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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Sexual intrusive thoughts so depressed

40 replies

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 13:59

hi, since having my daughter I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts. I had CBT a couple of times which really helped and took away the frequency of these thoughts. However I still have them once in a while like I had one last night in my dream. It's so strange that it started to come in my dreams instead which is worse as I can't control them, and the thoughts are worse anyone can imagine. So it knows how to hurt me, I am aware that thats not me but I still can't get it out of my head. I can't even write down the details here but it was so graphic and so disgusting that when I woke up I wanted to throw up. Basically it was around my husband and my daughter but you can guess what it was really. if I go into any details I will actually start crying. I can never ever in real life tell this to anyone. I had another one like this about one year ago and I managed to tell my therapist which made me cry and cry, she assured me it's ok and it's normal etc..., the time helped heal my heart break. There is no way I can share this with my husband as I don't think he would understand and I don't want him to think I worry about him being around our daughter which is completely the opposite. Anyone had experiences with sexual intrusive thoughts but in their dreams? I mean I can control these thoughts in normal life now but not in my dreams! don't know what to do...

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Eggoispreggo · 31/05/2018 14:04

I think if you only have these thoughts when you're asleep, not when you're awake, then as horrible as they are you should just put it down to how weird the human subconscious is and try to forget it and give yourself a break.
I've had a lot of weird/inappropriate/sexual dreams, especially when pregnant as I think it's made things more vivid. Definitely stuff I won't discuss on a forum or tell anyone about in real life, but I don't beat myself up or feel gross about it because you have literally no control over it, you are asleep.

It can have an impact on you afterwards and make you feel weird or sick or uncomfortable, it's like when you have a sex dream about someone then feel weird around them in real life but that goes away after the initial gross out.
If you're not having those thoughts when awake I really wouldn't let it upset you. If you are then maybe try more CBT if it helped last time?

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:09

hi Eggoispreggo, thank you for your reply, your post really helped me, you have no idea how good it feels to hear from other people with similar issues. I think what disturbing the most is how could I even dare dream something like this. I mean what kind of a person I am, and I feel like I need to tell everyone what sick person I am. It's like admitting a murder you haven't done. Its a weird feeling. And also I feel guilty that I feel like I should be telling my husband these dreams, my counselor said I don't have to tell him anything but it's making it even worse for me it's like I am hiding something from him and need to admit it. Crazy don't you think?

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RainbowInACloud · 31/05/2018 14:13

Hello lovely. I'm a GP and I can hear how distressing this is for you. This can be a form of OCD. It also forms part of the collection of mental health problems that come following childbirth. It is much more common than you might think but many people don't disclose it for fear of what people will think. You've done really well to identify them as intrusive thought as some people start to worry that they really feel this way. Please chat to your GP. You could really benefit from CBT and possibly medication. I hope you get a GP that understands or can refer you to the right place as it's still a condition that we don't talk about. Sorry you are struggling with this.

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/05/2018 14:15

It's nothing to do with what kind of person you are. Dreams are not normal thoughts, they are a side effect of what happens to your brain when sleeping and push random things together that wouldn't otherwise happen. You're not in control of it, there is nothing to feel guilty about.

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:17

hi RainbowInACloud, thank you, but I just find it so hard to talk to anyone about this, as its so disgusting. I also don't know whether I should share my problems with my husband? would it make me feel better do you think? I mean even if I start thinking about telling him my intrusive thoughts I feel sick to my stomach and can't breathe. Should I just tell my GP only?

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KirstenRaymonde · 31/05/2018 14:18

Without you giving any details I know exactly what you mean, I get them too. I also get violent ones. It’s not nice. They’ve been a daily part of my life for at least 15 years, though they fluctuate over time. Mine are mostly waking, but I sometimes have them in dreams too. I have talked about them with people, though not to the very worst extent. Mostly I’ve learnt to live with it and try to just accept they’re there and move on without dwelling. Mindfulness might be helpful for you, it can teach you to accept what’s there but not be ruled by it.

But you say it’s since your daughter, how long is that? Are feeling well in other ways? By friend suffered very badly with this after her son was born and she had perinatal psychosis. Could you speak to your GP? Sorry you’re struggling, it is a horrible affliction

RainbowInACloud · 31/05/2018 14:18

I don't think anyone can make that decision for you. It is an illness - is it happening just at night or day as well? Telling your partner very much depends on your relationship and how you present the information and whether your partner has an understanding of intrusive thoughts etc.

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:19

thanks AssassinatedBeauty, do you think most people have these disgusting sexual thoughts in their dreams? and when they do , they just ignore it as they don't have OCD? I just don't think "normal" people have these thoughts, if that so, this makes me "not normal" and I really need help?

