Discussion amongst Mums with babies born in December 2008

[Veggiemummy]

Hope you all can find it, Moms title was perfect I thought.

Effie, I would absolutely love that, it would be most incredibly kind of you. I still love DD in hats and when she was a baby we had a red beret which I adored. Those designs are all so charming. I wish I would knit. I imagine it would help me relax (I can't ever, ever relax).

Sybs, you poor old thing. Drunken rows are the pits. Hope you can sort it out, darling. Don't worry about the old dears next door - they are probably hard of hearing. Deep breaths....it will all fade away. Hugs to you.

Spot, sorry about the gulls. My auntie used to live not too far from you and they used to get her down too. My Mum would say brightly how much she enjoyed the sound of them and my auntie would sort of hiss and babble about how different it was living with them. Do you ever eat gulls eggs? They have a very short season and are a huge delicacy. DP managed to procure some but it was when I was last pregnant and you can't eat them in pregnancy due to the high levels of....somethin' or other.

Have just totally ignored the dishwasher and children to do a quick catch up.

SYB how awful dont worry about apologising to the neighbours. Drunken rows are horrid.

Poison fabbo news about your brother.

LadyT great news another lovely mini ladyT.

WG sorry you are so down. Also please try not to worry about your friend. I too when BF DS2 had several comments by some vv close friends which really upset me. But I can only reiterate what the other lovely ladies have said. Rise above it she will know soon enough how the reality is different.

SPOT I will swap you gulls for roosters who last night started at midnight in the trees behind my garden. [grrrrr]

Beans PMSL at your stories. There is a great book called the best friends guide to pregnancy and birth which talks all about those embarrising labour things. My best friend thinks I should go round the schools talking about all teh hideou things in labour/birth & the first year. She reckons I would be great at halting the teenage pregnancy rate.

Right best get back to the screaming ones.

Apologies for the rush post bad grammer and shocking spelling.

Oh and still have DH at home flat on his back, honestly he really needs to man and get on with things. I really am the most unsympathetic person ever.

Oh also Veggie aboout your bikes bloody cheek of it. DOnt suppose the have the equvilent of brick lane on a Sunday morning where you can go and buy back your stolen bike?

Yay LadyT - so pleased to hear the happy tale of your heroic DP surprising you at the scan, your great nuchal result and your probable second daughter. All fantastic news. Yesterday I was so excited to hear the angle of the dangle that I was secretly checking the thread on my phone every five mins.

Rubes - when I was preggers with DD1 they wanted to induce me at 38 weeks due to mild pre-eclampsia. My hazy memory is that they did a little test that told them DD1's lungs weren't quite mature (probably because acceding to my dates I was about 37+2 but they ignored that and went with their own dates). Anyway, they waited a few days, tested again, got the all clear and induced. I tell you this not to worry you about lung maturity at 38 weeks, because as I say I doubt I was 38 weeks, but more because if you are worried you could ask for the same test to check bubs is ready.

Poison - have a fab time in Lanzarote. I was so pleased to hear about your brother.

NJAN - lovely to hear from you too. Sorry that you and Sybs have had marital mishaps recently. It's so hard getting the marriage right while distracted by the little people.

Verso - nice to hear from you and glad the thread cheered you after your bad week.

Beans - you had me stiffling sniggers at my desk several times yesterday. I insisted on an enema before induction with DD1 as I had the same fear as you. Lovely!

Effie - I heart those knitting patterns. I wish I could knit. Very envious.

On pregnancy misconceptions I actually don't think I had many assumptions that I would be a good, sorted and bonded mum. I was the opposite in that I worried I wouldn't be able to breastfeed, I would have a baby that never slept, I would endnup relying on TV all the time etc. Then when DD1 arrived it was actually so much easier than I had feared and I was so much better at motherhood than I had expected. I really don't mean to sound smug, far from it, but I do think that setting my expectations really low helped in an odd way.

Oh, and LadyT, I am having a bit of a wobble about Sweden. When I went to book the flights I realised how far the wedding is from and airport and that, couple with our childcare arrangements, means we will have to fly Fri late afternoon, arrive in the night, drive through the early hours, have a fun but tired Sat then get up on Sun early and drive a long way again to get flight back. Also our nanny charges so much at weekends that the childcare plus flights, plus car and hotel will cost nearly £1000 before I even start buying
my outfit etc. Urgh. We so want to go and have said we will but I am worried about the cost and travelling stress. Must decide today. Have you decided about the hen do?

