Nov 2008 - because there was no thread space to think of a clever title!

[Yorky]

Had to be done soon, hope it works!

Morning
barbs Daisy has given some good advice there, when I had my PND I was totally freaked out by something very minor but this had a huge impact on my life (turns out it was the final straw) I had went for an injection and then felt like I was away to pass out and couldnt breathe, I remember the DR & nurse saying get the adrenaline and I honestly thought I was away to die and all I could think about was DD1 (it was 4 years ago) , turns out it was a panic attack but I could not get past the thought that I may die and would not see my beautiful girl grow up, I kept looking at her and every time I did as I love her and DD2 so much its hurts. So after getting ad's and cognitive behavioural therapy I manged to deal with it, turns out I had unresolved ishoos with PTSD and thought I could be supermum but am only human and something had to give. I also think DD1's birth had alot to do with it. I feel since I have had Millie something inside me has relaxed and although I still get a bit anxious abou thing its nowhere near as bad. I hope you get on well at the docs! Sorry to ramble on but I always felt it helped if someone could relate to how I was feeling.
coolkat DD1 was sleeping within 5 mins of going to her bed so the walk did some good
daisy hope you got some sleep last night!
Sorry for the epic!

barbs hope things go well at doctors. Thoughts are with you lovely. RE your thoughts I have had similar before and after birth of both kiddies. Before birth of both kids I was so worried about dying and was making preperations in case I did. DS was back to back, 9lb 4, stuck and with his heart rate dropping. After ages of labour we were rushed to theatre for emergency CS but ventouse then forceps worked. Of course DS was very buised and battered as a result of all this. Then he wouldnt breastfeed. So except for the usual 1st time parent emotions and everything you have to deal with I had the baggage of his birth and my feelings of failure especially with BF. As for Alyssa well she was 8 days late then suddenly decided to give me a surprise home birth with only DH for help on the bathroom floor! So very out of control too but afterwards felt good but at the same time I couldnt help think "what if" with being at home. Now every time I check on the kids when they are sleeping I am paranoid that "the worst" will of happened. Not as bad as when they were first born but still worry.

Sorry went on didnt I. I honestly was trying to make a point that these feelings are natural. But once you feel out of control that is when I guess extra help is needed.

Barbs, ellie, vbab and daisy. I feel out of control. I shouted at ds1 this morning and made him cry. His behaviour has been abysmal for the last 3 weeks. Spoke to 3 mums this morning and they all say the same very very rude, whingey etc etc.
But I have tried the ad's and seen 3 gp's and I went for conselling and they said there was nothing wrong other than "the stress of two young children".
I feel like there is nowhere left to turn. Every where i go they tell me that "this is all normal"

Besides, I can't tell anyone anything anymore. Last time I asked for help, having told them at every opportunity that I was 'struggling', I was reported to social services. I could have had my children taken away.

obs im here. please bear with me as typing 1 handed whilst holding my little monkey trying to force feed her!

obs. I must admit that I get very shouty when I'm having a panic attack; everything seems about ten times worse than it probably is, including the DC's behaviour and it seems like my ability to deal with normal completely deserts me. could the stress be making you panic? It was ages before I realised that this was what was going on; I thought I was just a horribly shouty person.

Off to speak to the community policing team; two men in a car approached DS and our neighbour's boy when they were out in the street yesterday and tried to strike up a very odd conversation. I'm sure it is nothing, but better safe than sorry.

Oh obs feel awful for you! How old is ds1? Could it jusy be an age thing or a stage he is going through? I really dont know what to say, I remember when you went through that with your silly gp that you have benn made to feel like no where to turn! Have you spoke to you dh?

obs My mum has been feeling a bit down etc after my dads heart attack and the gp suggested this site take a look

hi obs. just put Alyssa on the floor so I can type. There's no wonder she is dropping centiles as she is a right mare to feed solid food to. Sure she would be content on the bottle all the time.

I'm hear for you for what use I am. Wish I lived near as I wouldnt hestiate coming to see and help you. I havent been properly diagnosed as PND but I completely understand your "cant tell anyone anything anymore". At my worst I felt like I couldnt talk to anyone due to their previous responses etc. My DS keeps going through a shitty phase but then does something small but amazing at the opposite end of the scale. Do you think your DS would understand if you chatted to him a little about his behaviour and it upsetting you? When me and DS got at boiling point recently after the upset a while later i in simple terms said "sorry for shouting. mummy is sad and when he is naughty it makes me really sad and sometimes i cry". he gave me a cuddle then pointed at me and said "mummy sad. you not shout at me no more" . i felt better for explaining myself to him and felt we were a little stronger for the chat. Although i bet saying what i did to a 3yr old some people wouldnt agree with. He can still be a s**t though as all kids can. What has your DS been doing?

