Sept 08: How do we like our eggs in the morning? Fertilised, or completely and most definitely unfertilised?

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

A brand spanking new thread where we can chat about the state of our eggs, SWI, our veg patches and any other topic we fancy

Splish, I can't believe that you still can't live in your own house. I bet the constant company has helped DD's speech though

Yes, prob all the many people around has helped dd2's speech. And actually may have helped give me more 1 to 1 time with her, as dd1 has so many people to play with, so althouhg i have both of them all day every day, i do get time just with dd2 while dd1 is busy playing sometimes.

Meglet refuge is nice in many ways. though does vary greatly depending who is here at any time, how many kids, whether people do things like clean up ever. But I've been here 10 months, and it's getting me down tbh. Communal living has its positives, but also many negatives! Our only private space is our bedroom which the 3 of us share - probably about 10ftx8ft, hardly room to get away from the rest of the inmates! At the moment there are 7 under 5s in the house - a bit of a nightmare when all are in. And a couple of the current mums are shouty sweary mums, and often people have some very curious parenting techniques.

loss adjusters with insurance seem to have messed up things with intent... taking advantage of the fact i'm not there - contents person only went to look at things 6months after flood!

I have injunction against ex now, but he contacts me endlessly about legitimate things - just excessively. even if house was fixed, i wouldn't want to put myself back near him - i can imagine things slipping back the way they were

Happy birthday ninja! splish that sounds rotten Sorry those words don't even begin to cover it. I'm useless at knowing what to say but didn't want to say nothing.

Going to make the most of the empty roads and shops this afternoon and take the dcs to the designer outlet for undercover play and hopefully some babyccinos if the starbucks staff haven't buggered off the watch the football!

lolli I have done that in the past, maybe I need to start again. A friend was saying to me today that eating, sleeping and toileting are the three things kids can control, and dd is excellent at the other two! But if issues have come up we've nipped them in the bud and problem over. But this has gone on For Ever. A while a go we changed it so if she weed in her pants (I won't say had an accident coz its never an accident with her!) she had to go to the toilet on her own and change her pants etc on her own, but if she told us she needed to go she got adult attention and a smartie and praise. But over time the effectiveness of this has worn off. This too shall pass...

Today our dining room was boarded up and they started the knock through! I've told the builders I hope England lose coz then they'll be really angry tomorrow and knock down the walls much faster. In the end we settled on a 1-0 victory so the builders were happy enough to come to work, but cross we didn't play better!

Carrie have you thought of letting her work towards earning something she really wants. With DS it's getting out of bed that we use it for, but how it works is he has a bag of toys that he has chosen in a cupboard and he earns a sticker for each night he stays in bed all night. He then gets to choose a toy out of the bag when he has 7 stickers. It's worked really well with us.

I just have to write this now as a bit of a cathartic experience in the hope that I will be able to let it go and not think of it again, so please just skip if you don't want to read my woes, I shan't blame you, promise!

Today I have been shaken to the core. I went to the Children's Centre with Elizabeth, I have the day off work so it's just us today rather than me normally having 3 kids.

I wasn't paying much attention to DD as once we're in the Centre everything is safe and child friendly (and I was chatting to my Network Co-ordinator about CM related stuff). Anyway, a mum came in and said that she'd just found DD walking on her own down the lane - she'd got out of the centre and was off towards the road (very quiet but absolutely anyone could be going past)! I freaked out and got her back, couldn't believe that she'd managed to go past me (I thought she was playing in the playground) get out of the very heavy front doors and past a load of mums etc without someone seeing her.

I got her back into the Centre, carried on chatting and made sure I kept a good eye on her not going towards the door again. Then later one of the Centre workers brought DD in again and said that an elderly couple had found her wandering near the road, had seen the sign for the Children's Centre and had brought her in to see if she was lost. I absolutely knew she hadn't gone past me to the front door, I was looking out for her coming past.

It turns out the back gate in the playground had accidentally been left open, staff didn't tell me this until I asked them politely if they could do something about the front doors as DD had managed to escape twice.

