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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

I hate my baby

31 replies

Roxyxo · 07/10/2019 10:36

I think I hate my baby. I think I hate being a parent and I often find myself saying I've made the biggest mistake of my life.
All baby does is cry. I'm a single parent and I just feel miserable every single day of my life. I feel desperate and I know I'm supposed to be 'enjoying it' but most days I wake up wishing I was dead. Everyday is the same repeated. Baby screams before a bottle. Screams before a nap. There's nothing wrong with baby either but she clearly has a temper. I just find myself thinking why would anybody want to do this with their life? I don't even feel bad saying it because it's exactly how I feel. And that makes me the worst person in the world because I don't feel guilty for feeling the way I do and I should. I think my feelings are totally warranted and I'm drowning. I don't know what I expected becoming a Mum was going to be like but I've never been so exhausted and miserable in my entire life and now I'm stuck with her forever. I look at her and I love her but I hate her equally. I'm glad she exists but I often wish she was someone else's. Nobody's coming home at the end of the day to give me a break. I feel trapped, like her tiny hands are strangling me and I have absolutely no way out. Even when she does something lovely like smile or gurgle it used to melt the sadness away a bit but now I feel nothing. It's like I'm not even a person anymore. I don't recognise myself at all.

I honestly just want to die. She'd be much better off without a person like me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scratchbass · 07/10/2019 10:52

Please contact your health visitor for advice on what you can do right now and make an appointment with your GP for as soon as possible. You have recognised you're not yourself.

You've had a baby and your emotions will be all over the place, combinations of hormones, lack of sleep and crying babies can leave you feeling awful but you are doing a good job.

Your baby doesn't have a temper, they are either hungry or tired. I have a 7 week old and I'm still finding out what his cues are, especially when he's tired. I thought sucking hands meant hungry, but for him it means he's tired! It's really tough to hear them they are just communicating with you.

Take 10 minutes now to make those phone calls.

flapjackfairy · 07/10/2019 10:56

Yes seek urgent help. You need support from the GP and health visitor asap.
It is v hard to do this stuff on your own so don't feel bad but do get help.
Sending a hug of support.

AwkwardAsAllGetout · 07/10/2019 10:57

How old is your baby? Mine is almost six months old and I felt like you a month or so ago. It turns out she has CMPA, an allergy to the protein in milk. Since I’ve cut out dairy she’s a different child. Listening to screaming all day every day does terrible things to your mental health. Please speak to someone about how you’re feeling x

pinkyredrose · 07/10/2019 10:59

Is there anyone else who could look after her for a bit?

ColaFreezePop · 07/10/2019 11:16

OP can you get dressed right now and get the baby out? Then walk/travel down to your GPs practice and make an emergency appointment with your GP. Tell the GP exactly what you said in your first post.

You are not a bad mum but lack of regular communication and contact with another adult when you have a newborn, are tired and hormones are all over the place will effect you.

Your baby's cries are actually normal. She can only communicate with you by crying. Mine initially cried before she needed a feed, before she needed a sleep and when she needed her nappy changed. If it wasn't for my random neighbours, who aren't well themselves so are always around, I would have lost it as well as my OH had a very horrible shift pattern. (We since found out it was done on purpose.)

Worrywart21 · 07/10/2019 11:20

Please take comfort that you’re feelings are common! I know most mums experience the “wtf have I done?” It will pass and it does get easier but everyone is right - make a phone call and express how much you’re struggling. There are people who have a job to support you so please take it!

PavlovaFaith · 07/10/2019 11:28

100% agree with everything PP have said - you need urgent help. Please contact your doctor/midwife/HV - whoever you can get hold of to see TODAY. They can help!

It is TOUGH and you're not different or unusual for feeling like this.

In the meantime, do what you can to bond with your baby such as skin to skin.

Have you any friends/family who could come and give you some company?

Peppersprayfirstapologielater · 07/10/2019 11:36

Your poor poor thing.
Please request and emergency GP appointment. Go down there today and speak to someone from admin to get you seen ASAP.

Call your HV and request a visit, tell them exactly what you have written in your post.

It is ok to feel this way, you're raising this baby alone, it's not easy. But there is support out there to help you, and it is no reflection on your parenting. You little one could have something medically wrong. Course babies cry, but could it be reflux? Cows mil protein allergy that is causing her pain or making her unsettled?

Please go to your GP.

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 07/10/2019 11:48

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP. Your daughter definitely wouldn't be better off without you. Looking after a baby can be such hard work, particularly when you're on your own. You're definitely not the only person to have felt this way.

It looks like lots of Mumsnetters have good advice for you and we'd echo those suggestions to speak to your GP, health visitor, or whoever is available today so they can start getting you the help you need.

In the meantime, here's a link to our mental health webguide which has several numbers you can call if you can't get an appointment immediately.

for you, and we really hope things start to get easier soon for you.

