Dec 08 Mums - Terrible twos already? Tears, tantrums, tiaras and tractors - and the rest!

[Beans33]

Hope this is better - sorry all!

Beans, I think I am going to carry on with the grubbing a living from home for now. When DD is 3, hopefully the 15 hrs a week free nursery will be in and then I could put DD2 into a paying nursery for the same hours, and work out of the home part time, possibly. So I am at home for the next 18 months or so, certainly. I do have crises where I feel cut off and out of the loop, and there are definitely lovely things to being at work (money, seeing other people, recognition of achievements - and achievements perhaps more palpable) but I can't say I don't enjoy being at home. I think if I wasn't writing and stuff, the guilt would spoil it a bit, though. DP always says (very nobly in my view) that if I didn't work at all and we could still afford our all various commitments, he wouldn't mind a jot. I have had savings for ages, so when they run out it will be a crunch time. I have a mortgage on my flat in London, I give my FIL money every month, so I do need proper money of my own.

Sorry your DH is getting you down. DP makes me cross sometimes as he has such an awfully short fuse and I find that very wearing. I feel like I placate and smooth and placate and smooth and the WHAM! Eventually I lose my own temper/patience.

Can anyone give me any advice about DD's naughty pinching? It really is getting worse. If I do ANYTHING she does like (stop her from playing with something she shouldn't be or move her or even change her nappy sometimes) - she just pinches me anywhere she can grab as hard as she can or kicks out. I always say no very firmly but it just does no good. And she never does anything like this with DP, it's always me. I am getting quite fed up about it.

Lady - yes I agree re the sense of worth that can come from working. Although, to be honest, I have so little to do here that I feel a bit like a total waste of space. We're basically paying the nanny my wages, to do my job (ie looking after Whizzy), while I sit at a desk, pretending to be busy, just to get my maternity pay!!! Nuts. But never mind. At least I get to have lunch with friends and things!

Re the pinching - I am not really sure what's best. DD bit me a bit yesterday, but not spitefully and I foolishly had put my finger in her mouth to feel her teeth! But I pulled my hand away, said "NO!" then moved away from her and left her sitting on her own until she came over to me. It probably had no effect at all as she wasn't doing it in a huff, so she probably didn't notice! But it was quite hard and it did hurt.

And I agree re the short fuse thing. I think the problem is that we're both fretting about the arrival of the newbie a bit - it is now imminent! Plus the money situation and moving house and getting everything sorted before the newbie comes etc. I am SO sure I'm having a boy. No idea why, but am convinced.

Gosh am at leats 3 pages behind...but WOW! Spot - big congrats. But I had total faith in you knowing your body and was fairly sure you were up the clacker (I am now using this phrase in RL because it rocks). DD1 and DS are 2 years and 3 days apart and I think its a fab age gap. They are best buddies (well apart from last night when DS bit her reallt hard the little sod but lets gloss over that...).

My BiL is over from Ireland for an interview in Hove today (obv he just made it before the air closed again)

Aubs well done on the weight loss. It should inspire me - have a wedding at end of month and feeling porky. On the front bottom issue - DD1 used to get that - as Sybs said not washing properly. I used to give her a babywipe tp use for extra wiping and also put a bit of sudocreme in the general area after her bath.

Nolda belated happy birthday. Sorry about the rain!

LadyT welcome back. I STILL have not posted to you what I wanted to post but will, I swear!

Kate sorry about your neg result but hope nyou enjoyed a few drinks and there is always next month.

Rubena and anyone else who regularly takes their LO swimming - what swimming aid do you sue (if any). I know arm bands are out now but wondered what to do? We have a fab new nanny and she is getting us organised into a routine so either her or myself will take DD2 swimming on a wed am.

invis sorry about the troubles re; DD's birthday but hope it was fab anyway.

Sorry that's as far as I have got and I need to do some work.

