December 2007 "The one where babies walk the walk... and talk the talk"

[Arcadie]

I'm sorry - I couldn't last out. Welcome to the new thread.

I don't mind morning and evening but don't want to feed during the day (or night but those have gone now anyway...). I don't think I want to feed past age 2 so want to wind down between now and December. 18 months would be better but can't see that happening unless I'm really mean about it and don't think I can face the tantrums to be honest. Don't have a reason for stopping as in think its wrong past a certain age or whatever but I've had enough really, am not particularly enjoying it and am sick of feeling touched all the time (tho ds will probably still stick his hand down my top even when he does stop bf!)

Clairey - not sure if this is similar to what your dr was talking about but a few years ago when I first moved overseas on my own, I had a real stress/anxiety problem and it all came out in physical symptoms. I often felt giddy and faint, I couldn't breath properly and almost felt like I had to yawn to get enough oxygen and I had a tight chest. Saw the dr, who diagnosed anxiety and suggested relaxation techniques. Anyway, just knowing what the problem was really helped, then I started yoga and pilates classes which did wonders. Soon after I got together with my now dh and life just got easier so gradually as I got less stressed, the physical symptoms disappeared.

They have never come back in the same way but I still get different physical symptoms when I am under stress.

Skid - like the term "nike" sex, it's SO true.

Clairey - perhaps I shouldn't do this on mumsnet but could I put in a supportive word for your dh? I kind of see where he is coming from about the third child. It sounds like you have a lovely little family and perhaps from his point of view he thinks another child is just going to push you further away from him. I think having a 2nd child in particular is hellish for a marriage, I have to say in our case it has been much harder after the 2nd than 1st. Having a third will presumably mean you will have just that bit much less of you for him (IYKWIM).

Instead of thinking you'll never have a third perhaps the way to deal with it is just put it off for now. If I was ever to do it again I would have the third when the 2nd was at school, so I could actually enjoy it properly. I realise there are arguements for having them close together but physically and mentally I think personally I just couldn't hack it.

And you never know if you leave it a few years perhaps when the time eventually comes you actually won't feel the same urge as you do now.

Ok tell me to go away and mind my own business now!

Clara it sounds pretty similar, were you aware that you were stressed? Cos I wasn't! I mean I knew I was sometimes short tempered etc but didn't think of it as stress as such...

WRT to DH, you are right in a way. His reasons for not wanting another are how knackered we get, how hard work ds has been (and to an extent dd when she wouldn't eat/sleep although at least she was a happy baby), the fact we don't really have any us time etc. I know all this and fully understand so although he knows I do want another I never mention it to him (just go on about it here instead )although I do hope he'll change his mind in time.

My priorities are really working on our relationship as it stands and I admit that part of me is hoping that if we are more 'coupley' then either I'll feel less need for another baby or he'll change his mind. BUT dh can't seem to get over that and gets angry about me wanting another even when we are discussing completely unrelated things and that is what I find hardest-I'm not pushing him about another so it upsets me that he is getting angry at me as if I am.

Not sure if that makes any sense but it's like he is the one stopping us being happier together by constantly getting angry because he knows I want another child. I could understand it more if I kept saying "lets have another" or "shall we try to ttc" etc but really I'm not, I'm just keeping my mouth shut and hoping time will change things (whichever way).

Like you said, I don't want another right now, no way I could cope with three toddlers at home full time with me, especially with ds and can you imagine if we got another baby like him

Thanks for seeing his side of it though I know I can come across all "dh is evil" etc but I do know where he is coming from and I'm glad you've managed to see that despite only hearing things from my point of view.

hey clara - that has reminded me I also had all sorts of wierd physical symptoms of stress when my parents got divorced when I was 15. It's funny how your body kind of deals with it for you. Was going to ask you about how you were feeling - have you seen a counsellor/therapist or seen your GP again?

Interesting what you say about 2nd babies being more difficult for a marriage as I have actually found it easier 2nd time as it seems fairer - when one DC is crying and I deal with them, then DH has to deal with the other one, whereas before I felt like I was doing more than my fair share IYKWIM? However, I am SURE that what you say about having a 3rd baby is true - we have decided to hold off for at least a year because (among other things) like you I don't know if I could cope with three so young.

clairey - on the positive side you are still really young so you have many years to convince your DH about no. 3 but at the same time I know that when you want a baby you just want a baby and no amount of rational argument can change that

Claireybee, I hear you on the stress front. After weeks of feeling quite low and getting regular stomach cramps quite reminiscent of before I had op for endo I have decided to go gluten free. Today's the first day and I can see I'm going to need a fair bit of dedication to make it work. Have you thought about making some dietary changes? I'm not remotely a new-age health guru type I hasten to add!