Dont know if it will be of any use I havent really looked at it. If your sons behaviour is making you miserable what about asking for a therapist to speak to him and you as a family?? I am just trying to come up with other options for you so if am way off just ignore me! Apart from that is there a gp you have known for a while that you trust and explain how you are feeling but are wary of asking for help because of bad experience the last time, no-one should be put through that.
daisy that is awful hope there was nothing in it!

my english is terrible . Why cant i read posts before i put them on!

Hi all,

So sorry for all those feeling down at the moment. I think you are all doing a fab job by the sounds of it and are great mums and I am full of admiration.

vbab, just wondered, is there a Bravissimo near you? I have started buying clothes there, they are fab, as they are tailored for the larger boob. I find that for my boobs I need bigger tops like you, say 12 or 14, but I have titchy shoulders, so they just don't look right. Bravissimo clothes are perfect for me, fit on the shoulder and the waist, and the boobs! Only trouble is they are pretty expensive, so I always ask for Bravissimo vouchers for Christmas/birthday etc.

harrogate, so what is the final plan ladies. Lolabella, are you still coming or are you up to your eyeballs in wedding preps? barb, I am quite happy to come to yours, I'm sure it's lovely. Will FB you and Daisy.

Afternoon all

I think i have just about recovered from the saturday.

Dh's speech went down really well, he was worried because he was mentioning a couple of relatives who had died and should really of been there.

O slept at my mums the night, first time away, and he was absolutely fine.

Tried controlled crying last niught but just couldn't do it, i just had to pick him up and when i did he went limp and was fast asleep until 5.30am what a boy!!

juanitad thanks for the idea about bravissimo. just looked on the website. some lovely dresses but most out of stock or not my size . I thought they only did bras. Will keep it in mind for the future though.
tegan congrats on your boy lasting until 5.30am. Alyssa woke up at 5.30am too which is not like her, thinking teeth. But I just reasured her and left her to go back to sleep on her own and she went back until 7am . Also glad your DH speech went well.

Dont think i said earlier . Thanks to you ladies I got the guts to tell my "uninvited" friends about the christening. Albeit by text. 1 out of 3 responded with "dont worry i understand". So I will take it as alls well because one of the other friend's never responds to texts so 2 out of 3 i guess .

PMSL...we had curry for tea and I just found some bombay mix in my bra when I went to feed bumble

got blocked ducts again though....I have no idea why this should be happening now after all this time of trouble free feeding. I'm getting really jaded with the whole thing, and for me that is saying a lot!! I bought a box of formula today as well....but not sure what to do.

Obs and vbab, sorry you are having such a hard time, I was really struggling a few weeks ago and DH nagged me to going to chat to HV who was really nice and broke it down in to DD not being a great sleeper, and DS being 2 and a handful especially when I'm tired. She was talking about moving DD into her own room, which DH wants and I don't while I have to get up in the night to her, and some positive parenting stuff to do with DS. It doesn't sound much but I'm feeling better and nothing has changed. I hope the dr can help Barbs

And we've had a pretty shit week.
DH went away with work on Monday, knew it was coming DS coped much better than I'd dared hope. DH sent home sick Weds afternoon, put in spare room with door shut so kids don't catch whatever he has and don't climb on him. Thurs DH throwing up when hasn't eaten anything for over 15hrs. Can't stop, won't leave loo, dizzy, pale - Dr came out to him and gave anti vom injection and tablets to follow with, but DS now knows daddy is here and wants to see him. Saturday is nephews 1st birthday party and I want to go. Consider taking DC and leaving DH in bed, but not sure I'm comfy leaving on his own. Sure he is not up to party. End up driving 2hr to drop DC off with my parents at my brothers, then driving 45 mins to drop DH of at my parents house and then driving myself back again to find that DD had a massive velcro baby attack and mum has gone out for a walk with her, major guilt. Nice to see nephew briefly, but didn't get much talk with anyone as babysitting. DS was really good, DD too tired and nosey.
We are home now and it was nice seeing my parents again, but DH is feeling so sorry for himself. He's bored and wants to eat, but then overdoes it and is sick again, but not excessive like thurs that was quite scary.

