Sept 08: last year they were cute little bundles that smelt of milk and vanilla, but now they've been replaced with a babyzilla!

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

A new thread for us as the last one was running low.

while I think about it... who on earth is Washwithcare? I know he's a troll but every daft thread is started by him, and he witters on and posts nonsense. I wonder if he's that advertising bloke, Gary Lace or something, trying to get back at us. Very odd, seems very persistent for a normal troll. And why is he still here?!

I've not seen anything by WashWIthCare, you've got me curious now so I'll have to have a look

Sorry to hear things are difficult Meglet. It's no surprise things get too much at times, I hope you can get some rest while you're signed off.

DS and I have had a funny day today. He (ergo we) slept badly last night so we were all a bit tired and ratty. I in particular had a short fuse, so this afternoon I was talking to ds and told him I was sorry for being a miserable old cow today, and he made a mooing noise back to me! Ha ha ha. It certainly got me out of my funk and cracked me up. Bless him. I love him.

Enjoy Dubai mama. I am not jealous. No. Not at all.

Oh, I forgot her most popular word - up.
Also duck, happy (loves the happy birthday song on cbeebies), bubbles, mik for milk...

she's driving me mad at the moment though - has suddenly taken vehemently against her cot again - can be all dozy - pop in cot & next minute is on her feet screaming blue murder at me, just letting rip with piercing screams.

Meglet hope you're ok - can imagine how stressful things are

I don't know if she likes ITNG Splish but DD loves it so I bought the CD and if it seems like she's about to kick off when I put her in the cot I put the music on and she calms down and drifts off.

DD loves the programme so much she knows the names of all the characters! Parenting by Ceebeebies in this house

Sunshine - thanks for the idea. She does like ITNG (also quite a few other prgrammes too ). Usually I have Classic FM on in the bedroom, to block out other sounds in the house and provide peaceful soothing sleep music. That's the idea anyway.

Thought of something else she says - baked beans. And juice (ever optimistic her sister will share some, instead of having to have water)

have you discovered www.kneebouners.com? My sister showed me yesterday, get them addicted to the computer early!!

DS has Classic FM or Talk Sport on in his room if there's lots of noise going on in the house. I wonder if he takes it all in and will be a boy genius?

Today we've booked a holiday with the PIL's and BIL and SIL. Is it going to al end in tears do you think??!!!

just keeping my place on here.....

Am rubbish! Have not been on here for ages. Nor replied to any emails, I know one or two of you are waiting to hear from me on one thing or another.

Have somehow become completely overwhelmed by moving my blog over to typepad. Oh, the excitement of my life...

And randomly, and in the spirit of TMI, have had ongoing and irritating gut problems (sort of IBS type symptoms) since my MC. I'm guessing that the hormone rollercoaster has upset things a bit (my gut is the most temperamental thing EVER). It's getting really irritating now, suppose I may have to go to the doc's. Am hoping that my cycle will get back to normal this time round (don't think I ovulated this month, but really no idea), then things will improve.

Here enedeth the update on my body

endeth

Oh yes DD says juice too but she is allowed to have it

I hope no one mineds if I off-load about something here but I'm finding it really difficult to deal with. DH doesn't seem to understand my POV at all.

Anyway a few weeks back a friend of ours (I should stress she's not a close friend, altough she did come to our wedding. She's someone we see out from time to time and she's been at our house about 4 times) arrived at our house late at night and, long story short, over the next 3 days had a catastrophic, full-hulucinatory breakdown. I have no idea why she decided to come to us - we're the only one of that particular group who have children so it would have been better for her to go anywhere else, but it culminated with her walking out of our house one morning, when it was freezing cold and throwing down, in a pair of pjs (mine) with nothing on her feet. We genuinely thought she would kill herself so we called the police and she was found slumped in a shop doorway, taken to hospital and committed for 28 days. She's very very ill.

Her mum and dad are divorced. Mum lives in South Africa but has flown back. Dad came down for a while from his house in the North and then buggered off on holiday to Lanzarote Friend's mood has now been stablised on meds and she was allowed to come out of hospital this weekend.

She's not anything like herself. Totally spaced out on meds, has no real comprehension or memory of the last few weeks and what has happened. Her mum has been finding it difficult to cope but doesn't want any of friend's really close (going back 30 years) friends or their family (including her DSis) to know what's been going on (I get the feeling that they think once the 28 days are over she'll be better and things can go back to how they were).

So the mum has basically been calling on my DH and the other people in this circle of friends (again the poorly girl is more of an acquaintance than a close friend of any of these people). This weekend she requested that she wasn't left alone with her daughter so between DH and a few other people the weekend was split into shifts to keep an eye on her and give her mum a break.

