have for their babies but I just don’t feel the same. It’s made me miserable and honestly I can’t wait to go back to work in November. I feel so horrible for saying this stuff as we tried for so long and I know so many women would love to have babies and can’t, but I just feel down all the time. At the beginning I had thoughts of hurting my baby which have since stopped thankfully so I thought I would eventually grow to love him but I just can’t! My partner is amazing and he has really taken to fatherhood and is so good with the baby and has picked up a lot of the slack as I don’t want to be near the baby much. It hurts me that I look at him and think aww he’s cute but I don’t want him

What is wrong with me I can’t carry on like this what can I do??

I cannot thank you guys enough honestly for the support! you are complete strangers but you have helped me more than you will ever realise so thank you so much xx 😘 I know it will be a long process to get better but I’ve made the first steps with ur advice and guidance xxx

Fantastic news! I’m so glad you’ve been offered proper help. This will be transformative. You’re on the right road now.

That’s brilliant news, I’m so glad you’re getting some help. Try not to worry if the antidepressants make you feel worse for a couple of weeks- it’s common- push through xx

Well done OP.

That's such a massive step forward. Very brave and you're no doubt on your way.

Very Big Socially Distanced Hugs xx

I’m so pleased!! And I can feel the relief in your post! You have been through so much heart break, emotional and physical trauma. It’s no wonder you are now in a state of anxiety and depression, there is only so much a human body can take. But you will bounce back and find yourself again I promise. It will time, be kind to yourself and accept all help offered.

Some things, in my case, recovered quite quickly after starting treatment. A few other things have taken a bit longer. A big step forward for me was when I let go of the shame and guilt and gave myself the kindness and empathy I would have given a close friend.

One day you will be able to talk freely about your experience without any shame or guilt. You talking will go on to help other mothers who feel as you have done. It is so very common! And thankfully more recognised and understood now.