Sorry for long winded sorry for myself post, just tired and sick of laundry and washing up!

LOL daisy, maybe bumble put it there for a snack for later! DD is having a bedtime drink at 7ish, then another feed somewhere between 9-1030, then another at about 1 and maybe one at 4-5. It sounds a lot but she's quite good at eating and settling back quickly. Her nappies are swimming by morning - didn't realise how bad till she was in disposables this weekend!

Have a lovely meet up tomorrow

Evening all,
Obs Honey I am so sad for your awful time. I really don't know what to suggest but you seriously need some support, someone to talk to, someone to listen without judging and who can give you some coping strategies or something. I would have thought that you could have got that from your gp - what on earth are you supposed to do if you can't get help there. Wish I knew what to do to help. You know there will always be someone here tho xx
Yorky So sorry to hear about your poor dh and poor you to have to cope with such a lot x
Will check facebook for meetup planning! I have cake if you guys wanna come here or if you wanna do valley gardens cake will travel!! Obs I think you should hot-foot it to Harrogate x
The only thing about mine is the floors are laminate, have rug but isn't going to be big enough and prolly don't have enough cushions to provide enough soft landings so would it be ok to bring a cushion or something soft?

sorry I meant to say also thank you for sharing your experiences. vbab our ds births were very similar - were you induced?
daisy coincidentally found a thread on childbirth I think last night from a lady who had had cs under ga and is traumatised. Alot of the advice from lulumama was extrememly helpful.

haey all, just bookmarking.. also having a traumatic time at moment not helped by stupid family stresses... Going a bit stir crazy with it all. Sorry to hear others in same boat tho. Will try to catch up properly soon...

sparkles, I was just thinking about you earlier and wondering where you were hiding. I hope everthing's OK.

aargh....baby crying so off ot bed I go (I always miss the last ten minutes of any film I try to watch these days!

Hey all

Barbs, Obs and Sparks - hope you all start to feel better soon

Barbs definitely sounds like a lot of your feelings have been triggered by W's birth so a debrief might just help you deal with the issues that have been left over. Hope you enjoy meeting Daisy and Juanitad today - they are both lovely

Am feeling a little lost today - the Hamster has gone to nursery for his first full day and I am missing him far more than I thought I would I think I am more worried about him settling in than I was with DS1 as DS1 was such an easy, happy baby that he would have settled anywhere - the Hamster is a totally different kettle of fish

Just been to the hospital to have a consultation with the surgeon about my gallbladder - the op has been arranged and he thinks it will be in September sometime (yay - I will be back at work and therefore get sick pay ) but he did make my day by saying that my GP had put in her report that I was overweight - he then said 'you don't look at all overweight to me'

hope everyone is ok - the weather is beyond crap today - horrible nasty heavy rain!!

Its a bit brighter in the west ...for the mo.Hope the clouds wash away the sad feelings but better still hope you find somebody in the medical profession that can understand and help you.
Just tried putting in minirosas car seat in the car we should be using for the rest of the summer and it moves far too much for my liking. We spent over an hour doing it 3 of us reading and re reading the instructions. The base just moves when you push it ( not juts a wobble you can almost rock it.) It is a Britax 0/1 First Class .ARRRRGGGGGHHHH So**ing thing.
LOl at the Bombay mix daisy we are having curry tonight - 1st req on dh list !!!!
teganglad wedding went ok .
Yorky hope you dh feeling better
Grumpy baby alert...later

Aww Ceebee hugs to you on your own. Nice Doctor and you do look fab by the way!

Obs hugs to you hope you are OK lovely.

I have turned a corner here - made alot of very drastic decisions which I feel will work out for the best.
No 1 being I am actually going to tke the ADs I had prescribed a couple of months ago, I am not superwoman and I do think I need them (despite what MIL says) the counselling has done no good so I am going to give them a go, mainly like you ladies because of the way I am with DS1, I am so shouty with him sometimes an it is just not fair. I screamed so much at him last week and stormed into the kitchen, he was hiding behind the sofa crying when I came back in - I felt like sh*t. I just can't seem to control my anger with him.
The second big change is we are selling this house and getting somewhere else. We have never been happy here (I know its not the house but I don't think the lack of happy memories helps). We are going to see 1 tonight and 1 on saturday. so fingers crossed!

Hope everyone is ok, sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant