3 day old first born - baby blues

[TLH0307]

Hello. I feel so bad posting this I’m sat here in tears. My fiancé is so supportive but I don’t want to burden him because he’s doing such a fantastic job already supporting me and baby.

I just don’t feel like I’m doing a good job. I’ve just had the midwife round and I’ve so far had two nights at home with baby - both completely sleepless after spending 5 hours straight breastfeeding and being unsure whether she was getting enough. Anyway it turns out she has been getting enough (lots of dirty nappies). I can’t carry on breastfeeding and I’ve discussed it with my MW who understands my reasons, I’ve been feeding through bleeding nipples (I know everyone else has but personally it’s left me feeling useless and depressed), and I’d rather see feeding as a time to hold my baby and bond not hold my baby and cry and be filled with dread about the next feed. I feel useless that I’ve not been able to continue Bf and that I couldn’t settle her before I gave in and gave her her first formula feed this afternoon. She was straight to sleep after that and settled so well.

Has anybody been in a similar boat? I know this post is probably all over the place and confusing. But I just want to know I’m not alone in feeling so down and like I’m messing up.

You are so bang on target with the hormone plummet after 3 or 4 days which will make you feel like this. It will pass but in the meantime , don't worry, it's all normal to be feeling like this. All you have to do is make the choices that suit you and your baby best and don't try to do anything else but rest as much as you can and look after your baby. Grab any offers of help, ask for help and use your midwife.

All I can say is that I remember being in hospital after DS1 and we were all weeping on day 3 and 4. It's normal.

Hopefully someone with medical knowledge will be along shortly to confirm.

Congratulations on your baby xx

Weeping in the shower on day 3 asking DP to get the snip.
This too shall pass!
You're doing wonderfully!

Personally I would stay away from any tv/books/ Facebook posts about babies or dogs. Turns out that was a trigger for me. All the new xmas ads came out on day 4 and I just remember weeping while I watched them.

Also cried my eyes out from day 3 to day 6: even had to leave Costa because I was blubbing over my coffee for no reason whatsoever!

You'll feel better about everything in a couple of days: don't beat yourself up! You're doing a fab job!

I spent most of day 3 crying too, it's completely normal, don't worry. My little one is three weeks old today and I've had a few days so far where I've not been able to stop crying, and felt totally inadequate. I also didn't want to burden my DP with it because he's working his ass off for us, but he keeps telling me that is his job, and he can't help if he doesn't know what's going on with me. So now I'm trying to make sure I'm more up front with him about how I'm feeling.

If you want to switch to formula feeding, then do that, it's your body and your baby, and you really do have to do what is best for you. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.

If you do want to keep going with breast feeding or do combination feeding, then consider getting some nipple shields, I ended up buying some after getting mastitis, and they do help with the rawness. We're doing mostly breast feeding now, with the odd formula feed, when I'm too exhausted, and my DS switches happily between breast and bottle, so there's nothing to say you have to do one or the other. Being able to hand him over to someone else for the odd feed is a godsend, and my nipples get a rest which helps a lot. I had massive guilt about it originally, and cried for most of a morning over it, but it's the right thing for us, I also got to a point where I couldn't carry on and had a bit of a breakdown over feeding, and so combination feeding was the compromise.

The other thing I will say is that my baby feed constantly on nights 3 and 4, literally for about 7 hours at a time, with no more than about 20 minutes sleep between feeds. It was exhausting and I was a wreck. But once my milk came in he did slow down, and the feeds have spaced out a good bit more now. Google cluster feeding, it often happens around this time, it's baby's way of making sure your milk comes in and that you're making enough. No one warned me about it, and I was very ready to give up by the end of the second night. Thankfully my midwife was very reassuring about it slowing down, and she was right, it doesn't last forever.

