DEC 08 - Welcome to the house of ill - We're riding a poonami

[MomOrMum]

This was the only thing I could remember some saying should be the next title!

Quick one to send hugs to you jolly and that DD is OK in the night. Glad your parents stepped up though...

Morning - hope you got some rest Jolly and everyone with vomitty babies. The DSs were up at about 5 but I actually managed to get them to play in their room together until 7 by dint of ignoring any minor howls! Have just given DS2 a bowl of crispies and a spoon and the result is eye-watering.

Hi girls

I have to admit to ignoring this thread for a few days as I have been ill AGAIN and I am sure you are all so fed up of my regular posts which go "I am ill again, I can't believe it, I have a healthy life, why am I always ill, woe me etc etc etc". This is no life being bed ridden every few weeks and I am at a total loss. But you know. All that so I will shut-up.

Zoe - your week away sound so lovely. What a lovely DH you have.

NJAN - so lovely to hear from you. I was just wondering where you had got to. And Kiwi, where is she? It's been weeks since she was on. Come to that where is Waiting Girl? Hellllloooooooo?????

Jolly - is you DH back yet? And is DD better? I am glad your parents came over. Were they helpful?

Turnip - your post about your mum chimed so much with me. And LadyT's response was spot on. I feel my mum lives on when I sing the DDs the songs she sang me, and cook them her signature dishes, and obviously when I tell them about her. My DD1 is currently slightly confused and thinks my Mum died on a big cross... the Easter story is obviously hard for a three year old to put in context.

Daisy - Are you CC on FB? I can't access our group on my phone so I am all confused. If you are CC you look so different to what I imagined! It's funny when you get to know someone without ever seeing their face.

Oh Aubi I feel your pain, I think I'm producing more green gloop the BM at the moment, I blowing my nose and coughing up green muck constantly. I just want to be well again. We have forgone a wintersun and a snow holiday so we can take a long break in the summer to drive around Europe but I'm really feeling like I need some sun to make me well again.

Our friends have gone to Amsterdam for the day but I think they are a bit grumpy with us because we have been a bit more vocal about their kids hurting ours. Their son kicked DS1 in the head and then tried to poke DS2 in the eye with a sword. He also pushed DS1 and when DS1 told him to stop pushing him (something I've told him he should do) he got quite aggressive looking and yelled 'i did not push you'. I have to admit the look on his face, in his eyes mainly scared me it was quite angry and I could see DS1 was scared. I asked him to stop looking at DS1 like that and his mum seemed to get a bit insulted I think and said 'he's just worried he'll get in trouble for it'. Don't know why he never does. At the most they have a word with him about it but he doesn't get made to see what he is doing is wrong or dangerous. I don't want to be one of those mums who thinks other kids are a bad influence but I feel he is. DS1 has started hitting and kicking us and talking back and being rude. I hope he'll go back to normal tomorrow. I want my lovely boy back.

Effie he's obsessed with the book, he loves it. I love the illustrations.

We have just discovered that the Tour de France starts in Rotterdam next year hooray! We were planning to watch a stage and see the final day in Paris and now we get to watch the start too!

Hope all vomiting has now ceased.

Sorry you've been ill Aub and that you're still feeling rough Veggie. I'm looking at yet more rain and dreaming of seeing the sun at some point. Such a horrible time of year.

DS1 is watching willo the wisp again. He is obsessed and perfecting his evil edna impression, which will puzzle the boys at nursery.

Have heard that my mum isn't too well, combination of dodgy painkillers, crap gp and complicated mental health history (understatement of the year). And my sister and I have been too busy to talk to her much, which hasn't helped. Anyway, on the bright side she doesn't think the gp is trying to off her any more. So my sis and I are trying to work out what is going on so we can come up with a Plan. We like plans in our family, preferably with a bit of colour coding and a timetable.