Aubi - mmm, I think it would be a no go for us unless we were extending it like we have - finding childcare for DD is just too hard. I realise we can't bring her to the ceremony so that means either DP misses the ceremony or else we find childcare there, which D mentioned. Could you contemplate bringing your DDs? If you did so, could you take Friday off? The Monday is already a bank hol. But yes: the venue is a long way from the airport, whichever airport you pick.

Hen night - hmmmm. Not massively keen and will decide nearer the time. I know that makes me sound like a party pooper! Are you still going? Is CD?

Bugger me, I'm exhausted today. I think I must have been slightly hysterical when I was posting last night as haven't slept well for a few nights. Last night I woke up literally drenched in sweat. Quite disgusting and I have no idea why. I had to strip off and sleep bare, which I rarely do as I find I feel really vulnerable.

Sybs - hope all ok with your DH today - dare I ask what the row was about, or was it simply a drunken thing, which will hopefully pass?

Jam - I hate roosters. Luckily there aren't any in London near us, or I would be having coq au vin most nights. Ans spot - I can only encourage you to try feeding them the odd alka-seltzer. It does apparently explode them as they can't fart or burp (unlike me). Although I haven't ever tried and I wouldn't seriously suggest it!!!

Effie - those knitting patterns are just heavenly! I would love love love you to knit somethign for my next nipper. Their little shoes are incredibly sweet!!! In fact, have browsed the website and almost everything they have is heavenly!!!

Right, off for a pee. As usual.

Argh, well I think it is a boring end to the excitement of my peeing on sticks. I've done TWO more tests and NADA. I think I must have pregnancy hormones living on my sink?? Is that what happens if you don't clean enough?? Sorry for the unwarranted melodrama! Still no sign of AF, but she must be imminent.

No time for personals from work just now but will be on tonight.

Thanks to all who were asking about mum - she is much better, still off work but is retiring in the summer and very happy about it .

mom - bugger - maybe it's time for TTC!!

I'm glad to hear that, effie. Great news.

I've got a thumping headache and feeling bloody knackered. Got antenatal appointment this pm, so keen to head home a bit early and get some sleep while the nanny works her magic with DD. Am going to give it til 12, then bog off home I think.

Wow, so much chatting and news. But I have literally nothing to do here this morning, so I am going to indulge myself with a naughty catch up.

LadyT - all fabulous news, congratulations on the healthy little likely DD. Sounds like you had a lovely day of it (you've been making me quite with all that talk of Providores and Marylebone High St - used to be a regular haunt, but not been there for ages). My sister was having her 20 week scans round about the same time as you (but at st Mary's not FMC). All well.

Poison - fab to hear from you, especially with good news, so pleased its been a clear scan for your brother. Have a wonderful trip and happy birthday for your DS! Amazing how they grow up - DD turns 3 soon too and I can't quite understand where this opinonated monkey popped up from!

Veggie - sorry about the bikes, but glad there was a sort of happy ending. So annoying when these things happen.

Beans - enjoying your posts. Preg does funny things!

Rubena - only ever had an emergency c-section, but I would say that 39+2 would be cutting it fine if you don't want to go into labour. DS was 10 days early...

Aub - sorry for the colleague hassles, but glad you have been vindicated! Also much sympathy over the wedding dilemma. We've just decided to decline a wedding invitation in Northumberland (I think quite near to where you went katie) as we didn't know what to do with the DCs - no one to leave them with, a no kids policy at the wedding and no obvious babysitting when we got there, even without taking into account the cost.

NJAN - sorry about the illnesses.

syb - rows like that are rubbish, but hopefully blow over quickly. Wouldn't worry about apologising to the neighbours - I think usually everyone is happy to draw a tactful veil in these kind of situations!

WG - I think everyone has said what there is to say, but sorry you have been made to feel bad. I think people tend to be so preoccupied with their own situations (even assuming they know what is coming) that they totally lack empathy for others. Anyway, its all very well to think you can plan what you are going to do, but with DCs, there is another person involved - and they often have very definite views! On the better off friends thing, that's really hard. Growing up, we were always the "well off" ones to one side of the family and "the poor relations" on the other and neither was very comfortable. It does need a bit of tact on all sides to make things work, but they will do if the friendships are worthwhile.

Verso, Jam - lovely to see you on!

Kiwi - enjoyed the stories of your DD. Mine aren't quite so flirtatious, but aren't exactly shrinking violets either. DD has buddied up with another girl at nursery and apparently the staff and nicknamed them "Thelma and Louise". Not sure who is who, but they certainly do a lot of running off and getting into mischief.

