I think I hate my baby. I think I hate being a parent and I often find myself saying I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
All baby does is cry. I'm a single parent and I just feel miserable every single day of my life. I feel desperate and I know I'm supposed to be 'enjoying it' but most days I wake up wishing I was dead. Everyday is the same repeated. Baby screams before a bottle. Screams before a nap. There's nothing wrong with baby either but she clearly has a temper. I just find myself thinking why would anybody want to do this with their life? I don't even feel bad saying it because it's exactly how I feel. And that makes me the worst person in the world because I don't feel guilty for feeling the way I do and I should. I think my feelings are totally warranted and I'm drowning. I don't know what I expected becoming a Mum was going to be like but I've never been so exhausted and miserable in my entire life and now I'm stuck with her forever. I look at her and I love her but I hate her equally. I'm glad she exists but I often wish she was someone else's. Nobody's coming home at the end of the day to give me a break. I feel trapped, like her tiny hands are strangling me and I have absolutely no way out. Even when she does something lovely like smile or gurgle it used to melt the sadness away a bit but now I feel nothing. It's like I'm not even a person anymore. I don't recognise myself at all.
I honestly just want to die. She'd be much better off without a person like me.