effie did you spend ages making colour-coded revision timetables, so much so that you used a fair amount of your revision time? I did That sounds tricky about your mum - hope you and your sis can find a cunning plan (m'Lord)
Kayz so sorry you're feeling hegative about your marriage. As others said I think it's something that happens in all relationships, especially post kids, and also it's very positive that you and dh can talk about it. I got married at 22 (am now 33) and had 5 years sans kids, and these are definitely our most 'housematey' and unromantic so far. Your 6 month plan sounds like a good idea. A lot can happen in 6 months.
veggie and Aub so sorry you're both still feeling so poorly. Arti feel free to grumble as many times as you like. It must be so frustrating and horrible.
veggie I think you are right to speak up about the boys being unkind to yours. They are in your house and should be playing by your rules anyway. I'm sure your sweet AK will come back when his naughty friend has gone.
zoe Great to see you again and hear about your fab time away. And wow to dd's developmental leaps in your absence!
JB how's the house of puke? Why do the LOs wait until our OHs are away to produce the most mess and worry?
daisy how are things with you? How is DH doing?
ladyt if you're reading I hope you're having a lovely time away
Sorry I've not been here for a few days - no real reason - just stuff getting in the way really, and then when I've had time in the evening I've been so tired I've just been going to bed so early
I've had a little wobble about things but think I'm ok now. Again nothing I can put my finger on just general teariness and feeling low, but much better today
I have a sore foot though I was in church this morning (which is held in a primary school) and a fire extinguisher fell off the wall and landed on my foot, from about 5ft high. Very ouch indeed. I can walk on it but it really hurts and I can't really bend my toes. Better that it landed on my foot than on Phoebe though, who was crawling past at the time Doesn't bear thinking about.
Lu is at yet another party, P is napping and DH is watching football, so I'm having a bit of catch up time with the laptop!
Right, off to look at property websites for a bit (can't really afford to move but there's always hope...)
see you later x

sorry aub for outing you there. Slipped back a few threads

Hello, hope you have all had lovely weekends!

kayz how are you feeling about things now?

trace ouch - your poor foot!! Sounds very painful, but like you say better your foot than P

jolly hope DD is feeling better.

aubs sorry to hear you are ill again! Hope you feel better soon. BTW yes I am CC, am also a little worried now what you thought I might look like

effie Hope that you get a plan sorted about your mum. Sorry to hear shes not well.

DS has been ill all weekend. Not sure what tbh. He won't eat, or nap, just cries, only a slight temp. His temp has gone today but he is still so whingy and crying all the time. Not sure whats up with me either as I just feel very sad and keep crying. Half the time not even sure what I'm upset about just feel a bit sad. Gosh I'm not making any sense am I. Plus my BF rang the other day, she has left her husband (and is plannning on divorce). I suppose it has been on the cards for some time, and it is her decision and one she is comfortable with but I still feel for her. I just fell like I could do with some bloody good news for a change!!

Daisy i've got the good news you've been craving. DS2 has reached a very important developmental step. He can use his willy and his balls as a puppet and makes them into a squawking bird. It's hilarious, he is chuffed to bits with himself.

Hi Trace your right, at the end of the day it won't hurt them to be offended but my boys are my prime concern. DH is not concerned in the slightest, he is actually quite angry at how the boy treats DS1 and is even more annoyed that they let him get away with it.

Can I moan please?

We've had a row tonight and DH has gone for a walk. He says he is coming back but I'm not sure.

I now know exactly what this is stemming from. Last November I found out he had been testing another woman. I nearly ended it there and then. But I though as it was only texting that I would be able to get over it. Well I'm not sure I can. I mean what is so wrong with me that he has to text another woman saucy messages. I know I've put on weight but surely I'm not that bad.

I'm so scared.

He was texting not testing. Sorry.

oh kayz don't let yourself think that. If he thinks the grass is greener elsewhere then that is his problem/delusion, not your fault. You are beautiful and kind and a fabulous wife and mother (and computer whizz!) and I'm so cross that he has made you feel this is your fault, as though you are deficient in some way. You are not. Did you discuss the stuff from last November? Where do you think he has gone to this evening? Keep us posted.

He came back after about half an hour.

I actually found out the night we were in London. I used his mobile to text my brother as my battery had died. H's mobile shows the first line of messages and the one from her said that she couldn't be friends with him while he was with me.

We didn't really talk about it. He has just told me that he thought that things weren't going well between
us. Which really hurts as I didn't think there was a problem.

Kayz love, so sorry you are having a shit time at the moment. You must be feeling very hurt and confused. As others have said before, relationships are not easy when you have kids and it always seems to be 'our' fault for not giving the men enough attention. They really are just kids themselves and cannot cope with not being number one priority.
I can totally understand how you are feeling about the texting thing, I would be similarily apoplectic, and have been in a similar situation, but you need to put it into perspective a bit. He hasn't cheated on you and in the great scheme of things, a bit of flirty texting is fairly harmless. He probably just wanted to prove to himself that he still had 'it'. Whichonly emphasis my point about them still being children.
I know there are other problems at the moment, but I think you really need to talk this through and explain why you find it unacceptable and that it simply cannot happen again. If this is the root of the problem, you need to clear the air on this and then you can move on to tackle the other stuff.
I know what you are going through, I have nearly kicked DH out twice in the last year for similar things, in fact I did tell him to leave, even though he hadn't actually done anything, I just suspected it. It's very hard when we are split so many ways. It may be possible to be perfect Mum, wife, lover, etc to some women, but I haven'tfound the formula for that yet.
Hope you get this sorted soon. Hugs to you

Kayz I think you are right to be upset by what he
did and it's not your fault. If he put on weight would you consider seeing other people? Katie is right he needs to grow up. He's not a child anymore he
is a husband and father & he needs to live up to those responsibilities! I think you both need a weekend away without the kids or at least a night out. Can you organise that.

