October 2007- These Little Piggies started throwing tantrums

[FloriaTosca]

The lastest thread for the fabulous women who were due their babies in the October of the Chinese year of the pig and who now have terrible tantrums and delightful cuddles in equal measure from their almost 2 year olds. New and old members welcome to drop in for a chat anytime....

Forgot to say, NC, thanks for asking about Dylan, he has stayed on his line on the centile chart and dietician was happy with him , that was after a few weeks of bad eating too. After that appointment on the 8th dec he has been eating really well so we're enjoying the 'good patch' at the moment

Also forgot to mention, am taking it easy at the moment cause I had quite an achey tummy/uterus last week on and off and on fri evening it felt like period cramp all evening. I called the midwife and she said to call the hosp i'm due to give birth at (50 mins away . They said to go in to be checked over as they wanted to check I wasn't having contractions and didn't have a urine infection that can set off early labour. Anwyay mil and fil were amazing. It was midnight by now but mil came round to keep an eye on Dylan (well, he was in bed so not much to do unless he woke) and fil drove os down there so dh could be with me in the back of the car in case anythin happened.

They monitored baby, checked for contractions, checked urine and took blood presssure. They also did like a smear and took some swabs to check for infections. Anyway, the conclusion was that it was probably just muscle strain brought on by me doing stuff eg lifting etc. I was glad to be reassured and we didn't get home till almost 4am . I'm fine anwyay, as I say, just trying to do less which is hard cause I keep seeing jobs that need done and Dylan wants lifting up about a million times a day!

Dal; 1st off I'm so glad everything is alright with the baby...very frightening when anything like that happens.
2nd I'm so glad for you that Dylan is having a good patch of eating and is holding his centile even when not...proof that your instincts were right
As to your porn issue I can understand your insecurity that it isnt something you are sharing but being sneakily done without you...but that is the way most lads get into it in the first place, a secret, guilty pleasure,...could it be that Dh was feeling a bit horny this morning and was actually being considerate, knowing that pg has switched off your libido and that overdoing things caused your scare on Friday.. he just didn't want you to feel pressured into anything when you needed rest. (and by the way, my dh had to survive with "offerings" through most of my pg with Alex..and a good while after too)
Personally I'd mention stumbling on his 'site' (exactly the way it happened) and how interesting it was ... get it out in the open where it can't hurt you. I hope he comes up with an explanation that makes you feel cherished rather than insecure

Morning ladies.
Ft-wow at Alex sleeping, really hope it continues! Sleep and time to yourself is so precious(people annoy me when they say they're bored, wish I had time to be bored!) Where you going Sat? (nosy)

Dal-great news that Dylan is eating, so happy, must have taken a weight off your mind? and glad everything okay with number 2. I think FT is right, I think DH was probably trying to be consierate to you this morning, and as hard as it is to know you're causing it, he is probably missing the sex which is why he's been looking at it, once things are back on track he'll probably have no interest anymore, thats not to say you should rush things, just try to accept it. Can definately understand how you feel though, can you mention it in the way of'hey you, I know you've been looking at porn!' in a jokey way so it can be brought up and there's no secrets, he may be keeping it quiet as he doesn't want to make you feel insecure or inadequate(sp). Rich was doing similar after my OP and the past few weeks of me constantly bleeding-so if he tried getting amerous I felt pressured, but when I know he was 'sorting himself out' I felt as though he didn't want me, he couldn't win

I've been to see my friend and her 11 day old baby today, all is well, she's bf and they're both doing great, I'm so proud of her and her dp's being really supportive so hopefully it'll continue, she's already taking of having another one! The thing with sil is that her and my friend where both pg at the same time, all sil ever did/does is moan and demand, my friend never moaned, just got on with it and is a delight to speak to, guess that the contrast has really made me dislike sil, good job you can choose your friends eh! saying that, my tolerance for stupid annoying people is really low at the moment, not sure Business management is the right course to be doing, I'm not exactly a people person!
I have got Shannon in nursery for next Mon, hopefully DD1s Grandma can have her Tue, so will have 2 days to get on with assignments, hopwefully will get the bulk done Off to do some notes whilst her ladyship watches telly.

Hey ladies, thanks for the reassurance.

Floria - You're right, he is trying not to put pressure on me, he is really considerate in that area.. I think thats kind of why I felt a bit shocked/confused, he had me so convinced he wasn't bothered and I can just do it if and when I fancy and then I discovered he wasn't bothered cause he's getting pleasure in other ways iyswim?