I probably sound like a really selfish person right now but I really think we've done enough and it's unfair of her mum to ask us to be de facto support because she doesn't want to involve anyone else. We had the whole few days of her being crazy, abusive, argumentative and not sleeping (which meant none of us slept either), we've had dealings with the hospital, with employment advisors etc etc. to help her mum out. We've had her mum and dad on the phone constantly talking to DH about what's happening and asking him for advice. I now think we should step back and say, while we're happy to help out occasionally, we can't take on this level of responsibility. We both work full-time and have 2 small children who need us.

DH was over at friend's house all Saturday and drove her mum about all over. He was then expected to go over on Sunday but didn't thankfully. I really feel that if friend's mum can't cope with friend then she should stay in the hospital where she is safe and looked after.

The other scary thing in all of this is that apparently friend has become fixated on my DS and talks about nothing else. Two of our friends who've been to see her have mentioned it to us as being weird and worrying. Poorly friend called on Sunday to check where DH was and asked to speak to DS then. He put her off.

I am honestly frazzled with this after everything that's happened to me in the last 18m.

Sorry again to off-load. I daren't put it into AIBU as I probably am but I know you lot so am hoping you'll be gentle with me!

Sunshine you poor thing, that sounds horrific! I can completely see where you're coming from. Could you (as a gentle compromise) say something like you're only able to be as available as you have been for another, say, 5 days, and then unfortunately you both have an awful lot of commitments and just aren't going to be as available any more? Does your DH think you should continue to help as much as necessary?

I think there does come a point when you can't give something all your emotional energy - your family need it too - it's fine to help someone out in an emergency, and your family will cope, but you can't help these people at the expense of your own family.

Oh, and obsession with DS sounds freaky and best nipped in the bud (no visiting with him, no letting her talk to him, just make excuses that he's got things on).

That's a toughy Sunshine.

The problem is we only have so much emotional energy and time to be able to help others - as callous as that sounds it's true. So if it's too much then you must say so. Maybe compromise and say one of you can make a visit once a week?

The mother is also being naive if she thinks she can hide it all from her dd's friends and family. And at the end of the day, they are the one's who can give the mother and dd the most support.

I sort of know someone who is bi-polar and had a total and utter breakdown, but she was only a danger to herself not others. That probably isn't the case with others - but I don't know that for defo. Maybe it's worth finding out? Your ds may be her ray of hope and something that's she's clinging on to? But then again it may become a fixation. Whatever, I know I don't know enough about mental illness to really be able to help you.

I have just put some new pics of ds on my profile if you fancy a nosey

ILTMIMI your pics are fab.

Agree re the emotional energy thing. I've had a stressful 18m that doesn't seem to be at an end yet and I'm finding that emotionally I'm a bit all over the place anyway.

I know that DH hates saying no, and I know that he feels for her mum, and is shocked that her dad has disappeared on holiday at a time when his daughter clearly needs him. I appreciate that he knows her mum is out of her depth and wants to help but I do think enough is enough.

This could go on for quite a while. Friend was allowed out this weekend and has to go back today and I know they're hoping that the dr will allow her to be transferred up North where the mum has a bit more of a support network. But if they say no we potentially have another few weekends we're expected to give up to support the mum (and after 28 days they can recommit her so this could continue for a while).

I just feel like I need support at home but also, as DH and I work full-time, we only really have the weekend with our children and they need him too.

DS is an absolute ray of sunshine (in fact that's his nickname) and she's always had a soft spot for him but for our two friends to specifically bring it to our attention suggests it's something more. Just before she walked out of our house she was going mad trying to get upstairs to DS and DH was stopping her (DS was in bed with me). She'd been going in and out of his room all night apparently.

That sounds tough sunshine. I agree that you have to say that you can't help more both because you can't with a young family and because all of you helping is just a sticking plaster. Your friend's close friends and family shouldn't be kept in the dark, any more than they should be if your friend had been in a car accident, and mental illness shouldn't be so stigmatised - sadly it is.

Could you point your friend's mum to some of the charities related to mental illness, SANE for example, maybe they'd have some good advice for her.

hopefully I asked a couple of pages back if you were selling your large ittis and you mentioned that you might be. I'm looking for some if you are.

Thanks Ninja. A few of us were discussing it on Sat night and, I know there shouldn't be a stigma but we were saying how could anything go back to normal? Not only because of the whole DS thing but also how would you say goodnight to her after a night out? You'd worry constantly that you hadn't taken her home? Or that you'd been complict in her getting too drunk or something? It might be naive but we have no idea how long the ramifications of this might last.

I think she needs her really close friends and family around her. Hopefully she'll be allowed to transfer up North this week as I think things might get easier for her mum then.

