April 2009 - Episode 10 - Christmas time!! we can all drink wine, while children gurgle nursery rhymes, with logs in their nappies, and pee by the tree fun will be had by baby and me!!

[SantasNutts]

here we go then Merry Christmas One and all!! xxxxx

Well BB it won't be very secret if you bring it along will it

Sounds like a very balanced diet really! Today I've had... brioche with butter and jam, pizza, cake, a sausage, and pate on a slice of bread. I am now going to find some cheese. How's that for healthy eating eh?

Nuts - contraversial list.

Wriggly - You both must be thoroughly fed up. Fingers crossed here too.
At least you can feel glad that your mother will be having a jolly time.
Mine often exhibits the same level of self-awareness.
We have our appointment tomorrow. I wonder if I will get told off for only taking Holly to baby clinic once.

BB - How lovely of your DH. How are you feeling now?
I knew I was in love with my DH after a few weeks. He came to get me from a house party at 8am on a Sunday. I had been up for about 36 hours and was feeling terrible. He took me to his, ran me a bath, made me strawberry milkshake as I was too delicate for anything else, and put me on the sofa in his snuggliest t-shirt to watch mindless soothing movies.

Springy - I am as photogenic as a diseased whale's penis don't photograph well either. Or maybe I do and i'm deluded when I look at pics and thiink "i'm sure i'm prettier than that??!!"

Ruddy - thats the word i was after lol oops

photogenic as a diseased whale's penis!!! not often you hear that classic

Hello hello hello

Have been really busy lately and Orbit not sleeping, so haven't had time to post, although have been lurking and keeping up with the smut news.

BB congratulations on your pregnancy hangover hope you're feeling better now after your takeaway. We went to a wine tasting evening last night which was most entertaining. Came back to find Orbit sitting up playing with my mum, who he had effectively tyrannised since 9pm. Oops.

It's sadly true. Upon glancing at my new passport photo my Mum's friend once remarked "why on earth didn't you use the best of the bunch?"
Err, I did!

DH finds it terribly amusing that I develop a rictus face the minute a camera appears.

Strangely the only time I photograph well is if I am horribly pissed.

Ooh wine tasting. Nice.

Are you also pregnant today?

That doesn't sound like certainty, BB. That sounds like panic

I too have received my Secret Santa, but opened it because I was too stupid to realise what it was. It all looks lovely at a brief glance, but I've not examined it yet obviously. But have some pre-emptive gratitude

RR, that's exactly my problem re photos! I cried on my 18th birthday because I spent ages making myself look nice (& thought I'd been successful!) only to see the pictures being taken & just looked hideous. Digital cameras are a mixed blessing in that respect. & I think that 'diseased whale's penis' is complimentary in my case. I manage to gain about 15 stone & a really awkward grimace as soon as a camera appears. Video cameras are almost worse, as they capture my voice too. & I refuse to believe that I really sound like that

at wine tasting.

Not pregnant, no. I spit, not swallowed...

I've bought the Secret Santa present - just haven't posted it yet.

I've not posted mine either. But then my recipient knows who they are, so I may as well give it face-to-face. That's my excuse.

& I think you may need a refresher lesson in how to get pregnant if you think that's relevant

YAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! !!

Nanny has just resigned. She leaves in two weeks.

Wow. Why? What did you do to her?

What are you going to do now?

Congratulations BB, really having sex - good for you and not on a birthday or for Christmas. At least you won't forget anything between you dc and this one. Shall we start a new ante-natal thread?

Jingle Bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away
Father Christmas lost his knickers
On the motorway...hey!!

While shephards washed their socks by night
All seated round the tub
A golden bar of soap came down
And they began to scrub

We three kings of Leicester Square
Selling ladies underwear
So fantastic, no elastic
Only tuppence a pair

Then there's the UK Subs

Santa, pray tell what have you done with my velocede.
I've opened everything up and it appears to be missing.

Or words to that effect

RudeChristmasCarolTiggaxx

Any ideas, lovely people? I ordered some trousers from Kew in two sizes - tried on larger size and thought they were fine, so wore them. On Day Two (i.e. today) they had stretched so that they weren't fitted any more (they're slim fit cords).

