December 2007 - Not Quite Two, Already Terrible ;)

[claraquack]

Just checking that this worked....

Clairy - I sort of agree with an amalgamation (that's a long word for this time of day) of what everyone else has said.There really is no harm in applying and seeing where you get to - tbh, in my experience, part time jobs that fit around school hours are so few and far between they are worth grabbing if you get the chance, and I suspect most of them will be filled my over-qualified mothers (why why why can't there be more decent part time jobs out there?). I am sure you could sort out childcare if you got it. The only real sticking point would be wether you would actually be financially worse off if you returned to work - a bit dispiriting if you weren't enjoying it very much!

But often once you are in a job it's a lot easier to move into another - within the same organisation or elsewhere. It's just making that initial move that's hard work.

ANYWAYS. Otherwise - Buzzy, glad you had a good holiday, sorry about dd2's accident, hope she's ok now. Skid - glads to hear dd2 is a bit more settled. My dd's have settled into school now but their behaviour comes and goes, dd1 can be difficult as I think full time school (they do 8-3 here) is tiring her out, plus she does swimming lessons 2 x a week after school too - and on a tuesday she also does tennis in the morning. Plus, it's still 30 plus degrees every day from about 7am here so we're all constantly exhausted from the heat.....

Cripes just noticed the time, I've got to get them out the door in 20 minutes and none of us are dressed yet....

Hi all! Just I'd check in as its been ages! Lift is kind of taking over and I always seem busy but never seem to get anything done IYKWIM?!

Skid, to hear about your DSs eyes, my DS2 has a severe squint in his left eye and it also was lazy when he was small. When he was just over 1 they gave him glasses (he is very long sighted) and patches to help the lazy eye. When he has his glasses on his eyes go straight and although there was talk initially of an operation, the specialist said that as he will always need glasses (and glasses straighten the eye), an operation was now unlikely to be necessary The patching of his eye as a littley caused the lazyness to swap eyes but with further patching of the other eye they are now fairly even and his vision is 'stable'. Its scary to think they may need an op but your DSs eyes may be sorted out with glasses so keep your fingers crossed

Clairey the whole job thing is very scary to me, it is so hard to find something you can do, will enjoy and fits in around the children. Perhaps a chat with some career advice people would be a good step for you? They could perhaps give you some advice about what you could do in a couple of year's time when DS is at school? There may be some training you could do in the meantime to make yourself more attractive to potential employers (and use your brain cells ! I am just considering the whole 'proper' job thing, I know it will be 2 years before DD starts school but I don't want to end up taking on overtime at Tesco and becoming a full time checkout chick - I can't imagine anything more dull, the 7.5 hours I do a week are bad enough! Plan A is to do a little freelance portrait photography (much practice with new equipment and friend's children is required) and plan B is to look into being a school secretary (a basic bookkeeping qualification to top up what I have and some volunteering in my school office for experience is needed for that).

Thanks for telling me about your DS2 beckle - that is really helpful and encouraging. I think my DS also has some acuity problems so maybe glasses and patching will be enough - although I have noticed that both eyes are doing it now so not sure which would get a patch - maybe both like your DS. How does your DS find wearing glasses? Did he get used to them quite quickly? Great he doesn't need an op.

Love the idea of you becoming a photographer - get practising!!

clairey - any more thoughts on working. RE childcare, a friend of mine recently emailed the local uni where they do a childcare course and asked if anyone would like to nanny for £8/hour (which is cheap in Oxford) and she got loads of really enthusiatic replies and they all seem really nice and well-qualified. I guess if you are training to work in childcare you will be pretty motivated...

Hello everyone else Supposed to be working so better actually do some...

Skid glad it was helpful, it looked kind of waffly when I read it back! A squint and a lazy eye are different things, the squint is where the eye turns in and the lazy eye is to do with vision and often goes hand in hand with a squint. Basically the brain can't focus when the eyes are looking different ways so one eye does all the work and the vision declines in the other one because it is 'lazy' and not doing any seeing! Patching helps as by covering the strong eye, the lazy one is getting exercise and therefore gets stronger. Its also a good sign (I was told) if a child squints in both eyes although I can't remember why! DS2 will sometimes have his right eye turning too but it is predominently his left. He did get used to wearing his glasses very quickly, mainly I think because he could see so much better with them! I remember the first time he put them on in the shop he was waving his little hands in front of his face and looking at them in amazement - he'd never seen them in focus before! They are so much a part of him now that he forgets he has them on . Let me know how your DS gets on, when is his next appointment?

Ooh, and I love the thought of me being a photographer too! I have some nice plain backdrops and some studio lights, I just need to practice! I have a few friends volunteering their children as models

Skid I think I was concerned about the logistics of it (going back to work when you've been out of it a while is scary anyway I think) and everyone's comments just reinforced that really. I had planned to go back when ds started school but I hate hate hate living on benefits so feel like I might want to try sooner. It's not that I'm struggling financially especially-as long as I'm careful we are ok- but I feel judged and like a bit of a waster.