You have to do what you need to in order to give your baby the food she needs, but also, crucially, a mummy who's fit and able to care for her. That means you being mentally and physically ok. If you're dreading feeding times, and working yourself up over it, then you absolutely need to make changes. A happy mum is vital for your baby. So don't be too hard on yourself, it's tough, but you're doing great, I promise. xx

Please give yourself a break, if you can't Breastfeed, use a bottle, millions of children have used Formula and were fine.

Your child needs a mummy who loves feed time, where you sit and enjoy your baby... I have always said to friends that there is no one way to bring up a baby, each child is diffrerent...

Good luck. And i miss the baby smell so much...oh and little feet.

@TLH0307 I hope you're ok.
I'm feeling pretty low, currently 12 days in, and still teary but not feeling as raw as those early days.

Anxiety tends to kick in at this point, as I know what is ahead of me in the night.

Cuddles after feeding make me feel better, as does knowing my mum is coming over.

Sending you hugs! We will get through it! Xx

You are NOT useless, you have just given birth please please please do NOT give yourself a hard time xx

3 days post natal is bang on schedule for the blues. Spend the day crying but remember it will pass. Take it easy, stay in your PJs and ask someone to come over to make tea and sit quietly & ready to pass you tissues and the remote control.

As pps have said the tears are completely normal. I wasn't expecting it with my first and it worried me how I was feeling. With DC3 I was still weepy 6 weeks later. I knew it was PND I was just still quite teary but it does get better don't be so hard on yourself.

With regards to BF as others have said the first few days are awful and baby will feed constantly. If you want to carry in get some lanolin nipple cream and use it before and after feeds. It really helps. If you want to combination or formula feed, also fine, do whatever is best for you and don't feel the need to explain/justify that decision to anyone. Don't put yourself under pressure.

And congratulations it will get easier I promise!

Oh yes, beware the day of the crying!!

DS is getting on for 7 now but I still remember wandering around our house weeping & wailing on day 3!

You've just given birth, your hormones are all over the place, your body is likely feeling like you've been in a terrible accident, your life has just changed beyond all recognition!

It doesn't one bit how you feed, just do what's best for everybody, hang in there mama, this too shall pass

I'm on Day 11. On Day 3 I was genuinely suicidal. I regretted ever having a baby and honestly, if someone had offered to take her away I might have said yes. It was the worst day of my life.

Things aren't 100% better by any stretch of the imagination but they have got a little bit better every day and I can now see a future where I'm happy again.

Hang on in there. Those hormones are powerful and they come on top of the hardest thing you'll ever do. It's not fair at all. But know what you're feeling is normal and that it WILL pass.

In the meantime, ask for help. I was honest with my midwife and she was wonderful - got me help with the mental health team, sorted out feeding, got me to the GP for medication, etc etc. Even in the worst moments after that I felt less alone. And be honest with trusted friends and family. That has really helped me as they've all acknowledged that they felt the same or similar after having a newborn.

As for feeding: do what you want and need to do. You'll know if you genuinely can't carry on, and if you can't, that's that. And it's okay. It really is okay! You've already passed on wonderful benefits and antibodies to your baby, and plenty of babies thrive on formula. Both have their pros and cons and it's nobody's decision but yours.

It WILL get better, and soon. Not overnight, but steadily.

Thank you all so so much. My main worry now is that she might be sick in her sleep now she’s on milk not colostrum - she was a little bit sick after a bottle feed whilst I was burping her and that was enough to send me into a panic :( I have no idea why I genuinely didn’t expect to feel like this! I think I’ve just had such a happy pregnancy that I thought i’d breeze into parenthood too - let’s all laugh at my naivety together haha! I’m so lucky I have a fantastic support network but as we all know, we can be in a room full of supportive friends and family and just feel like you want to cry because of loneliness! My mum has just been round and convinced me I’m doing fine and baby is fine and we will all be fine!!! Ughhh hate feeling like this. X

I've lost count of the number of times I've stood over baby's basket to make sure he's still breathing. Your baby is the most precious thing in the world, and added to that you're exhausted and your hormones are all over the place. You can be forgiven for being a bit paranoid, I promise! Listen to your mum, and try to be kind to yourself. And know that we all understand completely how you feel!