Nice weekend. Went to Shoreditch House on friday. Narry a celeb to be seen (I'd had my fill earlier in the day - Princess Eugenie spotted in K'bridge followed by Jo Wood overtaking me at Hyde Park Corner...). Took kids to Westfield on monday. Fairly hellish TBH.

Turnip - out of interest, why are armbands out? I take DD swimming with no aids. She is v happy to go under water, so I just let her swim a bit under the surface, then scoop her up - she usually comes up grinning! I just say her name, then ready go... Waterbabies! Too expensive, but she absolutely loves it and I tried the council run classes and they weren't very good by comparison. Although we're not going Waterbabies any more as my gut is getting too intrusive!!

Turnip you nutter, braving Westfield on a Bank Holiday. I drove past it yesterday and the queues just to get to the slip road on the way to the carpark were causing mega tailbacks...!

Kiwi glad you are feeling better - we were a bit worried. I know - madness. We did go early so no queues to get it but kids were fairly bored and DD2 is now at the age where shopping is not a good idea. But I had some stuff to get...

Beans I think because arm bands hold them upright and the aim is for them to be used to lying flatter in the water. I do have a vest thing with flotation bits in that you remove one at a time. But prob best to use nothing! Maybe should look into waterbabies too. Yes, hard to take a LO swimming when your bump makes it hard to hold em.

Hi all - rest of DD's birthday weekend went off fine. It was pretty soggy our way on Sunday, but our entertainer was pretty impressive and coped relatively well with big gang of toddlers in a confined space. There was lots of confusion as people wandered in an out as lots of people went to the wrong cafe in the wrong woods for some reason. The kids did have a small little soggy explore in the woods - DD was definitely princess mud at the end of it! DS had fun ambling through the throng, but was definitely trying to make a break for the outdoors at every opportunity. Highlight for her was def birthday cake - with the allergies she normally misses out on cake at parties, and I am completely hopeless at cake decorating, so a friend very sweetly made a DD-friendly proper tiered birthday princess castle cake that she could eat - her face at the sight of it was quite something! Yesterday she was spoilt by my parents and sister who she adores, so had a good time then as well. Anyway, poor DD now has a raging thoat infection at the end of all that, so a trip to the docs and plenty of penecillin this morning...

sorry not to do a proper catch up, but kiwi glad to hear you are feeling better and ladyT happy that the tour was such a success. Veggie - hope you had a bit of a break once DH got back.

On pinching, biting etc - DS does this a bit. At this age, not sure there is much you can do other than stop them and say "no" with a serious expression. I seem to remember DD did this a bit, but stopped eventually. And yes, LadyT it does seem to be a bit of a mark of favour!

Oh and meant to add happy birthday Nolda - sorry you couldn't fix the weather!

Blimey, we're going to be on another thread soon! Thanks for all the good wishes, I think the hormones are kicking in now, I spent this morning in tears overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. I also made the mistake of reading a chapter on "your toddler and a new baby" in a book and it struck the fear of god into me. How on earth do you manage it? I guess you just do, but still...eek!

Invisible, glad you had a good time yesterday, and that DD enjoyed her day and cake, but sorry to hear about the throat infection .

Hi Turnip, life sounds busy at the moment, glad you like the new nanny. Re-swimming, we use one of those huge rubber rings because T has never had lessons and never been dunked and I think it's probably now too late for that we it's more of a leisurely float than a swim for us. When we take him out of it and hold him he doesn't try to kick, just looks really confused, like he's just in a cold bath!
How did your BIL's interview go? Hope he gets it then you can come and visit us in Hove.

Aubs, the flat isn't right by the sea, but it's a stone's throw and overlooks St Ann's Well gardens if you know the area? Am feeling a bit better about it today, had a major wobble, but I think it ticks enough boxes to go for it.

Beans, that's interesting you think you're having a boy. Is it because things feel different, or have loads of strangers come up to you at bus stops and commented on the shape of your bump? That's how I knew I was having a boy long before the scan picked it up, the old dears were right!