PavlovaFaith · 07/10/2019 11:49

Eagerly waiting an update OP, it would be comforting to see that you're okay.

QueenBeex · 07/10/2019 11:51

Nothing to say apart from

EmrysAtticus · 07/10/2019 11:56

I felt exactly the same OP. Resented DS massively for wrecking my life (he was not an easy baby). It passed when he began walking and almost overnight changed personality to the loveliest boy ever. I couldn't love him more now if I tried, our bond is so strong.

SallyWD · 07/10/2019 12:10

I agree you must seek help urgently. I just want to say you don't have to enjoy looking after a baby- I didn't enjoy it at all. My DD was either asleep, feeding or screaming. she was never awake but content. I used to dread her waking up.. I genuinely thought there was something wrong with her. That she'd never be normal. Now she's 9 and the light of my life. Everyone comments on how sweet, calm and caring she is. Some babies are just bloody hard work - but she'll grow in to a lovely little girl, I'm sure.

DeadDoorpost · 07/10/2019 12:15

Another saying to get help 💜

peachgreen · 07/10/2019 12:23

I felt the same way. I had severe PND. Treatment changed my life and now I love my DD more than anything.

Imtootired · 07/10/2019 12:30

Being a single mum is really hard!!! Baby’s grow and go through stages so it’s not always going to be like this. Go to a doctor and see if there’s anything they can do to help you and then maybe you can look into childcare for a day or two a week so you have some time to rest. It’ll get better!

Iamnotaroboteither · 07/10/2019 12:40

The fact that you're reaching out on here is such a positive step. You are a good mum and you want help. What you're feeling is quite common but however bad you feel you really must see somebody today. You need to get in the system, you need to start medication, you need to get out, go to baby groups, go for a walk, do something. Don't stay at home. Have you got anybody you can go and see? Your baby loves you no matter what and you will feel so different once you get a bit of help. Message on here as much as you need to, you have all of us to offer support.

anascrecca · 07/10/2019 12:47

I agree with the above posters. Contact GP or health visitor today, the sooner you get help the better. They won't judge you, they will give you the support you need.

aggitatedstate · 07/10/2019 14:38

OP this was me many years ago. I PROMISE it does get easier. All my baby did was cry, 12 hours a fucking day! He cried non stop.

I told the HV and GP who judged me, made me feel 10 times worse, said it was my fault as I never put him down, I couldn't put him down he screamed constantly.

But please hear me, I PROMISE you it gets better. They grow, they stop crying (although DS7 is an enormous dramatic!)

I am a lone parent too. Join all the baby groups, make "mum" friends.

Hang in there

Melrose86 · 08/10/2019 23:04

I can sympathise so much with having a baby that cries ALL the time. I find getting out and about helps so much as the pram is about the only time my baby doesn't moan so I walk for miles. He also likes swimming (he lasts about 15 minutes before the moaning begins again) but it is a lovely bonding activity

Original poster

Roxyxo · 10/10/2019 19:38

Thank you so much for the responses from each of you.

I finally plucked up the courage to go to my GP who assured me everything I was feeling is normal and I'm now getting some help.

It really is the most life changing thing to have a baby and I do feel extremely lucky to have her. It's just been the hardest two weeks but I feel so much better just reaching out. I don't feel so alone anymore. You assume when you have a baby your just going to embody this mumsy way of life and that it's all going to be a breeze and the reality is a little different than I expected.

I love my daughter with all my soul.

Anyone else who reads this and feels hopeless like I did please just reach out. As much as reading my original post upsets me it was how I felt and I know how that I did need some support. Being a parent on your own isn't for the faint hearted and I feel like a weight has been lifted knowing I'm not alone or the worst person in the world for being overwhelmed. It happens more often than others admit.

Thank you all again. If it wasn't for these responses I think I would have suffered for longer on my own thinking I was the worst mum in the world and that there was something wrong with me.

I truly do appreciate it
X

OP posts:

Iamnotaroboteither · 10/10/2019 20:30

Damn it, I just wrote a reply and it disappeared... Just glad that you posted again, was worried about you. So pleased to hear you went to the doctor and are feeling more positive. Remember you will have good and bad days but try and cling onto how good you feel on the better days. Enjoy your baby (it's extremely hard to do at times!) and give yourself a break, you're doing a wonderful job, I'm sure of it xx

flapjackfairy · 10/10/2019 21:56

So glad you have got some support. Well done and hope you continue to feel stronger x

nursenc · 10/10/2019 22:41

Well done, you have done amazingly and have been so brave. Hope you get the support you need.

OkayGo · 10/10/2019 22:54

Op I'm so glad to read your update. I was about to write a long schpiel about how I spent DD's first weeks sobbing and sitting on forums writing about how I wished I was dead. I know exactly how you felt. It was awful. There was no way out. But there WAS and I'm so glad you got the help you needed.

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