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Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:21

hi RainbowInACloud, its mostly in my dreams now, my daughter is nearly 5 years old, it used to be in the day too, but not too much of sexual more like I am going to hurt her, these gone away now as she got older.
These sexual ones are coming in my dreams and so vivid and disgusting.

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Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:22

hi KirstenRaymonde, do you also get sexual intrusive thoughts?

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Eggoispreggo · 31/05/2018 14:22

You're definitely not the only one who has experienced things like this, to be honest I assume that a lot of people have bizarre dreams of sexual ones. People just don't talk about it.
If the dream involved your partner I really wouldn't tell him, if you really want to talk about it I'd go back to CBT or your GP. Telling him will probably just make him feel weird and you don't need to 'confess' anything!! You've not done anything wrong!! In a few days your initial gross out feelings will fade and it really won't be a big deal x

AssassinatedBeauty · 31/05/2018 14:23

Yes, I think lots of people get strange dreams like this and are able to forget about them. You're not abnormal, and what you need help with is recognising that dreams are not in your control and don't reflect on you as a person.

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:25

hi Eggoispreggo, you are so right with the word "confess", its like I have done something very bad and need to confess. and also something inside tells me , if I confess it will go away. Like I mentioned, it's like confessing a murder and getting a prison sentence.

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Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 14:26

Oh I wouldn't give it a second thought op excuse the pun! This is very natural(happens to me sometimes),and undoubtedly happens to a lot of other people(just don't think it's widely chatted about!) I wouldn't say it to your oh though as it may sound odd for him to hear.

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:27

Hi AssassinatedBeauty, what I hate the most is that I never really get these before having my daughter. We have been TTC number 2 for the last 11 months and everymonth I don't conceive I am upset and relieved because I don't think I could cope with more OCD. Anyone here had OCD with their first baby and still gone to have another one? or did this stop you from having another baby?

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Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:30

also a dream of sexual nature of my daughter and husband is the most sickest thing I could ever dream of. It's like this OCD knows how to hurt me the most.

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Eggoispreggo · 31/05/2018 14:31

I'd go speak to your dr about it to get some peace of mind, you don't need to tell them what the dreams were if you don't want, but just to get some reassurance that you're perfectly normal! If it's OCD related I think that's giving it too much power/importance in your head. Genuinely I've had very inappropriate and disgusting dreams, often reoccurring, but I've just accepted that it's an odd part of my subconscious, maybe it's how I deal with taboo issues and stress in life? They just manifest themselves in a weird way in dreams? I promise it doesn't mean there is ANYTHING wrong with you.
But if it's really upsetting you do talk to your dr about it xx

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:34

hi Eggoispreggo thank you again. As you are saying giving it too much power and it's making it worse. I feel noone's dream could be worst than mine, as it's so fresh in my mind from night so vivid and disgusting.

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Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:35

I think I am going to see my GP about this tomorrow. I know he would want to put my on antidepressants though which I don't want to take.

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Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:37

Just to add this place has helped more than I imagined, I had so many replies from very nice people. Especially noone judging... Thank you again and sharing your thoughts.

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Dropdeadfredra · 31/05/2018 14:42

Not sexual thoughts but my exmils name used to pop into my head at the worst times. This went on for over 15 years. Exh was abusive and exmil was almost as bad. Her name was in my head on first dates, when I remarried, when I gave birth to a subsequent child, during sex. It was really upsetting. Eventually it lessened until it finally stopped one day. I still worry about it starting again. I thought I was going mad.

Bexter801 · 31/05/2018 14:42

Please try not feel disgusted op....you have no reason to Do pop to your gp if it'll help though,and be clear if you don't want antidepressants,that's 100% your choice

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:52

anyone here used antidepressants and did it help with intrusive thoughts?

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FranticallyPeaceful · 31/05/2018 14:53

Hi, I’ve suffered from intrusive thoughts since I had my eldest son! Absolutely awful. Sexual, violent, kidnapping... basically anything my brain could do to torture to me, the worst it could muster up for me. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know how cruel our brains can be and it’s horrific when it first begins.

I was told that it was coming from my OCD and anxiety. I learned over time (by recommendation on how to deal with this) to let the thoughts wash over me, don’t try to stop them but instead just let them happen and then disappear like any other thought (like when you’re meditating) and over time it DOES get better and they become far less frequent. Don’t give them any extra thought, no power and none of your time - just allow them to pass, breathe, carry on thinking about something else or nothing at all. If they come back (and they will at first) just repeat... eventually your brain will get the picture, they aren’t getting any attention and you are not allowing yourself to get caught up in it.

I still suffer occasionally but to a much much lesser extent and it no longer has any hold over me, my mood or my real thoughts.

I wish you luck

Original poster

Sugarypie · 31/05/2018 14:53

Thanks Bexter801, I can't help but feel horrible about it, and I actually feel like I never want to have sex ever , I think I could only go back to it when this dream starts to fade.

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