Fab Feb 2009: too sleep deprived to think of a new thread title

[dinkystinky]

'nuff said

elkiedee Thankyou. Jacob also like these things at home, we read, we sing, we dance, we paint (ok rarely!) we colour, we play, he loves me singing (in my drone of a voice) all the songs that are sung at group when we are at home or in the car, and he moves his hands and shakes his head along.

It's our local Sure Start centre. they bring out fuit and squash at a certain time (about 11am), but you can only have some if you are sitting around the table. You have to sit on the rug for story time, ok, fine, they call all the children over and then take ages to start do ds has sat down but then you can see him thinking 'get on with it then, I'm not just sitting here when there's a toy buggy I could be whacking against the wall over there'
I'm just sometimes left feeling like I am unable to control my ds when he doesn't do 'what he's supposed to'. We've been going to this place once a week for about 5 months, and I have always felt a bit crap about him not 'joining' in, but suppose I was in a better frame of mind and not quite so run down to just ignore stupid thoughts and feeling ike that.

You've all made me feel a bit better again. There I was earlier thinking I should stop posting for a while and just concentrate on sorting my self out and finding a happy ground for us all to survive on. But I won't. I feel alot better now than I did 2 hours ago.
Thank you.

Haven't read all the recent posts as just about to pop out (going stir crazy with a grizzly baby) but LBB this is exactly what happened to me on Monday. DD screaming and ll the other kids playing nicely. At the group we went to on Wednesday morning she stood by the door for most of the door saying "Nina out" (she calls herself Nina). I think she just doesn't like toddler groups!!! Really I go more for myself because I need to see people. Re. anti-d's my sister took them for her PND and they really worked for her. She came off them gradually when she was ready and didn't really notice a difference.

Off to the GP again. I think I'm worrying too much, but Sam has an angry rash on his cheeks and neck that is weeping and smells a bit. Also his cradle cap stinks - nice!

Must dash - if I don't get on again later, Dinky have a fab time tonight and happy birthday for DS1 tomorrow!

Lets us know what the doc says about the rash STW doesn't sound pleasant!

I am having people for dinner tonight.

My house smells of wee.

I breastfed in the bank meeting!

MS I couldn't eat one person for dinner, nevermind people. Hehehehe.
Have a fab night.
Better have a house smell of wee than poo-poo!!

afternoon all,
LLB and dinky, thanks for your comments ref H's feeding, think you are right that he won't take a bottle from me due to my smell (milk that is, not that I stink if you see what I mean )

herby, have a fabulous hen weekend and try to resist the urge to get a good 8 hours sleep in tonight

PT, hope you are feeling a bit better now

LBB of course you are a good mother, we are all good mothers, we just get very tired sometimes and things seem 100 times worse when tired.

dinky, glad Danny is ok

Not long back from the Thai embassy where we had a really good time although it was far too hot so we left early. It got up to 40 degrees today which is stupid for this time of year. I'm currently due back the end of June but thinking of bringing it forward a few weeks now as its getting too hot and want to be back in the UK for DD1's birthday.
STW lots of water throwing but sadly no elephants playing football although there were Thai boxers and lots of dancers. Where did your father live in KSA?

Just had a nice swim when we got back as DC's 3 and 4 sleeping so left DH in the house watching them and went to the pool with DC1 which was nice as we don't often get time to talk. He is getting a little stressed about his GCSE's, particularly his arabic oral exam which is on Sunday. Right off for some pizza

Quick post while Danny kicks around on his mat - the little tinker was v good at Pushy Mothers and didnt cry once - however neither has he slept since 12.30 today. Am expecting meltdown any minute now...

Herb - have a lovely time this weekend!

MoS - glad you had a good time and a lovely swim.

STW - hope everything is ok with Sam. Could it maybe be eczema? Know you said Little O suffers from it too.

LBB - tried to post earlier but the computer ate my message. As I said in an earlier post, accepting help when it is offered (physical, emotional or medical) is often the first step to you feeling better about things. My sister had bad depression 6 years ago - had to have killer anti-ds. But she was off them within a year with a combination of counselling and just feeling like she's in a better place to heal. Now she keeps a diary to monitor when she feels blue and look out for signs and makes sure she does her relaxation and yoga and hasnt needed drugs again. So going on them doesnt mean you stay on them for ever. And there is no stigma about taking medication. How do you know those "supermums" you were talking about werent on meds?? And my DS1 was like your DS1 at that age - and still is a bit that way now in that if he's doing something he wants to do he'll ignore anyone telling him to do something else (which is why I did a post asking if it was normal toddler behaviour to have selective deafness - lots of mums posted back saying it was, including Pink - who as ever made me chuckle with her tales of her DD's exploits). They're little and they want to do their thing - you cant force them to do an activity, so go with the flow and life is much easier all round.

