3 day old first born - baby blues

[TLH0307]

Hello. I feel so bad posting this I’m sat here in tears. My fiancé is so supportive but I don’t want to burden him because he’s doing such a fantastic job already supporting me and baby.

I just don’t feel like I’m doing a good job. I’ve just had the midwife round and I’ve so far had two nights at home with baby - both completely sleepless after spending 5 hours straight breastfeeding and being unsure whether she was getting enough. Anyway it turns out she has been getting enough (lots of dirty nappies). I can’t carry on breastfeeding and I’ve discussed it with my MW who understands my reasons, I’ve been feeding through bleeding nipples (I know everyone else has but personally it’s left me feeling useless and depressed), and I’d rather see feeding as a time to hold my baby and bond not hold my baby and cry and be filled with dread about the next feed. I feel useless that I’ve not been able to continue Bf and that I couldn’t settle her before I gave in and gave her her first formula feed this afternoon. She was straight to sleep after that and settled so well.

Has anybody been in a similar boat? I know this post is probably all over the place and confusing. But I just want to know I’m not alone in feeling so down and like I’m messing up.

@Rainbowsandflowers78 Sorry but I think telling a woman who has switched to formula feeding that her body now thinks her baby is dead is pretty fucking demonic, yes.

Well how else can I phrase it?! As I said before I was trying to say that that’s why her hormones were going crazy!
You are obviously still very upset with your own issues about not feeding - I suggest you deal with them rather than get at me.

I think people need to stop replying and engaging with certain posts.

The OP needed support and empathy. I don't think she wanted her thread to become a platform someone with such strong views. It's not what this is about.

I hope you're doing ok, OP.

Of course I'm still feeling bad about not being able to breastfeed! I'm openly admitting that. That was my whole point - that your comment was incredibly hurtful to me as a woman who could no longer breastfeed.

You must be able to see that being told that your body thinks your baby is dead because you can't breastfeed is a pretty horrific thing to hear when you're already in pain?

Your point about women needing more support is a very valid one, but instead of practicing what you preach you've actively made a lot of women feel substantially worse. Including me, a real, vulnerable, hurting person on the other end of this conversation. And you seem to think that's our problem, not yours, and feel no remorse for it whatsoever.

@GrumpyOldBagFace You're right and I apologise - I did offer the OP my support earlier on in the thread and I'm not trying to continue the derailing. But it's hard to let comments like that go unchallenged, especially when I have an idea of how the OP might be feeling having read that comment.

Grumpy - how on Earth are my views strong?! I’ve said I wanted to ff my second child and bf my first with difficulty. I’ve said throughout the op should consider mix feeding. I’m hardly at either end of the scale!

OP - I sincerely hope you’re now ignoring all the chat on this thread and just enjoying your new baby. It does get easier; regardless of how you feed. Best of luck and get in as many of those new baby cuddles as you can!

Well peach how about actually nearly watching your baby die like i then you might know the difference between a figure of speech and an awful reality that struggling to bf isn’t.

So yeah sorry if I’m not tipping around - Having been through the worst possible thing a parent can ever go through - I don’t consider how a baby is fed a major issue. If it’s growing and healthy as mum I think you should just be happy for that and I can’t really see why I should consider you ‘vulnerable’ - you have a healthy baby - mine isn’t

OP - I hope you're continuing to feel better and are not beating yourself up in any way about how you're feeling. You're doing great

Seriously Rainbows - no matter how well intentioned your posts were/are - you must have not one iota of emotional intelligence to think that your ongoing posts are adding any helpful insight to the thread.

@peachgreen don't justify your feelings to this person. You did what was best for you and your child. I hope you aren't too upset by the other poster's views. It's no one else's business what you choose to do with your body. I know you're sticking up for the OP but sometimes there's no point engaging with someone so narrow minded.

Thanks @GrumpyOldBagFace. I'm in a very similar place to the OP and only a week past that horrible decision so still struggling with it and I just felt for her so much.

My DD just turned a year old and I still remember that awful hormone plummet in the first week. It's so hard and then it gets easier and then it gets harder and so on and so on. You can always look back at decisions and think "what if" but the decisions you make are the best decisions with the resources and info you had at that time.

My 1st was taken to NICU and I couldn't hold him for a week so didn't BF. I decided I didn't even want to attempt with my 2nd 🤷🏼‍♀️ As my Midwife said "it's not me taking the baby home, it's up to you".

For the record , I breastfed my four children for between two months ( there were difficulties ) and two years. My daughters have breastfed all their children for around 18 months.

I still feel strongly that women have the right to choose, and I've known many who absolutely needed to stop breastfeeding sooner than they'd hoped.

Oops didn’t mean to open a can of worms. Thank you everyone. I tried to express some breast milk with the intention of mix feeding, but after a few attempts and perhaps only half an ounce of blood tinged watery milk, I just couldn’t. My boobs haven’t actually leaked anything and just went from being engorged to normal again within 12 hours, so I’m not beating myself up too much as I’m sure there was something not quite right, and my midwife echoed this! Anyway, baby sleeps 4 hours between feeds and is content as can be, which is a huge comfort to me. My biggest issue now is that I’m checking her every hour in the night! I’m hoping that will pass sooner rather than later! Xx

Glad you’ve found a decision you are happy with.

They are expensive but angelcare do apnea alarms and I think there’s new smaller ones now too. Using one helped me switch off and sleep, but they aren’t for everyone.

I was the same with my dd1, i bf for a week straight and dreaded every single feed, it hurt so bad, i eventually give in in the end and gave her formula while i pumped and got a good ampunt flowing, then she only got breast milk, but in a bottle for a few weeks. I had too, i started resenting her because she was causing me so much pain, i literally sat crying about 2 in the morning one time, rocking back and forth while she bf off of me, the pain was excruciating and i couldnt deal with it. I started to bond a lot better with her when i pumped as i wasn't seeing her as the cause of my pain, never felt so awful in my life when i saw her as that. I remember crying inconsolably when i was in hospital with her the day after she was born, i just felt really awful and depressed and really didnt want to be there anymore. Its shit when you have so manh emotions going on un your body after having a baby because on everything you see its portrayed as this amazing, beautiful and lovely time, when in reality, yeah its amazing an that but it hurts, and it's confusing and emotional. I feel for you op, sending love your way.