FESH spa and creche: The Ultimate Destination for survivors of the Palace and Deli: Prologue

[CurlyCasperBaggedABairn]

Welcome weary travellers. It's been a long road, but you made it! Now, hard as it might be, leave your ESH spawn at the creche and step into the spa - where we have every treatment available to soothe your Amityville Horror undercarriage, ravaged raspberries and worn out wits. And - wait for it - we've got the bar back. And it's all-inclusive

So, what are you waiting for? Grab a glass, lower yourself into the jacuzzi and lets get chatting. We are Forever ESH!

P.S Children never cry here...

curls Clyde is also booked in for his vaccinations this afternoon. It's our third attempt as I keep cancelling because of his ongoing congestion / coughing / sticky eye. I spoke to the practice nurse this morning and she said bring him anyway and they'll assess whether he's well enough. I'm not looking forward to the disruptive sleep as described by cheggs.

ski Clyde's nails are too soft to try filing so I am also using clippers. However I am cautious due to traumatic memories of injuring Bonnie at the same age, so my efforts are not very effective. Choice is between horribly scratched face (one looked like a rakish duelling scar) or mitts permanently folded over, which can't be good for him learning to use his hands. Second time around and I'm still crap at this.

okes I think we have a similar age gap (22 mths). Bonnie also insists on 'bottlllle!' and although she's perfectly capable of drinking out of a cup she'll take any opportunity to upend it for a laugh (not laughing). Or force the lid off the sippy cup.

Very exciting about cos!! Hope things are moving...

HI cheggs good to hear from you. Hope the girls are good despite the nail incident (heading towards one of those here too).

Not looking forward to the vacs upset you/Fanny predict - Squeaker has been really grisly for the last day and a half already, with outbursts akin to her usual evening ones at any time of the day, and a need to sleep only on me. I'm somewhat frustrated! Especially as I have started the diet today and need to prepare a carefully calorie counted lunch...

Hope it goes as smoothly as possible for Clyde, fanny. Oh, and thanks for mentioning all those yummy foods

According to my online tools, I should hit target weight just on time for my next birthday. Emphasis on the should

Re the nail clipping Mini Oke now holds his hands out for Mr C to do in true manicure stylie. I can't bring myself to do it however so it is his job. Mini Oke sits perfectly still for it and has it done with proper adult nail clippers. Toes are a different matter (tres ticklish on the feet).

FP maybe the bottle thing is "just a phase" which is what I put everything down to....

Oh and chegs glad to see you around and pleased the playtex bottles/nips worked. Yes, faff with heating milk up though - wil they have at room temp?

curls What is your online tool? Are you using Food Focus?

cheggers 3 rows before work? How is that even possible? Still impressed with your double-duty work though - don't go poo-pooing it - we all know you're doing an amazing job!

fanny I think my timing was shit this morning. He was scratching my neck yesterday and he wouldn't go down - I normally do them when he's sleeping. So this morning when he fell asleep on my lap I got the chainsaw baby-clippers out - but in my fatigued state and bad light lopped off the tops of his fingers instead. :(

I've been having fun at the stables. Jailbait wanted to ride and has finally fixed the sore bollocks problem, apparently what you do is hoist everything up towards your waist. I helped him on, adjusted his stirrups, gave basic instructions and left him to it. He cantered. Bless. Right out through the open gate! Tbh I'm amazed he stayed on and she didn't whack his knee off the gatepost... he loved it though and wants to go back tomorrow.

Glad it went well ski!

.hurray for Jailbait on a horse!

Still here then, Cossie?

FP I am using Tesco Diets (with the Fitness Element). Am on Gi Diet with the aim of hopefully never feeling too hungry. After signing up, I discovered MyFitnessPal website, which is free. Looks helpful.

Squeaker has had the needles. No likey, but calmed down soon enough with a bottle. She is now swinging every five mins from happy smiling to end-of-the-world wailing. I feel so awful... Thankfully she won't remember it.

yes, still here!