LadyT, sorry no advice on the pinching, we're dealing with tantrums aplenty here but more kicking. I say "no" feebly and ineffectually (actually, I sometimes get when I hear myself say "T darling, you know you really shouldn't do that"). I am a total doormat.

LadyT: withdrawal of attention is supposed to be good for those below the age of reason. When ds2 hits or bites he gets removed from the situation (with a firm no), eg put on the floor or in the corner of a room. Not sure how effective it is but it makes ds1 feel better (he's the usual victim). If ds1 hits he gets put on the step or in his room, but he knows very well that it's naughty.

Spot: I felt completely ovrwhelmed and panicked for th first few days, talking to others that's pretty normal. But the adjstment period was much shorter than for my first, i think I was feeling more confident in weeks rather than months. But you do need to make an adjustment, they don't just slot in without a fuss (ime). I found toddler groups a lifesaver, I could cuddle ds2 while ds1 ran around enjoyng himself and forgetting that ds2 was an interloper!

Re pinching ect - we try to be firm like Effie says and told "No!" a couple of times, to give her a chance to stop doing it of her own free will (yeah right..>!) then she gets put down and I just walk away - so much as Effie says. In fact sometimes she looks all sad and wobbly lip, then realises she's not going to get any sympathy and gets on with something different.

There is plenty of half-hearted discipline as well though - in fact our way of pointing out when the other's doing a bit too much ineffectual parenting is to say "smoothie darling!" after a mum in Borders ages ago whose little boy was hoicking lots of books off the shelves and generally being a bit of a demon child, she just tried to placate him by saying "Smoothie darling Felix, smoothie?"

turnip you big trendy can you invite us along next time?!

invis what a great pal to make a special cake for dd! Sounds like a lovely party, though I did giggle and the idea of people going to the wrong woods?! Poor nipper with her sore throat, hope the ABs get to work soon. lots of ice cream...

Lady/beans - I know what you mean about a bit too much dh, come yesterday afternoon I said So what do you want to do since this is the end of your hols and last chance to get out and about with dd, he just said Nothing particular, let's just hang around the house. Which meant he wanted to loaf (which is fair enough, his bank holiday too) but I end up entertaining dd while he loafs. Can get a bit tiresome when there's no enthusiasm for anything I suggest.

Work/clacker situation - I've just discovered (and please don;t shoot me) that the uni would pay nursery fees while I was on unpaid maternity leave - some legislation that says they can't treat employees any less favourably because they're on ML, and because it's an employer based childcare that I pay for through salary sacrifice, they have to make sure the place is still paid for even when I'm not at work. It's looking more and more tempting to get clackered asap and go back to work FT for just a few months. Unless that would be really bad and exploiting my employers unfairly. Ahem.

JJ - you'd think I lived in some bucolic rural spot?! But no, there is a choice of several woods, all complete with cafe in my corner of north London . Throat doesn't seem to be stopping DD from eating cake at any rate - she has so far demanded it for breakfast, lunch and tea!

As far as clackerdom goes, if you are ready, I'd definitely recommend going for it and making the most of available benefits - they will do you no favours once you are back...

On the same theme, if you can, it is worth keeping the older one in nursery for some of the time or having some kind of help in the early days, or like effie says, getting out to groups where the older one can be amused - its hard getting the hang of splitting your attention between two. Although everyone gets used to it soon enough...

Go for it, JJ! It's not exploiting your employers (who aren't a little family firm, they're a big organisation and can cope with stuff like this). Do it!

I think I'm a bit of a Smoothie Darling Felix mother, must toughen up .

Thanks for the reassurance, Effie, I remember how well you were dealing with your DSs in the early days and how your DS1 would even stay in a cafe long enough for us to have a coffee and a feed. I don't think I appreciated at the time what a big deal it was.
Would be so lovely to see him (and DS2) again .

I just got an assignment returned to me from my copywriting course and got an A+. I am ridiculously pleased and realised how much external praise means to me and how little you get as a mum when you spend all day with a whingeing toddler. Must try to see long game.

