May 2007 The sun is out the sky is blue

[charleymouse]

theres not a cloud to spoil the view.

at Tils, good luck to your dh.

Hooray for the lack of vom. Phew.

Tils, it really is 'just a phase', they really battle with their emotions at this age, there is a lot of stropping around. Often there are a lot of friendships issues too at school that they are trying to make sense of. We try to make light of it, by joking around and often dd snaps out of it quite quickly. It has definitely got better in the last 6 months so just hold out and I'm sure she will turn into a delightful 8 year old.

TMAM - fingers crossed !!

The poor girl is just exhausted all the time. She is at the child minders from 7.30 am, goes to school all day, goes back to the CM until 6 pm, does piano lessons on a Monday night, swimming lessons on a Friday, dance class first thing Saturday and has just started doing fortnightly rehearsals on a Sunday for a dance show that's on in May FFS ! She's not even 7 yet. No wonder she doesn't feel like playing with a annoying lively 3 year old

Hi all, i know i havent been on here for ages, never seem to have much time lately, but im hoping I can bend your ears. I feel stuck at the moment and until I know whats going on im trying to deal with it on my own.

J has decided he wants to get in touch with his sperm donor (sorry but anything else i can think of to describe him isnt as polite). I guess i knew it would crop up one day but I am not ready yet. I know i have to be there for him and will be but when he mentions it i feel all this anger rising up inside. Ive kept it to myself so he has no idea and have promised to do all i can to help but all i can think about is how the donor walked out 11yrs ago and never once tried to make contact despite the fact we were very easy to find. Ive tried to see it from his point of view but i cant, nothing would stop me seeing my kids and it wasnt as if i made things difficult, i bent over backwards to make it as easy as possible for him to visit/keep in touch. J and I sat and talked last night, discussing all the scenarios that could pop up and how they would make him feel, how he would cope etc and its obvious this means a lot to him. He is at an age where he wants to know more about where he came from, wants answers that i cant give. I agreed to ask his step-aunty if she could find out if his donor would be willing to speak/meet J that way we have tested the water without taking it too far. She replied within hours agreeing to get in touch with the donor to find out but that we should know he is now married with a 1yr old son and that he is moving to Australia next year. We already knew about the wife and child from when he was in the paper last year but the move threw me a bit at first. Now though i think it could be a good thing, even if meeting his son is too big a step maybe they could keep in touch via email that way J gets his contact but without the pressure to meet. Js step-aunty spoke to the donors real sister about it and they all agree it was wrong for the donor to cut J out of his life the way he did and that he needs to do the right thing but of course he may not share that view. They also said they would love the chance to get to know J again so i hope that will help J find the answers he wants if his donor isnt willing. At the moment the ball is in the donors court but im not holding out much hope, his wife is the same person who gave the donor the ultimatum of either her or his son all those years ago so i doubt if she will be too enthusiastic although maybe if she imagines it was her son who he walked out on then maybe she would want him to do the right thing.
The thing is im not sure if im hoping the donor will get in touch or not. If he did it would be nice for J but id be worried he gets let down again and on the other hand it wont be nice for J to have to deal with the knowledge if his sperm donor doesnt want to know but hopefully he would be able to move on. I havent mentioned any of this to dh, i know i should but i cant bring myself to, at least not until there is something to tell. Dh has been there for J since he was 3 and thinks of him as his own, its always been there at the back of his mind that one day J may want to find out more about his donor but i know he was hoping that J wouldnt bother. He was talking the other day about adopting J officially as its something we never got round to doing although J had his surname changed to dh's by deed poll years ago. Everytime i think of how dh will feel it breaks my heart. I know he will be there 100% for J but that isnt the point, i think, i KNOW, he will feel he hasnt been enough of a dad if his 'son' needs to look to a total stranger for answers. I just wish I knew what to do for the best. Thinking of the donor has bought all this anger to the surface, if he had been anything of a man we wouldnt be in this situation. We were together for 4yrs so it wasnt as if it was a cheap fling and id trapped him yet he threw his son away like a pile of rubbish, not giving him a backward glance. I hate that im feeling anything towards him, for years he has been nothing to us, now i want to hit him and im not a violent person lol

Sorry about that i just needed to get it off my chest, had hoped writing it down would make it easier to deal with, to know what to do for the best but i guess until we hear what reply the donor gave we are stuck in limbo.

i will now try to catch up on all thats been happening lol

What a tricky situation Pebble.

I think that J is of an age where if he does get let down then he can process it. He will at least be able to ask questions and understand what is going on and i think the fact that he has asked means that you do need to go down that route no matter how hard it is for you.

Like you say it might be that they just communicate via email and sending pictures etc and that might be enough to satisfy J until he gets a bit older and can then quiz the donor.

