Discussion amongst Mums with babies born in December 2008

[Veggiemummy]

Hope you all can find it, Moms title was perfect I thought.

Oh cool - I'll be on mat leave so can come and visit too! Hurray!

Man I'm having a boring day. Just want to go home now!

Kiwi he does one of a few things:
Ignores.
Throws on floor
On a good day, if I am watching him, he might tease me by picking it up and putting it too his mouth, with a smirk, followed by throwing it on the floor.

I am trying him again now as he hardly ate anything before and he has just woken from massive nap (went back to sleep after I said he woke before) and he is crying and hitting the table!!! Not lots though, just whinging.

His spots are looking a bit worse though so thinking maybe he is starting to feel a bit crap and so now is not the time!

I don't mind if he uses a spoon or his hands to be honest, I just want to get out of the cajoling him into eating things route. When he doesn't like something that much (most things) I have to totally spoon feed him and sort of sneak it in still!

Oh we have had an offer on our house! It was under asking though and I said no (basically less than we want and estate agent basically told me offerer is an investor they have sold to a few times and is likely to come back and offer more)

This pasta and pesto is yummy (sat here eating some of it). What is wrong with my child!!!

Gave in and gave him a banana, he's eaten the whole lot in about 2 mins. SO he WAS hungry! The little bugger.

Oh obviously that should be to not too in my post above.

I'm going down to my parents' this weekend, so won't be online at all.

Have a smashing weekend all and speak to you next Tuesday.

x

Have a good one Beans!

Summer: ds1 wouldn't touch pasta for ages. Funny texture I think. Ds2 has started turning his nose up as well.

summer I'm with you on the pox...they seem worse again after bath. Some are definite blisters, but he doesn't seem itchy. Plus they are localised to his feet, legs and bum

DS will feed himself with a spoon if its something he likes. He will also eat roughly chopped food as long as its something he likes. Will happily eat a sandwich/biscuit/crisps in their whole form too

katie great news on your chat with boy1's mum.

ladyt & beans have lovely weekends away

Oh and beans that is most odd about your ex viewing the house. I would feel really weird.

Bum I wrote a long post earlier but obviously forgot to send it as it's not on here and now it's gone and I think
I'm too tired to rewrite. It was for SL on the feeding thing.

DS2 can feed himself well with his fingers and badly with a spoon. With messy stuff I try to help him eat so we have 3 spoons between us. It is a horribly messy though.

Hope the pox gets better soon. We only had 1 bad day and night with both boys when they had it. The scars are still fading though, several months later !

We are away this weekend too, hope you all have a lovely Easter. See you next week.

Oh Veggie I think you do a great job. It can be very trying with the two of them at once sometimes. And mine act up if they can sense I am frustrated or annoyed.

I have just spent the past 40 mins cleaning DS's cot after her vommed everywhere. I went in to find him covered fom head to toe, even had it in his eyes! He was so exhausted he just fell asleep as I was laying him back down. Could the pox have made him vom?

NJAN, have a lovely weekend away.

I need a drink now, but my headache still won't go.

poor daisy and minidaisy with the vom.

i can barely see my screen - madam has slept LIKE A TURD for the past 4 nights. and last night she decided 3am was the time to come downstairs and play. we've never had this before - i am so so tired.

i have now bluetacked black card to her windows in an attempt to cut more light out. ugh ugh ugh.

and she has conjunctivitis. on top of the cat scratches. she looks like a boxer.

Hi back again, and starting from where I left off last night when I was rudely interrupted by DD waking up. As I feared it was the start of a bad night, I got her back to sleep but when I tried to leave her in her cot some 6th sense kicked in and she woke up and started screaming again, so I brought her into my bed, after having taken my make up off, brushed my teeth and got my pjs on all one handed as she wouldn?t let me put her down. DH was away last night and she?s such a wriggly sleeper and so had loads of room for wriggling, which kept me awake. And then she wriggled so much she fell out of bed and landed with such a huge thud onto the wooden floor ? I felt terrible and so slept even less after that in case she did it again. Ugh, v tired today. But no bumps or bruises on DD so not bad in the end

All those poor spotty, poxy babies ? I hope whatever it is gets through their systems quickly

Effie I did laugh at DS2 diving into the bath , I bet you didn?t though!

I also found it weird telling people I was pregnant ? in fact DH and I had invited both our parents round for tea, under the pretence that it was a joint birthday meal for our Dads (who?s b?days are just a day apart), but actually to break the news in one go. But our parents were so chatty, hours had passed ? we?d spent the whole night saying ?you say it, no you say it? to each other ? and in the end DH had to bash the table with his spoon to get them to stop talking so it turned into a whole speech! I think I just don?t like being the centre of attention ? I dreaded getting married (I really wanted to get married, just to be clear), but was scared of being stared at and talked about all day

Veggie I?m pleased you?re feeling better today ? I have days where I?m convinced I?m the worst Mummy ever (such as today, when I kept relieving the thud on the floor of DD waking me up) and other days when I?m equally convinced I?m the best Mummy ever ? but either way, I get endless cuddles so DD mustn?t ever question it

Very odd about the exs Beans ? they?re like buses, all coming along at once!