At the risk of sticking my oar in where its not wanted re your DH his anger does sound quite serious and I wonder whether you should confront it through a counsellor so that hopefully you can reach an agreed position? Which probably won't be that different from where you stand now but at least will be acknowledged by all. The reason I say this is that ex-H and were initially pushed apart by an issue of similar magnitude and we never dealt with it and eventually other things got added into the mix and we split up. Our issue was that he wanted to stay living in the UK and I wanted to return to live in NZ (we're both kiwis). Its one of those things that's impossible to compromise on but I now feel that if we'd at least been able to talk about it relatively dispassoinately then maybe the subsequent chain of events would have evolved differently?

I'm feeling ridiculously excited by the prospect of 2 hours off tomorrow to go clothes shopping, or whatever else takes my fancy! - my mum has agreed to look after Bea for 2 hours every 2nd Sunday

Hope you have fun Buzzybee!

I have to share with you DS's 2 minutes of fame

Look at how much hair he has!!! Bea's is still decidedly scanty.

Only got 45 mins shopping time in the end but did manage to buy a new work outfit in that time

Cool!

He has had 2 very bad haircuts already.
I'm going to get it done again at the hair dressers, he is always getting knots in his hair!!

Yes that is the advantage of not having much hair - that and hair washing! Actually she's got more than DD1 did when she was 2 so shouldn't complain. I tried to put a hair-tie in it yesterday but it was a complete waste of time

What was the link to BT - it doesn't seem to be there anymore

Try this one?

It's a Real Nappy Fashion show, DS is in picture 9 and 13.

Had to share this with you, have spotted ds doing the cutest thing!

I have put Cbeebies in so I can sort out the washing and get my car our of the garage and MN and the Springtime song came on, and he was waving his arms like the children in the song!! He was grinning like a loon as well - so cute

Hi all

DD's been ill for the last few days so away from MN. Lost her voice yesterday but back again today and quite bubbly so hopefully all back on track.

Family trip to the hairdressers at the weekend - well cuts for me & DH, DD goes to neighbour for hers who's a mobile hairdresser and gives DD free cuts which is really lovely of her, especially as she's already had 6 haircuts. (see photo on profile). DD was helping out at salon by sweeping the floor which kept her entertained and the staff reckoned she was better than the normal Saturday girl

Are your DC's getting to grips with animals and their noises? DD can say "duck", "dog", "quack" (or to be more precise "ack"), "baa" and "moo" - and "ee-ay-o" but "sheep", "cow" and "woof" not there yet. She always gets the answer right to "what does a duck say?" and "what does a sheep say?" but cows sometimes say "moo" and sometimes say "quack" . Don't know what I'm going to do about pigs as I can't make the noise to save my life - unlike DH...

Aww she is gorgeous, Spiralqueen

Thanks BT - I think so too but then again I'm biased

Any thoughts on how I can learn to make pig noises?

BT - just sneeked a peek at your DS - gosh he's cute. How was your trip abroad with him? We're contemplating taking DD to France in the summer to stay at my sister's.

Thought I'd posted earlier but it seems not

BT how cute! What nappy was the litle girl in the pics wearing? Never seen those before...

I am doing an event tomorrow, we've got a stand set up in the shopping centre and will be accosting people to show them the fluff

Bit worried though as my friend was meant to be looking after the dc but has to take her ds to hospital so I've asked another friend to have them. Problem is that she has a ds the same age as dd and another ds 6 months younger than Douggie so she is going to be run off her feet. Also ds doesn't know her as well as he does the original friend so am worried he is going to play up and be really hard work for her, couldn't arrange anything else at such short notice though...At least it's only for a couple of hours.

Buzzy I hear your re the anger. Actually it's funny because right before I read your post dh and I had had a long chat and I'd finally got through to him that it's not that he doesn't want anymore dc that upsets me so much as his attitude around the whole subject. He said partly he has been getting angry because my friends and family keep asking if we'll have any more, making jokey remarks like "time you had another one then" etc but I told him it isn't fair to take that out on me when I'm not pushing it. Then he said that he can't help but get annoyed by it because he knows it's what I want and I always get my own way Anyway he did seem to take on board that he is making it more of a gulf between us by being so angry so hopefully we'll see a change. For my part I'm trying to stop seeing our family as incomplete and focusing on it as it stands rather than what I want it to be-easier said than done because it's not a conscious thing but I figure I can't expect him to make all the effort!

Ds has started coming down stairs on his bum rather than his tummy, fills me with dread everytime. He sees his sister doing it so he has to . Still, I should be grateful that he isn't trying to walk down them like she does...