A friend of mine has a 5yo dd and her ex did a runner when the baby was 3mths old. She decided to wait until her dd was 5 and then explain about her dad. She has been fortunate that the ex does want to get to know his dd and is willing to take it slowly in terms of meeting her and spending time with her.

I hope that J doesnt get let down BUT at least if he does then he knows that you did everything you could to get him and the donor to be in contact rather than him blaming you for not letting him get to contact him.

Thanks April, i think the fact that J seems to have a very good memory has meant he has never completely forgotten about the donor. He can still remember a toy he bought him for his 2nd christmas fgs although he manages to forget what time hes supposed to be in lol I suppose the fact the donor hasnt replied to his step-sisters text yet could mean he is thinking it through thoroughly rather than dismissing J straight away or jumping into something he wont keep up. Ive decided not to tell j about Australia until the need arises, i think it would just cause him more upset, better to wait until we know where J stands and then deal with it.

The joys of being a parent!!!

Turns out the donor never got the text but when his sister mentioned it last night he had been shocked but happy and said that the least he could do is answer some questions, how big of him. He wants to phone me first for a chat so i will see what he has to say when/if he calls.
J knows about Australia, i decided to let him read the messages that have been sent between me and his Aunty so he doesnt feel left out. He went a bit quiet, obviously finding out that he may only have a year to meet and get to know his donor was a bit of a disappointment but he seems to have dealt with it ok.
Im still having trouble dealing with all this, its very hard as ive been able to shut the donor to the back of my mind for so long and now im thinking about him and how he treated J all the time. Its not that i have any feelings left for him, any love i felt for him was over before he disappeared but im having to deal with all the anger ive kept hidden and i hate it. I find myself thinking of how his life must have been, no responsibilities, all the fun he must have had while not giving his son a second thought. And now i imagine him with his new son, being the dad that J deserved and i get so worked up. Dh has been a good stepdad to him so i know he hasnt missed out but i still get worked up. Im dreading the phone call, i know i have to keep calm and think about J but what if he says something that sets me off, i dont want it to turn into an arguement. Whenever i thought of J finding his dad i imagined it to be easy to deal with but its a lot harder than i anticipated I just want it all to be over, one way or another

Hope you have got things sorted Pebble.

April well done on the telly. Can't believe how much L has grown. Hope your bro is better and the morning sickness is dying down for you.

TSM have things got any better with the SD/DD issues. Sound like tiredness to me as well, DD is in a foul mood if she is overtired. How is DHs tackle? Sorry to hear about your friend and your Aunt.

TMAM horse racing sounds like good fun. How is the running, DH doing a half marathon on Sunday. I started running again and my achilles have just swollen up and are quite uncomfortable think I will need to go and get it checked out soon.

Jam hope the boys are over the vom/cold/poops etc. Deffo get the pool and the sun over here.

LG&T brill news for the twins, hope DS3 is better, and the car passed its test. I have just had to fork out for new brakes and now the service light is on as well. Cars are a mare.

MJB well done on the dancing and the weight loss. That is brill. How is your DB and C doing? The run up to Christmas must be hard for them, as it will be for you and the DCs.

12YG good luck with the job, and DHs new business, nice to see you back here.

SOH broody what is that that I have missed. How is the driving coming along? We are at CP Elvedon in November if you fancy a day pass. Don't worry you don't have to see us we could just sign you in for the day if you like. Let me know.

SKy how is the childminding going all okay?

Abbey assume you are having a lovely break with it being half term and all, hope you have a good birthday.

PJ how are the kids? is the house sold yet? Do you have an eye on one yet?

Well DH and I had a lovely lunch out yesterday to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. Can't believe we have been married for 10 years and then he mentioned we had been together for 23 years and that
made me feel really old. Glad to see you can go through some right old shit and still keep it together and still fancy each other after so long.

FIL seems to be recovering from his liver op his bowel cancer had spread so they have taken away 20% of his liver but he seems to be doing okay, has to have more chemo but thems the breaks.

Well half term and my DM has seen the kids all of not at all. Ho hum, least said and all that.

Have got Hs christening booked for the day before her birthday just hoping her GGF gown will still fit her as with my Mum being out of the country and FIL illness we have had to keep moving the date. We are having G blessed at the same time as his was at the hospital so he had no godparents and no church service.

I cannot believe I have just completed Gs school application, how grown up are the May 07ers.

Back to work in three weeks just using AL to string it out until Crimbo then back, hoping to go PT though now. Must dash, DD2 has just bumped and we have blood. Hu hum. Hope you are all well, much love CM xxxxxx

PS are we doing secret santa this year?

I will not let this thread die. so there.

I won't let it lie.

rube knees in manner of vic reeves

Why does Vic Reeves rub his knees? Sounds alarming.

rube ffs rubs

not sure really he just rubs his knees/thighs in manner of dirty old man.