I have never been so petrified of losing DD as when she was brought back that second time, I can't stop that horrible feeling that she could've been run over, snatched or just running around lost and alone. When I got home I cried my eyes out. I am an awful mum and I'm a CM too which makes me doubt my ability to do my own job, I should've checked everything first before letting her run around on her own.

One of the Centre staff casually said, as if nothing bad had really happened, 'oh well, I suppose we're both (as in me and the Centre) equally to blame'. Yes we are, I should've been watching her with 100% attention but for FUCK SAKE, one of your members of staff has left the back gate open when they know mums let their kids run around the playground unaccompanied, it is ALWAYS locked, I never even contemplated the thought that the Centre wasn't 100% safe and secure. I know it's my fault and I'm looking to blame anyone but me, I know this. She is my DD and I just let her wander off on her own whilst I had a chat about work - I shall never forgive myself for what could have happened.

Oh lolli, you poor thing. Look, you've had an incredibly scary thing happen and you are not looking to blame anyone, so give yourself a break. yes,mums have to keep an eye on children in play centres but if you expected a gate to be locked and it wasn't, then it is very understandable what happened.
What was to stop any old stranger wandering in the unlocked gate, by the way?
If this were me, i'd have a word with the manager or write a strong letter of concern. Play centres should not have unlocked gates!

I do understand the shock and horror you are feeling - it's one of my issues at the moment (will post more later) but it's all OK, it'll never happen again (as you will now forever anally check every exit everytime you go anywhere!) and we all make mistakes every day.
Wish I could give you a hug cos you need one and you are a good mother and good at your job and your DD loves you. . Take heart and don't be too down.

Lolli Sit down, take a deep breath and give DD a huge hug.
You're not to blame, if the Centre is used by mums with kids then it is common sense, and if I remember the 'rules' that exits are locked. When I ran a toddler group we had strict rules on making sure each area was secure and the kids were only allowed outside if all gates were lost.
I would have a word with the manager as there is no reason at all for an outide playground gate to be open. It's not like it was letting cool air in on a hot day.
I have lost both DC1 and 2. 1 in the middle of a shopping centre in the middle of winter. She was 2.5 and from then on we devised our system where if we were in a shop neither of us could leave without the other. She never wandered off again. 2 sneaked out of friends door when he was 16 months old and was gone for half an hour before we noticed. Our neighbour (3 doors away) just turned him around and told him to go back home, she couldn't be bothered to walk him back 30 yards.
It is awful when it happens and you feel dreadful but things are OK and of course you are a great mum.

lolli they are definitely at fault for not checking that.

My heart stopping moment was when I was getting changed to swim on holiday and the changing room had 2 doors. I just let M wander around and someone must have left the other door open because suddenly she wasn't there. I found her on the edge of the pool - I have no idea how long she'd been there or if she would have jumped in. As it's a private pool there was no life guard or anyone else there

just popping in after being away last week and playing alot of catch up. Been following everyone's news - Fanny so sorry about DD, and yes, even though i would trust DP with c at any time, I still feel deep down that I care for her the best (but would never tell him that!)

So, DP and I might be SWI. We talked about it on holiday (well, I asked him and he said he didn't know what he thought - that's DP all over. Unless he feels very strongly, he 'dosn't know'). So I said if you don't feel strongly against another one, shall we just see what happens? then went and bought 3 months supply of pre-natal vitamins! Still have no idea how we will afford it, especially after the budget, but we have to try.

C is a real toddler now. Swings between being the child from hell and a source of such joy & happiness.
She pinches whenever she can and I admit i lost it at the weekend, shouted at her and shut her in her bedroom. . Not proud.
She was only in there a minute or so and I've thought about it and it's not the way to go, so I'm tryng to ignore and praise.
Trouble is, DP gets quite shouty and thinks she's old enough to learn discipline AND understand it. i think she can be given the right messages but is too young to fully understand.

She also is a complete runner. I feel bad but we have to keep her on reins everywhere we go. On holiday we stopped in a deserted clearing full of trees and a picnic table and lots of grass. I put her down - she went straight for the road. Even on a driveway, she just starts to run to the road. She refuses to hold hands and even away from the road, she runs and if we follow her she giggles and thinks we're chasing. If we don't follow, she just carries on anyway - fearless.
i am worried as I don't want her to be in reins forever. How do we help her to walk with us etc? I see so many toddlers walking nicely beside mum or dad - when does this happen to us? Any tips or experiences gratefully received.