I kind of don't want to tell him I know cause I don't want him to feel 'watched' or like i'm telling him off, I really do understand his need to do it and it's not all that bad, I just don't like there being secrets between us of any sort...

NC - You summed it up quite well really, i'd feel under pressure if he was pestering me for it but now I kind of feel like he's found a substitute and it's made me doubt his attraction to me.

Feeling a bit better about it now, I had a look at the clip he viewed this morning when Dylan was napping and it was pretty tame, the lady was actually not very porny if thats a word , had a bit of meat on her and even fuzzy bits down below and wasn't dissimilar to me figure wise so I just think he was a bit horny as you say.

Sounds like your friend is doing really well with her new baby, must hav been lovely to visit them . At her talking of having another already, it must be the hormones . I can distinctly remember muttering the words 'never again' whilst recovering in my hospital bed!

Hope you manage to get your assignments done or at least most of them, must play on your mind... When do they have to be done by?

Well, I was going to go out and post my christmas cards today but I gave them to dh at lunchtime to post on his way back to work. The weather is miserable and it's much more cosy indoors with the heating and christmas tunes on

Dylan is having a late lunch today after his long nap, he's currently 'wearing' a piece of cheese on toast as a hat and saying 'yee ha'

Hi all

Dal - I can totally see both sides on this one. Pregnancy is tough for both men and women for completely different ways. Probably best left not said if you're happy too leave it would also mention -would you bring it up in an argument at a later date or can you really leave it? Not saying you'll have an argument but you can see the dilema 'and another thing, I know what you've been looking at!!!!'

Just got back from a mooch around the shops. Went on my own for the first time in ages and actually managed some good mooching. What luxury to not have the boys with me. They are fab but I never get the chance to try anything on or really look at what's on offer. Normally shopping is a little like a smash and grab exercise

Going to make 2 shopping bags for SIL and dad for Christmas. Just got back the bowl Ollie painted (he did a good job this time and has discovered other colours than brown ) and the welly boot pen pot Henry had a go at for MIL. They look very cute.

Need to go Toby not happy now with his 'kick it and it flashes' baby gym

xx

NC - at your sil's cats not being able to be left alone all day. They're the first cats I know of that can't. And I second third everything Muppet says about the way you just get on with things - so many more things than the rest of us!

FT - woohoo at Alex's sleeping. Hope it continues for a bit at least - what a lovely Christmas present for you! Well done getting the bathroom looking like new - that's a very impressive 90 mins!

Muppet - trying to keep an open mind about the future to be honest - it's impossible to know how I will feel if we're apart for a while. Not to worry about Saturday - it would have been lovely to see you but Feb will do just as well. Glad you're enjoying your week. What's your new hair like?

Dal - I can understand you feeling insecure but you're probably feeling worse than you would normally because of all the hormones (damn them!). I'm sure you'd rather he didn't need an outlet at all but that's blokes for you I think. Really good news about the hospital visit btw, you must have been relieved, and I'm glad Dylan is doing well with his eating.

WWAJC sorry to hear you're still fighting with dh. I think this is perhaps an even touher time of year to be going through this as everyone is so preoccupied and busy with families. Thinking of you and sending you big hugs and the hope that all works out for the 3 of your one way or another... xxx

Dal I can understand you feeling insecure about your dh and porn. Porn doesn't bother me either tbh although I think I would feel insecure too in your situation when you are pg with zero libido! If I were you I think I would tell him you know - afterall you weren't snooping around and found it in a totally innocent way and I think you could probably tell him this so he believed you. And just ask him why - again I think askin him now when you are a little hurt but not that worried means you are more likely to be able to put this in a genuinely enquiring way rather than sounding as though you are having a go - like muppet says otherwise there is always the chance you bring it up when you're having an argument or something! He will probably say that he has realised you are not up for it and totally understands but that he is still feelin horny so uses this to be able to relieve himself (for want of a better phrase!!) rather than putting the pressure on. From the way you talk about your relationship I would be very surprised if you had anything to worry about...

Floria great news on the bathroom and even more on Alex's sleep!!! What a star!

Well I had a lovely niht with the girls on Tues and then dh was home earlier than we expected last night which was all good. he's away again tonight but I think thats the end of the work travelling for a while - at least unti lnext year anyway!

Off to bed now but will try and pop on tomorrow... Hope you're all well!

Morning ladies

Well, I still can't decide whether to ring this issue up or not.

We have being doing well in the bedroom dept and I have been making more of an effort to make sure he gets a bit of action now and again. To be honest though it's not an effort as i've been really enjoying it which is good.