Squeaker will be fine long before you are over the trauma of her jabs I'm sure :)

curls Definitely more traumatic for the parents. When Bonnie had hers I burst into tears. Hope squeaks settles down OK. You'll be fine after a G&T.

As for Clyde, my instincts were right. We just spent ages hanging around at the doctor getting poked and prodded only for them to decide yes, his chest is too rattly for him to have the jabs. So we have to go back again in 2 weeks' time. At this rate he'll be starting school before he gets his baby vaccinations.

ski Yay Jailbait! Do you get ITV there? On Sunday there was a doco-thing with Martin Clunes looking at man's relationship with horses. It shows him with his own horse at home and it's so sweet - he's a real 'Dad' type rider as he only got into it through his wife and daughter. Rides with his knees sticking out and desperately trying to keep his hands down. Reminded me a lot of MrP on a horse. I think it continues next week. Worth watching.

Also, ow, I smashed my leg galloping into a gate post aged 14. It still hurts.

sorry about jab fail FP. I fully understand the desire to get it done asap.

Squeaks now gone berserk. Her dad just came home so they are together in the living room while I cook. Is it wrong that I have just turned up the Spotify volume to drown out the agonising crying? I a way I am glad I am not BFing right now because I expect I would be chained to a seat with her at my breast for the next 12-24 hours. Not that either bottle or dummy will pacify her at the mo.

Is it also wrong that laughed a little while the deed was being done? Nervous reaction, and if I hadn't I would have cried.

Cossie I think you're now you're starting to threaten donttry in the overdue stakes... are you still feeling a touch crampy? What about the back pains? I had back pains with my contractions which I never get with droidage.

Fanny, I'd heard the MC stuff was good. Oh yes, his hands were up by his chin - I just told him that he's got two choices, hands by chin or holding on to something. He chose after that to hold on. He wouldn't wear my hat though - i) he's too cool for (the outdoor) skool, and ii) mine was sweating and "minging".

curly I haz read comment by friend on your fb. Would you like me to administer a cunt-kicking [tm]? What a caaaaah!

I had a friend around yesterday and found myself explaining and "apologising" for my inability to bf. I could feel her hoisting her judgey-pants. Mind you... she abandoned her first son and left him with his father... so nobody is perfect!

Well done for getting through the jags - we've got ours on Monday - not sure if it's my wisest move given that I need to drive to north of Amsterdam for early Tuesday morning. :( 3.5 hours in the car with a screamer could cause me to lose the will to live. After that we've got to go to the British Consulate in Amsterdam to sign a document saying we're not married. Given how much the fuckers will be charging me for this they can put up with a screaming baybee! Papers in order will mean that Bear's birth certificate can be amended and that we can get married...

Evenin' all !

Have had bitch of a day though the sting has been taken out of it by a Mcflurry. Tho would you believe now they say you can't eat soft whipped ice cream. Too bloody late it's already winging it's way south to the little guy/gal to enjoy.

Fink I am getting fat face. No, not the clothing range. Podgy preggo chops. It's a good look I am sure.

ski Him Indoors will be of throwing himself dahn a mountain wiv a group of chums. No baybees or kiddiwinks allowed. So I will be left to have nervousbreakdown quality time with our offspring whilst he "endures the physical demands of boarding". I tell thee, he will OWE me soooooooooo big it's untrue.

costamakemineadecaffluv is you still achey?? Hope it all goes swimmingly, does sound like the baybee is a coming!

I am off to soak in the bath as I am totally feeling lardy, heavy, moody the works. Plus my bladder is being used as a punch bag. Classy non?

I LIVED on ice cream when pregnant with DD! Although that could explain why I was so chubby last time (well, that and the Dairy Milk!)

I have only ever put OH on a horse 3 times. First time he pointed it at a fence and jumped it. I nearly died and galloped over to see if he was OK, and he said 'I just wanted to see what it was like. It's not as hard as you make out!' No, well not when you are on a horse which has beenwell schooled by someone else (ie me.) Second time he spent 20 minutes slagging the horse off, and then she promptly buggered off with him at the first opportunity. Third time was on big horse, and he rode him for just long enough to get to the pub then declared he would rather walk home. We have been together for over 20 years, and that is it - 3 times on a horse. I have decided to give it up as a bad job. He still feels that 20 years of watching me with them qualifies him to comment loudly and rudely on other competitors at shows though.