Must dash - TTFN

Lolli you poor thing, what a scary experience! Just to reiterate what others said, you mustn't blame yourself - it would never occur to me that our local nursery (where I go to toddler group) would have an exit open that wasn't the front door.

MrsR T is the opposite, so I have no useful advice! Whenever we're more than about four feet from home he barely lets go of my hand! Which is tedious in its own way... Oh, and how exciting re SWI! I hope you get PG before you have time to think about the financial implications

Splish sorry the refuge is wearing a little thin. If you ever fancy a day out, just drop me an email - T is stopping at the childminder in a couple of weeks, so we're around pretty much all week most weeks. We've got a garden now, and we're closer to the train station!

AF is officially 1 whole day late. Am too scared to test, as don't want to face a BFN. Might wait another day or two.

Hopefully - thanks for the offer, it would be lovely to meet up again... not sure when at the moment as dd1 seems to have chickenpox. So will be a little while before we can be sociable. Hope if dd2 is going to get it she'll do it quick - we have a specialist appointment in 2 weeks because her skin is so bad... we had to wait 6 weeks already and go to winchester or wait even longer!

Lolli - like everyone else said, please don't blame yourself... no one can watch their child absolutely every second and it is totally natural to expect a children's centre to be safe and secure. The ones I have used have had more than 1 gate to go through before reaching roads, and signs everywhere about keeping them all locked and bolted. They were negligent in leaving it open.

MrsArch have so far mastered the walking along a pavement holding hands by telling her that she has to hold hands or go in the buggy - and follow it through. So she chooses to hold hands. Don't know about the running off in a straight line towards the road because she quite likes to do that too in an open space.

Carrie sounds very frustrating, and kids are great and knowing what gets attention. The working towards a reward idea sounds good, can't think of any other ideas, sorry.

D&S we have thought of the rewards thing, and tried it once, but there's nothing we can think of that she wants that much. Other than her precious teddy (that we would never use in any punishment) she's the sort of child where if you take one toy away, she'll just move on and play with another. And I can't think of a single thing she really 'wants'. If I said 'would you like such and such' I'm sure the answer would be yes, but there's nothing that would get her that motivated....except a trampoline! We're planning to get one with ds's birthday money, but that's not til September which is an awfully long time away and it seems unfair to hold back a present until she's earned it, especially as its not even her birthday!! Someone else suggested a sticker a day with a treat (for her ds it was a cinema trip, but dd's never been and doesn't know what that is, and I don't want to take her!) but its just a question of finding that end of the week treat. Hmm...

lolli repeat after me "I am an excellent mother and childminder. I could not have known that the gate was open, I didn't even know the gate was there so wouldn't have checked". Please say until you believe it! I would definitely write to the centre manager, its negligent of their staff. Maybe I should check every possible gate of every place I go, but we don't, we trust those who are responsible, and they broke your trust today. Its not as if when you go to the soft play you can realistically go and check all the windows and doors, and go round the outside space checking for unknown gates, and neither should you.

You've had a horrible shock, and the 'what might have been' thoughts are horrendous, but nothing bad happened in the end, and you are not to blame, you have to believe that.

Lecture over

MrsA I agree with 'walk holding onto buggy/hand/next to me or go in buggy'. Worked v.quickly with mine when they realised I was serious as you can immediately carry out the consequence. Mind you neither has been the running off type so I could have just got off lightly!

Carrie - are there any particular places she likes visiting / things she loves doing? Magazines like cbeebies that she enjoys? I use sweets for immediate bribery (like doing hair!), the rides in shopping centres for slightly bigger rewards, and any more exciting trip planned for longer term bribery

lolli Hope your nerves are more settled this evening. I can't imagine how scared you must have been . I think you need to write to them so they have a record of what happened, there is no excuse for them leaving an exit open.

splish and about what you are having to deal with. Pity we can't just dump these nightmare men on a desert island somewhere and be left in peace. Although a magic wand to make them grow up would be even better.