How are you doing this morning @TLH0307 ?

Trust me - you are doing fantastic. I would say most new mums have been where you are - I know I was. The Midwife visited on Day 5 and I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. That was the day I switched to formula too.

You have just given birth, brand new Mum, it’s hugely overwhelming and your hormones are all over the place. Take any help that’s offered, ask people to make you lunch/snacks when they visit, but most importantly go easy on yourself.

I understand the anxiety. I was paranoid about my baby choking. But, I was told to remember that all that’s going to come up is what has gone down - milk. They don’t choke on it while they drink it, so they are unlikely to choke on it coming back up. There’s no lumps like normal vomit.

Take care of yourself and know that you certainly aren’t alone in feeling the way you do x

Thank you everyone ❤️ I feel better this morning after two ok nights sleep...she’s settling so much better after bottle feeds and we now put her to bed overnight in a swaddle which has made a world of difference! Had to battle with engorged boobs yesterday which was hideous as you all know, so felt probably even worse yesterday than the day I posted this thread. I hope I get back to being fully happy again soon, I suppose I’ve just got to go with the flow and enjoy my perfect little bundle while she is still a 6lb9 little dot who I can pick up and snuggle anytime!

Swaddling makes a massive difference

As does burping properly

Please don’t give up bf completely - it’s such a major factor to pnd - please try mix feeding

@Rainbowsandflowers78 ffs what a way to put pressure on a new mum who is clearly struggling. And stopping by making your body thinks that their baby has died is just ridiculous scaremongering.

OP it sounds like you are doing amazingly. If the he swaddling and formula top ups are working for you then carry on! The first couple of weeks are a rollercoaster but you will find your flow. Talk to your HV and your partner and don't be embarrassed by how you feel. Best of luck.

Ps following my last I persevered with bf for 7 weeks whilst spiralling towards PND. Switching to formula saved my sanity and my mental health.

No - read her post - she’s not feeling happier. It’s a fact - not bf is a major contributor to pnd.
I’m being honest with her - ff is not some magic pill that makes everyone happy - it’s own issues creep in. Look on here - so so many people bitterly regret giving up bf.
she could easily mix feed which to me would give her mental health the best chance of recovering - long term

All the best OP. I remember bursting into tears for no reason. Swaddling was good for us too, and as she got more wiggly the sleepyhead. We FF fed, no problems, very common for them to being a bit back up when being winded, they have such tiny tummies

Oh OP I’m sorry you feel this way, congratulations on your dd. From day 4 to 6 I cried non stop, because like you I just couldn’t carry on bf’ing my nipples were cracked open with blood blisters and I literally dreaded feeding my dd as I was in pain the entire time so on day five I switched to ff and it relieved me so much but god I felt like the worst mum in the world by not being able to carry on. I sat on my mums bed and had a major meltdown cried for hours and all my family came in and told me that a happy mum feeding baby and being relaxed is all they need. Don’t panic about the sick coming up, even bf babies bring up milk so you’re doing nothing wrong.

As you’re bottle feeding ask your dp to do a feed whilst you have a bath and relax even for twenty minutes. That saved my life in the early days. Good luck, it doesn’t get easier (ask anyone with older babies/children) but the things that worry you will change. Babies only live off of ‘just milk’ for six months and in the scale of your dd’s life six months of ff won’t mean she can’t go to college or get a job, its a small issue that right now feels huuuggggee. My dd is on solids now and one ff bottle before bed and now I worry about how healthy her food is and what snacks to give her and if she’s drinking enough water. Good luck op you can do it! You’re already being a wonderful mummy by putting her needs before your feelings and working tirelessly to do your best for her :) give yourself a pat on the back and a little break.

Hi op, I'm so glad things are going better for you. If your baby is more settled and you feel better in yourself then you are doing the right thing. And you're absolutely right, take the time to enjoy baby when you can!