DEC 08 - Welcome to the house of ill - We're riding a poonami

[MomOrMum]

This was the only thing I could remember some saying should be the next title!

Thanks all . Have talked to my dad and he is sure all will be fine. Don't want to go into too much detail here but mum is on long-term meds which usually work well. Sometimes she had a wobble and they need to be adjusted. That's usually it, but there is a chance it won't work which means she has to be hospitalised -hoping that won't happen. It hasn't for years, but it'salways a worry in the back of our minds. Sis a I have worked out how we can get home if needed, but an unexpected visit would freak her out at this point!

Hi girls, just a quickie,

Kayz - I am so sorry you are having these problems with your H. It sounds horrible. FWIW I think LadyT's advice is spot on. Texts alone are not necessarily a reflection of his feelings for you. I really think LadyT's ideas for counselling your own marriage together are a great idea. If your marriage is going to finish you want to be sure in your own mind, and for the sake of your DSs, that you gave it every chance and fought for it. I am not saying you shld stay in an unhappy relationship but only that you need to be 100% sure that breaking up is the right decision. Give yourselves time to think and talk.

Effie - sorry to hear about the stresses with your mum. I hope it can be sorted without hospitalisation (& with the help of a colour coded plan!)

Daisy - no need to worry about what I thought you looked like before I saw FB! I always have very strong images of people on here and get shocked when I see them in RL. I saw you as dark with short black hair... I think it's the Dora in your name... I made you a grown up Dora The Explorer! You got off lightly though. Before I met LadyT she looked like a younger Lady Thatcher. Effie looked like a 1920s flapper and Veggie was Kerry Mangle from Neighbours circa 1989 (on the grounds she was a vegetarian Aussie). Ummmm. I am clearly mad & need to shut up before I alienate you all.

Lovely to see you WG!

A younger Lady Thatcher???

Aubi, I am very much hoping it is the 'LadyT' element that called this to mind rather than my posting style.

Oh lawks, nearly midday and I have done no work.

I have bought one of those Laboratoire Garnier roll on caffeine under eye thingies, on the basis that it got rave reviews on Mumsnet. I also bought some Scholl cracked heel cream and was amazed to find that it works and really quickly too. I hope this has solidified everyone's image of me with very cracked heels and eye bags )

Hello girls,
Just a cheeky post from work at lunch.

Kayz hope you are ok. Keep posting on here. LadyT has good advice. I don't think the texting stuff would be a total deal-breaker for me. But I would be furious like you. I hope you get chance to have a proper talk and make sure that you have made the right decision/given anything a good chance. Also try and make sure your sodding MIL STAYS OUT OF IT!!

Sorry to hear about all the illnesses going on. Aubs are you feeling better? We seem to have had a sickness free period so I am sure we will get some lurgy now.

Aubs had a good giggle at your images of people based on their usernames!! I have to say you are not oval shaped with purple shiny skin in my mind. I trust turnip's appearance was a pleasant surprise in RL too?

Sorry for not much posting of late, I have been lurking a bit. WE are thinking of moving house so been tidying up and getting valuations and stuff so that has kept me quite busy.

Oh yes, the sleeping, my DS also wakes for milk and goes back to sleep. Any time from 5 onwards but usually 6am, and then back to sleep for a bit. Not bfing though (don't know if this makes a difference!). Also worried about the habit and would prefer he slept through til morning, but I feel quite lucky that he doesn't get up 5 or 6. Sometimes he does sleep through properly until 7 and then actually just be up for the day though. He hasn't woken and wanted milk in the middle of the night for a while, even after eating practically nothing in the evenings sometimes. Fingers crossed for him not doing that again!

The texts were really rude and full of suggestions. It's not just that though. If he can't talk to me about his problems then I see no point in continuing.

The text messages have always been at the back of my mind and I can't forgive him. I don't care if they were only text messages. It's still cheating.

Aubs - I love that! What do you think I look like? Actually, I've got pictures up on here, so I guess it's not big mystery!

SL - we've just put our house on the market - very exciting - we've cleaned it up totally over the weekend. I am finding, though, coincidentally (hee hee) that I'm getting tired v easily, so DH has done most of the work - hahahaha! Convenient this pregnancy.

Kayz - wise words from everyone - I am sure you are thinking long and hard about things and would definitely give yourselves some time and while you have that time, make a list of what you want to talk to him about. What you will both need to do to make things change - but as LadyT says - try to keep a positive spin on things rather than doing a character assassination on each other. I hope you're ok.

Good to hear from you WG - thought you'd done a runner! I don't know what to suggest re the early feed. We were quite lucky in that DD loves her sleep and doesn't really love her food that much! So hunger hasn't been a waking up factor for a while. It might be a case of having to ignore the screaming for a couple of weeks and hoping that it fades after a while.

Re your DH and you having opposing views on child-rearing, perhaps might be an idea to have a chat about it and come up with a compromise. I'm kind of of the opinion that ultimately what mum says goes as we do the majority of the childcare. But it's good to make them feel like they have some input and so I try to ask DH's opinion on things. But then clearly do what I want anyway - hahaha! But then I'm routine mad and pretty embarrassingly anally retentive about it, where DH is more laissez-faire than me, so we have the opposite problem to you!

xxxx

Mmmm. If he said he was sorry and explained himself, would you forgive him?

I am totally on your side, Kayz, I promise. However, I do think

1. It's not always easy to talk to those closest to us, for a variety of reasons.
2. If you feel bad about yourself it can make you do foolish things.
3. You need to talk to each other about how you feel about all this and how you can proceed, if at all.

Ultimately, though...it's how you feel that counts. I will shut up now! Be kind to yourself.

