DEC 08 - Welcome to the house of ill - We're riding a poonami

[MomOrMum]

This was the only thing I could remember some saying should be the next title!

oh Kayz
Yes you really need to get the full true story (whether you ever do or not is another thing)
It would be (and was) a deal breaker for me too however as I said in my first marriage there were no kids involved so much harder for you I know.
Not nice to go through, and a long road ahead but you will be ok whatever happens.

I don't know if I have got the full story. He says he was texting her because he couldn't talk to me. She is apparently obsessed with him and started to text him rude messages. I have no idea if that is true or not.

I think I might ask him to leave for a few days and see how I feel.

Where is everyone!

Kayz I really find that quite cheeky that he is blaming you. By saying he was texting her because he can't talk to you, is just not accepting responsibility for his behaviour and making it your fault, which it's not. I accept it can be very stressful on a couple after a baby or 2, lord knows my DH has put up with a lot but you both have to be grown up about it and work through it. I think you are doing your best confronting him but he needs to put in some effort too. Is there any other way to get marriage counselling? I do think some kind of mediation would help.

We have split up. I really can't handle it anymore and I'd rather be alone.

Maybe in a few months I'll change my mind and think that our relationship is worth another go but right now I can't do it.

oh Kayz - I'm so sorry - are you doing ok? Has he moved out? I've been offline for a bit, so been doing a catch up.

Is there anything I can do to help? I've got a feeling you don't live anywhere near me, so not sure if there is really much I can do. But am thinking of you a lot.

Has he gone to his mother's? I think you're very brave and perhaps him moving out will give you the breathing space to evaluate the relationship and give you time to decide what you really want from him - if that's anything at all.

Keep posting as I know it helps me when I'm stressed. I hope you're ok.

Much much love.

xxxx

I'm sorry Kayz

So very sorry its come to this, but you've been very brave in acting on how you feel. I hope there are some people there in RL to look after you and the boys.

Sorry Kayz

So sorry Kayz, how are the boys? Can you get some help from your family with childcare? It's going to be tough but you are brave. You can rely on your friends at times like this take any offers of help from them. Wish I could help too but way too far away.

Hello everyone,

That's sad news kayz. Perhaps you just need a bit of breathing space to work things out. I think it depends on exactly what he was texting and what his intentions were really. Hope you are OK.

trace Are you sure nothing is broken in your foot? Hope it isn't too painful.

veggie and aub Sorry you are both no better. This winter has been the worst ever ever illness wise. I feel there has hardly been a break - hence the thread title I suppose!

Speaking of which, thanks for the good wishes, you are all lovely. DD was last sick first thing this morning. She has been so sleepy and miserable though. I've been in the house with her non-stop since Friday and I'm getting cabin fever. DH arrived home yesterday just in time to clear up a sicky highchair and floor. Lovely!

Brownie points for DH though who told me to come and catch up with you lot whilst he washed up .

kayz So sorry to hear this. Over the last year I've often thought what a strong and capable person you seem to be, but also someone who is very honest and down to earth. I hope you can work things out in the way you need to and that over the coming months things start to get better for you either way.

I hope you have the support of your families and that the boys are Ok.

Oh Kayz, I am so sorry. Fingers crossed that this is just a temporary blip and you can get back on track soon. COuld you get yourself on the waiting list for relate?

Thinking of you all.

We can't go to relate. It's £50 an hour and there is no way we can afford it. I hope it's just going to be a break but right now I don't want him here.

He is going on Wednesday.

kayz lovey so sorry to hear you've come to such a difficult place. I really hope you have some support from friends/family and that a bit of space will help you both clear your heads. It's something that needs to be talked about calmly, is there anyone you know who could act as a kind of mediator if you can't get to Relate?

aubi shouldn't laugh but I did giggle at dd's confusion about the Easter story

veggie hope your boys have got back to their normal lovely selves, those pals sound like they're taking the 'benign neglect' thing a bit far and it's just turning into actual neglect

effie sending you lots of positive organisational thoughts re your mum. It sounds like a really hard situation, good news that you've got your sister to help out.

trace youch your poor foot

just a quickie as dh is due back from work soon (hopefully...) I think we've had our first recognisable work, and it was.... popper. I was putting dd into her grobag and saying "let's do up your popper" and she went 'pahpah' and so we said it back and forth and then she did it again tonight. Oh the glamour!

Love the popper story! DS1's first definite word was socks. DS2 still sticking to dis and dat. DH has taught him to shake his head when he means yes which is complicating things rather. He is also starting to blow industriously on every mouthfulof food before he eats it, very funny.