We fooled around last night although not all the way, he had a 'happy ending' shall we say... Anyway, I check the history this morning expecting that he wouldn't have needed to look at any porn this morning having being 'attended to' last night (btw I don't expect him to stop looking at it just because we're having more action but I didn't think he'd be desperate to look at some after last night..). Anyway, he had looked this morning and it also showed he viewed a site where you can watch ladies LIVE in their webcam . If he just had a look at the site or clicked on it by accident then fair enough but watching other ladies perfom sex acts live crosses the line for me, almost feels like cheating

He came home for lunch and said he could tell something was bothering me. I said nothing and he kept asking. i told him I didn't want to talk about it and started to cry. He was a bit annoyed I wouldn't just tell him but I didn't feel like he would understand exactly why i'm upset and didn't feel like explaining. I told him not to get annoyed and that I just didn't want to discuss it. He went back to work a bit moody as he is obviously wondering what he's done wrong. Funny how when he was trying to guess he didn't ask 'is it cause i looked at porn', no, he would risk me finding out casue it might be something else i'm upset about and then his secret would be out...

I hate having secrets . As I said I don't mind him looking at it in theory but I feel disrespected as a woman when I feel like i'm just another one of his turn on's in between all the other porn.

Oh I wish someone was about.

He has texted me to ask what he's done wrong again. I just said I felt hurt as I knew he'd lied to me and I thought we were always honest and open with each other.

He said to 'just tell him' so we can sort it.

I said that if he didn't know what it was he must have lied to me on more than one occasion which makes me feel even worse.

I know I sound like an insecure loon but we have always said we'll not keep secrets and I just feel like he obviously does and that hurts.

I left it by saying maybe he should tell me all the things he's kept from me then i'll tell him which of them it is. Not surprisingly he hasn't replied... I just feel like he's still trying to not get 'caught out' as he'd have just said 'is it this?' but it seems he daren't guess in case he gets it wrong and accidentally tells me something else I didn't know

I do have trust issues, I know that but lying to me isn't going to help with that.

Sorry not been around today Dal-How are things now? You're going to have to tell him if you haven't already and see what he has to say for himself. Maybe he's being nosy when he's looking in a morning??
Be back in a bit, just sorting stuff.

Hi everyone else

Oh Dal, wish I had checked in earlier.

I echo what everyone else has said so far regarding the porn. My DH looks at it all the time, it really doesn't bother me. But I would tell your DH straight what is wrong. You are going to make things worse by being cryptic.

Men are simple creatures, there is no point being subtle as they will have no idea. You have to be upfront and tell them exactly what is wrong.

Just asked hubby for a man's point of view...

1. ALL men look at Porn

1. ALL men with any kind of libido will want sex. If they aren't getting any, or enough, they will look at porn more than if they are getting sex. One cum so to speak only gets the libido going more, and then they want more. He fully expects a man to look at porn the morning after even if he was 'sorted' the night before.

On average a man wants it at least 4 times a week.

1. Regarding websites - you don't even have to register to see most things but he reckons to see webcam stuff you would have to register. Which becomes a slippery slope in his opinion

Regarding your situation... he says your DH is not replacing you, he just wants to satisfy himself without pressuring you, its in his genes, it doesn't mean he thinks any less of you, or fancy you any less.

He says to approach him with no theatrics, just let him know what the problem is. The more you beat about the bush so to speak the worse it will be. Its black and white for a bloke, he needs to satisfy himself and quite often.

Hope that helps in some way. If you want any more male pov just ask

Oh he's just told me to say not to use the word problem, because its not a 'problem' its an issue that you just need to try and understand.

DH has just said although he viewed a site that you 'could' see live webcam ladies, doesn't mean he did, because you would have to register to do that.

Awww, sorry to hear that inzi I hope they can make him as comfortable as possible xx

Inzi so sorry to hear that, got tearful reading your post. Just think of all the wonderful memories you have of him

LLL @ your DH will think of a few questions for him!

Inzi - I am so sorry for you and your grandad but really glad you got to have the 'chat' that everyone really wishes they could have if they knew they were dying. He got to tell you how wonderful you are to him and I can imagine this is helping him a little during this difficult time.
Could you record him reading a story that you and Jane love? This might be too difficult for you but would be a lovely memory...
xxx

LLL - Very direct and I agree with everything you say re porn. Men are totally black and white and don't see the harm as they aren't being unfaithful. Women are very feelings orientated whereas men are function orientated. Sex is functional, it's in the genes..quite literally!