Meant also to say - good to see WG! (and NJAN further up) and JJ, I loved 'poppers'. I am ashamed to say that on first glance I thought of the legal but naughty stuff you sniff (NOT that I have ever done so I hasten to add) but it is cute nonetheless.

Where are you moving to Summer? And any further news on a Cambridge meet up?

kayz like rubena said a while back it is hard to advise on the internet when you don't really know people involved properly. So don't tie yourself in knots with different advice you get from people on the internet. You should go with how you feel and it sounds like you want a break at least. I am sure people will be behind you whatever you decide.

He is sorry and has explained himself but it's not enough for me. I can't trust him anymore. Maybe in time I will change my mind. But he is leaving tomorrow.

He said he would never forgive me if it had been me sending the messages so why should I forgive him.

xposted with lots of people there!

Cambridge meet up - I would definitely be up for it but I think it was jj that suggested it originally! I presume a weekend day would be the plan?

We will be moving in Cambridgeshire. I'd like to stay as close to Cambridge as possible as I like being in the city and being able to get bus/cycle/walk (but walking will probably be out I think!) But we may end up not doing and movingn to a village if we decide we want a bigger house. Anyway we are looking for something bigger (hopefully 4 beds and off road parking and a big porch/hall not a tiny narrow terraced victorian house one! Not that I am demanding or anything ). I love our house though, it will be a shame to move!

Kayz I think it's because you keep saying that you might change your mind that people are advising you sit down and have a proper long honest chat about stuff. Maybe if he moves out for a couple of weeks then you can reassess and see if you want to do that or whether you have definitely decided that that is it.

That's why he is going. Then I can see how I really feel. I just don't have any idea how to trust him again.

Like many Australian's I'm not much familiar with neighbours after Kylie & Jason left, so
I had to look that young lady up and Aubi, your let off. She looks nothing like me but has the lovely dark skin I desire. Not sure about being Harold Bishops daughter though?!

DS1 just kindly showed me his poo (I've taught him well) as he had some loose stuff and has a bit of a tummy ache so I'm glad I kept him off school. We have had a nice morning though, made the tea loaf they did in I can cook on cbeebies. Soon we are going to pop round to the gardening shop around the corner and get some bulbs and some pot soil. I've got some parsley & chives that have survived against all the odd on the window sill, so I'm going to reward th with a new
big terracotta home. It's amazing what difference some sunshine makes.

I agree that regaining trust is hard.

When my sister has her first baby, it was a horrendous birth (vaginal breech, don't know how they didn't spot it), fourth degree tear/cut, and she didn't only have awful pnd but also ptsd. Her husband, in this dreadful aftermath, had an affair with someone at work - even moved out for a while. She started divorce proceedings but pulled back (still don't know why) and they got back together and eventually had another child. He hasn't put a foot wrong since and, 15 or more years later, are very happy. I haven't got a flipping clue how she learned to trust him again but she did, and it was clearly the right decision (I didn't think so at the time!)

On the other hand, my Dad had endless affairs and my Mum hung on and she shouldn't have bothered.

I guess you need to know that he won't do it again and you need to believe him.

Wow I crossed posted big style.

Kayz space is good but base your decision on what you would do not what he said he would do. You wouldn't text things like that so it's a moot point.

Goodluck with the house hunting SL I think it's good to have a clear idea of what you want in a house esp when it will be the one you'll be in for a while.

Gosh I just discovered I wrote this and didn't send it. So probably loads of cross posting.

We've been in the garden planting the herbs in their new home. Both boys threw themselves into the task with wild abandon, not sure if the parsley and chives will actually survive the planting process, the boys got a bit generous with the watering.

Ooh, Veggie, I have some pots of herbs, is it time to plant them? I am so looking forward to my garden in the new house. Any keen gardeners on here? I like scented flowers and shrubs, so looking forward to the lilac. My favourite cultivated flowers though are dahlias (red ones). But I love all flowers and plants really. I have bought some pots of lavender and I am very excited about those but it's to grow from seed so there probably won't be much.

Saw some lovely crocuses yesterday, so it must be spring.

Ooh, I'd recommend a mint flower bed if you have room. Mint goes so wild and having a whole bed of it is just beautiful and so fragrant. Mum has one and it's gorgeous!

Other than that, I know nada about flowers!

What a fabby idea, Beans. We used to have lots of applemint growing in the garden of the house I grew up in - had forgotten about it! Honeysuckle as well - gorgeous.

I am an ignoramus about horticulture and both my parents are brilliant. The garden is quite big (big to me, anyhow) - about 40 feet long then a path cutting across it then another 30 feet or so, which has fruit trees in some of it and which we are hoping to use as a veggie patch.

The thought of sitting in the garden on a summer evening with DP, a couple of drinks and DD playing on the grass is frankly idyllic.

Oh my gosh - that sounds heavenly. I am beyond jealous. Wish wish wish were moving out to the countryside. Our garden is piddling in London! And we're moving out of it, so will probably go somewhere even smaller. Bigger house, trade off for smaller garden!

One day. Sigh. I dream of moving to the outskirts of Bristol...

But if I didn't have my broomcupboard in West London as well, all the gardens in the world wouldn't make up for it! Where are you planning to move to in London? Let me live vicariously through your London property search, please

beans we want to move to bristol eventually as well. Maybe we will eventually move at the same time!!

That would be lovely SL - I just think it sounds so idyllic - although a couple of my mates live there and have said the weather has been awful for ages now! Mind you, until yesterday, rank here too!

But I would love to live in Chew Magna or Long Ashton or something. I don't know much about them, but they sound ace!!!

Yes, I think Bristol is smashing. Bath is nice as well. But a bit too far west for me, sadly.

Oh god, just made the error of going on the Boden website. I wish I was minted - the clothes for little girls are so gorgeous!!!! Want them all!!! Especially the funky print dungarees - little blue ones are so pretty. SOB!