Pink - major set back on OPT here: only one wee in the potty this morning after being reminded he needed to wee and a mega accident over lunchtime (fortuately in the bathroom). Oh well, tomorrow is another day...

lbb, structured groups are pants.

the one in town does song time and it frightened the life out of dd. the moms who's kids are loudmouthed and obnoxious extroverted like their moms were really pushy trying to make her sing and don't know how close they came to a punch in the mouth from me

that said she is a contrary soul as well..... she was at playschool for and entire year before she'd say 'an seo' (gaeilge for 'here') at role call thankfully the teachers had the good sense not to force the issue or she might still be refusing to say it!

have to say though i took dd and ds1 swimming from when ds1 was a couple of months and it was fine... as long as the pool has a toddler pool it really is extremely doable.... and this from someone who can't go to the supermarket without ds1 setting off the alarms... the little bollocks darling did it again today

aaron and the little girl born 6 days after him had great fun eyeing each other up and blowing bubbles at each other at toddler group today... twas very cute

MS... well done for feeding at the bank.... it's weird how it's scarier to do it with just one person in the room than in the middle of a shopping centre isn't it? good luck with dinner, throw all the junk into a random cupboard and turn the lighting down low... voila, cleaning done

dinky, forgot to say... great news about the scan being clear... how mad that a skin tag can be related to kidney problems!

OPT not going fantastically here either, he pooed his pants again (after holding it in all day yesterday so you can imagine how disgusting that was) and wet himself at toddler group [sobs]

Thanx all. I have decided you are all right, I need a kick start emotionally and physically and don't think I'll continue to have the strength to pull myself up again, so I am going to take them and just see how it goes.
We can all stop talking about me now! at least until I have my next drama........

dinky hope you have a fab evening. And a massive happy birthday for ds1 for tomorrow

Thanks Pink. Totally missed your earlier post about your bug - hope you're all better now and that the kids avoid it (especially potty training DS1!)

waves in a friendly manner

no hope of catching up properly but go ms for the breast feeding banking [competitive alert] I feel like such an old hag lag at this bf malarky that I'm already bfing here there and everywhere. Any chance to get my norks out and wave them at random strangers.

Had the 8 week check today when dc is actually 12 weeks, which pretty much sums up how life is around here Had to admit I don't actually have a "red book" or whatever they call them, having not bothered with the health visitors so far. GP looked up, said "second baby?" and wrote the weight and stuff down on a piece of paper

Now I have to work my way backwards to see what TBM's news is

Hello again Ommmward! Hope all going well for you!

Poor Sam is on his third lot of antibiotics in his short 8 weeks of life . He has a nasty skin infection and is red raw all over, particularly around his neck. What we thought were milk stains on his clothes was actually his rash weeping. He's also got hydrocortisone cream for the bad bits. Basically, every time I wiped him either with cotton wool or a sponge, I was spreading the bacteria . Now I am to just splash him with water and pat dry. He screams when the cream goes on because it burns a bit . The doctor said maybe that's why he's been so unsettled at night - we'll see how it goes. Apparently they can't diagnose eczema until at least 4 months, but it looks like we're headed that way. So my life will be spent chasing children to rub cream all over them umpteen times a day!

Oh well. Had enough today so having a large glass of wine and waiting for the next bout of crying. Bonsoir!

O&U Nice to see you back. Hope you're all ok
STW Oh dear. That does not sound good. Poor Sam.
I want to have a glass of wine too, but I can hear ds1 crying, he sounds quite distressed. A few weeks back (seems like months though), when he got a bit poorly, we sat with him as he went to sleep as he needed that extra comfort, now I think there is a mixture of him getting used to one of us being in there with him, a bit of seperation anxiety and a bit of insecurities, probably brought on by the huge upheaval of a new baby. I took over from dp last night once I'd got Luke settled and kind of feel a bit guilty sitting here listening to it and not relieving dp, although I have been with ds's all day so I know I do deserve a break, but it is also very hard listening to them in a bit of a state and not responding isn't it. So my mini dilema, is do I go to my son and let dp come out and relax, which will be shooting myself in the foot and again undermining dp especially as this week I've been saying I need more help, or do I just leave them to it? Think I have to leave them to it. God knows how we're gonna get out of sitting with him...........
Going to log off now (dp has just emerged) and spend the evening sitting with dp.

I think you've got to leave DP to it LBB, like you say, if you've been asking for help, don't knock it. I'm guilty of doing this too, so I've been told . It's so awful seeing the older child on distress. Not sure how to break the sitting in with DS1 - there are various methods, like the Baby Whisperer's Pick up/Put Down, then there's CC, or there's the one that I think Dinky mentioned where you gradually move further away, then out of the rooom. I think that is the "No Cry Sleep Soluttion". Believe me, I've read them all!!! And I still can't get Sam to sleep !

