Discussion amongst Mums with babies born in December 2008

[Veggiemummy]

Hope you all can find it, Moms title was perfect I thought.

I feel irrationally proud of DS, like he is the most amazing child in the world. My (childless) male friend pointed out that he doesn't do much and is a bit boring!! How RUDE! (he's right though).
Oh and DS still doesn't say many recognisable words, he had better learn before the weekend, or MIL will be calling him backward again (not as clever as DH, he was talking at 12 months, etc, etc)

veggie I never had initial instant spark with DH, so maybe that is related. Maybe I just have weak hormones!! Quite the opposite actually. I thought he was a geeky idiot, and ignored him for about 3 months. In fact I have never been one for head over heels in love at first sight with anyone.

Yes Rubes the weather does still suck! maybe that's why I'm so GRUMPY.

Regarding the sudden rush off love, I did experience it both times despite suspecting I might not. I do wonder whether the labour process is designed to make you feel like that. Basically the second you see your baby is the sane second that the terrible pain is finally over. The rush of relief and endorphins hits you and at the same moment the baby is handed to you and all those feelings of relief and joy get associated with the appearance of this little being. Obviously that's not always the case and a bad labour may lead to the opposite reaction but in my experience I think the surge of joy was partly physical relief which I then experienced as love.

I am waffling and probably not making sense! Today is day one of our five day Easter hols. DH and I are on the Tube on our way to The Wolsley for brunch. Then we are going to shop in Selfridges followed by an afternoon matinee at the cinema. Pure indulgence! Hopefully a day relaxing together will address the ishooos we have been having (not that he is aware that we are having issues!).

Oh and Trace, isn't sudden self weaning sometimes a result of the mother being pregnant and the hormones affecting the taste of the milk???? How are those odd pregnancy symptoms now?!

Oh I hope I'm having a girl. We have no idea what to call another boy!

Aubs I think you might be right. I feel so tearful when I see nice natural births on the telly and I can imagine feeling like that when it is all over. I still think I would have thought "Oh, shit, it's a real baby" as well though!

Ooooh, how exciting, yes trace how are those symptoms? And have we heard from mom that it is a categorical NOT PREGNANT yet?

rubes I hope you hear from your bro soon.

Oh Summer, you are with your MIL for the weekend. I feel for you. My antagonism towards mine is a real problem. I just find her almost impossibly annoying. I detest all her values, none of them are mine or the ones I was brought up with. Such as: 1. Know your place and be deferential to anyone you deem your 'superiors'; 2. Talk about money all the time and be impressed by what you term 'high rollers'; 3. Be culturally void 4. Be a sorrowful martyr 5. Be hugely nosey and fond of making personal and judgy remarks whilst pursing one's lips - OH, somebody stop me, I could make a very very long list.

Aubi, that day is just about my idea of heaven! Have a lovely time.

LadyT she sounds worse than mine!! She sounds just unbearable. Does your DP find his mum annoying? The thing I find is I can be honest with DH about almost everything, but although he knows I find his mum annoying, I have to tone down HOW annoying as I know it will upset him. And I get myself in such a tizz about it as when she annoys me I really want to have a good bitch!!

If everyone is well enough, however, we are going to my mum's on the sunday night or Monday and my brother and SIL and little nephew are coming on Monday. This will be WONDERFUL as I haven't seen my nephew for ages.

Can you tell I don't want to do much work today?

Busy busy in here again, and for a change it isn't my fault!
Lady, I'm Midlands, do you want me to ask around re electircians. Both my BIL's (notice the lack of D!) are in the building trade, and one is often working in Oxfordshire soI could ask if you want?
Veggie, I want Mr Veggie, what a thoughtful man.
Rubes, hopefully DB is keeping quiet trying to get his head together and will be in touch soon.
Aubi, jealous of your day. I have just booked myself two days in London on my own. Unfortunately one of those days will be taken up with a client meeting, but at least I will get a chance to see some of my old friends in the evening. I haven't been back to London for almost 2 years!
I nearly wimped out of sending the letter into school today, suddenly had a panic that I was being unfair in singling this boy out and basically making accusations of bullying, from which there is no going back. So I toned the letter down a bit and then then sent it anyway. Decided that if I didn't do it today then I would have to wait until after the holidays, but it is important that DS sees that I am trying to do something about it, otherwise we will have another holiday of 'I want to move schools', 'I hate school' etc. Hopefully I haven't made enemies of the teachers (or the Mum) by doing it this way.
Right, need to get on with some work, although Client hasn't paid me yet so I am feeling rebellious and thinking about not doing any more work until they do!

Oh SL come in here and bitch about her i'll listen.

SL did you cry over natural births before you had DS, sometimes just having kids makes you feel like that. Anyhoo I think your a great mum. And yes I think every parent thinks their child is amazing. However, I must tell my children actually are amazing and quite possibly the most attractive boys that ever lived

oh shit I forgot we have to walk to school to pick DS1 up gotta go!