Tried on smaller size, reckon they'll be better in long run as they'll stretch a bit and stay slim fitting. Kew won't take back pair number one though, as I've worn them for two days (and Orbit has dribbled on them etc....)

So do you reckon I wash them and put them on eBay? Keep them for when I'm being fat? Can't really afford to keep both, but am a bit stuck now. Darn it.

Boff! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Did she say why?

I did nothing apart from tell her off on Monday for totally ignoring all the quite reasonable instructions we had discussed and agreed on in the weekly Monday meeting. AGAIN.

She on the other hand kept trying to take advantage and also once or twice even failed to turn up to look after the kids, causing incidents at the school and so on.

I will have spent £7245 on childcare and agency fees between 7 September and Xmas, and £780 on petrol to and from work. I am utterly knackered, have mouth ulcers from being tired, have to get up at 5am every day to feed Felix and can't go back to sleep. I am stoney broke as this is taking up all my money, and wondering what the fuck the point of it all is, tbh. My only alternative is to stay at home bored to death with nobody else around all day because nobody around here has little babies any more.

I am not happy about all this. I do not appear to be living the dream right now.

Boff if she leaves now won't you get some of your finders fee back? Check your contract, complain to the agency about the quality of staff. Make a bit of a fuss and get them to send you a new person.

Threaten them with the power of Mumsnet and naming and shaming if you must.

DeviousIsAGiftTiggaxx

Tigga, it is really not their fault, and we are just outside the guarantee period. That having been said they are usually quite reasonable and with a following wind might be nice again.

Boff have a word with them see what they can do - if they can't do anything you aren't in any worse a position than you are now.

thinksIt'sAlwaysWorhtATryTiggaxx

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Oscar has been up since 3am, crying whenever I put him down to sleep in his cot and crying in my arms in between because he knows I'm going to put him down at some point. I have had less than 4 hours sleep. Again. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm so tired I feel sick. I don't feel like comforting him when he cries for the seventieth time I just want him to SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.

I feel like the shittest mother alive and I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Sorry for me post but not very happy

baubs I've just had 2 weeks of this, cave in, if you have a car pop him in the car and drive until he falls asleep. If you don't pop him in his pram and do the same. Alternatively, can you co-sleep for a while?

WorkedForMeTiggaxx

Bauble - I would second the co-sleep suggestion. Just to catch up. Either that or hand him over to someone else for the night so you can catch up on your sleep. But I was never able to do that.

Have you been following the sleep thread? (in discussions of the day). I have tried so many of those things (not the crazy hands - Bronze!). Ultimately co-sleeping worked better than anything else, although it is a tough one to break and wreaks havoc with your sex life.

Boff - so sorry about your nanny. I hope a lovely Julie Andrews type nanny materialises and makes everything better soon.

Good morning.

Boff that's shit about the nanny, so sorry you're going through so much trouble. Don't know what to suggest but hope a solution will come along!

Bicnod oh no, poor poor poor you. Do you think it's separation anxiety? Maybe do try co-sleeping, if you can bear it? Or CC...

I have forgotten what else I was going to say, got distracted by a little monkey stealing my glasses!

Oh dear oh dear, Ellen is wiggling around to the Cheeky Girls, Have a Cheeky Christmas. It's hilarious but so wrong.

Springy - Oh me too. In my head I sound like a Kathleen Turner/Mariella Frostrup sort. Nothing could be further from the truth. I hate my voice.

WFH - That's a relief.
I would keep the other pair of cords. I have a pair that are slightly too large that are very comfy when I have my period. Not that I remember what a period is.

Boff - What a headache. I hope you find a suitable replacement quickly.

Bicnod - Is there any way you can grab a nap today? Or at least get some rest tomorrow. I felt like that last week when they were both unwell/whiny/teething. I felt terrible because I resented Holly for crying even though it wasn't her fault and she was clearly in pain. Don't feel bad sweetheart, it's bloody hard work. It's a bad cliche but just take each day at a time. Motherhood is, as you know, extreme highs and bitter lows punctuated with periods of tedium. Be kind to yourself today.