Turnip, LadyT - thanks for asking about the job saga. No real news at the moment. Basically, the situation on the travelly job is that someone I know well at this company thought it might be a good idea for me to come on board. She has raised it with the senior "powers that be" who also think its a very good idea. But I still need to go through the interview/application process. Next step would probably be a trip to the US for a formal interview, but as my contact says, the wheels turn slowly. I think if it comes off, I will probably take it, but it is daunting. The job will be hard work, but fun and is well paid (amazingly, would actually mean more than I currently get, which is pretty unusual for a move in-house). The logistics are the real issue, especially as I don't drive (have a license, but took 6 tries to get it and never got to grips with the whole thing). Job is on the far side of London for us and as well as the commute, there will be a lot of time travelling, both Europe and US. In the medium term, it might mean a house move makes sense. My family are totally over-excited about the idea as both my parents and my sister live relatively close to Paddington and are egging me on to move to their patch...but we really like where we are, DCs are happy etc. No idea what it would mean for schooling either.

Mind you, lately Daddy is flavour of the month at home, so not sure how much I would be missed! Did spend the day being parent helper at nursery on Tuesday though. Was fun to see DD there, although she wasn't on best form - she had been complaining of earache during the night and we probably should have kept her home, but she seemed a bit better in the morning. By evening she was exhausted - she was telling me she was too tired to have her tea and ended up in bed at 5.45 not having eaten, had her bath or anything, which is pretty unheard of.

Aargh - spoke too soon! Just had a call for dates on the trip to the US - idea is I go for a flying two day visit towards the end of April. Couple of dinners planned, so there is a bit of ordeal by knife and fork about the whole thing. Feeling quite wibbly.

Beans I have no plans at all on Saturday so either morning or pm is good with me! Are you on Facebook BTW? If you are that might be the place to liaise re arrangements! I liked your plan to go to yours if you're sure it's ok - DD is such a hyperactive thing that keeping her happy when you can't let her off the leash in cafes can be a bit of an ordeal. Instead she can trash your house haha

Syb our old neighbours used to have epic screaming rows about twice a week and it never bothered us!! We found it quite amusing actually. And wondered how on earth their poor little boy slept through it. I imagine they will have forgotten straight away so I'm sure there is no need for you to apologise (unless you were hurling crockery at their wall or something)

Great Kiwi - shall we go for the pm? Are you happy for 3pm? And Verso, if you can join us, that would be lovely. Just let us know on here.

I am on FB - in our group - initials are SH and I'm the latest to join, I think! Although I'm rubbish at going on it!

Nope, not me Invis, don't think I've ever been to Northumberland. You must be thinking of someone else.

DD had a fairly good morning at the CM's, a few tears and wouldn't eat her snack, but a whole lot better than I was expecting. I was very pleased to get her back though and the next big battle is going to be taking her back on Monday when she knows what's coming .

The bullying thing has started up again at DS's school. Yesterday he told me that he was punched in the back by Boy A, I didn't take much notice, but had a phone call this morning from Boy B's Mum apologising for Boy B kicking him in the back . Apparently, Boy A punched him then Boy B kicked him, but only Boy B was caught and sent to the Head.
Boy A is a real problem, and Boy B seems to be heavily influenced by him. I get on very well with both Mum's and really don't want to have to go and make another complaint to the teachers, but I just feel so sorry for poor little DS, he might be quite big but he is a really gentle soul. I've seen how scared he is of Boy A and it breaks my heart seeing him trying to get away from him in the playground in the morning. I just don't know what to do now.

LadyT - meant to ask, what did you make of the Scott-Thomas film? I know it isn't exactly the cheeriest!

Afternoon ladies. I'm feeling so knackered today. Not quite sure why as the last 2 nights I've has fairly decent sleeps. I've got my first proper class of Ashtanga yoga tonight (I'm doing a 12 week course) and I'm very concerned I won't make it through as it's quite demanding.

I've had a nice relaxing time Reading all your posts and having a good giggle too. But I can't remember much. Am happy to hear Katies DD was ok at CM but sad, really sad to hear about the bullying. Is it possible to speak to the mums? Have you ask DS what he'd like to happen? I think you gotta do what you think is right for him and if they get offended well that's their problem. I do know how you feel, the friends of ours who had the son who hits DS1 made it difficult to say anything because they kind of felt bad but also shrugged it off. In the end we just did our best to let their son know what he was doing was wrong and armed DS1 with things to say to him. I think we have offended our friends on several occasions but they are adults and will get over it.