MrsArch DS is 3.7 and still wears reins a lot of the time (and always near roads), he's a bloody pest for running off TBH. (See the fb photos of our London trip). I also look at other toddlers walking nicely and wonder how they manage it . DD is actually worse than DS was at that age. My children are very sweet but very hyper.

It appears we are playing Germany on Sunday . My nerves can't take much more!

splish I will think on...I let her play on supermarket rides but never put money in...that might be a genius idea!!

meglet thank you for explaining the football without me having to go on the bbc sport website to see what everyone's going on about on fb!

Carrie with DS it's been fairly easy to pick things he likes as he loves Ben 10 so we filled the bag with Ben 10 toys. Is there nothing like that she's into?

Lolli also think the centre were at fault. Poor you - those heart-stopping moments are horrendous.

As for the running off thing those rucksacks with the strap are quite a good idea. Doesn't feel quite so restricting as reins I believe. With DS it took a lot of training, a lot of running after him and a lot of telling him off (in the street to my shame). We came up with a code word which he would always listen to so I use 'stop' and he stops straight away. Any other word he tends to ignore. Dreading this with DD though as she's even more independent than he was and will not hold hands crossing the road.

D&S there's nothing she's really into. She likes Minnie mouse, and mr tumble, but there's no one 'thing' that would be enough of a draw.

I really want to take her to chessington which is in the mr tumble theme park episode, but we don't live anywhere near it! My parents do though, so a well timed sticker chart could work there...!

Did I tell you DS met him at Wychwood? He was lovely. He did an hour long set and then sat for three hours doing meet and greet.

Happy birthday Digi.

Hope you're feeling better today Lolli and try to put it behind you.

Thanks for the comments re running off guys. Meglet, I think C is more like your LOs. She is so like me - always wanting to see what is round the corner or over the hill. We try with the 'hold hand or else' but so far it hasn't sunk in. Just going from the car to the front door, i say hold hands or I pick you up and carry, and we always end up picking her up. If I hold her hand, she twists her wrist to pull away. I could never ever let her walk near a road at the moment - before I've even say 'hold hands', she runs.

I have ordered a cow backpack with reins from blooming marvellous. We also got a dream tube for half price for holiday - a single sheet with inflatable tubes to act as a bed guard...just need to get her into a full bed before September now!!

Don't know if you're interested but there's a fab write up and pics of Wedstock here

We were really lucky with teaching ds1 to walk sensibly near roads in that our old house was on a quiet, dead end road with speed bumps and even quieter roads to cross every 100 yards or so (several rows of cottages all coming off 1 road) so the few cars there were had to go slowly. Meant we had a good opportunity when he was small to let him walk and thankfully he is really good now. DS2 isn't so good and just wants to run off with ds1 which obviously can be a problem. It's hard to teach it though until they have the understanding of danger. Consistency is the key I think though.

Carrie does your dd have a doctors set? While tidying up ours yesterday I thought it could be a good reward thing. She'd get the case to put everything in 1st then each time she was good/had enough stickers/whatever your reward system is, she would get 1 thing to add to her set.

lollipop try not to beat yourself up about what happened. It certainly wasn't your fault- you were clearly watching the door and so thought there was no way she could get out. It's good you give her some freedom and the centre was negligent in having a gate open. Especially as it happened twice- someone must have known that's how she got out 1st time.
I lost ds1 in Tesco a few months ago. He was looking at the magazines while I was in the kiosk queue. When I'd finished he'd vanished. Luckily he'd gone looking for me inside the shop and hadn't gone outside but that 5 minutes until we found him were awful.

Just popping in, have nothing interesting to say for myself really!

Cannot imagine trying to get DS into a proper bed - he does laps of his cot during the night! Fortunately it's a stokke one, so can just make it into cotbed thingie and it should last him a bit longer.

In other news, AF is about 4 days late, but got BFN this afternoon. Body is officially broken. If I do turn out to be pregnant I'm going to feel really stupid for buying the expensive fertility monitor I ordered on Weds when I thought AF had arrived