Well done for speaking to Mum of Boy 1 Katie ? I bet that took a lot of courage to do that, I think I?d have tried my best to avoid it, but sounds like it was a great move

Jolly yes to another meet up, I?d love it! I was thinking about our first one the other day, as it must have been about a year ago because I bought DD?s Easter present after our lunch. The grand unveiling of your spotty mac!

SL just this last week or so DD has wanted to start spoon feeding herself, including loading the spoon up. Not every meal ? but when she does come over all independent she won?t let me near her with any food. I try to make sure she gets a mix of finger food and spoon food each day, so hopefully some of it goes in. I gave up whizzing stuff up ages ago (about a week after I first offered DD food) as I got hacked off washing up the blender .

Right DH is snoring, so I think its time that I should do the same. Night night everyone x

x posted with WG - sorry to moan on about my night, at least its only been one - not 4 like you've had. I do hope tonight is better

WG hope you are having a better night. I clearly jinxed our good nights by writing it down we have been awake since 1! I can't leave him to cry as we are in Edinburgh staying in a teeny tiny 1 bed flat. So it's In The Night Garden right now.

Veggie I wanted to reiterate what everyone else is saying. 2 children is so difficult. My two are like chalk and cheese but they both apwys pick different days to be pains in the arse. So I really understand that failed mummy thing. I go to spining to get my frustration at my rubbish mothering out. But we all do have days like that and it is pants but then the following day always seems to be better.

This eof you away for Easter have a fabbo time.

Right do you think if I tried putting him back down he wouldngo to sleep? Inamorata knackered and think I have a throat infection bleugh mainlining painkillers for me this weekend.

Oh no Jam! That is rubbish!

wg hope you had a better night.

daisy not sure about the vomiting, have you looked up online to see if is a symptom of the pox? We definitely have it here, spots everywhere. Well actually not many on his legs, maybe you got the ones from his legs daisy . Does sound like it could be something different you have going on. DS still not bothered by spots, but there are lots of them so not looking forward to when they start itching, poor little man.

Well it doesn't sound like DS is too unusual in his eating then. I think I just get worried because the range of things he will feed himself is still so small (fussy) and I worry I will still be spoon feeding him for years to come!

wg I hope you get some good nights soon.

veggie i have to second what everyone else days about teh getting grumpy thing. I get grumpy with DS and I only have one and I work 4 days a week so don't have him full time. I am worried as I still swear in front of him if I am angry. Must stop! What am I going to be like with 2?!?!?!

SL what I said in the post I lost was, DS2 will
literally eat anything with his fingers of a fork & spoon, most gets in. I will also top up. He will also happily sit at the table to eat for an hour if there is food in front of him. DS1 on the other hand finds eating quite boring and 15 mins is a long time for him. I was spoon feeding him until 2 and then partially for ages, he still prefers smooth things like soups or anything
obviously meaty. But he does love penne pasta. You will eventually get a repertoire of things he will eat that are half decent. I have book called 'finger foods' which literally saved my sanity. It's healthy finger foods that aren't difficult to make but DS1 liked them and well that's surely a miracle in itself that proved it's worthwhile. We scanned it for a friend once but not sure if we saved it. I'd happily scan it for you and send it as a file if you want. It's vegetarian but has meat alternatives with most of the recipes.

Thanks for your lovely words ladies. I think DS2 has been colluding with Madam as he has had nightmare sleeps the last 4 nights. Last night I was so tired when he woke screaming inactually had a few seconds of not knowing what the sound was or where it was coming from. However, in the day from yesterday he is a little better, he is definitely cos he keeps pointing at the nuerofen bottle, & practically sucks back the entire syringe itself. He had suddenly become quite cuddly too which is nice. DS1 has been a cuddler since he could life his arms to encircle my neck at 3 months. But DS2 has not been very affectionate until now. He is really kissy and just cuddles in for the most long intense cuddles. I know it shouldn't make a difference and I shouldn't expect anything back from them but for me those cuddles are my little return from my emotional investment, and I think it does help mine & DS2's relationship. It's funny, DH says that DS2 & are I so much a like and for that reason he predicts lots of clashes.

Hello girls

Sorry for radio silence. All a bit frantic here and we're off tomorrow for the weekend. But I'll try to come and read properly later. Hope you are well and not having too many sleepless nights/ bad days.