I believe her mum has been in touch with Mind and they have been helping with advice. She's still relying on DH an awful lot though.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

Sunshine that is a real dilemma. I'm sure you want to help your friend, but with 2 small kids to look after and both working full-time you don't have the time, do you?
I would speak to her mum and explain this to her. You're not being selfish to give up your weekends for this friend and her mum, you're being practical.

So what is better?
A full nights sleep or An afternoon nap
Robyn has slept through all night since she came home from hospital weds morning. Unfortunatley she has decided to knock her naps on the head. She had a lunchtime nap yesterday and woke up twice last night and is now napping now. Once you get all night sleeping when they wake up inthe night it hits you for 6 so I am shattered today.

Has anyone introduced a potty yet? Now she is on her feet pretty good I was thinking getting one for before her bath.

sorry that should say You're not being selfish to not want to give up your weekends for this friend and her mum,

Debs full night's sleep I think. I agree once you've got used to it it's doubly difficult going back to broken sleep.

I haven't introduced potty as there is no way DD is ready but I'm going to get them down from the loft so she can get used to seeing them in the bathroom. If she's anything like her brother though she'll refuse to use them and go straight to big toilet.

Ninja, yes I am. I'm looking for a tenner posted each (will do £9 each posted if you want more than one). Can't remember off the top of my head all the colours I've got, but definitely have:

• Blue polka dot
• yellow/orangey colour
• navy blue
• purple
• tiger print (love it!)
• I think a dark green...

Feel free to email me on [email protected] if you're interested.

I'm vaguely planning on going straight to big toilet - DS is massive and a pretty late developer, so imagine he'll be big enough to go for the proper toilet by the time he's ready to potty train!

Sunshine after you say that about trying to get to your DS I'm even more inclined to say keep your distance asap - she sounds desperately troubled and if she did happen to get to your DS she might scare him badly, which just isn't worth any friendship.

sunshine I definitely think your instincts are right. It is difficult though when your DH doesn't fully agree. Can you explain to him what you feel about the need to protect your DS? I would be like a lioness protecting her cubs if I were in your shoes! I have been in situations myself with friends suffering episodes of various mental illnesses so I can see both sides, but her parents have got to stop leaning on your family in this situation and find some other resources more appropriate. Thinking of you and hope it works out.

I thought we might introduce a potty at bath time in a "no pressure" way as DD had taken to having a wee as soon as she got into the bath each night! She would stand up and watch it so obv knew she was doing it. But we tried it a couple of nights last week and the potty ended up on her head, being stood in, as a receptacle for the bath ducks, etc. So I put it away in the cupboard. We'll forget about that for a few months yet I think!

I must must must try to post more here. I have been skim reading (PML at Debithescot dreaming about me - we should meet for a cuppa!!). I've been enjoying reading all your tales.

So much going on but never enought time to post once I've caught up.

C's been quite poorly but OK now. We have a potty in bathroom just so she finds it normal to be there, she's almost walking but talking loads and 'reading' books. We have a bedtime story now she only has one bottle in the morning and she turns the pages and points to the characters if I ask her what they are. V proud and pleased as I'm a total bookaholic, so hope's she's got my love of reading.

sunshinemummy glad you feel safe to ask us about your situation. I agree with others - everyone should look out for their 'neighbour' but not to the detriment of their own family. Give what support you can but encourage mum & friend to go closer to home to their own loved ones. I totally empathise with what you are saying.

And Debs75 C has one sleep a day now - one hour about 11am and that's all. If she sleeps past about 2pm, she struggles to sleep at night. Prefer nightime sleep over daytime naps but then I work FT so don't have her 5 days a week.

Oh and DP and I were very naughty today - I started work at 7.30am and he did morning 'run' to nana's. DP then worked till 6.30pm whilst I picked her up at 5pm. And....at lunchtime we buggered off the the flicks for 2 hours to watch a film! How decadent!! Lucky we both work from home on a Monday

Hi Imo I'd been wondering where you were! A lunchtime at the cinema sounds great, I'm very envious.

I have a little bookaholic too (just like me!) she settles herself on a chair with a book and looks sooo sweet.

Thanks, hopefully you have far more exciting ittis than I have - definitely interested ina couple more. I'll e-mail but in case you see this first can you save me the tiger print, polka dot and maybe the purple - I'll have a think about that one....

ninja we've killed the thread!

Anyone else experiencing feeling totally rejected by child when DP/DH is in room? I mean, extreme? If I try to take C off DP, she screams. She always wants to go to him and won't even look at me if I'm in the room.

Sometimes I feel she's picked up on my insecurities and general lack of self-confidence when it comes to her and sometimes I think she's like that cos we've spent so much time together, daddy seems like a much more interesting option.

Thoughts?