I've finished making the 2 shopping bags so we've had a bit of a homemade Christmas -Kirstie would be proud! Going up north to get the boys tomorrow and back down again in a day. I am packing food as I don't want to stop, just get back asap to miss the snow. We've had a little here but only a dusting and it's all gone now.

be back later, going for dinner
xxx

Inzi - So sorry to hear that about your grandad . I hope they can make him comfortable and that you manage to grab some very precious last memories, thinking of you x

LLL - Thanks for the male POV, it does help a bit. Could you ask your dh to clarify, he says men will look at porn more if having less sex but how does that explain my dh looking at it the next morning? We had had sex the night before too so he had had action 2 nights in a row...

I wouldn't usually be as bothered as I am but the horrmones and being a big pregnany whale doesn't help.

Most of all though i'm upset that he's sneaked around and kept it secret, I just don't like being lied to . Presumably you know your dh looks at porn and that helps you to trust him as he doesn't keep it a secret iyswim? If he'd just been more open I wouldn't feel half as bad. I just feel like a fool for believing he wasn't bothered.

Dal - DH reckons that the first week without sex is the worst, then they start to get used to it, and could possibly go for several weeks without too much hardship, but once the whole thing is reignited again ie. you have got busy so to speak the last couple of nights, it reawakens all the feelings and makes them super horny and not being able to get enough of it. This sounds like what your hubby is going through.

Lisa Husband here:

Hi Not quite sure she has explained it perfectly but hey ho. My general understanding from my experience and other peoples is women(generally) have the opinion that right you've had it so you are ok for another week etc. In reality most average to higher libido men want it more than that and after getting back into sex ie. one night they are back on steam, to be horny in the morning after isn't abnormal. I just know that there is no way its worth bothering to try again in the morning.

To put it in context I've helped myself before straight after sex and certainly the morning after...

Just read about you saying about him keeping it a secret, I don't think it has anything to do with that. My DH doesn't announce every time he has looked at porn, he doesn't have a problem telling me if asked, but he doesn't tell me off his own bat. Does that make sense?

inzi - so sorry about your grandad. i hope you are ok. i know he will have appreciated you being there and taking jane to see him

dal - hope you are ok too, no real experience of men and porn (so far!)

It is very snowy here. took me two hours to get home from town last night driving in the snow - normally takes 5 mins. then went into work today on day off as i'm the energency communications lead person, and one of the few managers in the team to be walking distance from the office. I'm tired now! DH looked after Olly all day - he's gone out now with our friends - i was supposed to be going too, but cancelled our babysitter cos i didn't want anyone driving in the snow/ice, just cos we fancied going out for a drink - not after last night's nightmare

Hope you are all ok xxx

Ah I see, thanks LLL and LLL's DH

Well, the 'new action' may be why he has looked at it this morning then... I discovered the porn in the history on the comp about a week ago and it goes back 3 weeks (no history to check past that). So not sure when he looked before now...

I certainly wouldn't expect him to announce every time he has a look, it's just I would expect there to be a general understanding between us that he does look at it from time to time and I know he does iyswim?

I'm not being very clear, I mean he had me totally convinced that he was not really bothered either way about the recent lack of action and that he was happy to do it whenever I felt up to it. So I thought he had gotten used to the infrequency and it wasn't really on his mind that much and therefore didn't feel too under pressure.

That's kind of why I was shocked to suddenly find out that actually it's on his mind a lot and he's just convinced me it's not. Makes me feel like I don't know him or something...

He said we should 'chat' eariler anyway so maybe we'll sort it out.

Alice - glad you enjoyed your evenings with the girls and with dh. You must be glad dh is home for a bit!

Dal - I think you should talk to dh - it's going to drive you nuts with this going round your head - you're building it up and up. The longer you leave it the worse it's going to be in your head and you will want more convincing that he loves and wants you. You're already trying to second guess what's going on in his head by thinking he must have other secrets as well as this one, when in reality he's probably just not thought that this would be it. Lisa is right - men are simple and need to be hit over the head with a brick sometimes. Hope you sort it out.

Inzi - hugs to you hun, I am so sorry to hear about your grandad. At least you got to have a lovely talk with him and you're getting to say/hear everything you need to. It sounds as though he is comfortable and pain-free.

Strawberry - hope you're having a relaxing evening after your unexpectedly busy day.

I had my last day at work today before the holiday - I'm having 2 weeks off - bliss! I've got to pop back on Christmas Eve though to pick up my turkey (all the staff get one) - I've discovered this week that it's a 15lb one so it won't actually fit in my small oven. I'll either have to chop it up and freeze it while it's raw or find somebody else who wants to cook a second turkey!