Love to all XXX

hello lovelies - no, no sleep here. again. i've been trying to sleep since 10pm. this time my own insomnia from being, probably, overtired. aha, the irony. also run down and feel a cold coming on. but also waiting for madam to kick off (although the hour screamathon before going to sleep may well have helped knacker her out so we don't get a 2 hour break in the night like we have the rest of this week so far).

at dad's, so hoping to get some rest during the day.

dh and i are not getting on. i have found myself flinching from him at times when he tries to touch me. and what with madam not sleeping, it is all so so much worse. i feel like he never helps, which isn't true - he does, only not the way i want him to. and that's not fair of me. with her not sleeping, he's full of misery and pessimism, always asking "how are we going to fix this?", whereas i am pretty sure it is something to do with the clocks going forward and she'll sort herself out in a bit. we had a bit of a talk about it tonight, and he told me that i talk to him in dismissive terms sometimes and say horrible things to him (he cited a time when he told me how low he was feeling and i said "you'll just have to get over it" - i have absolutely no recollection of this and can't ever imagine myself saying this. i can only imagine i misheard him, but who knows?) equally i get frustrated because things need doing and he never really gets round to doing them. i know i annoy him by always getting myself worked up about getting the cleaning/cooking/washing done. i try to be efficient and pre-plan for those sorts of things and i know he finds my concentration on it frustrating. however, i sometimes think if i went on strike, he might understand why i am always planning ahead, thinking of what needs doing etc etc. i don't like the person i am at the moment very much, but equally i don't think he realises what would happen if i weren't that way.

the thing which is really getting me down is knowing what to feed madam. i feel the overwhelming weight of responsibility, and i know people say oh, let her eat what you are eating, but we don't eat at the same time and i can't cook when she's around as she needs looking after. i am waffling, but i am going round and round my head and cannot see the wood for the trees. actually, it is the weight of responsibility thing which is the most pressing thing. i feel if i weren't around, planning... well, maybe it would all be fine. i suppose i've got to stop being this controlling, and go with the flow a bit more.

i never knew having a baby would be this difficult and this much strain on our relationship. i am so desperately upset and hope it isn't a sign that things are really wrong. i am so so upset - sitting downstairs wth the laptop while everyone else sleeps. must go to sleep. somehow. it's all a bit rubbish at the moment.

I didn't manage my big catch up last night but have just woken and read your post, WG, and thought I would try to reply to you.

I don't think one can underestimate the strain that small children put on a relationship and it is very common for people not to get on when they are small. I think many of us on the thread have struggled with their other halves over the last few months and it is to be expected. However, that doesn't make you feel better, so I'll try to get my practical head on.

As you know, DH and I have not been getting on well of late but what really helped this week was going out without the kids and chatting about it over dinner without accusations flying. Is this something you could try? Could your dad babysit or, if not, could you take madam in her buggy and park her in the corner? When Lucy was small, we went out a lot on holiday with her in the buggy with a jacket over it (like a parrot in its cage) and she eventually went to sleep. It was like being a proper adult having a civilised night out and we managed it in some smartish places. It just is easier for us to talk on neutral ground and if you dno't have an onhand babysitter, it might be an option for you to give you a break from the house and let you talk openly with DH.

When I was in the throes of light PND with DD2, I was weeping on my GP about Andrew's uselessness and she said (which is very true), that as a 40 y old man, he must be capable of basic domestic or child tasks (even if he does not do them my way) and I should ask him to do a certain thing and then let him do it. I have tried to do this, as in common with other men he only notices when things aren't done, and it does work. It means that as a controlling person I have to relinquish the need to have everything my way, but at least I feel he is contributing. Is this something you could try - ask him to put a wash on (pre sorted in my case, so my woollens don't end up doll sized) and hang it out, do a shop, amuse madam for a couple of hours while you rest?

Fixing sleep - as the mother of a 5 year old, I am sorry that I am still struggling with this one, but it does get better. With some children, you have to work hard at resetting their sleep patterns, but it will get easier. Lucy still isn't great alas but has better periods. Can you talk to him and explain that so you feel more united about it? Huge amounts of sympathy as I know madam has not been great at sleeping for a long while though.

Food - we never eat at the same time as our kids because of DH's job. All mine have spent long periods sitting in the high chair eating finger food while I do things in the kitchen and chat to them. It's the reality of family life here and something which still carries on as the girls (3 and 5) can get on with things without me whereas I need to be able to see M and that means being sat in his chair. As for what she's eating, could she have your leftovers heated up or if not, how about easy things? Frozen veg are your friend so whatever you have, you can pop some peas or broccoli on to go with. Pasta and pesto, steamed fish, baked chicken, baked pots and cheese, beans on toast, scrambled eggs, soup and curry all well received here and can be done with minimal effort. She won't starve, so keep offering different things, don't show frustration if she won't eat and don't worry too much if she turns food down.