Beans: I have to thank you for recommending diana w j, am really enjoying her books! On my third as we speak.

It is bloody freezing again but I saw a definite daffodil yesterday - in the words of Carwash the cat, spring is in the air!

How are you feeling this morning Kayz? Have you spoken to anyone else about it, friends, family?

Well its sunny again today and wait for it....7 degrees, I think this is the 'hottest' it's been since we moved here. DS1 is off school with a 'very bad cough'. He is not really that sick but it is a rough cough and we've all
been living with one sickness after another lately so I thought I'd keep him off for a rest really. He only has tomorrow at school then we go to London for a longweekend, so I might even keep him off tomorrow.

Our friends have gone, but DH & I feel a bit sad about the whole situation. We love our friends and have known them several years now but their son is really making us not want to spend much time with them. Their baby daughter now has got DS2 hitting us now too which he didn't do before they came. It's really hard we have always felt they didn't stress enough to their son that he shouldn't do certain things and now unfortunately it makes it difficult to be around them a lot because DS1 sees their DS literally get away with murder and thinks he can too. He is ok now but towards the end of their week here he was really starting to act up, and be very unlike himself. Their DS just seems a bit out of control at times and when he very occasionally doesn't get his way he whines and whinges out of control. I'm all for treats too but they do seem to give him a lot of sugar which I wonder is part of his problem. I tried to politely tell them sugar is fine as long as youvtry to give it with some complex carbs but I don't think they feel it's a problem.

Anyway enough of our whinging, we are back to just us again and getting excited about going to London.

How are all those with snot & or vomits? We are slowly getting better here, maybe the sun will clear up the last of the lurgies!

Oh and forgot to say, DS2 is understanding commands in Chinese now too. DH is obviously happy, he asks DS2 to turn the light switch on and he reaches up to do it. It's very cute. Also quite cute is when he pretends to talk on the phone, he holds it up to his ear and goes 'nyah nyah nyah nyah' into the phone then hands it to me or DS2.

hello ladies - sorry i have been awol. lurking, though.

kayz - sorry to hear about everything. please use the basket as and when you need.

turnip - loved your fb status update about nanny anne's birthday - brought a tear to my eye.

dh and i aren't getting along brilliantly, but trying. something happened when madam was born to reveal a side of him i never saw before. makes it quite hard sometimes - we got to know eachother when my mum was dying - he was with me in the hospital the night she died, even though we'd only been seeing eachother 3 months - he really helped to take care of me and my dad - he was wonderful. and when madam came along i suddenly saw someone who couldn't cope, who didn't know how to make a decision, who was terrified and worried. we have very diffferent styles of parenting - i am much more laissez faire (it seems to me), and he wants things to be a bit stricter/done to a timetable. not easy. but we're getting there.

went to stay with some friends on the weekend who have FOUR children. 6,5,3 and 6 months. it was wonderful. really took away the fear of having another one - it can be done, you just have to be flexible. mind you, they do live in the country in a big house with plenty of money, but it was so refreshing. got to hold a baby again and actually felt broody. although nothing has yet happened to our ttc - i'll be disappointed if we haven't conceived by the end of the year. might try acupuncture (helped with madam) in the summer.

sorry for lack of personals - so much to catch up on.

oh, a question... since christmas when madam shared a room with us and woke up at 4am, not believing her luck that mummy and daddy were in the room with her, we have been bringing her into our bed, i feed her a bit and then she (mostly) goes back to sleep until 6-7ish. this is now my only remaining bf - while it is delicious to have her in the bed (and when she wakes up properly for the day is the only time she will wake up in a good mood), i am a bit worried that she will be doing this until she is 16 (well, not really, but you know waht i mean). does anyone have any experience of this and how did they/do they plan to stop? not sure i can face her screaming for hours at 4am for 2 weeks. but maybe that is the only way???

Bugger just wrote a post and my phone ate it! Situation with my mum nt good at all but need to talk to my dad to find out what is happening. He's not a big conversationalist and is looking after mum at home so don't want to hassle him too much. Feel like having a good swear but am in the office so wouldn't go down too well!

WG: ds2 has been wakng at 5 for a feed, I confess I left him to grumble this morning! He has a night feed and a morning feed if I'm still in bed when he wakes up. I do worry he'll start waking earlier and earlier to get his milk.

Oh Effie poor you I have been thinking of you with this current situation with your mum. I get the feeling your all handling this alone. Are their any professionals involved? This sounds a lot for your dad to handle on his own.