DP does find his mother very annoying but he also feels guilty about it so doesn't really want to hear negative remarks about her so I have to keep it all in. It's really hard. I have already been told off a couple of times for doing things like rolling my eyes. So I rant about her to my own mother Also, whilst she is v annoying, the intensity of my own feelings about her slightly freaks me out. I mean, I don't really like her looking after DD, for instance, but that is actually quite unfair so I could never vocalise that. The thought of having to endure her visits or our visits to her for years to come actually depresses me. But I just have to bite my lip! I resent the fact that she has given DP real issues about certain odd things and I just hope I don't do that with my kids. DP's sister has the same mixed feelings about her as DP (partly why she had no qualms about moving to Bermuda...)

katie I don't think your letter was at all unfair to the boy. I thought it was very balanced. I really hope it gets sorted out soon.
aubs your day sounds lovely. Sigh, if I suggested to DH that we had a day out going to selfridges he would run a mile! Hehe, if he knows what selfridges is that is! Though presumably it has a good gadget department too...

Oh LadyT that sounds so much like I feel!! The thing is, I think DH has only really started to find his mum annoying in the last few years, and I worry that that is my fault somehow. Also he said once that when he finds his mum annoying and wants a moan, I always seem to join in and out-moan him. I then realised this is a bad thing, and I try and be nice about her when he moans (for example he came off the phone with her and she had been laying on the guilt trips about how she's on her own and she's lonely and she has all these health problems (she doesn't have any large health problems, a tooth ache was the main one). The thing is I know she does it in a way that she's trying to make DH feel guilty for not being nearer and that makes me angry. As he couldn't sleep that night for feeling bad and worrying about her. We have looked into moving nearer to her (Bristol) but there just weren't the job opportunities for DH so we have decided to stay put for now. Also I think her long term plan is to move in with us!! YIKES! (not going to happen unless DH wants a divorce!)

Yes veggie I did cry about natural births before having DS. The funny thing is I remember DH watching a lovely homebirth on youtube pre-DS, and he cried too! he is a massive softie.

Holy COW I've missed out on so much!!!!

Ooh, on the first love thing with babies - I didn't feel overwhelming love, but when they put the gross dirty little bundle on my chest (and I'd been so insistent that they wipe it down before they gave it to me and they didn't!), I wasn't remotely repelled by gooey stuff. I didn't get the rush of love, but I did think "this feels right". Love came about an hour or so later. Ooh, hormonal, have made myself well up thinking about it!

My MIL is going to visit DD at Beryl's house this afternoon. I don't really like the thought of her being with DD while I'm not there as am v territorial as far as MIL concerned. Quite weird. But she seems to think DD is her own daughter and always says "how's my little girl", which drives me demented!!! DD isn't bloody hers!!!! Grr. Sorry. She's a lovely lovely lady and I actualy do love her. BUT I feel like nothing is sacred for DH and I. He doesn't have the same feeling and happily tells his Mum every detail and she said she wanted to go and see Izz today to see her "little orangutan walk". Erm, I don't remember saying that's what she did! And why should she get to see DD immediately just because she wants to - she can wait like normal grandmothers do!!! Plus, she whips out her camera at every opportunity, so there's nothing left to memory, it's all stored in photographic form, which I find quite annoying too. In fact, lovely though she is, I wish she'd butt out a bit and let us get on with our own family. DH is total mummy's boy and could never slag her off to him at all. Although he's more than happy to be rude about my Mum!!!

PS I also know I'm probably being totally irrational, but can't seem to help it. We need to cut the apron strings a bit!

I think what I'm trying to say, and not very well, is that I would really love it if DH and I had a bit of time with DD that was just ours if you know what I mean. Rather than MIL wanting pictures sent and to be a part of all our memories with DD, rather than them just being our memories. IYSWIM? Does that make any sense? Or am I talking total bollocks?

TBH when the new one arrives, I think I'll be delighted with her intervention and offers of help. But at the moment, it just feels like she's so grabby of DD and DD's mine!!

ROAR! In manner of tiger mummy with claws out and all over-protective of DD!

You aren't talking bollocks, Beans. If I had a childminder (for eg) and my MIL wanted to visit DD at the childminder's, I'd feel a bit irritated tbh. I must say the fact that she lives 100 miles away does help.

That's a lovely offer Katie, picking your BILs' brains about possible sparkies for me but I will come back to you about it as tbh I am really hoping to persuade this one to do it. Hey, good luck with the letter. I think it was the right thing to do.

Oh Summer, your MIL to move in one day? Although I am sure mine has similar plans. I am already fretting about Christmas as I know she will insist on coming to stay as we now have room (no thought as to what I might do about my own family or my DH's dad, to whom I am close. Grrrrrrrrrrrrumph.