All will be well. Promise.

Big love to you my darling. And to everyone else. Still haven't caught up but will ttry over Easter. We're at the outlaws, so I'll need something to take my mind off them.

wg my poor love, I so sorry you are struggling at the moment.

Sybils, advice is geat. To add some of my thoughts; re: him helping. I know how frustrating it can be watching DH trying to feed the kids/tidy up. For me I have to physically remove myslf from the house, or I do criticise his techniques. Maybe nip to the shop or for a walk? Maybe find something he can do around the house that you can relinquish control of? Give him that as 'his task'. I do also agree with Sybs if you could both get out and have some time on your own to talk.

Re madams eating, again much sympathy. DD is such a fussy eater, always has been and now at 3.5 she still is. But DS is a different story maybe because I don't get as worked up if he doesn't eat. It is so true, that they really won't starve and seeing this may help you to relax a bit more. I once read that babies/young children only eat out of necessity when hungry. They don't feel the need to eat 3 meals a day at set times like adults do. DS current fave things are things he can feed himself, particularly Dairylea sandwiches. If you get frustrated trying to get her to eat, then do what I do...not recommended everytime but...put the highchair in front of Cbebbies, strap them in the chair and leave them to munch on some finger food. Distraction tchnique works well with DS when he's in a fussy phase.

I do hope you got some sleep, and madam was, well a madam in the night. Things will get better and in the words of Nanny Anne...this to will pass. Much love.

I hope she was not a madam for you!

WG: not sure what I can add to Sybil's wise words, except we are all thinking of you. Def make things as easy as poss re food, we have a lot of easy meals here ( sandwiches, breadsticks and hoummous). There is no need to cook fresh constantly - if you're concerned about prepackaged stuff can you batch cook and freeze?dS2 is also left to feed himself (messy but necessary). Does she eat ok out and about? Can you meet with friends and take a few bits for her?

I remember rowing big time with DH over DS1's sleep issues. I thought he was being an arse at the time, but in hindsight he saw it as a problem to be fixed while I saw it as part of the bigger picture - how he was during the day etc. of course he may have been an arse as well

sybil, daisy, effie - thank you so much. have been weeping copiously over your posts. have a ridiculously bad cold, so am trying to sleep it off (sleep, hahahahaha while at dad's. things a bit better this morning. will respond properly when my head isn't full of cold, my joints full of ache. thank you so much...

WG the girls have already said all the right things. But just wanted to add I understand the feeling weight of responsibility for the feeding I had that dreadfully with DS1 because he was such a fussy eater, I remember having a complete meltdown one night because I read an article that said that if children didn't get enough zinc they would not develop properly and could be delayed! Who writes these bloody articles for regular comsumption I don't know, now I can look back and see how silly it was but at the time I had a complete panic attack about it, I mean proper freaked out. I needed to stop and breath and settle down. Poor DH didn't know what to do. I also had a cupboard full of sea bloody greens, quinoa flakes, polenta & organic everything you could possibly imagine. Anyhoo, I eventually worked out that a) children literally survive on air! & cooking these lovely nutritious meals was a good thing, but three wholesome, protein rich and vitamin & mineral rich meals a day is just not sustainable. However, several of these style meals a week was. Serve up good meals to her but also throw in eggy bread occasionally or home made cheesy pasta, or baked beans on toast. These are still all nutritious foods. Veggie soups are easy bung in some water a low salt stock onions garlic (packed with zinc ) whatever veggies you've got in the fridge, whizz it with handblender, then throw in some quinoa flakes to thicken it up and it adds some protein & minerals and your done. Even evil fish fingers every now and then aren't going to hurt. As has been said think about her nutrition over a week. Also you are still BFing and it may not seem it but even the smallest amount it packed with protein, omegas and vits&minerals.

Oops posted too early. As far as DH goes, do just let him do stuff and understand the frustration and you feel unable to even explain how difficult just everything is to him. Have you read 'what mothers do'. That book probably saved our marriage as I was really getting to a difficult point of feeling really frustrated with eveything but not even sure what the problem was. For the first time in our relationship I felt like we didn't understand each other and I could express myself to him. It made us feel really separate. But that book helped me to express to him how I was feeling.

Gish gotta go we have friends staying so better go socialise.

wg hon, hope the cold improves. You sound all run down and fed up - wish I could come and make you a hot toddy!

Although I can give you a laugh....I fell out of the car this morning. I got my foot caught on the strap of my handbag and as I lept out it pulled my feet from under me. I ended up horizontal in the road crashing down on my elbow and knee. I thought I had broke my elbow but I am now just a bit bruised, bashed and have a cut on my hand. DD was shouting "Daddy get mummy a plaster!" DH was laughing his arse of at me, and some 70 year old bloke came and scooped me up...oh the shame