WG when DS1 stopped having morning feeds it kind of happened naturally, I noticed he was having just a teeny feed in the morning so one morning I just didn't let him have it and he seemed fine with it (apart from having a go at DH's nipples) then the night feed also dwindled off and became a quick suck before getting his beaker of milk that he would go to sleep with. He was all finished with boobs by just before his 2nd birthday. I hate to sound vague but it just kind of happened. I think DS2 might last a little longer as he is still having 4 decent sized feeds a day at the
moment (and eating like a horse!) but I imagine it will go the same way. He's not as sold on CM as DS1 was but I'm not fussed I figure he gets a lot more out of a feed than CM but at around 18months I'm going to put a bit more effort into getting him to take CM.

Kayz - Posting from work, so have to very brief, but sorry to hear your news. Relationships are so hard without the pressures and exhaustion of young babies. I hope you are okay, and whatever happens we're on your side!

Sorry not to do more personals but Effie and WG I have the exact same problem! I have been holding out at 5 am, lying on the floor by his cot until at least 6 am before feeding him, hoping that he will stop waking so early, but it isn't working at all. I am so afraid to start the night feeding habit again, but when he wakes at 5 am the ONLY thing that will get him back off is nursing. Today I lay by his cot shushing from 5 am until 6:20, while he yelled on and off (but didn't sleep). I finally gave up and brought him into bed just to feed him before getting up for the day, and he fell asleep! I don't mind bringing him into bed with me at 5 if he will go back to sleep, but don't want 5 to become 4 to become 3, etc., etc. Don't know what to do!

Hello girls, am back from my Mum's which was all very lovely but I didn't get much work done so I have to work like crazy the rest of the week. DP has sanded all the floors in the new house and finally got up the kitchen tiles, so things are slowly improving on that score. We have a plumber coming to do a bit of the work tomorrow, but he hasn't quoted for the rest of it so it's all a bit of a mystery. DP's Mum and her H are coming down on Sunday to look after DD for a few days whilst I am on the course, and even though I won't be there I am already getting annoyed. They will be poking round the flat (so I will have to hide things I don't want them to see) and they haven't got anything good to say about the new house (even though everyone else who has seen it thinks it is great). I feel so antagonistic towards them, it's a real problem.

Right, Kayz, what a pickle. Sorry you have all this to deal with, it sounds v upsetting. But did the stuff about the text messages rise to the surface of your mind because you were feeling bad about the relationship in general, do you think? Do you think you subconsciously wanted to bring things to a head? I don't condone infidelity, obviously, but I do think that a few text messages (not knowing the content of course) were probably just an ego boost for him because he was feeling a bit bad about himself. I doubt it's a reflection on the way he feels about you - more about how he feels about himself. It sounds like you've both been feeling unhappy recently and coupled with money worries and the strain of two small children, it's no wonder things are hard. Listen, when you had that chat with him about his anger, he listened, and was upset when you talked about not ttc DC3. Maybe you both just need a break and then to have a proper talk. I am shocked that Relate is £50 an hour (robdogs! - as my mother would say) but what about this: a few days apart to clarify your thoughts, and then each of you make a list as follows:

1. What you want/need from the relationship;
2. How each of you feel that you personally might improve things (better than picking out each other's faults)
3. The things you love about your relationship, the good things (to remind yourselves it is worth saving!)

then meet up on a evening (like a date) out of the house, and discuss. It all sounds quite muddled at the moment and you both need to find some clarity of mind. Good luck and bon courage!

Turnip - you mentioned thirtysomething, which of course I loved Bet it would seem cheesy now though.

Katie - SATC - Sarah Jessica Parker is famed for pinning large corsages on her dresses. I think the quintessential look is a fitted dress, a corsage and high, pointy shoes. Another fave of hers is a giant bow around her head Funnily enough I have never liked the show that much either (think they all need a slap) but I love the scenes of New York and it's worth watching for Big alone. Cor...

JB - how is your poorly DD now? I wonder how Urbane is getting on with her sick lot? My goodness, we have all been besieged this winter.

Aubi - I can't believe you are ill again, that's awful. Any more thoughts of taking immunity boosting supplements? Are you taking a proper holiday at Easter?

Veggie - your friends' kids sound intolerable. I think being conscious of how your kids behave around others is basic consideration. I know it's not always easy with littlies but I think parents at least need to go through the motions of keeping their kids in check.

Trace, how's your foot now? And yes, I was lurking while away

Effie, so sorry your Mum isn't in good shape. Any chance you can go up to find out more?

I was 9 weeks pregnant yesterday. Amazing. Nausea and tiredness definitely more pronounced this time around. Not sure whether it is because I am a) older or b) fatter! Still resisting weight gain which is amazing as my tummy is starting to stick out (more) and my boobs are bigger.