Clairey - was it the older girl? Her mum makes them! Little girl has been out of nappies for a while, but her mum found one of her old wraps that still fit to show. Last year, when we did a similar thing, she was still in nappies and she was wearing a gorgeous fleece pinafore with matching fleece wrap that her mum made!
There is a lady who lives locally that will make you wraps, I was admiring some Thomas the Tank engine wraps and asking where they came from and was told this lady makes them! I'm seriously tempted...

Spiralqueen, ds was 9mo when we took him abroad, we went to visit my (Spanish) dad, and stayed with him and my stepmum. He was okay, but didn't much care for landing and take off, I did manage to breastfeed him to calm him down but I managed to bash his head a couple of times due to the lack of space in front of me (We flew Easyjet). He did sleep for alot of the flights. He was a bit of a mare in the airport, kept messing about wanting to push chairs around (he was cruisig at that stage). He'll be a total nightmare now as he will want to run off!!

Clairey I'm so glad to hear you have managed to clear the air a bit with your DH - good on you!! I wonder why you get so many comments about another one? Here in NZ most people think you're barmy to want more than 2.

Wow Spiralqueen another child generously endowed with hair! It makes her look so much more mature too - DD2 still looks pretty much the same as she did 6 months ago if a little taller

DD2 is going through a phase of dragging things around with her. Not anything specific, mostly clothes but also her sleeping sacks etc. Its making getting dressed and undressed a nightmare as she just wants to hold things not put them on! Anyone else having dressing hassles?

clairey I'm also supprised you get people asking when you are having the next one, the stocck response I get is 'you're mad' and usually a justification from other mums why they couldn't possibly have 3 I'm glad you managed to clear the air with dh tho and hope things improve

pretty rubbish going here, Toby has another cold and still isn't sleeping through again since we moved him and ds1 into the same room, ds1 is sleeping through all the night time screaming but I'm getting fed up of it. I'm recovering from a d&V stomach bug (have still yet to eat anything, been about 48hrs since I could face it) so dh is having to take on the boys on his own and boy don't I know it, he's stomping around telling me how tired he is which actually just makes me feel bad for being properly ill, I'm in work today as needed the distraction and am ok just not eating yet and he's decided its the most selfish thing I could do will have to talk about it later as can't believe he would seriously think I would do anything to harm baby, I went to see MW yesterday just to check everything was ok too

anyway is it just me or is this year particularly bad for illness? I can't remember our lo's being this ill last year or us getting bugs when pg, or is that rose tinted glasses? I never had a d&v bug when pg last year and this year I've had 2 bad ones and flu

hope your all doing ok, sorry for the whinge, not likely to tell anyone else how dh is at moment as I hate being one of those people that goes to baby groups and just whinges about how their other halves don't do anything as dh is great, he left work early to take me to MW, but he's really making me feel bad about it...

Buzzy, Insy I think people only say it to me because they know I have always wanted babies, babies and more babies!

BT I really liked the look of that nappy, looked very slim and comfy Event was ok today except I got bollocked by a security guard for handing out flyers in the shopping centre . I was just telling a couple where they could find our stand when there was a hand on my shoulder and he told me off in front of them. I squeaked something about it being for the council and I was just a volunteer and didn't know anything about needing a license to hand out flyers but had a real tomato face and then had to run back to the stand all embarrassed

My friend coped ok with the dc too and apparently ds played really nicely and only started getting rough when I came back -obviously knows how to play mummy up.

Insy poor you, hope you feel better soon and your dh stops making you feel bad. Am sure he's just concerned, most men I know aren't very good at showing concern & it comes across as pissed off rather than worried. Don't worry, I also rant more on here than in RL, is wierd to think that a bunch of hairy handed truckers pretending to be mums know some things that people in RL don't about me

Clairey my cover is blown. Now everyone knows I'm a hairy handed trucker......

It's true.

Arcadie is really called Jim - she turned up at our meet up in an Artic!!

More DS fame

clairey & Insy it's a nightmare isn't it. I don't know what to say to people. I've just been told that I can't have any more but it's not something I really want to share with the wider world as the sympathy bit will get me upset if I'm feeling low. It's one of those things that people feel they can comment on without you taking offence/getting upset. How would they feel if you turned round and asked "when are you going to lose some weight?" or "Isn't it about time you got a better job?"

Buzzy DD has suddenly started wanting to choose what she wears and as we have a low changing table/wardrobe she can open the wardrobe and root through trying to find what she wants and won't be hurried. Not great when you're trying to get out in the morning. I didn't think this would start happening for a good couple of years.

On the upside DD did manage to put a top back on a hanger by herself two nights ago and I allowed myself the fantasy that she might be able to start putting her clothes away herself soon and I'd be able to put my feet up for a little bit If only I could get her to teach her father how to do it as well...