Also on the clingy kids at soft play etc. DS1 was always itching to get onto the soft play stuff and was always confidently barrelling around and not shy at all. However, if we went to birthday parties or those group mum & toddler activity things like yoga bugs he was always tightly attached to my leg he really didn't like groups in a room activity type things. In fact after his 2nd yoga bugs class after he had run screaming from the room, he actually, at just over 2 years old put together his first sentence 'I hate yoga bugs!'

gotta go have to get to school to pick him up. He rode all the way to school this morning while I walked (very quickly beside him)

Sorry, but am having a real wobble about DS and the bullying, and need to let off steam. I completely ignored him yesterday when he said that he had been hit as I put it down to attention seeking. Don't you think the school should tell me when something like that has happened, or is it not really their place to say? If they had warned me then I would have been more prepared to listen and given him some advice on how to deal with it. I really appreciate Boy B's Mum calling to apologise this morning, but I really don't think Boy A's Mum has any idea what her DS is doing. I feel it is the teachers place to tell her if he has been naughty and been sent to the head, not mine and I really don't want to sour relations with her, yet I have to protect my baby.
I also feel like I never get any time to just cuddle and talk to DS because DD is always demanding my attention. He has developed some very attention seeking behaviour (like not eating, refusing to get up/ dressed in the mornings) and instead of listening to him and trying to help I just end up shouting at him. .
Should Ijustbite thebullet and talk to the Mum in case she doesn't know whatis going on, and risk her hating me, or should I go back to the school again and tell them that they must let me know if something like thishas happened, and demand that they talk to the mother, and risk being branded an over protective Mum...again.
Sorry for the me post, but this has really upset me, again.

Xposted with Veggie. DS did ask me to go and talk to the teachers about these boys a few weeks ago, which I did and he was much happier. Things got better for a few weeks, but are now evidently bad again. You are right though, I will ask him again what he would like me to do, and must try harder to give him a bit more time and attention. What's made it worse is that his best friend has been off school this week, so seems like DS is dealing with it all alone, rather than having his adversary there.

Katie - I missed your earlier post. That kind of behaviour is horrible. I'd agree that its not for you to get involved in talking to Boy A's mum - its really a question of her DS's behaviour and between her and the school - much more likely that anything you say would get taken the wrong way, upset you both and not achieve anything. I prob wouldn't go back to the school and demand that they talk to the boy's mother, but maybe be a bit more diplomatic - say you are concerned about DS and ask what steps they have taken/imply that they of course must have spoken to Boy A's parents. Is there any way you can arrange to get a bit of time with your DS just you and him, so he gets a chance to let off steam? This is one of the things I really dread about sending my DCs to school - just seeing DD at nursery in the week was enough to make me a bit sad when some boys wouldn't play with her and she looked a bit lost. Hate the thought of what they can go through.

I'd talk to the school. Ask to see their bullying policy. If you're feeling fibbed off go to the governors. Your ds should never be scared of going to school - what are his teachers thinking of? Re the short fuse, I sm very like that with ds1. I find stepping back and actually listening to him, even if it's at bathtime or when I'm cooking, does help. Cam he help you round the house? Ds1 loves to help me bake, or set the table, even if he tends to run off before he's finished! He likes it that he is allowed to so stuff that ds2 isn't. He is a bit younger (3.5) so may not apply to your sit. But if I thought anyone was pushing him about I would be raging.

Just a quickie as have been given a last minute proposal to work on this afternoon but didn't want to ignore you, katie. Think Invis is right that it's down to the school to speak to A's mum (that way it takes the onus/blame off you) and Effie is right about governors/bullying policy. It sounds like the school just aren't being robust enough. If your DS is scared to go to school and is being menaced, I don't think that makes you an overprotective mother - no way, Jose! And Veggie is right about checking what your DS thinks you should do. How wise and clever everyone is! Can't top that advice but just wanted to send you a spot of sympathy.

Hey all. Just heard that the court case for the guy who knocked over and killed my grandma has reached conclusion and the guy has been found Not Guilty. Feeling a bit shaken. He was reversing too fast, there were witnesses who said so, he admitted that he didn't look and yet they find him not guilty? I can't understand it.

Oh Katie you poor thing it is hard. I think it's good that badboyb's mum rang you, it shows she is concerned. Did her son tell her? I agree the school should be telling you, not in a dobbing way but in an informing way so you can be prepared. Effie the wise, has the best idea I think, talking to the school about their bullying policy. Unfortunately with boys there seems to be a bit of a toughen up thing (something our friends implied with DS1), and so schools leave it and leave it hoping they will 'sort themselves out' until it escalated out of hand. In the meantime someone ends up feeling a bit lost and isolated.

I identify with snappiness I do it all the time. I really wish I could be more patient.

Kiwi - so sorry, that must be horrible, not surprised you are feeling shaken.

Very sorry to hear this, Kiwi. DP has done many similar cases to this and they are always horrendous I guess you never know which way the jury are going to go, particularly if there are also witnesses for the defence. I am very sorry for your loss and that this has made you feel even worse.