No one can have the boys overnight so there is no chance of getting away. I'm not sure if I'm going to go up to bed tonight. Might stay on the sofa. I just wanted to forget it's happened but I don't know if I can.

Kayz go up to bed. In my experience, by sleeping on the sofa you will just make yourslef feel worse and exacerbate the situation. Anyway, you haven't done anything wrong so why should you have to suffer another bad nights sleep. You really, really need to talk this through with him. Tell him tomorrow that you want to talk once the boys are in bed, then turn the tv off and make sure he is 100% focussed on the conversation. Talk and talk and talk until you have everything off your chest and have come to some kind of closure on the bits that you can. Then make a plan to work through the rest. You have every right to tell him that unless things change that the marriage is over, but make sure that you are really willing to see any threats through before you make them. Marrigaes are hard work, but both sides need to do the work.
Really hope that you can get this sorted.

Kayz: it seems that you are both locked in an angry and confused circle. Did he bring up the text thing or did you? If it was him I would suspect he was scared of you walking out on him and wanted a possible escape route himself out of pride. Texting or flirting with other women is obv a stupid thing to do but wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me. Maybe you're both upset and feeling a bit trapped and lashing out? Hope things are a bit clearer this morning.

News in the Perine house; DS2 has finally decided to stand up on his own! We were having a nice time playing with Lego and he pushed himself up onto his feet. He looks very proud, but prob not as proud as baby Veggie!

Morning,

Things are no clearer at all. I think it probably is a deal-breaker for me. Mainly because he told me that if I had done it to him them he would have left me. So why should I give him another chance when he wouldn't give me one.

sorry to hear this Kayz. Can you to talk about it with him properley and find out if the texting is as far as it went? Unfortunately I'm not very tolerable of these things even if it is only texting. I have been with a cheating H myself in the past but, but fortuantely there were no kids involved which makes it much easier to walk away from.
I hope you both can work it out. I hate to be one to think the worst, but you need to make sure you know everything before you can work things out and move on. You've done nothing wrong. I hope you got some sleep

Veggie, I have been sniffing back and coughing up (sorry tmi) greenish / yellowish flem as well but I'm not sick / congested / anything really? It's grim though! Hope you feel a bit better and have sorted out the nasty boy's behaviour to AK

Oh Kayz I x posted
get to the bottom of it - it almost sounds like he is wanting you to walk away. That, or he is feeling extremely guilty? Is he showing much remorse? Try not to take too much advice from too many people though, (me)as it's often difficult to get all the details through typing it.

Oh kayz, I'm so sorry to hear this.

I have no idea what you should do. It would probably be a deal breaker for me, well more to do with the deceit of it all I suppose. However, this happened to some friends of ours (texts to another party) and they split for a while. But the break gave them the opportunity to clear the air about absolutely everything. They did still want to be together and I can now say they are probably happier than they have ever been!

I think that whatever you decide you and DH really need to sit down, cards on table and both be totally honest about what you want from your relationship, and find out the whole truth behind the texts and his reasons for doing it. So much easier said than done with 2 lo's running around I know. But any chance your mum could watch the boys for a few hours?

I'm thinking of you xx

Hum. Could this be a reaction to your chat the other day about your relationship? Because I know I have a nasty competitive streak and a tendency to stubbornness and if dh had told me he wasn't in love with me any more I could see myself doing something similar - not texting random men, but thinking about ending it on my terms. Which would I think be a mistake, but if you have self-esteem issues and are not too bright about relationships (talking about me here!) I could def see it happening. I would hope DH would turn round and tell me to stop being such an arse! Not to say you shouldn't have been honest with him, only that people we're close to can be funny buggers.

Anyway Rubs is right, there's only so much useful advice you can get from other people - only you know your partner and your situation.

The texting was last November and I have really tried to forget about it. But it is just constantly there and I think it's half the reason that I'm not really in love with him anymore.

I can't see any way round trying to talk to each other about it, hopefully calmly an without any accusations (easier said than done). You have somuch going on at the moment .