Jump I say go for it - sounds like a great deal! Loving the smoothie darling Felix moment - we have all seen 'em (and in my case being that softie middle class mother - although I am also normally fairly strict).

invis yay for DD getting birthday cake and loving it. As you know my eldest has the same allergies - I have tried making egg and diary free cakes and they are always rubbish. Did you know though that Dunns in C End will do em - they look fab and you can choose any of the Disney characters they have in the window etc. They do charge a £10 extra because they have to make sure all equipment etc totally dairy free but I think its worth if (IF your chum doesn't do it next time). Our other staple is dairy and egg free banana bread which the kids bake and love.

spot you will be fine with 2. effies advice about toddler groups is spot on (excuse pun). I did that A LOT with no1 and 2. And hopefully DS will be old enough to watch a bit of TV whilst you deal with the new babe. And then factor in the GOOD stuff - I enjoyed my subsequent babies much more than DD1 in many ways - I knew each phase was just all that, that each thing would pass and that they are only that teeny tiny and needy for such a short time that I should enjoy it. For be becoming a parent was the biggest hurdle and getting used to that - subsequent children give logistical issues, granted but the big physcological shift was already done. HTH...sorry for the waffle.

I always remember my Mum telling me the first day she was on her own with my sis after she was born (who is 21 months my junior and I) - being at the top of the stairs with us both (and I has both legs in plaster and weighed about 6 stone as a result) and thinking - what do I do? How do i get two babies down the stairs??? She managed in the end...

jeez - I have just reread my last post and it's sounds like I am drunk and/or illiterate. I do apologise. Note to self - use preview message function

That's really helpful about the pinching, everyone. I am certain she is doing it to incite a reaction because every "no!" incites laughter or another pimch I think I have got to walk away and ignore her when she does it. I will try that.

I don't think what you have described is taking advantage of your employer, JJ, truly. Ask your DH what he thinks. DP and I use each other as a moral compass.

Invis, so glad your DD had a lovely time yesterday but sorry about the throat....

Spot, well done on your course! Wahey! I have managed to find a kind friend to mind the Princess of Pinch tomorrow afternoon, so am off on a short course myself, and really looking forward to it. But I need to shake a leg and do some prep.

Turnip, don't worry about whatever you were going to send! 'Twill be a nice surprise whenever it arrives, my post is always BORING.

Now, the thing about DP being in London is that I can spend the day in my Juicy couture jogging bottoms which he thinks are ghastly and the garb of the devil. I do humour him on this, because I have in turn vetoed his gruesome flip flops (except for holidays and on truly sunny days).

You shame me, ZJ, with your vigorous cleaning.

I am on the point of murder. Thank GOD only 6 days left in the office. Feeling shit and think I'll go home soon.

Grrr.

Sorry!

yay Beans not long now. I'm the same re- work although I will probably go back part time as my main drive is for travel bennies not the pay that's for bloody sure If dh's sideline work goes ahead well I will not go back at all as I will be helping him do some typing and therefore at least feel like I'm contributing etc and then we won't give a toss about free flights.

Turnip, ds goes to AquaTots so it's a structured lesson. For leaisure swimming I have one of these which I take on our trips away etc.

Lady - no advice on the pinching but sounds like you're not alone. DS hasn't shown signs of that -fingers crossed- although he does whack us sometimes when he's in his mode of bashing everything in sight but he's rather timid so usually responds well to 'no'. I just can't imagine your dd doing that!