Buzzy apparently enough hours/money to lose benefits but not enough to cover what I'd be losing. Or something.

Beckle photography sounds great

Clairey, in no way are you a waster! How can you think that when you are bringing up 2 small children?! Benefits are there to help people who need them, we would not have survived without them when DH was unemployed. You need to do what works for you whether it be staying home or getting a job, don't listen to anyone else - they all have their own opinions but they don't live your life

Don't beat yourself up about it, FO what is the point in working if it is going to leave you worse off than you are now. So you are not a waster!
Are there any courses you can do through Surestart, they often come with a free creche place - you can learn something new, and make some new friends.

buzzy are you ok with the storm in nz

Hi cazzy, yes it was one of those weather-bombs they talk about! Actually blew (literally) through Wellington pretty quickly luckily but basically hurricane strength across much of the North Island, and quite a few lightning strikes. Nature seems to be mad at us at the moment...I'm surprised it made the news over there!

Clairey, that's not very helpful is it?! So exactly what hours DO they suggest? Is it full time or nothing?!!! I guess you're always going to lose some benefits but hopefully not all. Although as you say you're not actually thinking about doing it for financial reasons so I guess so long as you're not worse off and you can find childcare options...maybe investigate the latter problem first? I find it amazing to think that our Dec 07 DC will be starting school in 2 years! Yours' in Sept 2012 presumably? Mine not til Jan 2013.

Skid, how are you finding the new flat? What inventive storage solutions have you come up with?

Beckle, send us some tips on getting great photos of kids! I'd love to do some more of mine in "natural" environments - but I always forget to take my camera...

buzzy - current inventive storage solutions are cardboard boxes in corners and piles of towels/bedding on top of the wardrobe....

clairey - agree that you are anything but a waster - you are single handedly bringing up two children and doing an amazing job. I know it's hard but please don't be influenced by what you think people might be thinking of you (and actually most people, me for one, are in awe of you for doing such a difficult job on your own).

beckle - that's so sweet about your DS looking at his hands . Still can't get through to the hospital for my DS but hoping he will have a similar outcome

Buzzy, it is scary they'll be starting school so soon its really flown by! DD is due to start full time in Jan 2013 too although the school has changed the way it handles intake and they want all children who turn 5 in that year to start in Sept 2012 (they used to start them the term they turn 5), I don't think I HAVE to start her full time but there'll be no nursery place for her so she'll be in with the reception children who do go full time - I don't like it, feels like they are forcing our LOs to grow up too fast. Not sure about photo tips, I nearly always have my camera with me, I certainly take it everytime I go anywhere where the DCs can play. Getting down on their level is always good, don't ask them to pose, just take snaps of them playing! Open areas are good, even better if there are trees or something of interest about to go in the background or something for them to climb on, heavily wooded areas are not so great because the light is often a bit low for clear shots. I only like maybe 1 in 10 of the photos I take and I only show/print those ones, the rest just get stored on disc

Skid, hopefully you'll get through to the hospital soon! I'll keep my fingers crossed for your DS

Buzzy - sympathy on the storm, we are currently experiencing a tropical wave here and it was pretty severe overnight but at least all the hurricanes continue to go well north of us.

I was thinking about dd2 starting school just yesterday because I suddenly realised we would be starting the application process this time next year HAving said that, it seems to have taken forever for dd1 to have started school as she is a September baby and has been ready for a while. She is loving it and soaking it up like a sponge.

Anyone else getting the Why's? Martha probably says why? at least 35,0000 times a day and of course I don't always have an answer. Funnily though she is also asking dd1 lots of questions - who then gets really impatient with her and asks me to stop her asking questions. Tough!

Thank you for all the positivity I think I will wait til ds is at preschool in Jan and see how I feel then-it might all seem a lot easier once I actually don't have him for a few hours a week rather than just imagining it iyswim.

Have had a bit of drama with the window cleaner recently where a few weeks ago we had a semi snog incident. It's all been a bit wierd with him basically wanting both me and his gf but I think we are sorted now (and yes you were right when you said it would be difficult for us to be just friends ) He's said he sees me as more than a friend but doesn't want to lose me so if I say we can only be friends (which I have) then he will accept that-would rather have me in his life as a friend than not at all. It was a bit difficult for a while because obviously I was tempted but we seem to be back to normal now. Hope so anyway.

Clara dd is loving school too and is currently sounding out every word she says which is very clever but starting to get a bit wearing DS is desperate to start preschool now.

DS told me he wants a dog

eek Clairey! You did absolutely the right thing of course.

BT are you a dog person? I'm not and it took a lot of pursuading before I gave in. Not sure still if it was the right thing to do to be honest. Our 10 month old puppy is very cute and the girls love him but he's been very expensive and quite disruptive to our lives. As I write this he's tearing round the back yard like a mad thing - its quite windy here today so perhaps that's why?

DD2 has been a bit poorly thins weekend. Actually threw up this morning and is now asleep on the sofa.