Give Cos a chance everyo9ne - she's only 2 days over so far. I'll be later, I'm sure.....

And jabs - I hate them. I'd forgotten you had to get them done so young.

s'okay ski, she's lovely really - and is an MNer...

casp No, that's not wrong. Sometimes I have to remind myself that one of us caring and worrying for Clyde at a time is enough. Us FESHes don't have to be 'on' all the time just because we're the mummies. Right now MrP is feeding him expressed milk. I rather like it.

ski Hope you get your certificates sorted out.

curly - offer still stands - for e.g., polly's sister, NCT members and women who say "oooh the weight just fell off me, in the end I was a shadow of my former self - of course my 34DDs remained and my lips were naturally plumped using happy hormones released during my Earth Mother phase."

silver McFlurrys are good - and how else is a mummy-to-be to cool down when out and about? Gin & tonic? Some people are so judgey. Lion bar flavour is the current best I feel. What people (health officials) don't seem to understand about McFlurrys, Onion rings and the like - is that these foods are i) not prepared by us, ii) we don't do the washing up and iii) we don't even need to get out of the fucking car - we can remain in the seating position and eat a veritable banquet.

Who will we welcome next? The game is heating up now with the lateness of cossie.

I don't want to come across as mad/pfb-ish, but, I am a little worried abour Bear. Everyone comments how quiet and easy he is - and I can't stop myself churning over how babies with "problems" are quiet. :( I think I know deep down he's fine, but irrational fears aren't irrational right?

carrots Pls to come back and tell us about camping?

just wait till he has those jabs ski. Then you won't be worrying about him being quiet! Sure he's just fine though - make the most of it.

Well, after just short of three hours of high-pitched, feverish crying, Squeaks eventually settled (with the help of some medicine) and slept for an amazing seven hours. Scoffed herself at 4am, and is currently having cuddles with her dad while her bottle cools.

And I've told him to do her nappy and bring her down when she wakes. I have a dieter's breakfast to prepare.

Thanks fan

ski as box says, I'm not that late yet, wait till I'm 2 weeks late!!

I'm sure Bear is fine, some babies are loud, some are quiet, doesn't mean there's a problem.

Wasn't donttry at least 2 weeks overdue?

I know deep down you're right and he's fine. Jailbait's mum dragged him to the docs saying he never cried and slept lots...

ski If you're anything like me you have this weird deep down (irrational) feeling that you are somehow due a problem with your baby. Sort of a 'you left it so late you ESH there's sure to be something wrong'.

I hate to admit this. I have days when I feel that I don't deserve two beautiful perfect children. I told a RL friend this and she looked at me like I was bonkers. As everything seems to be going frighteningly well so far, my current secret fear is autism surfacing at some point in the future.

Yes, I get that. I don't feel I deserve to get this lucky. Self-esteem classes anyone? Have had such a battle to get this far - am finding it hard to comprehend this perfect little boy.

Ski I feel your pain on the Embassy trip etc. But there is light at the end of the tunnel: we went to the maison communale this morning and not only lived to tell the tale, we actually got the papers we needed! Hurrah! I still sort of feel like we somehow got away with something or pulled off some marvellous coup, which is complete nonsense, but there you go. There was an awkward moment when the ambtenaars seemed inclined to find fault with the documents attesting to my single status, but we got over that and our unborn child is legal, huzzah!

Also: bear sounds like an angel and I am hoping for one just like that!

Jabs sound like a PITA curly and I hope the night wasn't too rough. Great to have it done! Good luck with the diet. I did one last year (sort of personally adapted version of WW - but I did it quite strictly). It did work and I felt great. I hope that it will be just the same for you! It will all get easier once you can exercise again - just another few weeks to go! In the meantime, good luck! The first few days are hard. Actually, it has been on my mind a bit - it has been hard seeing all the weight go back on: but it is simply something I will tackle after, when the time is right.