Spot don't worry it will all go fine and there's quite a few of us here with you now! I keep having feelings of worry about ds and how am I going to watch him if he does thi or that or runs off into traffic or dh isn't paying attention to him and he wanders off or out the gate etc etc while I'm watching the little one. Suffice to say I have gone into a second stage of paranoid babyproffing and when I noticed dh had left the back gate unlocked the other day and I saw the wind blow it open I had him immediately fit a second latch on it and tighten the spring

DS is still in pain from his bottom left teeth coming through (2 at once) but I have discovered putting him to bed pre-gelled up with the calgel and it prevents him waking in pain!
He has really taken to one nap most days (except today as he is down for a 2nd now) but we have managed two days of visits to Costa without meltdowns and even the GBK lunch went well the other day. he has really taken to ham and cream cheese sandwiches and almost ate a whole one today (over the space of about 3 hours) but sat in the coffee shop hapily eating them in his buggy so I'm pleased. he even eats brown bread and crusts in fact he has a real thing for crusty bread which shocked me as he only has 8.25 teeth but somehow manages to crunch through it!

PS -JJ - get clackering! Sounds like a no-brainer!

Thanks Pubes. Your poor little DS with his hurty teeth. There's nothing worse. DD has a horrible snotty cold and a puffy dribbly eye. She caught the cold from Barbara - haven't yet made a pointed comment to Beryl, but there's still time. And I've got it too!

Stomped off from work as have got sore throat and had been quite busy and got it all done, so thought it justified coming home. Nanny still here and playing with the littles in the garden. V peaceful. I should be going out tonight, but not really feeling on tip top form, so might give it a miss and go to bed early. Rubbish me, but would rather get better and feel happier.

Am having total issues with a girl from work, who is a fellow seccie. As I haven't been very busy, I've been helping her out as much as I can when I can, which is a considerable amount. Last Thursday she asked me (am I repeating myself?? Got deja vu!) to go to John Lewis for her and I said no as am 7 months pregnant and would take bloody ages and I have cankles!!! It's about the only thing I have said no to.

Since then, she's been checking up on everything I do and changing things, which were fine as they were. Drives me totally potty. honestly, if she wants things done her way, then just bloody do them herself. Plus she's been sending me anal little notes about various things and asking me if I have approval for other stuff. I've been doing my job for 4 years, so know exactly what I'm doing and it's driving me mental. Hate it!!! Just going to grit my teeth and ignore her for 6 days. Might even cancel my leaving lunch on Thursday with other seccies as really couldn't give a monkies about it.

Anyway, must go and do dinner!

Much love.

x

Beans, she sounds like a complete twerp, let it wash over you. As for asking to go to John Lewis, how selfish!

DP's trial has been aborted so he is coming home. Best change out of my jogging pants pronto...

Lady, I have some of those jogging pants - they are SO old though, from when I lived in the US and they were so "in" -wait a minute, they are still 'in' over there I won't tell you what dh calls mine as you hate the word they have been sewn up 3 times over the seam on the bum and I've worn them so much during 9 months of clackerdom - hold on, I've only been clackertastic twice

Beans - yeah ignore that cheeky woman you work with - what a nerve! 6 days that's nothing! I only have 6 days left too but it's spread over 3 weeks - we will have to get together once we are both off - should we plan a meet up of some description soon?

ds was just spinning the pedals around on dh's bike and pulled the whole thing over onto himself no damage done to ds (dh was trying to inconspicuosly check the bike for damage though )

Are we going to Wetlands centre on 10th still? I've got it in my diary for next monday.... Am v keen...

Apparently we should have gone while no planes flying as was lovely. But maybe there won't be any on Monday either!

Turnip - thanks for the tip about Dunns, I didn't know they did that could come in useful and agree the extra tenner would be well worth it. We're keen on banana muffins here too. The other standby is a locatelli egg and dairy free chocolate cake recipe - here which produces surprisingly respectable cake (although the cooking time is a lot longer than the 20 mins its suggests, I think that must be a typo).

Beans - that girl at work sounds really annoying. But 6 days will fly by...

Oh yes! Beans - sorry completely forgot - it's still on my calander and all still fine for us. Is there parking there? I'll have a look on line....
Is anyone else joining us? Aubi, Lady, other Londoners? Hope Kiwi is up to it? Kiwi how's the foot?