DD1 has gone up to her Nana's housing in Hastings (4 hours north) for the next week - its school hols here. Next term she starts attended the Gifted Education Centre one day per week so will be interesting to see how that goes!

We're not getting a dog. I don't mind other people's dogs, but there is no way I am getting one of my own - we tend to go away a lot at the weekend, or at least are out for most of the day and it wouldn't be fair to leave dog on it's own.

I am a bit at my 2 friends getting 2 puppies as they both work full time. I think one of them can work from home though, so I guess not so bad but I don't he does it all the time.

Dd2 is desperate for a cat. We said we might start with a hamster and see how we go....I love cats but not sure I want the extra faff of a pet you have to think about when you go away. (if we do get a pet it won't be until we are back in the UK).

Clairey - blimey (window cleaner). I am a great believer that men and women can't just be friends and sex always gets in the way (unles one is gay). Everyone always tells me I am wrong but what they don't realise is that platonic male friend they hang out with all the time is secretly lusting after them and just too shy to do anything about it. Even harder if you know you fancy each other....

Buzzy - how fab that you have such a thing as the Gifted Education Centre, I hope your dd enjoys it. Have you heard any more from her dad?

Saw Mellymooks finally had her baby boy - yay!!

BT, yes the whole leaving the dog at home thing is a bit tricky. Maybe they think 2 puppies will keep each other company? I pay for Lenny (our dog) to go to Doggy Daycare 1 day per week! The other 4 days are a combination of different people walking him. I'm definitely a cat person. We just leave her to "starve" if we're away overnight. For longer she goes to a cattery. Animals are expensive...

Clara I'm quite excited by the Gifted Education Centre thing but also a little nervous that she will find it quite daunting to start with as she's not great at making friends. But in the long run if she does make some friends there that will be great as at school she is seen as a bit quirky.

It turns out her father had to return for some bizarre visa/passport thing. Not good planning on their part!! I don't pretend to understand British immigration rules - he's married to a Brit, they have a child, what more do they need? I guess at least it wasn't anything more sinister.

gosh clairey!!! I KNEW he had designs on you! Glad you've got it sorted now and hope you can still be good friends. For the record I agree with you clara re men and women being really good friends...

clara - DS is also in the 'why' phase. I'm still finding it cute atm but I reckon my patience will run out soon. He's also in an ultra polite phase - 'Can me do drawing mummy? Pweeese, mummy' 'Thank you mummy, me love you mummy' etc - now that I won't tire of (but it will probably end much sooner than the 'why' phase)!!

BT I wouldn't get a dog either - already have too many living creatures in my life...

buzzy - glad DD's dad wasn't there for anything really wierd/scary

Congratulations to mellymooks!!!

Yeah yeah you told me so

We seem to be doing ok on being friends for now, will see how it goes. Would hate to lose him as a friend but obviously don't want to be the ow and we were verging on that emotionally if not physically I think. Am hoping that side of things will go away if ignored

Am not a dog person, would love a cat but my friend's house smells really catty and it puts me off Plus I am not actually allowed pets by the landlord.

Buzzy hope dd1 gets on well at the gifted education centre.

Oh it's clairey btw

Clairey and , window cleaner stuff could get complicated although I do think men and women can be friends, I'm not sure they can manage to be great friends without sex/attraction getting in the way! Always worth a try though if you get on particularly well with someone.

Buzzy hopefully DD1 will get on really well at the gifted education centre How has she been since her father went back to England? Hope DD2 is feeling a better now.

My DSs would dearly love a dog, as would DH but we tried it before and it didn't really work out, I am NOT a dog person, bigger ones scare me a bit, and DH just didn't have the time to look after it. I have a feeling I will be outvoted at some point about another one but hopefully not for some time! We have a couple of cats and some chickens, they are great pets as even if we go away for a few days we just need someone to pop in in the evening and feed them/collect the eggs. We may be inheriting another cat in a couple of weeks as my BIL is moving and doesn't think he can take his with him, its a year old Bengal and he's beautiful, I just hope he doesn't upset the other 2 too much. Funnily enough Buzzy he is called Lenny!

Clara, DD went through the "why?" phase when she was really small and doesn't seem to do it now (touch wood!) She doesn't stop chatting though, except when she's singing! Her 'thing' at the moment is giving me things to hold, lots and lots of them (some imaginary, some real) - she's very bossy and her favourite games all seem to involve telling me what to do at the moment which gets a bit wearing!

dd2 wants a dog, dd3 is terified of animals...but she is in my bad books... she stuck a bloody stone up her nose..grggghhh 1st trip to a and e ever...

Oh crikey cazzy, hope she is ok!

Ninjapeas - think you do need to tread carefully with your window cleaner. If it is clear he is not going to end things with his gf, you will need to be utterly scrupulous how you interact with him. I do hope you can at least be friends though.

Currently in sunny and very hot Spain! DS having a great time

Just wrote really long post and ds deleted it aaaaaargh!