HEHE Beans you do sound quite overprotective!! At least she wants to help I suppose but it is definitely nice to have your own space sometimes. Where does your MIL live, is it nearby?

Well LadyT I have overheard certain conversations with DH (I was in bed and could hear what they were saying) where she was dropping some very heavy hints. THe thing is she would want to move in with DH only, not me!! She makes it very clear that he's the only one she really likes spending time around (even poor old DS doesn't get that much attention)!!

This Xmas it is the turn of us to go to my parents. I am sure it is likely to cause trouble although we have been to hers two Xmases in a row and she already knows we will be going to my parents.

SL - I'm totally overprotective. And have had a think about it, so am backing off and actually must appreciate the fact that she loves my DD and me so much. She is a very kind, lovely woman and I must think nice things about her, not nasty. I can be a right unreasonable bitch at times and I think this is one of them. Although, of course, that is very rare and usually I am perfection personified, hilariously funny, kind to animals and love all people the world over. Ahem.

Wowsers - MIL living with you - that is pretty full on - eeeek! Christmas for us is v cut and dried - alternate years with alternate families. One year, though, soon, I really want us to have Christmas at our house with no parents or inlaws or anything. Would be lovely! But this year it's at my parents, which will be fine.

I've just had a pizza express La Reine with pepperoni on. Delicious. then a krispy kreme donut. I am a total fatty. Hurray!

Am seriously behind with you lot!

Have quickly read, but I think I have retained a tiny fraction of everything, so apologies if comments are somewhet random.

Aub - fantastic news about the school, it must be a massive relief! Loved the conversation you had with DD!

LadyT - you are not wrong, there is an Adam Smith connection with my posting name. (Although indirect - it happened to be inspired by a cartoon I have on my wall "There it is again - the invisible hand of the marketplace giving us the finger").

The rush of love thing - didn't really feel it with DD, much more so with DS, but then DD was a C-section after exhausting labour and DS was a lovely natural birth, so I think there is some sense in Aubi's theory. Adore them both now.

On MILs - I find mine hard to be around as well, although I do have to keep reminding myself that she is basically kind and well intentioned. Unless you are very lucky, I think the trouble with in-laws is that you are thrown together with someone from a very different generation, with whom you have very little in common (other than DP, but even there your perspective is likely to be different) and whose perspectives you don't necessarily share. I find my in-laws completely mystifying. MIL will constantly send little packages of random stuff for the DCs, but when she comes to see them seems to be nervous of getting near them. V different to my own mum who will be all over them and praise them extravagantly, which DH probably finds excessively over the top. I think the only answer is lots of tongue biting and goodwill on all sides! The only thing that worries me is that DH passes on all the bits I think misguided from his own upbringing to the DCs - but I guess he feels the same about my lot!

Full of stinky cold here. Took the luxury of a lie in a day off work yesterday. The one upside was that we had been to a big family dinner on Monday night and neither DS or DD thought fit to sleep (did have a cot set up), so they both snoozed through till 9.30! Have an interview on the Tuesday after the bank holiday (the public sector job, not the travelley one), which is good, but slightly buggers up the long weekend as I will feel like I have to do some prep.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
DS2 just walked!!!!!!

Oh yay! Effie - I feel your joy! DD only took her first steps 2 weeks ago and it was so exciting. Hurray!!!

He just decided to stand up and totter towards me! He is very proud of himself. Of course DS1's first reaction was to rugby tackle him to the floor!

Oh that is heavenly. I love how their arms are all up in the air - DD has such a great big grin on her face - all proud of herself and smiley. Looks a bit loony, but it's gorgeous!

DS1 - I like his attitude! Hilarious!

Looks like the letter might have been a bit of a mistake, for two reasons. Firstly DS got into trouble today for fighting, and guess who with?!?! The story from DS is that Boy 1 was being really annoying, chasing some boys (including DS) around and telling them he was going to hurt them, so another boy pushed him, he fell over and then DS pushed him again. Boy 1 ended up hurt and in tears. According to the teachers, Boy 1 wasn't doing anything and it was all uncalled for. I have bollocked DS appropriately, especially for pushing someone when they are already down and hurt, but he doesn't seem to understand what he has done wrong at all.
Secondly, the teacher was extremeley dismissive of my concerns. She is unable to discuss other children individually but feels that in her experience this is just a blame thing, ie Boy 1 is being blamed for alot of stuff that he may not have actually been involved in, basically put it down to Boys rough play again. I am cross that she hasn't taken me seriously, especially as this is the teacher that I think is more reasonable, however she has spoken to the Head and they will come back to me appropriately tomorrow.

Effie, woohoooooooooo. I don't think DD is anywhere near even contemplating walking!

I'm sorry about that Katie. Sounds like the teacher is behind a bit on managing things, but that's easy for me to say! Hope you get some practical solutions from the Head.