Really must go now! Pizza will be here any time soon. So, shall I have another glass of wine???

enough of the wine talk
morning all, pretty good nights sleep for me last night as I slept in the spare room (well DD1's room which we are in the process of trying to turn into DS2's room once we figure out how to get rid of the double bed that is in it so we can put his cot in) DH coped quite well til around 5am when I heard little man crying and refusing bottle so I was happy to oblige as I was overflowing by then anyway.

LBB, no useful advice for you I'm afraid, I'm crap at all the getting them to bed routine although I don't remember having this much trouble with DC's 1 and 2 although I guess my memory has faded over the years or the dementia has kicked in.
I would however say don't make the same mistake that I did. With DD2 (now 2 1/2) she never once learned to go to sleep on her own, I had to feed her or cuddle her to sleep which has been a nightmare over the last few months and now it takes forever to get her asleep in her room. Good luck

Feels like a hot one here today, according to sky news around 42 degrees which is stupid. Wish we could just have nice warm sunny days, here its either sandstorms or heatwaves, don't seem to get anything in between. Looking forward to returning in June. DH is going to try to change my flight today to get me back a few weeks earlier. Sods law by the time I get back most of you will have finished your maternity leave so no meet ups

Morning all.
Re dc's to sleep, it's not so much Luke at the moment, I don't really mind sitting with him because he's brand new, but Jacob is a whole diffierent story! He'd been settling himself to sleep since he was 4 months old! I know that toddlers can regress to the period in their life when they felt most secure and that's fine, it's just a bit frustrated.
Although, after weeks ago saying I wasn't going to make the same mistakes this time, I am. I am holding and rocking Luke to sleep, ok, I'm laying him down and trying to rockhim once he's in the basket (yes, fw hasn't got round to putting the cot up yet), and I am getting a little frustrated with that too because the little sod just laughs at me! Sometimes I want to laugh back and give him a huge hug and sometimes I want to cry and scream into my pillow!!!!! Once he's asleep, I leave the room, switch on the monitor and try to leave him until he cries if I hear he's woken again.

I have used CC with ds1 in the past and was a fan of it, it worked quickly and for the most part, I felt ok doing it. Now, he gets far too distressed, there's no way I can comfortably do CC with him, when you put him in cot, if you even turn in the direction of the dioor, he screams like he's being attacked! And that is no exageration. So, we have been sitting in with him. We started off laying on his floor until he fell asleep, then sat up after a few nights, after a few more nights, moved against the opposite wall, after a few more nights moved along a bit closer to the door, but now we are right back at the side of the cot again.
I'll prob start leaving Luke on his own when he's about 4 months and see what happens. At the moment, he doesn't cry when I put him to bed (he cries if I put him down in the day though), he whinges a bit, and suppose I should leave him until he needs me or else he'll ever learn to settle himself. I had all these things I was and was not going to do this time, but I'm finding that I feel guilty if I leave Luke in a room awake on his own. I suppose this is the PND though.
I just did a google search on PND and read quite an interesting leaflet. There was a bit headed 'What it feels like to have PND' (the leaflet was more aimed at partners and families of those suffering I think) and as I was reading, I was going, 'yep, yep, got that, yep, yep, oh yeah when did I last eat dinner, do that, do that' was most odd.
I'm going to say something now that is really silly and irrational, and I know you'll all agree with me, but i am a little bit disappointecd in myself. I feel like I should be stronger and I feel a bit pathetic at the fact that I think I need medication to get through day to day life. I knew I felt crap after ds1, and I always had a little feeling I was suffering pnd with him, but was able to block it out and keep myself busy enough that I didn't really have time to think about it, and part of me knows it was likely to happen this time so kind of feel like I shouldn't have had another baby. How stupid is all of that?
I should stop boring all of you though and put this all in a thread on mental health really......

Oh and MoS I'm a SAHM, so am always available for a meet. I'll be around when you come over and I'm sure there are a few others that will be too.

You're not any the less of a mum LBB if you take ADs.....

I'm on ADs and they enable me to act and think normally and therefore my family benefits from that.

I really feel for you with DS1 and getting him to sleep as we're experiencing the same thing with DD atm and sometimes I feel like screaming at her....it is so frustrating. I'm staying in the room with her and she is getting better. Night one , she cried for 40 minutes before going to sleep, and I was in the room!

I'm leaving DS to settle himself already, and he does it fine. On the very odd occasion he shouts a bit, I just ssshhhhh him and tap his tummy and he goes off. During out night feed, I don't wind or change him, just lay him back down and go out of the room. I can hear him sometimes on his monitor chattering away to himself, but he soon goes quiet.

Nice to see you O&W

Hope you all had good nights

Dp has just taken ds1 down to Dad's club. That goes on til 12:30. I am still in my pj's and haven't done anything except sterilise bottles. By this time, I'd have had both boys washed and dressed (which I have done today), would have washed up, put a load in washing machine, sorted out wet and dry washing, would have showered and dresed, cleaned bathroom and kitchen (floors and surface wipe only) and be doing the supermarket run. But I am not even dressed. Dp asked if I was going to meet them after group to go shops and I just said maybe. depends what happens here, if I'm dressed on time, then yes and if not, then no. And I feel strangkey free. It's a bit odd really. I always go shopping in the morning so it's done, I've got the food for the day and then we can do anything we want without worrying about getting dinner in. But it actually doesn't matter. What I'm secretly hoping for, is for Luke to fall asleep again so I can get in the bath with my book, but notholding any expectations.

I started the AD's this morning and although I know it'll take a while for them to kick in, the knowledge that I am taking action against a problem has made me feel tons better.
For example, I have just noticed that dp has gone without packing the change bag I prepared for ds1. Yesterday he'd have been the most useless bastard on the planet, but now I'm thinking well, how many times have I gone out and forgotten the nappies/bottles/formula/wipes etc?
It wasn't the first thought though. The first thought when I saw that bag by the door was 'that stupid effin c*!', my heart ratew quickened, I felt my blood boiling and my temper flare, but I managed to calm myself down without ringing him and shouting.

without taking the change bag I had prepared....

lbb, what worked with both my older kids at that age was this;

we did the bedtime routine and tucked them up and said good night and then left the room.

they'd start to cry so we'd go back in and say 'it's time to go to sleep', kiss them and tuck them in again and leave the room, they'd scream blue murder and we'd go in every 3/4 minutes and repeat the kiss, tuck in 'goodnight sweetie' routine.

whenever they fell quiet we'd go back in and tuck them in (dd fell asleep sitting up the first two nights!).

if the woke again later in the night we'd do exactly the same rotine until they settled again

with dd it was 1.5 hours on night one with two 20 min wakings, 40 mins night two with one brief waking, 5 mins on night three with no wakings. ds1 was 50 mins night one, one brief waking during the night, 30 mins night two with no wakings and straight to sleep night 3.

dd was a chronic non-sleeper, she was actually making herself ill from lack of sleep and ds1 had gone from being quite a settled baby to refusing to go down at night at all and being chronically overtired in the daytime... for both of them i'd tried shush pat, gradual withdrawal, sitting with them for hours til they fell asleep, rewards, in fact you name it and except for just walking out and leaving them to cry like your supposed to with proper cc nothing worked, we tried each method for anywhere between 2 weeks and months so everything got it's fair shot but didn't work.

i like this method because although they scream and are very cross at you you're never completely abandoning them, you're going in and checking frequently, you're just breaking that connection between a parent being in the room and them dozing off iyswim?

both of them go down fantastically now... people are in shock if they're in my house at bedtime as one minute kids are running around, 10 mins later kids are in bed and that's the end of it... unless they're sick they go to sleep and we don't hear from them again til morning. the change in daytime behaviour after they started getting decent sleep at night was phenomonal so i have no doubt we did the rght thing, however tough it was to have to do.

lbb don't beat yourself up please, you sound pretty supermum to me ! with our chickenpox epidemic.. we have had very little outdoor time (we have no garden and depend on the park), the combination of this and feeling unwell has made him extremely demanding, rude and upset..not his fault as he just needs a good run around.. after 2 weeks of this I am in bits completely. tearful, tired and irritable.. through no fault of their own, your LO's have deprived you of sleep for several months.. you are doing well and are a great mum, good luck with the AD's, i am sure you will be feeling better soon.

dinky i cant actually digest the part of the thread i have missed to find your messages about scans, but what is this about skin tags and kidneys ? DD has a skin tag on her ear....could this be a problem ?

MOS are you here in June, my last month of leave is in June maybe we could arrange a meet up then

TBM welcome back

a very faint and feeble wave to everyone else.. think i will have to sneak my kids out to hyde park and run them about in an empty space ..they have scabbed over now but still look pretty awful would this be ok, do you think ?

of applause for lbb's new outlook on life

life is more fun this way lbb, enjoying life is far more important than controlling it.

btw... think of it this way... dp forgot the change bag... so who's going to really regret that when he realises just as ds1 does a massive poo? and who's never going to forget again after this because he leartned the hard way?

sometimes shouting and nagging has the opposite effect, let him learn the same way we do that you have to think it out and be prepared.

and for what it's worth i went out last week with no changing bag for aaron i have now installed an emergancy stash of nappies and wipes in the car so i'm never stuck again... see? learning from experiance