I love Autumn/winter but heaven hekp us was outside yesterday trying to divert the rain from my front door. I built dams on the road to stop the rain coming along the drive. Twas fun with sticks and conker shells and leaves. I got soaked. All this whilst waiting for A to get home on the school bus. Blardy thing arrived she wasn't on it, apparently it was late so headteacher took kids back into school, bus (allegedly) turned up, no kids there so left without them. Cue message from school to go and fetch her. Ho hum.

Hello Charley. Shall I hypocritically (as someone who never has time to post) help you to keep the thread alive? Sounds like you had fun with the rain. This weather is awful isn't it?

Waves madly at Abby and SOH.

Hiya, this weather is manic, we are in the roof space with velux windows. Although they are double glazed the rain seems so noisy, especially when you are trying to get back to sleep after an early morning feed.

Waves back

I'm still here. Just off to work and pleased to see it looks a little brighter today - can't stand any more wet playtimes, they are hell!

Morning all

Tis a lovely crisp day up here.

Last night H went to bed about 7:30 up at 2:00 for 15 mins then I have just had to wake her up to get G to playgroup. I am ending my child bearing on a good un bless her.

A however was up til ridiculous o'clock. She always rises at the same time though, so if she is late in bed she is ratty. G who insists on sleeping with a sword and scabbard wasn't to bad though, he will have his 12 hours from whenever he goes down, if he goes down late he gets up late.

Hope the weather is good for you all today.

PS who are you rooting for on X Factor? I like Matt, Aiden and Rebecca

Helloooooo waving in an excited schoolgirl manner.

Sorry but did someone mention beautifully sleeping children? I'm orf then. Buggering DS2 is still a fecker for night-times. I went to stay with mum this wk and spent 2hrs up and down the ruddy stairs trying to get him to stay in bed. DS1 however is still a gem at sleeping.

Oh and we decided that no more night nappies for him last wk and apart from the first night he has been dry ever since, hurrah!

Yay thats really good, well done Archie!!

Had a lovely catch up with LG&T this morning, she had Beau & Bluebelle with her, they are very cute and were very well behaved :) Had a cuppa, cake and did a very small amount of shopping :o Was 4 hours in total.....

Can you believe that i am 20 weeks tomorrow!! Next Thursday is scan day and find out the flavour day.. I need to know which name we will be using :o

We have fairly good sleepers here.. J is now totally knackered and 99% of the time sleeps through. E has pretty much always slept and has been dry at night for about 5mths with just the odd accident. L is mostly a good sleeper but it does depend on of she is teething.

That's brill Jam, only one good sleeper here, turns out H is due to her being off it, raging temperature and snot fest here.

of your mini meet April. 20 weeks, wow how fast is it going. Which names are you thinking?

Right busy day here, house looks like a bomb site, cleaner here but I need to tidy enough so it can be cleaned and H is being a limpet. Mum and sis coming for tea as it's Mum's birthday although just having a takeaway thank goodness.

AM glad you and LGT had a lovely meet-up, the dhopping sounds great. I can't complain on the sleepers to be honest. Mine have both always been brilliant. They are so shattered at the end of the day they literally zonk out.
So glad it's the weekend at last, I feel really in need of a break this weekend! Had Parent's Evening last night and it is sucha long night. Only had one horrid parent and all the rest were absolutely lovely.

Abby any hints on how to get the best out of teachers for DD as we are at parents evening next week.

Have pulled something in my back trying to collapse DHs photographic background, it is killing.

Right just H down for a nap going to make the beds and then attempt to make bread with the eldest 2. Any hints gladly recieved.

Have a lovely weekend.

Show how you doing house packed up yet

The Master how is the running?

Morning all, hope everyone ha a good weekend.

Can't believe Katie stopped in over Aiden.

Anyone have any bright ideas about DH wedding ring, he was considerably larger when we got married and now he has turned into Paula Radcliff a runner he has lost loads of weight. He no longer wears his wedding ring as it is way too big.

Should I
a) buy a new ring?
b) have the original down sized?
c) have a new one made using metal from first one?
d) any other suggestion?

It is white gold plain wide D band and a bit battered, it was only after we got married we thought we should have had it made from platinum to be a bit more hardwearing. Can I mix metals do you know? Really not sure what to do about it but think it should live on his finger and not in the car ashtray.

Charley I don't know what I would do about the ring, but it seems sad that he doesn't wear it. I think I would go for the downsize option.
Re Parents Evening - don't go with too many questions!! That always feaks me out, when people have a list. Just ask if there's anything more you could do at home and smile and be nice! I hate Parents Evening - I'm sure I'm as nervous as the parents!

Cheers Abby, just hope she is an angel at school 'cos she is a bit of a madam at home .

Hope everyone is okay and the weather is not to bad where you are. Well back at work now but on annual leave, counting the days